Every family with a child faces the pot problem, and it is not always possible to resolve this issue quickly and painlessly for everyone. The topic is delicate and very important. Nervous and capricious children, frustrated mothers and a bunch of well-groomed sliders - who doesn't know this? So, when do you need to potty train a child and how to do it so that there is no unnecessary hassle for everyone?

How many copies broke about diapers when they began to appear with us! Moreover, opponents of this very, as they say, the progressive invention of the 20th century, are quite a few among pediatricians. For example, some pediatricians have argued and continue to argue that diapers are very harmful, and give a whole list of arguments. One of these arguments is the difficulty of potty training for "diaper" children.

Today we devote our article to an important topic.

Many parents, especially young and inexperienced ones, have difficulties with this delicate matter. Tell me, have you seen three or even four year old children on the street in diapers? For sure, yes. Such a scene, for example, in Europe, is a common thing. Europeans joke that their children wear diapers all the way to school, and there is some truth in this joke.

European pediatricians, and after them ours, unanimously assert: this is normal, he will grow up and understand why he should fool himself and torment the baby. Well, what about moms and dads? They try their best to believe what is said.

Is there a reason why an already grown-up kid can figure out for himself what his body wants?
Do children know how to independently recognize their own needs?

We will tell you about the mechanisms of natural hygiene of babies.

Many newborns give some characteristic signals, according to which an attentive mother concludes that now the "process" will go. The child begins to actively or slightly fidget, pull the legs to the stomach, puff, spin, push. Or maybe, on the contrary, freeze and make a funny, concentrated look. Mothers say that with close observation of the baby, they read such signals, when they are noticeable, and when they are subtle, and they manage to gently pick up the child in their arms, drop them off, for example, over a sink or basin. Such "toilet" support quickly turns into a conditioned reflex and is a very convenient form of communication for both the mother and the child.

Attention! Until the time when the child has learned to sit by himself, you can not land him! The baby is allowed only to be supported in a safe position for him - the position of the embryo. Only when the baby himself, without support, has learned to sit down and sits confidently, can you start putting him on the baby pot.

As your baby grows older, the various warning signals become more complex and change. If parents are attentive to non-verbal signs, then the matter of potty training will be much easier. And not only that!

There are a lot of advantages for parents in such meaningful observation of the baby. An attentive attitude will develop kindness, sensitivity, empathy, responsiveness to each other and mom and dad, and their children. The relationship between parents and the relationship with children in such families becomes closer and more trusting.

Many parents simply do not think about the signals that children give them, and such "requests", including toilet needs, are often ignored.

There are families in which, due to various circumstances, the technique of natural hygiene of babies is not cultivated, mothers simply have neither the desire nor the patience. What happens then? Pampers! This is the best way out. We bought a wagon of disposable, fast-absorbing urine diapers on sale, and you can live in peace.

Diapers and toilet signals

What happens if diapers are used constantly? And are some pediatricians right?

Indeed, if diapers are used constantly, then the child does not need to give these same "toilet" signals. The need for them simply disappears. Why? Because the child's nervous system has undergone adaptation and adapted to the prevailing circumstances.

Why are parents having difficulty. Potty training

Several years pass, and the family finally makes a decision - it’s a shame to walk in diapers, we should tackle this issue closely. What is the first thing to do? That's right - to start learning from scratch, that is, to re-teach not exactly a baby, but a grown-up child, to consciously perceive the needs of his body and give long-forgotten signals.

All children are very different. For one baby, the restructuring goes very quickly, literally a few weeks or even less. And another child, who has reached the age of 4-5, is in no way able to do without the usual diaper. Moreover, what is especially annoying for parents, this is more related to matters "in a big way."

Having experience and observing real cases from the lives of their little patients and their parents, pediatricians recommend:

• There is no need to use diapers all the time, 24 hours a day. Of course, it is worth putting on diapers at night, just like when going out for a walk or visiting.
• Now almost everyone has modern washing machines in their homes, so it makes sense to think about reusable diapers.

Reusable diapers have a clever design, are beautiful, very comfortable to wear and perfectly washable. They practically do not give allergic reactions, unlike some one-time ones.

• Treat potty training as a fun game. Don't be lazy and get creative. Then both you and your baby will have fun, and it will go much faster.
• In no case should you act harshly, show aggression and discontent in relation to the baby. There can be no question of any punishment, even a verbal reprimand, if the child peed in his pants!

Explains the child psychologist

Children, as you already understood, cannot switch quickly. The actions of the parents should be consistent and then it will be easier for the baby to figure out how his muscles and sphincters work.

The mother should do exactly the same as when the baby was just born, but now it will be more difficult, because the "toilet" signals are not obvious or are practically absent altogether. And it's difficult to interpret them. This can be explained, since the child now already has a large number of needs and it is difficult to figure out what he wants - whether to eat, or sleep, or need a toy, or something hurts or wants to poop and pee.

Mothers are often impatient, they want the baby to learn quickly and not create problems. What does such a mother start to do? Get angry, nervous.

