With the help of our experts - obstetrician-gynecologist Anna Pastukhova and psychotherapist Kira Natarova, we have compiled a list of the most common reasons that can interfere with healthy people. Knowledge is power!

Age over 35

There is an opinion that the older a woman is, the more difficult it is for her to conceive, bear and give birth to a child. Doctors say the age of 25 to 35 is optimal for childbirth. This is due to the fact that in more early age women are often not yet psychologically ready for motherhood, and after 35, a gradual decline in reproductive function begins. However, there are more and more examples around that refute this statement. What determines the possibility of successful conception and bearing healthy child in "late reproductive age"?

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova, obstetrician-gynecologist, Zdravitsa family medicine centers

As you know, a certain number of eggs is genetically embedded in the body of every woman. At what age a woman will "use" them depends only on her. But it should be noted that all diseases suffered by a woman during her life, her bad habits as well as some medications have a negative effect on the state of the egg. With age, the supply of eggs decreases, and the remaining ones carry information, roughly speaking, about the woman's lifestyle, about how much she took care of her health, or, conversely, lived for her own pleasure. The first factor is responsible for the fact that women of late reproductive age are less likely to conceive. But the quality of the eggs affects the increased risk of fetal malformations, chromosomal abnormalities. This does not mean that a woman will not be able to give birth to healthy offspring, just the probability of this is somewhat lower.

Being overweight or underweight

Yes, unfortunately, normal weight is not only a matter of beauty. Being thin, like being overweight, can be a real obstacle to pregnancy. It's easy to check yourself: you need to count body mass index (BMI) according to the formula "weight in kilograms divided by height in meters squared". For example, your weight is 61 kg, and your height is 172 cm.Therefore, your body mass index (BMI) in this case is:

BMI= 61: (1.72 × 1.72) = 21

If, as a result of calculations, you get a number in the range from 19 to 24 - everything is in order, but smaller or large values talk about possible problems.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

A healthy weight is very important for conception. Women who are underweight or overweight often suffer from hormonal imbalances, which can lead to menstrual irregularities and lack of ovulation. And without this, conception is impossible. Excess body weight can affect not only the process of conception, but also lead to a complicated course of pregnancy - an increase in blood pressure, the development diabetes mellitus pregnant women, which negatively affects the condition of the fetus.

Taking contraceptives

“I've been using birth control for so many years. And there are hormones! "- many women, starting planning a pregnancy, begin to worry if they have harmed the unborn baby by taking long-term pills. And if the first attempts are unsuccessful, then they are often the guilty ones - oral contraceptives. Most doctors believe it will harm women's reproductive health birth control pills they cannot, on the contrary, in some cases they are prescribed as a treatment that helps prepare the body for pregnancy. However, if you have been taking contraceptives for a long time, and now you want a baby, be sure to tell your doctor about your plans.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

How hormonal contraception affects conception in the long term has not yet been studied. Contraceptives suppress ovulation, respectively, the termination of their use causes the so-called withdrawal effect, that is, in the subsequent (especially the first three) cycles ovulation occurs, which increases the risk of conception. This technique is used for some types of infertility. And, conversely, long-term use of contraceptives can cause suppression of the hormonal system, the ovaries seem to "get used" to rest and it is difficult to start them into a working rhythm. Thus, in different situations, gynecologists act in different ways: either they ask a woman to try to get pregnant immediately after cancellation, or rest for 2-3 months to allow the body to recover.

Lifestyle

There are no trifles in a business like planning! Literally everything matters: where you work, how you relax, what you eat, how much you sleep. So go for a diet rich in folate (fresh greens, spinach, kale, peas, whole grain breads, nuts) with balanced proteins, fats and carbohydrates, sleep to your heart's content, and walk more. If you work in hazardous production, seriously consider changing your job. And, of course, look at the beautiful, think about the good and smile more often!

Many believe that babies choose their own parents. What if it's true? Then good mood will definitely be your trump card.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

A balanced diet, physical activity, hygiene, the fight against chronic foci of infection (carious teeth, chronic tonsillitis and others), the correct mode of work and rest are the main components healthy way life. Exercise in moderation physical activity and make sure that your food is rational and energetically complete. If possible, limit yourself from negative factors at work (computer, chemical agents, weight lifting).

Bad habits

Of course, we will not advise anyone to drink or smoke. But, if you are planning to conceive, then these bad habits can really interfere with the onset of pregnancy. Moreover, nicotine and alcohol reduce reproductive function in both men and women, so spouses need to give them up together, holding hands together.

