What is aggression?

Aggression, the manifestations of which most often causes negative reaction on the part of the people watching her, may have a positive effect. Such a moment is considered to be an opportunity to discharge overwhelming emotions and a person to defend his positions and increase self-esteem.

But aggressiveness still needs to be controlled so as not to create life problems for yourself. It manifests itself especially strongly in adolescence, so it is important to understand the reasons for its appearance.

A person’s aggression means that he wants to feel power over someone, to subjugate him. It can be both internal, directed inward (auto-aggression) and external, the object of which is other people or objects. It can also be obvious and hidden. Signs of obvious aggression are considered to be an increased degree of conflict, assault, the ability to put pressure on others, and slander. And the hidden form is manifested by withdrawal into oneself, attempts at suicide.

Adolescence and aggression

Any person can have such character traits, but they are especially noticeable in teenagers. This is a concern for many parents who notice their children being angry and uncontrollable.

Also read:

Why do teenagers become aggressive?

It is a rare child who enters adolescence and does not change his behavior. As a rule, he becomes more aggressive. This is due to the restructuring of his body, the change in the characters of the same teenagers around him, who during this period begin to assert themselves, prove something to each other, and try to earn respect in this way.

There are cases of violence against less aggressive peers, who are designated as outsiders and mocked in every possible way - both morally and physically. They create their own groups and do not allow strangers there. The relationship with parents also changes. They seem stupid to teenagers, and their opinions are considered not worthy of attention. Teenagers are capable of hurting anyone, without making allowances for age.

There are several reasons for aggression in adolescents. Five of them are considered the most studied and confirmed by specialists.

The first cause of aggression in adolescents

The first reason for aggressive behavior in adolescents is considered to be constitutional predisposition. That is, a person who is initially irritable, suspicious, withdrawn, anxious, for whom it is important what others think about him, can become such a person.

The second cause of aggression in adolescents

The second reason for adolescent aggressiveness lies in the formation of such behavior under the negative influence of printed (newspapers, magazines) and electronic (Internet) sources of information. Strong influence television influences character computer games, suggesting scenes of cruelty, violence, with criminal elements in the plot.

The third reason for aggression in adolescents

The third reason why a person with aggressive habits may develop may be the family where the child grows up. If there is misunderstanding between family members, rejection or too much care for children, their pampering by adults, frequent insults, the relationship between parents and children is not colored with positive emotional shades, then all these moments can create the ground for nurturing a future aggressor.

The fourth cause of aggression in adolescents

The fourth case when a teenager can become aggressive involves earlier initiation of alcohol or drug use. In one of these intoxications, he becomes so liberated that he does not even realize how cruel and unpredictable he becomes.

The fifth reason for aggression in adolescents

The fifth reason for the emergence of the aggressive character of adolescents is the state of the environment and society as a whole at the time of the formation of their personality. With an unfavorable environment, problems with radiation, noise, and an overabundance of negative information, preconditions for aggression appear. Life during economic and other crises, in the absence of fair laws, and a feeling of hopelessness can also lead to protest behavior in a teenager, which can result in aggression.

The main influence on a child is still exerted by the environment where he grows up. Parents must understand that their child has not grown up yet, although he is trying to prove it to everyone. This is a difficult transitional age, when a teenager most of all needs love and understanding in the family, which can reduce unnecessary anxieties and prevent his aggressiveness from developing.

One of the main problems in defining aggression is that the term covers a wide variety of actions. When people characterize someone as aggressive, they may say that he habitually insults others, or that he is often unfriendly, or that he, although quite strong, tries to do things his own way, or perhaps that he is a strong advocate. his beliefs, or, perhaps, without fear he rushes into the maelstrom of insoluble problems. Thus, when studying aggressive human behavior, we are immediately faced with a serious and controversial problem: how to find an expressive and suitable definition of the basic concept.

According to one definition proposed by Bass, aggression is any behavior that is threatening or harmful to others.

The second definition, proposed by several well-known researchers, contains the following provision: for certain actions to be qualified as aggression, they must include the intention of offense or insult, and not simply lead to such consequences. And finally, the third point of view expressed by Zilman limits the use of the term aggression to an attempt to inflict bodily or physical harm on others. 1

Despite significant disagreements regarding definitions of aggression, many social scientists are inclined to accept a definition close to the second. This definition includes both the category of intent and the actual causing of offense or harm to others. Thus, the majority currently accepts the following definition: Aggression is any form of behavior aimed at insulting or harming another living being who does not want such treatment.