What does this lead to?

To the opposite result, because the child flatly refuses to cooperate. He begins to actively avoid the pot. They buy all sorts of newfangled inventions, musical, colorful and God knows what - and to no avail.

What to do?

Stop worrying about this. Prepare as many panties for a change as you may need. In the end, you can even run without pants, with a bare bottom. And at the same time, watch the baby, because the signals will still appear. You will definitely see them!

Unfortunately, we have clearly learned two concepts:

1. That the baby is obliged to tell us that he wants to pee or poop.
2. And then do everything on the pot.

But this is a mistake, since these are completely different questions that for the child do not yet have a connection with each other.

The first thing that considerate and intelligent parents should do is react to the signals themselves. If this is done correctly, then the baby will quickly realize that it is necessary to communicate his intention to his parents.

You can say this in a gentle and kind way:

“I see what you want for the pot, huh? Do you want to poop or pee? "

The kid will make sure that you understand him, and very quickly he will learn to trust you. And then he will increasingly show his intentions BEFORE, and not AFTER, he pissed or pooped.

By the way, this form of relationship is useful in any matter, not just in the "toilet".

Does it matter where to write?

Of course, it is more convenient for you that it was just a pot.

But not all children love this very pot! And they begin to force the child to sit down on him through shouts of protest. And they are forced to sit there until the deed is done. Do you know this picture?

Bottom line: children stop asking at all! You "passed", as they say. The pot has won out in your relationship and the trust is gone.

What should be done in this case?

The child is hysterical at the sight of the pot. What to do?

Just leave it alone. And the kid, and the ill-fated pot.

They noticed that they wanted to poop, took off their pants and let them walk. Suggest an option, such as going to the bathroom. You can put a basin there, for example. Or even allocate some place, on the floor in the toilet. I wrote it anywhere - it doesn't matter, because you have already calculated its signal.

There is no need to think that the child will always go to pee and poop, anywhere. Have you ever seen a mentally healthy adult doing this?

Time will pass and the overgrown baby will appreciate the benefits of both the pot and the toilet. You can even purchase a comfortable modern special toilet seat right away. For example, this is the simplest design.

There are even nozzles for the toilet with supports for the child's feet and steps of various, already more complex designs.

All experts say in unison:

It is unacceptable to scold a kid if he has been fucked up.

You just need to calmly say if this happened:

"We need to wipe our bottom, wash, put on clean pants."

Mom expresses her displeasure.

These are very vivid emotions! What are they doing? They reinforce negative outcomes and unwanted behavior. Therefore, it is only necessary to react calmly and benevolently.

Moreover, if everything worked out well, arrange a party with dancing and games. Praise, rejoice loudly and cheerfully, and show in every way how happy you are.

There should be a pot in the house, even if the kid does not like it.

But! We are against pots with modern "bells and whistles", for example, this

The pot should be simple and comfortable. Like this.

There is no need to buy all kinds of musical products, because the purpose of the pot is not to play arias. Your task is to teach your baby to go to the toilet and nothing should interfere with her.

You will say: this is how child psychologists advise to involve elements of play in any educational process.

So, this is not entirely true, since something completely different is meant. The same psychologists explain that modern devices for pissing and pooping with toys and music contribute to a shift in emphasis in children. It turns out that the central figure of the whole process is His Majesty the pot. But the main thing here is trust and a desire to convey your intentions to mom and dad.

There is even such a pot on the market, from which it is impossible to get out without assistance. This instrument of torture is called - a pot-table.

How can such an invention be called?

Violence and nothing else. What kind of trust can we talk about after that?

Children should understand that they have freedom of choice and at any time they can get up and go wherever they want.

When choosing a nursery pot, first of all pay attention to the material. It should be a quality product, not cheap plastic. Poor quality materials cause allergies on the baby's skin. Plastic is much better and it is more comfortable to sit on such a pot, and metal is cold and hard.

The next criterion is sustainability. Now there are comfortable stool pots, which are easy to sit on and stand up too. And let such a pot have a minimum of newfangled "bells and whistles".

Time will pass, and the child himself will become interested in the pot, because children are curious creatures.

The question that interests many parents:

Is it possible to show the baby by personal example - how they piss and poop?

For example, dad may well show a little son how to pee correctly for a man. There is no shame in this. And a mother, if her son is less than three years old, can sit on the toilet, it is clear that without showing the details of the process itself. But the personal example of a beloved dad or grandfather is certainly preferable.

Mom can explain everything to the girl in the toilet.

Do not be shy to show how adults piss and poop.

It is wise to quietly tell the baby:

« Oh, I want to go to the toilet, and you? Let's run, maybe you are with me? "

Or something like that. It is clear that there is no need to shout, for example, to the whole yard. Think for yourself, babies want to grow up as soon as possible, and thus, they imitate adults and follow the example of mom and dad.

Is this an intimate question?
From the above, we can conclude that this question is not at all intimate, if you can talk about it openly. And even show the kid how they piss and poop.