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

Alcohol can interfere with conception and lead to fetal malformations. How much alcohol can negatively affect the ovum - no doctor will answer. As for smoking, it is not the tobacco itself that has the damaging effect on the egg, but the products of the metabolism of nicotine. The egg cell, accumulating toxic substances, loses its ability to fertilize. In men, alcohol and nicotine affect not the quantity, but the quality of sperm, that is, they contribute to a decrease in the number of motile sperm, reducing the chances of conception. If conception occurs, then the pregnancy may end in miscarriage.

Severe stress

In an ideal world, women would likely spend the pregnancy planning phase in sun-drenched meadows, picking flowers and gazing at the sunrises. But life is a striped thing, and not a single woman who dreams of a baby is safe from difficult situations. Unfortunately, serious stressful situations can not only seriously worsen well-being and mood, but also interfere with conception - in the work of the reproductive system against the background of stress, malfunctions can occur. Or maybe nature conceived this on purpose, so that before pregnancy you had time to bounce back and meet your future baby with joy?

Expert opinion

Anna Pastukhova

Prolonged stress can interfere with conception, since during this period the stress hormone prolactin is released into the bloodstream, which in turn "overlaps" the sex hormone (LH, luteinizing hormone and FSH, follicle-stimulating hormone), which leads to the absence of ovulation. Also, against the background of stress, a decrease in the level of the hormone estriol and, as a result, a decrease in the thickness of the endometrium, as a result of which the ovum will not be able to attach, is possible. In men, constant stress also contributes to a change in the ratio of the levels of hormones LH and FSH, which negatively affects the quality of sperm and reduces the chances of successful conception.

Psychological infertility

What to do if the doctors unanimously say “healthy”, my husband is also all right, you have not experienced any serious shocks in recent years, and pregnancy still does not occur? Perhaps it's all about the psychological block. In this case, at a subconscious level, when the word "pregnancy" is heard in the head, the signal "danger" is turned on and the body itself blocks the possibility of conception. This "prohibition of pregnancy" can be overcome with the help of a psychotherapist.

Expert opinion

Kira Natarova, candidate medical sciences, psychotherapist, lecturer at the Department of Psychology, NSU

There is the so-called "psychological infertility" - when, in the absence of pathology of the reproductive system in both partners, pregnancy does not occur. There may be several reasons for this kind of infertility: unsuccessful pregnancies in the past and the attitude formed against them that the next time will be the same, too strong, hysterical expectation of pregnancy, not supported by any facts, confidence in their own inability to conceive.

A huge role can be played by the trauma suffered by a woman - rape, rough treatment, violence in childhood. A concomitant factor may be a complicated financial situation - the lack of funds, separate housing.

Of course, general well-being and emotional state affect the ability to conceive, but in different women it manifests itself in different ways - it depends on the psychological characteristics of the individual. For example, severe depression, stressful situations can lead to a failure of the cycle or to the complete cessation of menstruation. The fear of infertility, the fear of not being able to be a good mother can also be the cause of infertility.

It is extremely difficult to recognize a psychological block without the help of a specialist, you can get even more confused, go deeper into painful experiences, confuse causes and effects, and, on the contrary, increase psychological infertility. The causes of psychological infertility are extremely diverse, complex and individual, so I definitely do not recommend doing such things on your own, only a highly qualified specialist psychotherapist can help here.

Express test from our expert

Check yourself, answer the questions:

1. Can you call me anxious, suspicious, prone to winding up the situation?
2. Have I had depression, severe stress reactions, and other psychological problems in the past?
3. Have there been any psychological trauma in my life?
4. Does the family have material problems?
5. Do we have difficulties in our relationship with our spouse?
6. Do I have unmotivated fears - infertility, not being a good mother?

If you answered yes to at least one of these questions, then it is quite possible that you can solve your problem with the help of a psychotherapist. Good luck!

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Trying to answer this question, many infertile couples besiege the offices of urologists, gynecologists, endocrinologists. And they do not suspect that the source of their troubles is sometimes not health problems, but ... wrong psychological attitudes.

In what situations can psychological infertility occur? And how can you achieve pregnancy?

A word to our expert - sexologist, psychotherapist, member of the Psychotherapeutic League, doctor of the highest category Elena Aladina.