This definition suggests that aggression should be viewed as a pattern of behavior rather than as an emotion, motive, or attitude. This important statement has created a lot of confusion. The term aggression is often associated with negative emotions such as anger; with motives, such as the desire to offend or harm; and even with negative attitudes, such as racial or ethnic prejudice. Although all these factors undoubtedly play a role important role in behavior that results in causing damage, their presence is not a necessary condition for such actions. Anger is not a necessary condition for attacking others; aggression unfolds both in a state of complete composure and extremely emotional excitement. It is also not at all necessary that aggressors hate or even dislike those towards whom their actions are directed. Many cause suffering to people who are viewed more positively than negatively.

1.2 Causes and specifics of aggression in adolescents

Adolescence is one of the most difficult periods of human development. Despite its relative short duration (from 14 to 18 years), it practically largely determines the entire future life of an individual. It is during adolescence that the formation of character and other foundations of personality primarily occurs. These circumstances: the transition from childhood cared for by adults to independence, the change from the usual schooling to other types of social activities, as well as rapid hormonal changes in the body - make the teenager especially vulnerable and susceptible to negative environmental influences.

A modern teenager lives in a world that is complex in its content and socialization trends. This is due, firstly, to the pace and rhythm of technical and technological transformations, which impose new demands on growing people. Secondly, with the rich nature of information, which creates a lot of “noise” that deeply affects a teenager who has not yet developed a clear position in life. Thirdly, with the environmental and economic crises that have affected our society, which causes children to feel hopeless and irritable. At the same time, young people develop a sense of protest, often unconscious, and at the same time their individualization grows, which, with the loss of general social interest, leads to selfishness. Teenagers, more than other age groups, suffer from the instability of the social, economic and moral situation in the country, having today lost the necessary orientation in values ​​and ideals - the old ones are destroyed, new ones are not created. 1

The personality of a child and adolescent is formed not on its own, but in its environment. The role of small groups in which a teenager interacts with other people is especially important.

The combination of unfavorable biological, psychological, family and other socio-psychological factors distorts the entire lifestyle of adolescents. Characteristic of them is a violation of emotional relationships with people around them. Teenagers fall under the strong influence of the teenage group, which often forms an asocial scale of life values. The very way of life, environment, style and social circle contribute to the development and consolidation of deviant behavior. Thus, the existing negative microclimate in many families causes the emergence of alienation, rudeness, hostility of a certain part of adolescents, the desire to do everything out of spite, against the will of others, which creates objective preconditions for the emergence of demonstrative disobedience, aggressiveness and destructive actions.

The intensive development of self-awareness and self-criticism leads to the fact that a child in adolescence discovers contradictions not only in the world around him, but also in his own self-image.

Spontaneously emerging groups of peers bring together teenagers who are similar in level of development and interests. The group reinforces and even cultivates deviant values ​​and behavior patterns and has a strong influence on the personal development of adolescents, becoming a regulator of their behavior. The sense of distance that teenagers lose, the sense of what is acceptable and what is unacceptable, leads to unpredictable events. There are special groups that are characterized by an attitude towards immediate gratification of desires, passive protection from difficulties, and the desire to shift responsibility to others. Teenagers in these groups are characterized by a disdainful attitude towards learning, poor academic performance, and bravado of failure to fulfill responsibilities: avoiding in every possible way to perform any duties and errands around the house, prepare homework, or even attend classes, such teenagers find themselves faced with a large amount of “extra time” . But these teenagers are characterized precisely by their inability to spend their leisure time meaningfully. The vast majority of these teenagers do not have any individual hobbies; they do not participate in sections or clubs. They do not attend exhibitions and theaters, read very little, and the content of the books they read usually does not go beyond the adventure-detective genre. Vainly spent time pushes teenagers to search for new “thrills”. Alcoholism and drug addiction are closely woven into the structure of the deviant lifestyle of adolescents. Often teenagers, by drinking alcohol, seem to celebrate their “merits”: successful adventures, hooligan acts, fights, petty thefts. 1 Explaining your bad deeds, teenagers have the wrong idea about morality, justice, courage, bravery. 2