Let's figure it out.

These are your "toilet" affairs with the baby. You can do this, but in no way is it inadmissible to devote strangers and people who are not close to the family in these issues.

Do not discuss pots, even if your baby is only eight months old or a year old, in front of your housemates or others. We are surrounded not only by benevolent people, but also by many "smart" and all knowledgeable advisers.

You must understand that what will be best for your little son or daughter, you know, and not strangers. After listening to advice, you can get scared and start unnecessary experiments, guided by someone else's experience.

Conclusion. An example from life. We have already said that all children are very different. Therefore, it is not always worthwhile to blindly adhere to the recommendations of specialists, even if very qualified and experienced. Motherhood is a profession that requires a thoughtful attitude.

Young mom tells

When I was pregnant, I read a lot of all kinds of literature and dreamed of how I would do everything right. So about the pots - I decided that it was only necessary to plant. But it turned out that not everything is so simple! My son did not want to adapt to "literature" at all. I didn't see any signals, he just blew to himself and that's it! I collapsed from fatigue, did not get enough sleep, and kept trying to catch the "toilet" signals that I had read about. Moreover, I began to blame myself for the fact that I am a useless mother and I have no spiritual connection with my baby. Then I came to my senses and remembered, again, the articles I had read about postpartum depression. I thought - so close to her!

Having washed, albeit with the help of a washing machine, a huge mountain of diapers, sliders, and even blankets and pillows, I gave up. She stopped constantly planting her son in an embryo position. I bought diapers and started putting them on all the time.

And when my son was two years old, I decided - that's enough. Began to plant on a pot. And he understood everything in less than a week!

It is not by chance that we ended our story with just this incident from life. Because the most important thing in education is love and wisdom.

Dear visitors of the Pharmamir website. This article is not medical advice and should not be used as a substitute for consulting a doctor.

Sibmam answers questions Khodyreva Zhanna, obstetrician-gynecologist of the highest category.

Protection while breastfeeding

Question. (JenaJeny) I gave birth a little more than 6 months ago, menstruation has not yet resumed, the baby was exclusively breastfed until 6 months. Should I worry, or is everything still within the normal range? When to start sounding the alarm?
Answer. Up to 6 months, with breastfeeding 6-8 times a day, you can not protect yourself from pregnancy (the so-called method of lactational amenorrhea). In the subsequent period, contraception is necessary - it can be a gestagenic contraceptive drug (for example, exluton) or an intrauterine device.

Question. (Beth ) I have a 7-month-old daughter, completely on HB, the number of applications is more than 10 per day, there are no monthly ones yet. What is the chance of getting pregnant at this time? What contraceptives can be used besides barrier methods? And should I use them?
Answer ... The method of lactational amenorrhea, as a reliable contraception, is applicable up to 6 months after childbirth, then you need to insure yourself with gestagen-containing contraceptives (eg, exluton) or an IUD.

Question. (poya) I breastfed my first child for exactly one year. Until eight months, they were only on GV. She was not protected (there were no menstruation). Result: pregnancy. I had to do a mini-abortion and put in an IUD. The child was exactly six months old. The question arises: is it really worth trusting the body during the hepatitis B period, or is it better to be insured?
Answer. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. Six months of lactational amenorrhea has been recognized as safe by gynecologists around the world, and you got pregnant just after 6 months.

"Smudge" during menstruation

Question. (Rita) After giving birth, my cycle has noticeably reduced, instead of 28 days, now - 25, and it starts in two visits, on day 25 daub, then 2 days nothing at all, and then normal menstruation begins ... What could be the reason?
Answer ... There can be many reasons for such a "daub" (endometriosis, inflammation, polyp, etc.). It is impossible to talk about any specific reason without inspection. The sooner you dare to go to your gynecologist, the better.

Question. (Gossamer) I have a question. I was at the gynecologist's appointment, I have an IUD. I didn't go for a year, it so happened that after 2 days something was not comfortable, I put candles with ichthyol on the doctor's advice. The next day, the lower abdomen ached, and daub, but not ichthyol! After 2 days, the daub stopped. We were breastfeeding, there were no menstruation after childbirth. Before pregnancy, periods were 5-7 days, very abundant. What could it be?
Answer ... Unfortunately, you do not indicate how much time has passed since the birth. Perhaps it was a menstrual-like reaction. Believe me, it is very difficult for me to answer such questions without inspection.

Question. (Travelmate) I gave birth three weeks ago. Lochia is not over yet, the last week of discharge is pink, about 2 tablespoons a day. Yesterday, when I abruptly got up from the sofa, there was a slight bleeding (about a spoonful of blood), a blood clot came out, and my stomach ached like during menstruation. Today the lochia is pink again, the stomach does not hurt. What could it be? Do I need to see a doctor urgently? I only planned to go in a week.
Answer ... Bleeding could be from the cervix or from the vagina, if there were tears during childbirth, after lifting weights or straining during the act of defecation. In case of recurrence of bleeding, it is necessary to see a doctor urgently, but if everything goes well, visit a gynecologist in a week, as planned.