I want to but I can not

Often, when young people get married, one of them wants to have a child, and the other does not. But in order to save the marriage, the "refusenik" says: "Yes, yes, I want a child!" Formally agrees, but in fact does not want to become a parent. And conception does not occur.

What to do: Confess to yourself what you really want: to give the world new life or to postpone for a while the solution of this issue. And then discuss the same with your other half.

It would be nice, but ...

Another reason healthy people can't have a baby is lack of motivation. At the same time, both spouses seem to sincerely want to have children, love each other, want the family to be complete, real. But due to the fact that there are always some other interests, pregnancy does not occur. Either you want to go on vacation in the summer, or get a higher position ...

Many women are afraid of losing their physical attractiveness after giving birth. Others are worried that they will fall out of social life, will lose their former freedom. Especially if there is no way to hire a nanny.

What to do: Decide what is more important to you: a career, material well-being slim or large Friendly family and cozy gatherings at a common table in the evenings. Imagine how your life will change after the birth of a child and what it will be like if he is not born.

Communicate more with families with small children. And you will understand that many of your fears are unfounded. An amazing atmosphere of love reigns around the newborn. Charge yourself with positive emotions!

Idefix

It so happens that the desire to have a child becomes an overvalued idea, an end in itself. And all other tasks, hobbies, aspirations pale before this. Nothing interests anymore, nothing matters. And often women who are being treated for infertility become hostages of schedules, temperature curves and do not understand what is destroying their relationship with their husband. A man loses his human attractiveness in their eyes, and is used only as a means of conception. Few people like this.

Often, women who are passionate about giving birth join up in groups on the Internet, which further exacerbate their problem. And, after listening to other people's sad stories, they fall into a deep depression.

What to do: Take a break from heavy, obsessive thoughts and try to just enjoy life, communicate with friends, spend more time with your beloved husband - and pregnancy will come by itself without any scheduling calculations.

In bed with the enemy

Another reason for psychological infertility is interpersonal conflict in a couple, when one of the spouses, and maybe both, instead of sincerely exchanging their opinions, resorts to manipulation, quarrels, scandals.

This often happens because each of us has different model family, their understanding of marriage, which does not always coincide with the opinion of our chosen one.

What to do: In this case, the husband and wife need to frankly state their claims to each other and make up. If it is difficult to figure it out yourself, you can turn to a family psychologist for help.

What people will say

Sometimes the opinion of parents and friends can become the cause of psychological infertility. “Why do you need undershirts for diapers ?! Live for yourself! " - such "well-wishers" advise.

What to do: Connect with those who support you and limit the influence and conversations of those who are negative. And, quite possibly, the desired pregnancy will not be long in coming.

- When a woman is fixated on the desire to become pregnant, she sacrifices her life, nature does not reciprocate. And everyone knows cases when a woman “let go” of her desire and suddenly became pregnant.

“I can’t get pregnant, although there are no health problems” - more and more modern women complain about the impossibility of having a child for psychological reasons. In such cases, doctors shrug their shoulders: from the point of view of physiology, everything is in order with the woman, but for some reason pregnancy does not occur. The author Daily Baby, together with experienced specialists, understood what psychological infertility is, who is susceptible to it and how to deal with it.

Psychological infertility is not a myth

In order to conceive and bear a baby, it is not enough just physical health... It is important that future parents understand their psychological problems and be ready for a new stage in life. What does it mean?

Imagine: a couple is dreaming of a child. For several months, young people take tests, go to doctors and prepare to become parents. Experts give a verdict: you are completely healthy and can have children. However, weeks, months, maybe even years go by, and pregnancy does not occur. From a medical point of view, a couple is considered infertile if they do not have a child within a year of regular unprotected intercourse.

So what's the matter if both partners are physically healthy? Having got to know such a couple better, you can notice: the girl is terribly afraid of childbirth and the very fact of the appearance of a new person in herself. A man may worry about finances - he does not receive much, but he still has to pay a loan for a car. Both of them sincerely want a child, but somewhere deep inside themselves they put blocks: “we won't be able to cope,” “it's not time yet, we have too many problems” and “I'm afraid”.

Comments Oksana Naumova, clinical psychologist specializing in systemic psychosomatic therapy RECALL HEALING, stage 2 gestalt therapist (specialization in trauma therapy in the gestalt approach).

- Infertility is a complex of various psychological and physiological factors that lead to disorders in human reproduction. When, against the background of physiological health, a couple cannot conceive and bear a child, they talk about a possible psychological reason.