Adolescent children are especially dependent on the microenvironment and specific situation. One of the defining elements of the microenvironment in the relationships that shape personality is the family. At the same time, what is decisive is not its composition - complete, incomplete, disintegrated - but the moral atmosphere, the relationships that develop between adult family members, between adults and children. It has been established that the level of physical fitness of aggressive behavior is most pronounced in children from a working environment, and the most aggressive are children from the environment of rural machine operators. At the same time, adolescents in this group have a minimal level of negativism. Verbal forms of aggressive behavior are typical for most adolescents from families of middle-level employees. At the same time, these adolescents are characterized by a relatively low level of physical aggressive behavior. In terms of the level of indirect aggression, adolescents from families of auxiliary workers and families of executive employees are in first place. Teenagers from among executives and families of the intelligentsia (doctors, teachers, engineers) are characterized by increased negativism. Aggressive behavior is least pronounced among adolescents from among sales workers. Apparently in this case, not only material well-being is reflected, but also the desire developed in this environment to avoid conflicts, smooth out emerging contradictions, and not aggravate the situation.

Just recently, the baby laughed sweetly and pulled his arms towards you so that you would hug and kiss him, but today he angrily responds to all your requests and comments? Unfortunately, many families know firsthand what teenage aggression is. And if you don’t pay attention in time this problem attention and not reining in the child, in the future the student may generally get out of control. And then neither threats, nor punishment, nor encouragement will help.

Causes of aggression in a child

In fact, there are many reasons why aggression occurs in adolescence. But first, parents should understand that anger, hatred and similar feelings do not just arise out of nowhere. Therefore, if you are faced with this state of affairs, you should first find the reason. And only after this can one begin an incredibly difficult struggle with the student’s character. And it’s not a fact that you can defeat (re-educate) a difficult teenager.

Family education or when you missed the moment?

Many experts believe that it is mom and dad who are to blame, and not society, environment, school and similar factors. After all, the perception of the world by a person who has not yet formed physically and morally depends on how parents behave. A teenager, unfortunately, does not always understand that adults can also make mistakes, deceive, and relapse. They react to everything very sharply. And even the slightest remark can cause hysterics. Therefore, you should reconsider how you behave at home.

• Excessive overprotection

When parents do not allow a student to take a step and do everything for him, the teenager can rebel. He wants to decide for himself what is best, where and with whom to go for a walk, what things he needs. And adults are not an authority for him. Most often, this happens if mom and dad cannot agree with each other on how to properly raise a child.

• Lack of attention

Aggression for teenagers is one of the ways to attract your attention to his person. If, for example, mom is busy going to beauty salons with her friends, and dad spends all his time at work, the student feels abandoned. And only after being rude to his father and mother does he begin to understand that he is truly loved.

• Violence in family

Perhaps one of your family members is disdainful of others, shows rudeness, lets loose hands, morally or physically humiliates. There are two options for why aggression may appear in a teenager. The first is that in this way the child tries to protect himself from a person who poses a danger to him. In the second case, your child copies the behavior of his father, grandfather, uncle, that is, the person who is the aggressor.

• Second child

Often, aggression in a teenager manifests itself towards a brother or sister. It seems to him that his parents love him less. The situation worsens if mom and dad praise the second baby more often and compare them. But even if a teenager is the only child in the family, he may be jealous of Sasha, Masha or Katya, whom you constantly set as an example for him.

• Poverty

Lack of money and unmet needs can also be a cause of teenage aggression. IN in this case the child will test against this state of affairs. He wants a new mobile phone, nice sneakers and jeans, a powerful computer, but his parents cannot afford such expensive purchases.

Some children try to find a job to help mom and dad, while others demand to buy and get angry if they are not given new toy. And if parents do allocate money and give the teenager what he wants, the student begins to show his character even more strongly, testing the strength of others.

• Wealth

Wealthy families often encounter aggression in teenagers, especially if the child has never been refused anything. It is difficult for him to understand why he should not shout at others if he is in charge. By the way, schoolchildren have a bad attitude not only towards their parents and servants, but also towards less wealthy people.

• Traditions

Have you noticed that in strict families, where all members follow long-rooted traditions, children in adolescence rebel. They don't like wearing the same clothes as their parents, doing the same work, having the same fun and relaxing. They are, at their core, isolated from society. Classmates do not accept such people into their circle, considering them freaks. And being an outcast in society is the most difficult thing that someone unprepared for adult life little man.

Biological factors: when hormones are to blame

Typically, such changes in behavior occur at 14-16 years of age. A teenager's body undergoes serious changes and a hormonal boom occurs. And if you don’t direct your son or daughter in the right direction, if you don’t occupy yourself with something serious, the child will begin to show his “I”.