Lack of menstruation after childbirth and during breastfeeding

Question. (oxanaS) Gave birth a year and two months ago, but no menstruation. Is it because I am still breastfeeding?
Question. (Susan) The child is already a year and 4 months old. She actively suckles the breast. Is it normal that there are still no periods or is it time to go to the doctor for an appointment?
Answer ... Of course, during breastfeeding, menstruation may be absent up to 1.5-2 years, do not let that scare you. In addition, with the frequency of breastfeeding at least 6-8 times a day up to six months after childbirth, you may not be protected from pregnancy by anything (the so-called method of lactational amenorrhea).

Question. (Inna Klueva) I gave birth on November 1st. I breastfeed my daughter only, I don’t feed anything. Menstruation began on February 2. When I was feeding my eldest daughter up to 1.5 years old, there was no period all the time. This is fine? Normal periods in duration and abundance.
Answer ... As a rule, when the frequency of breastfeeding is at least 6-8 times a day, menstruation is absent, although there are exceptions. It is still necessary to see a gynecologist in order to exclude the organic nature of bleeding.

Question. (Melle) She stopped completely breastfeeding the baby at 6 months of age, that is, 5 months ago, and there are still no periods. What does that mean?
Answer ... You just need to see a gynecologist, because there are a lot of reasons for amenorrhea in the postpartum period, and among them there are far from harmless ones.

Question. (Margot) The baby is 1 year 6 months old, I still breastfeed mostly only, suckles constantly, all day, at night (we sleep together), and I still have no periods. Can you please tell me if this is normal or is it worth going to the gynecologist?
Question. (Sofina) My daughter is almost 1.4 years old, on HB, frequent applications day and night. The first menstruation after childbirth appeared at the end of February 2008, and after - nothing. Pregnancy test negative. Is it okay? Hooray!! The second came ... only the truth again by the end of ... April
Question. (Matyoma) The baby is 1 year and a month old, breastfeeding and no menstruation ... We went with the first child when the son was about 6 months old.
Answer ... Lack of menstruation with 6-8 breastfeeding times is the norm.

Question. (ENECHKA) Child 1 year and 2 months. In a year she weaned from the breast, but there is still no menstruation. During GW I drank "Charosetta", now I drink "Lindinet". A month and a half after weaning, the lower abdomen hurt, but menstruation did not appear. The pregnancy test was negative. What could be the reason for this delay?
Answer ... If you are reliably protecting yourself from pregnancy, then you do not need to worry. The absence of menstruation during lactation is the norm, if only not to miss the pregnancy.

Heavy menstruation after childbirth

Question. (Simfonia) After giving birth, the critical days began 6 months later. Immediately went very abundant. Now the third cycle is underway. Even more abundant than the previous ones. Tell me what it can be connected with and how it can be adjusted. Can I drink nettles and water peppers during GW?

Question. (Alida) Menses came in 4 months. Very plentiful, sore, long-lasting (more than a week) and immediately come plentiful without smearing. Although before B were rather scarce and short (3 days). Once it was like this: in the morning there were no signs (no pain, no daubs), and in the evening I went to bed, immediately got up and a lot of things flopped off me, I could hardly hold it with my hand. After that, the truth, almost everything came to naught, and the rest of the days just smeared.
Answer ... If your periods are heavy, with clots, I would recommend that you undergo an examination by a gynecologist and an ultrasound scan without fail. Taking these phyto-drugs is not a contraindication for breastfeeding.

Restoration of the menstrual cycle after childbirth. Concluding remarks

The recovery period of the menstrual cycle for each woman occurs individually. Don't panic if your period doesn't start right after giving birth. Also, young mothers are misled by bloody discharge after childbirth, which has nothing to do with menstruation - lochia. Lochia- This is the physiological postpartum discharge from the uterus, consisting of blood, mucus and rejected, non-viable tissue. Normally, the duration of the release of lochia is 3-6 weeks after childbirth (sometimes up to 8 weeks).
Young mothers should remember that breastfeeding can be one of the methods of contraception in only a few cases:

• if your baby is exclusively breastfed
• if your child is under six months old
• if there was no menstruation after childbirth
• if breastfeeding occurs at least 6-8 times a day (method of lactational amenorrhea).

Everyone knows that pregnancy is accompanied by significant changes in a woman's body. There is not a single system that did not undergo transformation during this period. After a previous birth, the recovery of the female body ideally requires at least 2 years (this interval is called "intergenetic"). If this interval is a shorter period of time, the body of a pregnant woman has a doubly difficult time. What are the features of the female body in this situation? And what if the second pregnancy followed the birth?

When can the next pregnancy occur?