Infertility is both male and female. It can be caused by internal contradictions regarding the birth of children, conflicts with parents, partners, age crises, a desire to build a career.

Having children can interfere with such plans. High level infantilism of future parents, various fears become a serious obstacle to the realization of the dream of becoming parents.

A symptom is always a consequence, it is necessary to clarify from what it flows, what precedes it.

Perinatal psychologist, doula and mother of four children Yulia Plotnikova also believes that infertility often has a psychological basis.

- Self-sufficient, beloved and loving person who have been surrounded with care and attention since childhood, there are fewer risks of psychological infertility. If from childhood there were some problems in the family, upbringing, relationships with others, there is a likelihood of difficulties with conception. Very often a woman of childbearing age, healthy and full of strength, is simply not mentally ready for motherhood. She is under pressure from her parents, her husband, society: she needs to give birth. And she doesn't seem to mind, but it doesn't work. Nature is amazingly intelligent. The body feels: something is wrong, there is some danger from the outside, it is not the time to get pregnant. These clamps need to be removed when visiting not a gynecologist, but a psychologist or even a psychotherapist, explains Yulia.

By the way, some psychologists prefer not to use the word "infertility". They replace it with the term "unfulfilled desire to have a child." After all, psychological infertility is quite easy to treat, therefore this diagnosis is temporary and implies that the couple cannot yet conceive a baby.

Some experts are sure that infertility has a psychosomatic nature. The inability to conceive a child is seen in this case as a reaction to a psychological or emotional conflict.

- As long as the problem does not go beyond the scope of psychology, a person does not get sick. But as soon as it goes into the category of physiology, the brain transfers the conflict to the body, and the disease begins to develop. Many diseases are nothing more than a biological interaction between the part of the brain that controls the problem organ and that organ itself, which contains the biological conflict. There is a theory that there are no accidents in life. Psychological infertility often signals an unpreparedness for the appearance of a baby. The body, as it were, gives people time to rethink life priorities and realize: are we ready to become parents?

It also happens that a couple despairs of getting pregnant and adopts a child. And after a while, the spouses give birth joint baby... This is neither an accident, nor a pattern. After all, the reasons stored within each of the pair are resolved in their own time or are not resolved, says Oksana Naumova.

Why doesn't it work?

There are many psychological reasons for infertility. Here are just a few of them:

• fear of responsibility and unwillingness to change your life because of the baby,
• fear of childbirth,
• distrust of a partner,
• subconscious fear of ruining the figure, getting stretch marks and breaks,
• financial distress and, as a result, uncertainty about the future,
• uncertainty about what you can become for your child good parent,
• psychological immaturity: "I am still a child myself, what kind of children are I",
• pressure from others: everyone makes me grow up and have an heir. The body includes protection: in principle, I will not be led by "everyone."

- Each person is the keeper of all or part of the family history, what he heard, saw, experienced.

Everyone is faced with numerous family, social and mental phenomena and processes, trying to find integrity with the appearance of meaning in their existence. “I don’t want to be who I am”: this situation can be the cause of infertility, when a woman unconsciously tries to prevent the appearance of offspring in order to interrupt the family, representatives of which she is ashamed. Another psychosomatic aspect of infertility may be the following: "not to be what your parents want you to be." This is such an unconscious protest against parents, says psychologist Oksana Naumova.

According to Oksana, the cause of infertility can be civil marriage, because any woman needs stability and security. And the birth of a child in an unsafe environment is a serious stress for the expectant mother.

- Events of the surrounding world in which a woman is located can affect the functioning of her reproductive system.

The phenomenon of wartime amenorrhea is known, when women did not have menstruation. The female body received the command: “not time for conception” and stopped working the way nature tells it. Nothing seems to threaten the woman and the descendant, and the "on" button has not been released.

In peacetime, women feel no less danger and unconsciously do not allow themselves to become pregnant, for example, during an economic crisis. Moreover, if a woman has financial difficulties, the psychologist explains.

Often, a woman has a fear of pain, a fear of dying during childbirth or losing a baby. This can be especially acute if such cases have already been in the family.

- The unconscious feeling that motherhood is grief can contribute to an inner rejection of it.