The first reason why he decides to do this is an incorrect perception of the world. Adolescence is the time when a schoolchild begins to form his own model of behavior. He's not the same anymore Sissy, which he was before. And there are two directions into which relationships with adults can develop. He either begins to respect people who are older and smarter, or shows aggression towards them. By the way, aggression in a teenager may be a common reaction to exactly the same behavior of other people.

Parents rarely notice when their relationship with their child begins to deteriorate. They usually miss this moment, so busy with more serious problems. And only when an aggravation occurs, mom and dad begin to make attempts to correct the situation.

Finding yourself and your place in life is the most difficult thing in growing up. White and black, good and evil. During this period, teenagers divide the world into two parts. And for them there is no middle ground. Maximalism is inherent in every person, but in this case it is too clearly expressed. The student does not want to perceive the world as it is and tries to change himself and his environment. And if the parents turn out to be not ideal, and they have their own vices, the child pushes them away.

The second reason why adolescent aggression manifests itself is increased sexual attraction. It is during this period that girls and boys develop an interest in the opposite sex. They find it difficult to control and restrain themselves. But it was enough to sign up my son for boxing, my daughter for dancing, so that they would splash out the accumulated energy there.

What is teenage aggression

Often, parents cannot distinguish between aggression in teenagers and simply a bad mood, laziness, or apathy. So, for example, if a student does not want to talk to his father or mother, this does not mean that he hates them or is trying to ruin their life. Perhaps he has some problems, and he is simply afraid to talk about them. Panic should be raised if the child:

• attempts to cause mental or physical harm to the victim;
• offends animals, deliberately causes damage to objects and living organisms.

Thus, teenage aggression is the destructive behavior of a child, which completely or partially contradicts the rules and norms established in society. At the same time, this person tries to destroy, harm animate and inanimate objects, cause breakdown or psychological imbalance.

A child can express his feelings in different ways. This can be either ordinary depression or an explosion of emotions. If the student is always calm and easy-going, this behavior should alert mom and dad. This state indicates that the student is either accumulating aggression, or he is simply unable to defend his point of view. In both cases, this is fraught with consequences.

How aggression manifests itself in teenage schoolchildren

Teenage aggression manifests itself in different ways. Some people insult their classmates, others need to prove their physical superiority. Some try to offend those who are weaker, others only respond harshly to advice or comments. You should find out how the child behaves not only at home, but also at school, on the street, and with friends. Have you paid attention to how he treats other people? So, based on this, several types of aggression are distinguished:

• Physical

Physical aggression among teenagers is perhaps the most dangerous. The main goal of such a child is to cause pain and harm to another person. The problem is that the student may not even realize his mistake. He will beat the victim until he loses consciousness, without feeling guilt or regret afterwards. It is not for nothing that it is believed that the most terrible tyrant is a child.

• Verbal

Do you think that verbal altercations with adults and peers are not such a terrible vice? In fact, some of the angry remarks of children can lead the victim to a nervous breakdown. It is enough for a group of high school girls to tell a classmate that she is scary, stupid, fat, and so on on the list, the child may not be able to stand it. Often such “jokes” and bullying lead to suicide.

How does verbal aggression typically manifest in a teenager? This could be rebuff, criticism of other people's actions or behavior, obscene language, anger, ridicule, resentment, hatred. It is not uncommon for a student to shout curses or threats towards other people.

• Expressive

A person who has been pissed off conveys his attitude towards others through movements, threatening grimaces, and facial expressions. For example, a teenager may show an indecent gesture, make a fist, or make a dissatisfied face. This is often accompanied by profanity.

• Straight

The child reacts directly to an object that causes him unpleasant feelings: anger, resentment, irritation, apathy, hatred. In this case, both physical (beating, self-harm) and moral violence (insult, threats) can be used.

• Indirect

The aggressor takes it out not on the culprit of his bad mood, but on people or objects who cannot react to this in any way. For example, a student was given a bad mark. When he comes home, he may offend younger brother, pet, break your favorite toy.

Situational and purposeful anger of a teenager

Why does a child show aggression towards other people? Is it always his fault and is it worth punishing him if he breaks down? The fact is that sometimes circumstances force him into fights, screams and hysterics. Therefore, you first need to figure out what caused this reaction.