In most cases, pregnancy shortly after birth is unplanned. Many women do not pay enough attention to postpartum contraception - especially while breastfeeding. The method of the so-called "lactational amenorrhea" (absence of menstruation against the background of breastfeeding) works only in the absence of complementary foods and replacement of part of the feedings. If you feed your baby, but do not breastfeed every feed, the method loses its effectiveness. In the absence of breastfeeding, the ability to conceive can be restored as early as 6-8 weeks after childbirth. The resumption of menstruation indicates the need for contraception. Sometimes pregnancy occurs even in the absence of menstruation (the first, or the release of a mature egg from the ovary, leads to pregnancy, and menstruation "does not come"). Against this background, a woman may not know about her pregnancy for a long time, especially in the absence of signs of early toxicosis or a weak severity of its symptoms (nausea, vomiting, low blood pressure, incomprehensible malaise, exacerbated sense of smell). If pregnancy does occur, the woman is faced with the question of preserving it. Not only social conditions and the woman's desire are taken into account, but also medical recommendations (the presence of contraindications to the further continuation of this pregnancy).

What is changing in the body?

First of all, changes occur in the reproductive and endocrine systems. Concentrations of sex hormones increase. In the ovary, pregnancy is supported by the corpus luteum, an endocrine gland that provides the synthesis of the hormone progesterone, which is necessary for the development of pregnancy. With the growth of the uterus begins, the blood supply to the external genital organs increases, the activity of the thyroid gland and adrenal glands changes.

In the cardiovascular system, the volume of circulating blood (plasma, corpuscles) and the heart rate increase. Changes in the nervous system - both autonomic and central - lead to mood variability, an increase in the tone of the parasympathetic autonomic nervous system (the part of the nervous system that is responsible for the work of internal organs). This leads to drowsiness, nausea, and some lethargy. The additional load on the organs of the urinary system increases: the expansion of the renal pelvis often leads to an exacerbation of the existing "dormant" bacterial kidney infection. An increased load on the vessels of the legs and varicose veins during pregnancy contribute to the appearance of varicose veins.

If pregnancy occurs against the background of lactation ...

In this case, the nursing mother is experiencing the difficulties of a real pregnancy, and her health has not yet returned to full norm after the previous one. Childbirth, lactation is a great stress for the body. Affected by a deficiency of vitamins, blood loss in previous childbirth. It's hard to carry a baby and breastfeed at the same time. During lactation, there is a large consumption of vitamins and minerals to ensure the quality of breast milk and meet the needs of the baby. It is during lactation that many women complain of hair loss and tooth decay. A new pregnancy is an even greater additional burden.

Often, with the onset of a new pregnancy while breastfeeding, the amount of milk decreases or milk "disappears". The reason for this is hormonal changes. Or milk, for the same reasons, changes its taste so much that the baby often refuses to breastfeed. Any change in a woman's condition is reflected in the taste of milk. If milk persists and the baby does not give up breastfeeding (which happens much less often), many experts still recommend refraining from continuing breastfeeding against the background of a new pregnancy. First, the body is under a very heavy load. And secondly, when the nipple is exposed to stimulation of hormone production, which, in turn, causes the uterus to contract. This mechanism contributes to a faster recovery of a woman after childbirth, but it is harmful for the development of a new pregnancy. Now the uterus, on the contrary, needs rest.

Of course, thanks to modern multivitamin preparations and good nutrition, a healthy woman should not experience any significant problems even in such a situation. However, the following are cases that require special attention.

Possible complications of a second pregnancy:

• Progression or onset of varicose veins of the legs. Even if during the first pregnancy you did not use compression hosiery, you did not have complaints, did not develop "spider veins" on your legs, this can happen now.
• Ruptures and deformities of the cervix after childbirth could lead to decrease in the "obturator" function of the cervix and its canal, which can cause the threat of termination of pregnancy due to penetration into the dilated canal of the cervix.
• The presence of a scar on the uterus after a cesarean section requires increased attention to this problem. If the tissue has not recovered sufficiently in the area where the incision was made, it is possible dehiscence of the uterine scar at the end of pregnancy. Especially in this regard, the previous corporal caesarean section is unfavorable (the incision in this case is performed longitudinally along the midline on the uterus). Such women often have a low attachment of the placenta, the threat of termination of pregnancy (insufficient supply of oxygen and nutrients to the fetus as a result of a decrease in uteroplacental and fetal-placental blood flow), which develops against the background of other complications - anemia, threat of termination of pregnancy, etc. etc. If a cesarean section is performed less than one year before the onset of the second pregnancy, carrying a pregnancy is problematic. The intergenetic interval recommended by most specialists in this case is at least 2 years.
• Existing somatic diseases (heart defects, blood diseases, serious lung diseases) against the background of a quickly onset of a second pregnancy can enter the stage of decompensation(worsening of the course of the disease). In this case, it is mandatory to consult not only an obstetrician-gynecologist, but also a specialist in the underlying disease.
• Severe anemia - a decrease in the amount of hemoglobin (below 70 g / liter), as well as conditions after massive bleeding in previous births require a longer recovery of the body as a whole. A new pregnancy on such "unprepared" soil can have a severe course, possibly progression of anemia, the occurrence of other complications of pregnancy.
• Inflammatory diseases (endometritis and further spread of inflammation to surrounding tissues - metroendometritis, parametritis) in the postpartum period are also risk factors. Endometritis (inflammation of the uterus) in the postpartum period, especially after a caesarean section, can lead to the threat of termination of a real pregnancy, as well as form defective scar on the uterus in the case of a previous caesarean section.