There are cultures in which the birth of boys is encouraged and the attitude towards a woman depends on which child she gave birth to. An unconscious fear of becoming pregnant with a girl can inhibit reproduction. Religious attitudes also affect the realization of the mother's sphere. Women are emotional creatures, they clearly feel the attitude towards themselves in society and realize this through their reproductive behavior. One of the important components of the psychological factors of infertility is a motivational conflict in the psyche of a woman. She does everything to get pregnant, while there is no place for the child in her external and internal spaces. Often it is important for a woman not to lose face, she asks herself the question: can I become a good mother? This greatly irritates the expectant mother. Anxiety, fear - all this negatively affects the possibility of getting pregnant, - explains Oksana Naumova.

Yulia Plotnikova is sure: it is important to decide on time psychological problems preventing you from getting pregnant. After all, they accumulate and form a huge snowball, with which it becomes more and more difficult to cope with time.

- One of possible reasons psychological infertility - distrust of a partner. A woman either cannot choose a permanent life partner for herself at all, or does not really trust the man who is in her life.

This leads to many psychosomatic situations that interfere with a quiet conception. Sometimes it turns out to be a kind of vicious circle. A woman is trying to get pregnant, she doesn’t succeed right away, and fear arises: what if I don’t succeed at all. Many questions arise: why doesn't it work? What is wrong with me? All this negatively affects reproductive function and it becomes even more difficult to get pregnant.

A woman may be afraid of a new role. What happens when she becomes a mom? There is a fear of losing independence, freedom, status and position in society. How to deal with a child? How to survive childbirth? Which way will my life change? There are many fears. Such unconscious fears create psychological clamps in the body, contribute to the production of "wrong" hormones that prevent conception. If a person subconsciously feels these fears, naturally, the body is filled with clamps and hormones that do not allow to relax and live in the here and now, says Yulia.

Constant tension and a race for results, in in this case, behind two strips on the dough - all this only aggravates the situation. If a woman is obsessed with the idea of ​​getting pregnant, and all lovemaking with her spouse boils down to only one thing: to conceive a baby, this can backfire. Failure leads to more fear, then another failure happens, the fear intensifies. It turns out to be a snowball. Psychological infertility often arises when attempts to have a child move from anxious expectation to the category: "must" and "must".

Do men have psychological infertility?

Psychological reasons for the inability to conceive a child in women are much more common than in men. They are more varied and broader, but on the whole they are similar.

- Men are still more often physiologically sterile. However, there are psychological reasons why a spouse may not be able to conceive a baby. A man, for example, is not afraid to give birth, but he may feel fear that his beloved woman will die during childbirth, especially if there have been such cases in the history of his family, says Oksana Naumova.

For example, a man can unconsciously avoid sexual contact at the right time for conception, thereby preventing a woman from becoming pregnant.

- During meetings with a psychologist, the specialist identifies the reasons that interfere with conceiving or bearing a child. It is very important to understand what exactly prevents this couple from becoming parents. Sometimes it happens that men, without realizing it and not wanting to, become the main reason psychological infertility of his beloved wife. Sometimes a man does not understand his wife, does not know how or does not want to support his spouse at such a crucial moment in life. The husband's indifference and aloofness lead a woman to the idea that she does not want to have children. It also happens that a man subconsciously or even consciously does not want children from a particular woman or does not want to become a father at all. In this case, his body can produce antibodies that reduce sperm quality or sperm motility, - explains Oksana Naumova.

What to do?

If during the diagnosis it turns out that from a physiological point of view, the couple is doing well, it is recommended to look for the causes of infertility in consultation with a perinatal psychologist. The specialist will reveal the true reasons for the impossibility of conceiving a baby and will help to overcome fears.

- Take care of yourself, eat well, exercise, practice adequate sleep and rest, and avoid stress. In addition to psychotherapy, you can use other methods, such as acupuncture. And be sure to work with a professional psychologist: he will help to overcome all fears and complexes, advises Oksana Naumova.

The specialist is sure: it is important to understand that a child is not only difficulties, but also great happiness. Then female body Will "accept" the pregnancy and "agree" to bear the baby.

Psychologist Yulia Plotnikova adds: sometimes you just need to "let go" of the situation and relax as much as possible.

- As soon as a woman accepts the situation, relaxes and stops worrying about not being able to get pregnant, she succeeds. Children come at the very moment when their parents are the most joyful, when they are filled with calmness, serenity and love. When they do not worry, but live here and now. Even physiological problems with conception can be explained in psychology. They are often associated with a woman's rejection of her role: she is ashamed of herself, her physiology, femininity, sexuality. All these complexes and clamps need to be removed, then the long-awaited pregnancy will definitely come.

