Signs you can identify shy children. Shy child. How to deal with shyness in a child

Shyness in preschool children is a child’s internal position if he pays too much attention to the opinions of other people. The child becomes overly sensitive to the judgment of people around him. Hence the desire to protect himself from people and situations that potentially threaten criticism about his appearance or behavior. As a result, the child tries to stay in the shadows and avoid relationships that may attract unnecessary attention to his personality.

Embarrassment can be regarded as a voluntary deprivation of one's freedom. It is similar to a prison when prisoners are deprived of the right to freedom of speech, freedom of communication, etc. Most people experience embarrassment in one way or another. It is a certain natural protective device that allows you to evaluate possible consequences of this or that act before it is committed. Shyness in children usually goes along with low self-esteem. Even without considering the fact that shy children are able to evaluate a number of their qualities or abilities, they are generally extremely self-critical. One of the reasons for low self-esteem is too high demands on oneself. They always fall a little short of the level they demand of themselves.

An ideal relationship between parents and children should develop individuality and strong confidence in their own importance in preschool children. When love is not given freely, if it is offered in exchange for something, for example, “correct” behavior, then the child will suppress his own “I” and self-esteem with every action. The message of such a relationship with a child is obvious: you are only as good as your achievements, and you will never jump over your head. This is how feelings of love, approval and recognition are made into consumer goods that can be traded in exchange for “good behavior.” And the worst thing is that with the most minor offense you can lose them. But an insecure, shy person perceives this order of things as absolutely normal: he supposedly does not deserve better. Whereas a person who is given unconditional love, even after several failures, does not lose faith in his primary value.

Some teachers believe that shyness is genetically determined. Already in the first weeks of life, children differ emotionally from each other: some cry more, are more prone to mood swings. In addition to all this, children initially tend to differ in temperament and need for contact. Later, these characteristics can germinate and develop into stable patterns of behavior. Children with an unusually sensitive nervous system take everything to heart. Accordingly, an extremely cautious approach to everything and a constant readiness to retreat is developed.

The acquisition of social experience allows the full formation of a number of genetically determined behavior patterns. Children who love to smile are more likely to smile back. They are more often carried in their arms than is done with gloomy or calm children. There are many underlying reasons for the development of shyness, stemming from childhood emotions, as well as from how these emotions are perceived by a particular individual. If parents do not know how to teach their children to be sociable by example, the children will most likely grow up shy.

The study found that the country with the highest prevalence of shyness among preschool children is Japan, where 60% of respondents consider themselves shy. The feeling of shame is usually used to correct the behavior of individuals in accordance with generally accepted norms of behavior. The Japanese grow up deeply convinced that they have no right to discredit their family even a little. In Japan, the entire burden of responsibility for failures falls solely on the shoulders of the child himself, but parents, teachers, and coaches are thanked for successes.

Such a value system suppresses the inclinations of entrepreneurship and initiative in a person. In Israel, for example, children are raised in a completely opposite way. Any achievements are attributed solely to the child’s abilities, while failures are blamed on incorrect upbringing, ineffective education, injustice, etc. In other words, action is rewarded and incentivized, and failure is not severely punished. Israeli children lose nothing as a result of failure, but receive a reward as a result of success. So why not try it? Japanese children, on the contrary, have nothing to gain, but they can lose a lot. Therefore, they always doubt and try not to take risks.

There are many reasons that cause the occurrence of embarrassment and shyness, and there are also many specific circumstances that cause embarrassment as a reaction to a specific situation. Below is a list of categories of people and situations that may cause such a reaction.

People who make you shy:

  • 1. Strangers
  • 2. Authoritative individuals (through their knowledge)
  • 3. Members of the opposite sex
  • 4. Authoritative individuals (through their position)
  • 5. Relatives and foreigners
  • 6. Older people
  • 7. Friends
  • 8. Parents
  • 9. Siblings (most rare)

Most often, shyness in preschool children is caused by people who differ from them in certain parameters, have power, and control the flow of necessary resources. Or these are people who are so close that they can afford to criticize them.