Possible complications of second birth:

• Weakness of labor in the second stage of labor(during pushing) may be associated with a weakening of the tone of the anterior abdominal wall.
• Postpartum bleeding(in multiparous, this complication is more common than in primiparous). The presence of a scar on the uterus, a planned repeated cesarean section, and inflammatory diseases of the uterus after a previous birth also contribute to a decrease in the contractility of the uterus.

Everything that has been said about the possible complications of the second pregnancy, which occurred immediately after the first birth, is designed to make a woman think about her health, pay as much attention to herself as possible. But all these difficulties are not a reason for termination of pregnancy, since abortion is fraught with much more serious complications for the female body.

The second birth a year after the birth of the child is quite common, but, unfortunately, not always planned. Some women, upon learning that they are in position again, decide to have an abortion. Others, on the contrary, decide to leave the child and then raise two babies at once. We will try to figure out how the second pregnancy affects the female body, consider the pros and cons of raising weather children.

Family traditions in many countries say that it is possible to have a second child when the previous one learns to eat and move independently, which means that it will no longer need the constant presence of the mother. Doctors adhere to approximately the same point of view, recommending planning a second birth no earlier than two years after the first. Moreover, they explain this not only by the level of development and the needs of the child, but also by the physiological state of the female body.

Many systems, for example, cardiovascular, genitourinary, musculoskeletal systems, are in the process of recovery. And, despite the good health and psychological disposition for a second pregnancy, it is better to postpone it for at least 2-3 years. Some women, upon learning about an unplanned pregnancy, immediately decide to have an abortion, without thinking that it is also harmful to health. The decision in this case should not be hasty, it should be well thought out.

What happens to the female body during this period

It is believed that a woman who breastfeeds a newborn baby cannot get pregnant. The so-called method of lactational amenorrhea is even one of the methods of protection after childbirth, although its reliability is not high enough and quite often it leads to forced abortion.

Since the hormone prolactin, which is intensively produced during breastfeeding, suppresses the ovulation process, the likelihood of re-pregnancy in lactating women is sharply reduced. In this case, a woman should apply the baby to the breast at his first request, not introduce additional complementary foods into the children's diet, otherwise the reliability of the method drops sharply. As the body recovers after childbirth and the hormonal background gradually normalizes, the pituitary gland gradually increases the production of estrogen, which means that the functioning of the ovaries is restored, and the egg can already be fertilized.

According to medical statistics, this usually occurs about 8-10 weeks after childbirth, although it strongly depends on the individual characteristics of the female body. The most dangerous thing in this case is that ovulation is ahead of the first menstruation after birth by about 2-3 weeks, and it is rather difficult to determine the moment of its onset. Therefore, very often a woman, counting on lactational amenorrhea, is not properly protected, fertilization of the egg occurs, and menstruation does not occur, but due to pregnancy. In this case, the woman finds out about her position when the fetus begins to move, and it is no longer possible to have an abortion at this time.

During this period, some women literally dream of "breaking free" and at the same time, reject their own desires under the guise of "I have the same child." To understand why this happens, you need to plunge into psychology a little.

For a harmonious and happy life, an ordinary person must draw resources from several areas of life at once, in which he is involved in one way or another. Let's list them in a very simplified way:

• the sphere of health (well-being, body, sexuality, etc.),
• field of business (favorite work, hobbies and hobbies),
• sphere of contacts (communication, friendship, family ties),
• and the sphere of meaning (meaning of life, work, religious feelings, meditative, etc.).

As long as a person acts more or less in a balanced manner in all spheres, he also has a more or less balanced feeling from life. And a woman with a small child can simply “turn off” some areas (without wanting to).

Example. Chatting with friends? No, well, where will I go, I’m with a child ... I always enjoyed rollerblading, shall we go? No, well, where am I with the child. An interesting job project? The answer is clear.

In fact, there would be a desire. If you really want to combine things that are important to yourself, then you will definitely succeed. There will be ways and means of how to accomplish this. Yes, no one says it will be easy. But the feeling of depression when "doing" what you want and what is important is not threatening. There are no people who do something important for themselves (really) and are depressed.

It turns out a vicious circle: a woman seems to want changes, but does not dare to make them, fearing to harm the union with the baby, and looking at the child, she regrets what she did not do, is angry with herself and the baby.

Sometimes the woman's fear of being “out of work” is behind this problem. The child confirms her need and importance, and if she leaves him for a while, then her own importance will disappear. This can lead to excessive fatigue, constant employment, "I can't do anything", etc. Of course, this really happens with a small child, but we are only talking about those situations when a woman resorts to outright manipulation, and this, believe me, happens quite often. It is also dangerous because in the future, such a mother, who has not found herself outside the home, is trying with all her efforts to realize herself at the expense of the child, and this is a real tragedy for a little person.