• There are no more “old-borns”, but the risk of infertility increases with age
• Having a baby after seven circles of hell, or why I believe in miracles
• "The first time everyone goes to the store for a gift." Stories of moms about the difficulties of IVF
• "Hormones disagree with modern women's priorities."
• From egg freezing to operations: what do women do to avoid being childless

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In childhood, many girls fantasize about growing up, getting married, having children. And so we learned, started to work, met a person with whom we want to be together. The time has come, we are thinking about children. It happens that this is where the story stops the course we had conceived: pregnancy still does not come. This gives rise to all kinds of feelings, from guilt (“I did something wrong”) to anger (“why is this happening to me”).

According to statistics, in 10-20% of cases, it is impossible to establish the causes of infertility: both partners are healthy, but they still cannot conceive. Psychologists and doctors agree that this problem can have not only medical, but also psychological reasons: physical processes are disturbed due to emotional conflict.

Most often, with reproductive difficulties, the internal conflict looks like this: a woman simultaneously wants to become a mother and is afraid of it. Most of the fears associated with having a baby lie in three areas.

1. Loss of independence

Nastya has been married for three years. She had a favorite job, she and her husband traveled a lot and gladly arranged gatherings with friends. Everything was going well, except for one "but": Nastya could not get pregnant. The girl turned to a psychologist, and in the course of therapy it turned out that in her mind a child means “the end of life”: a rejection of a career, travel, entertainment - everything that is dear to her. Nastya wanted to become a mother, and at the same time, the prospect of “losing herself” scared her. Gradually, the girl was able to cope with her fears and, after completing an important project at work, found that she was pregnant.

Caring for a child does require a lot of emotional and physical resources. A woman has to completely rebuild her life, and for some time she does not belong to herself. Recently I have been researching attitudes towards parenting among mothers of babies. When asked what is the most difficult thing in motherhood, the participants most often called the restriction of personal freedom. You need to be prepared for this limitation, but do not forget that it is temporary.

2. Relationship with husband

Masha was married for 8 years, but the couple had no children. The relationship with her husband was not easy. He is a musician, he had emotional ups and downs and prolonged depression. For his failures, he usually blamed his wife. Masha was responsible for a stable income. In such a situation, she could not relax and feel protected. After parting with her husband, Masha met a man who treated her with greater care and attention. 2 months after the wedding, the girl became pregnant and gave birth to a son.

Stress signals the body that the environment is not suitable for procreation

During pregnancy and caring for a baby, a woman is extremely vulnerable, it is important for her to rely on a partner and receive support. In a situation of chronic stress, our body is maximally mobilized, and all other processes slow down.

American researchers David Barash and Samuel Wasser developed a model of reproductive suppression. According to this model, stress signals to the body that the external conditions are not suitable for procreation. In response to stress, the production of sex hormones, which are involved in the process of conceiving and carrying a pregnancy, decreases. The authors of the model refer to unfavorable factors, first of all, the psychological state of future parents, because it can prevent adults from caring for a child.

3. Relationship with mother

Until the age of 32, Olga did not think about children, but gradually all her friends became mothers. Increasingly, seeing off another colleague on maternity leave, Olya heard the joking: "Well, when is your turn?" The husband was ready and wanted to replenish the family. The girl thought: why not? Someday you will still have to give birth, and age is running out. But it didn't work out to get pregnant.

In the process of psychotherapeutic work, it turned out that Olya's relationship with her mother was not easy, full of rejection and conflicts. Olga was unconsciously afraid to repeat the behavior of her own mother and did not believe that she would be able to treat the child differently. The girl managed to process the childhood experience and believe in herself. A year and a half later, she gave birth to a daughter.

Motherhood is a challenge to our adulthood and ability to love

If the relationship with the mother is difficult, the mother's image itself becomes repulsive. We find it difficult to believe that the relationship between mom and baby can be warm and welcoming. Psychoanalyst Dinora Pines in the book "Unconscious use of a woman's body" writes that anger at the mother may not be directed at real person, but on the mother in herself. Then the woman unconsciously or intentionally comes to the renunciation of motherhood.

Motherhood is an amazing and challenging experience at the same time. It is a challenge to our adulthood and ability to love, a test of our relationship with a partner, and a reminder of our childhood experience... It is important to strive for the joy of being a parent but embrace the challenge with acceptance. This allows you to feel more confident and take a step towards a new unknown experience.

about the author

Psychologist, psychotherapist, specializing in the psychology of pregnancy and parenting.