• Situational or reactive

Imagine that your child was rude in public transport, at school or in a store. How will he react to this behavior? That's right, the teenager will try to verbally rebuff the offender. And only in rare cases will he be able to remain silent, avoiding conflict. In this situation, we cannot say that the child is aggressive and overly emotional. Yes, he did not behave quite correctly and correctly. But how would you react to such a situation? Every person, regardless of upbringing and social status, has aggressiveness.

• Purposeful aggression or accumulation of emotions

If a child is constantly rude, fights at school, offends others, and does not respect elders, then he is aggressive. This behavior is not considered normal. In this case, the student needs the help of a specialist. And if aggression in adolescence is directed in the right direction, you can raise a true leader. It will be easier for such a person to adapt to any difficult situation. He will easily subjugate the entire team and become a good boss. If everything is left to chance, the child may turn to crime in the future. He will be interested in humiliating other people.

Who is the child angry at?

An important role is played by who the aggression is directed at. People often mistakenly believe that schoolchildren can only harm other people. The problem lies in the fact that teenagers often blame themselves for all troubles and conflicts, being angry at their appearance, character, and behavior. There are two directions of aggression:

• Heteroaggression

The student is aggressive towards the people, animals and things around him. He fights, insults, humiliates others and takes special pleasure in it. Often, a child uses profanity without being embarrassed by brothers, sisters and older persons.

• Auto aggression

In this case, teenagers’ aggression is directed not at some stranger, but specifically at themselves. Often schoolchildren commit suicide or develop serious illnesses caused by psychological disorders.

Who is at risk?

• Robber boys

Single mothers find it difficult to raise and control their sons. Excessive love and care female half family, lack of male attention and a firm father's hand - all this leads to the fact that the child feels like a king. Nobody contradicted him before, so why are they teaching him now?

Also at risk are teenagers whose fathers are tyrants and aggressors. At the same time, women in such a family do not have the right to vote; they always obey others in everything. The son in such a situation will try to confront his dad. And if the older member of the family does not suppress the rebellion and does not break character, then the child will be an exact copy of the father.

• Rebel girls

With representatives of the fair sex the situation is completely different. Adolescent aggression manifests itself when the mother is the authority in the family. The father is too soft. The girl begins to copy the behavior of a rude, assertive, domineering woman. Plus, such daughters grow up to be very bad housewives who don’t know how to cook or look after their children, and their house is always in constant chaos. They are used to the fact that a man does all this.

The second category is children left to their own devices. And aggression is an attempt to survive in our, let’s be honest, not very fair and friendly society. Communicating with the guys in the yard, she learns to fight back against people. Gradually, this attitude manifests itself in the family.

Male and female aggression: similarities and differences

For some reason, it is generally accepted that boys are more aggressive and meaner than girls. This erroneous opinion has developed due to the fact that schoolgirls do not show their feelings so clearly and openly. They prefer to spread rumors, put pepper in their laundry, rather than hit in front of everyone. Unfortunately, lately the difference has become less and less noticeable.

You've probably noticed that guys show their emotions right away. It is difficult for them to control and restrain themselves. Holding a grudge and acting on the sly is not for them. Plus, it plays a big role in this case public opinion. So, for example, if your son was offended, the father will tell him to fight back. The daughters will begin to explain that they should stay away from such people. You never know what can happen.

Another difference is the way a teenager displays aggression. Representatives of the fair sex prefer to avoid physical violence. As mentioned above, it is easier for them to insult and humiliate. But hitting is the last thing a girl will do. After all, she can get change. Moreover, schoolgirls understand earlier that words hurt more. They learn to find the weakest point of each individual person, and then hit the target directly.

Boys don't have that kind of talent. They do not show aggression in a targeted manner, as girls do, but in large numbers. Whoever got caught is the one to blame. Fists are used, but the people and things around them suffer. A guy, for example, can smash his phone against the wall, hit the door with his hand, etc.

Now let's look at the behavior of teenagers using an example. So, imagine a situation where a girl likes her desk neighbor. She can take his hand and make cute faces, batting her eyes. The student will try to take away this object, cursing or even using force. Naturally, they will punish the boy, since they will consider that it is he who is the initiator of this conflict.

Thus, girls act as ringleaders, and boys act as innocent victims of circumstances. Representatives of the fair sex like to push people together, while remaining on the sidelines. It is much more pleasant to observe than to participate in such actions.

Therefore, before you punish your son or daughter for fighting, find out what was the reason. Listen to both sides, and only then decide whether to punish the teenager for displaying aggression. If you do this, you will be able to establish contact with an out-of-control child.