It is because of such parental complexes that the mother's desire to "raise a famous pianist" appears, despite the fact that the child is indifferent to music; make him a dancer, then when the baby has no natural data; or to learn a real scientist, while the child gravitates to the humanities.

Therefore, if you really want something very badly, do not forbid yourself to think about it, dream and be sure to make your desires come true. Talk about it with your partner, look for options, but do not lock yourself up alone with the thought that now you are now "forever" deprived of all sorts of pleasures. Many women who have experienced all the nuances of motherhood, especially the first, will tell you that the child is not a hindrance at all. You can do literally everything with a baby, and go to visit, and read books, and, and meet with friends and even.

Modern mothers are actively involved in sports and travel. We strive to make your life brighter and more fun. Buy in Mom's store goods for sports and travel with a baby:

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What to think about 8 months after giving birth

The child becomes older, more and more actively learns the world around him. If before this age you have learned to perceive correctly all the stages of growing up of a little naughty, then you are no longer just a helpless baby, but an inquiring mind, a whole soul in a harmonious body.

At this stage, it is sometimes very difficult for a mother to restrain her mother's desire to protect and protect from everything. Therefore, instead of worrying about safety in the home, many parents implement a system of endless prohibitions and overprotect the baby. Endless playpens, fences, wrapping in layers of warm clothes, fear of drafts, an abundance of fluffy carpets on the floor, absolute sterility in the house, etc. are used.In fact, to a greater extent, this is what, and not dirt, dust or cold, harm the child , hinder its development and knowledge of the world.

To switch from the state “I am everything for my child”, what we wrote about earlier helps a lot, namely, gradually start returning to your previous interests and occupations (work, hobbies, hobbies).

In addition, it is important for you to focus on the fact that the baby is eight months old is already quite independent. You have to believe it. Despite the fact that he is still very dependent on you, is often afraid of other people and hides in your arms, he needs to be given more freedom and gradually let go of himself to meet new achievements.

The most important thing in maternal care is not just a joint pastime in the form of constantly being near or in the field of view of the baby, but the role of the mother as a teacher, a transmitter of information, a guide into adulthood. The mother introduces the baby to the outside world, the mother explains how it works, who is where, who says how, does and why. Mom gives food, warmth of hands, affection, care, protection and love, but the mother does not suppress or "crush" the child under herself. It is very important.

The child, of course, is your "particle", your blood and your continuation, but he is not your property. Therefore, everything related to his upbringing should be reduced to the fact that you give the baby basic support in the form of your unconditional love and support. Then a cheerful optimist will grow and develop in your family, confident that you can find a way out even in the most difficult situations.

The task of good parents is to serve, to feel his potential, and most importantly, not to interfere with the natural dynamics and not to break the growing personality.

Here you need to take into account such an important thing as the atmosphere in the family. It so happens that partners, more often a woman, wanting to get a man to fully participate in raising a child, goes to manipulation. And the victim of this manipulation, first of all, is an absolutely bright, innocent kid.

When a couple lives in harmony and harmony, their relationship with the child is built on trust, attention and care, but in no way develops into painful attachment or a sense of ownership. "This is my baby" - and I will decide where he will be on the weekend. "I am a mother and I have the right to do so." Such or similar phrases can often be heard in families in which partners, instead of helping each other, compete with each other. Without noticing it, they demonstrate their own emotional deficit, lack of love, and transfer it to the child. Distribute correctly.

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What can please a mother at the 8th month of a baby's life

You gradually move from to blended, wholesome foods. This means that, on the one hand, you have more worries related to cooking, and on the other, more freedom to go about your business, "without being distracted by your chest." It is very important that the feeding process is enjoyable for all family members, and for the baby without fail. Sit him down at the table so that he sees you completely, communicates with you, sees all actions and movements. The quickness and deliberate "adulthood" of a child can cheer you up during every meal. The main thing is to learn not to pay attention to the fact that most of the cooked food will end up on the table. Treat it not as a mess, but as the natural process of growing up a little fidget.

During this period, you may begin to feel the full impact of the baby. He does not just follow you backward, he answers your requests, shows affection, gives sincere, sometimes shy looks, charming smiles.

Perhaps you have noticed that it is the mother's face that arouses increased interest in the child. The child looks into her mother's eyes while feeding, playing, walking, trying to unravel her thoughts and mood. Looking at you, the baby spreads into a satisfied smile, “buries itself” in your clothes, bridges over your chest, expecting the same endless, all-embracing love. This is an important moment in the psychological maturation of a child, his socialization, feeling his feelings and emotions.

Enjoy the moments when you belong together, get really carried away with games and common activities. Do not waste your energy and nerves waiting for the child to grow up and become more independent, this time will surely come, but only these fragile moments of his strong connection with you will surely miss you.

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Something about dad

At a time when a woman is completely immersed in her motherhood in her thoughts and deeds, and often "drowns" in everyday problems, the help of the young dad can hardly be overestimated. This is important for several reasons.

• First, the father gives the baby completely different sensations, demonstrates a different model of behavior. His hands are stronger, his movements are more confident, he speaks in a different voice, sometimes in a funny tone, offers unusual games and activities.
• Secondly, dad helps the child to learn the joy of cooperation, he more often than the mother allows the child to participate in adult affairs, teaches him mutual assistance.
• Thirdly, it is a responsible, mature man who stands up to protect the privacy of mother and child. He "covers the rear" when the woman feeds or puts the baby to bed. He opens doors for guests, answers calls, turns off bright lights, closes curtains, etc.
• Fourth, the dad encourages the child's natural desire for independence and protects him from excessive attachment to the mother.
• Fifth, it is the dad who sees his wife every day and notices all the changes in her condition. If he observes the symptoms seen in the previous article about, then this may mean that the wife literally “does not have enough impressions” to live a normal life.

Therefore, dad, as an observer of the state of his wife, needs to take action on time. Measures are precisely in concrete actions.

From a man, as from a potential protector, strength and support will be required. Help your wife start doing what she wants. Most likely, you will need a "shoulder" (crying in the evening, which is so hard), time and energy (substitute with the child, take on something specific from household chores.

Often, by the way, it happens that dad, having taken on some affairs that his wife had previously performed, does it perfectly, and also brings new solutions to this activity. If he “completely squeezes in time” to go shopping, then dad will perfectly arrange the supply to the house via the Internet. If the process of washing dishes "gets enough", then it is the dad who will initiate the purchase of the dishwasher. Or offer to negotiate periodic cleaning with someone.

There is an important note for young mothers, or rather, a huge request! Be sure to monitor your reactions to these suggestions and innovations. Remember that this initiative is good, not bad. This is participation in the life of the family - not an attempt to throw off responsibilities. If you really need help, then take it in a form convenient for your husband. You asked him not so that “he was in your skin” or “let him suffer like me”? Everything, he understood everything (that you alone coped with this horror) and is ready to solve the problems that have arisen. And that's great. Therefore, even if you really, really want to say something, such as: "when I toiled with the dishes all these years, no one offered me a dishwasher, but you did not last long ...", - please, for the sake of your own comfort and well-being, keep these comments to yourself.

A seemingly opposite picture can be observed. The wife speaks with irony, even evil, of those who are realized professionally. She notices the slightest "bad" consequences of this on someone else's child or in someone else's family as a whole. You can hear from her such things as: "Well, she went to work, and the child is all in diathesis ...", or: "She's working, and the child fell down the hill with the nanny today."

It is very important to understand how the mechanism of the so-called "devaluation" of the desired works. If a person (no matter, man or woman) cannot, for some reason, get what he wants, then one of the ways to protect himself from the “gnawing feeling” is a complete devaluation of what he wants.

The wife could quickly, without asking her husband, without weighing all the possibilities, think that she would like to work. But then she told herself that it was impossible now. She could somehow hint about this to her husband (but so that he did not understand what exactly it was about), just to see his attitude to this issue. And if the husband, for example, was categorical in his opinion: like: "good mothers do not run away from their children to work", then that's it - the process of "impossibility of the desired" has been launched.

Now a woman has a choice, or to continue to achieve her goal, and to take concrete steps towards this, talk, negotiate, find options. Or you can decide for yourself that this is bad, and everyone who does this is bad. And I assure you, it is guaranteed that you can find confirmation of your thoughts in other people's children and families. After all, a person always sees what he really wants to see.

Devaluation of the desired is a very unhelpful process for any person. At the same time, a person simply closes himself off from everything that is associated with the desired, from both good and bad.

As usual, this has already been written more than once - the best remedy for such situations is open partnerships in a pair, conversations and agreements. If in a couple it is customary to talk about their feelings, then the mother will not have to give up her desires and devalue them. As soon as she feels “longing for work,” she will tell her husband about it, and the two of them will find a solution that suits everyone.

If you, as a husband, see your wife at the stage when all working women with children are a priori "bad mothers", then you need, again by talking, to bring the woman out of this state. You can directly offer to complete some kind of work project, and explain that you will support her in this, and tell how exactly. Men are usually very strong at figuring out how to do things. You need to give your wife time and space to do it. Provide help and support with the child (so she doesn't worry and can focus on work). Organize support and approval of the “circle of acquaintances and relatives”. So that they either support your decision, or keep their statements about the "bad mother" to themselves.

Talk to your wife about how she, being a great mother, is still not God and does not rule the world. And anything can happen in her presence, and in the presence of a nanny or grandmother. Children fall, children get sick - this is a normal growth process. Otherwise, you would have to "put cotton on the baby" and keep in a sterile room.

The article was written jointly with a practicing psychologist Valeria Onisko.