What is the danger of increased aggressiveness or lack thereof?

As mentioned above, during this period the teenager begins to move away from his parents and tries to do everything on his own. And if, for example, the father forbids the child too much, the son or daughter will do everything out of spite. You should act gently and gradually.

You need to understand that this is not a five-year-old baby who needs constant care and supervision. The child needs to grow up. Of course, you shouldn’t let them go free right away; indulgences should be done gradually. Do not forget also that the student needs to communicate with peers. Only with them will he master communication skills, learn to be friends, love, command, and resolve problems. Your role is to observe from the side. Believe me, your teenager will turn to you for help when he really needs it. You are his rear and support.

If you develop a trusting relationship with your child, even in times of rebellion he will turn to you. But under no circumstances put pressure on him, do not force him to talk about what he would prefer to hide. Remember yourself at this age. Did you want mom and dad to know about your first kiss? intimate relationships, a smoked cigarette, a drunk bottle of beer.

You shouldn’t take it out on a schoolchild if he told you about things that will make your hair stand on end. If you start criticizing, shouting, punishing, then next time they won’t tell you anything more. And you will learn about events in the child’s life from neighbors, teachers, and acquaintances. An unpleasant prospect, isn't it?

Don't try to completely suppress aggression in teenagers! Direct it in the right direction. After all, only thanks to this feeling people become champions, leaders, winners. A person who never gets angry or shows any emotion will not be able to express his Self. But be careful that the child does not go down a dangerous path. Often unrealized power spills out at the most inopportune moment. That is why in our world there are so many murderers, people with broken destinies, as well as suicides.

Do you think that you have a calm son who wouldn’t hurt a fly? If a teenager is a good boy who helps at home, puts his grandmother through dear troubles, is an excellent student, and is a role model, he may at one point lose his temper. Such restraint is fraught with nervousness and mental disorders.

How to deal with aggression

First, you should understand that force cannot solve anything. You will come across a wall that the child will build. And it will be almost impossible to destroy it. Find out what causes aggression in teenagers, then try to establish contact with the student. Try to talk to your son or daughter calmly, without raising your voice. This will put the child in the right mood, he will begin to listen to you, and will not answer sharply and be rude.

If your child tries to speak, do not interrupt him. Let him speak. And only after the flow of speech (abuse) stops, can you begin the conversation. Remember, he also has the right to show indignation, irritation, anger, distrust and similar feelings, just like you.

As mentioned above, you should find ways to release negative emotions. To prevent your son from coming home nervous and angry, send him to sports training. Boxing, athletics, dancing, swimming, football - everything will help you get rid of accumulated feelings. If a child is hyperactive, this is the only way he can get a release.

What to do if you cannot cope with your child, he does not want to make contact or you doubt his adequate perception of the world? In this case, you cannot do without the help of a specialist. You will have to go to a psychologist with your whole family to figure out what you are doing wrong.

Mistakes in parenting or what parents should not do

Unfortunately, at school and college we are not taught how to properly create a family, raise children, or establish contacts with people. As a result, we act blindly and make many mistakes that are almost impossible to correct. This also applies to our kids.

But there are still a number of rules that good and loving parents. So, for example, in order not to cause aggression in adolescents, conflict situations should be avoided. Believe me, in most cases, if your parents did the same, you would not react any better.

• Negative review

Telling a child that he is stupid, bad, evil, etc., you humiliate him. At the same time, the teenager perceives your words as an incentive to action. And if you constantly criticize him, the student will begin to do everything to spite you. Only a few try to improve, to prove that their parents are wrong.

• Making fun of flaws

Telling my daughter what she has excess weight, you create a bunch of complexes in her. Under no circumstances should you talk openly and in front of everyone about the shortcomings of children. You will be pleased if your mother tells your husband a secret that before the age of 16 you suffered from enuresis or played with dolls.

• Comparison

As mentioned earlier, no person likes to be compared to someone who is smarter, more successful, or more beautiful. This causes a certain protest in the teenager’s subconscious. Remember once and for all: your child is an individual, there is no one else like him. And perhaps in some ways he is worse than others. But he also has some talents.

By the way, this behavior of parents can cause aggression in teenagers towards the person who is being praised. Therefore, do not be surprised that your son does not like the excellent student and the pride of the whole school. It’s better to say every evening that the baby is your joy, you love him for who he is, with all his shortcomings and weaknesses.