Circumstances that cause shyness:

  • - Being the center of attention of a large group of people, for example speaking at a matinee;
  • - Lower status than others;
  • - Situations that require self-confidence;
  • - New circumstances;
  • - Situations requiring assessment;
  • - Weakness, need for help;
  • - Being alone with a person of the opposite sex
  • - Being the center of attention of a small group of people.

Shy children are always very worried when they are forced to perform some actions in unfamiliar circumstances, where there are critical statements from other people who are overly demanding and influential.

How to help a shy child?

Psychologists talk about three main “parental” behavior patterns. They are described as follows:

  • - an example of a liberal model - a child receives as much freedom as he is able to accept;
  • - an example of an authoritarian model - the child’s freedom is limited, the main advantage is obedience;
  • - an example of an authoritative model - there is complete control of the child’s activities on the part of the parents, but only within a reasonable and constructive framework.

Research results show that the authoritative model is desirable and most effective. It helps to develop self-confidence in preschool children, which means it is most effective in curing childhood shyness. Despite general opinion, the application of very clear liberalism in education does not develop self-confidence. Liberal parents often show inattention to the child; they do not consider it necessary to develop the main lines of his behavior. They often “sin” with inconsistency in their upbringing, because of this, children may have the feeling that their parents are not interested in their feelings and problems, that their parents do not need them at all.

The other extreme concerns the authoritarian parenting model. Parents who choose this model also pay little attention to their children when it comes to unconditional love and care. They are limited only to satisfying all physical needs. They are primarily concerned with aspects of parenting such as guidance and discipline, but they do not care at all about the emotional health of preschool children. Authoritarian parents care about the impression their children make on the people around them. For them, this is even more important than family relationships. They are absolutely sure that they are shaping the child into a “real person”, not realizing that they are coming to the opposite.

The peculiarity of the authoritative model of upbringing is that, on the one hand, there is the presence of parental control, but on the other hand, the child develops as an individual. Such parents have a clear idea of ​​what the child is capable of; they often have confidential conversations with the child and listen to what the child responds. Such parents are not afraid to change the rules of the game when a new circumstance forces them to act differently.

Before moving on to a description of how to combat shyness in preschool children and raise an open, emotionally receptive and at the same time not shy child, I would like to note one nuance. Educators are forced to change themselves first. They may be required to completely change the atmosphere in the kindergarten so that it does not contribute to the development of shyness in the child.

Just as the connection between shyness and uncertainty is obvious, it is also impossible not to notice the dependence on touch for a sense of security and calm.

You need to take seriously the words of psychologists who believe that if you are not happy with a child’s behavior, you must make it clear to him that you are outraged not by the child himself, but by his actions. In other words, it is important for a child to know that he is loved, and this love does not depend on anything, it is constant and unchanging, that is, unconditional.

Excessive discipline can affect the development of shyness in preschool children through the following reasons:

Discipline is often based on the child's initial wrongness, on the assertion that he must change. This leads to a decrease in self-esteem.

The frightening authority of parents can develop into a serious complex in which the child will feel fear of any authority figures. Embarrassment in this case is not a manifestation of reverence, it is a manifestation of fear of authority.

The basic concept of discipline is control. Overcontrolled children grow up fearing that they will lose control or that they will be forced to control a difficult situation.

The object of discipline is the person, not the circumstances. And very often the reason for behavior is in the environment or behavior of other people. Before punishing a child, be sure to ask why he violated one of your rules.

Discipline should not be public. Respect your child's dignity. Public reprimands and the shame that the child experiences can increase his shyness. Try to notice not only your child’s misdeeds, but also celebrate good behavior.

Only by your example can you teach children to be sympathetic. Let them look for the cause of failure primarily in circumstances, and not in the people around them. Talk about why a person does certain reckless things, or what might have caused their behavior to change.

Whenever you feel like saying something unpleasant to your child, remember the strong connection between a child's self-esteem and shyness. This can help you overcome impulses. It is important for a child to evaluate himself positively.

Teach your child to trust people more. For this, it is important for parents to have the closest possible relationship with their child. Let him know that you love him and appreciate him for who he is. And that there are other people who can also appreciate and respect him if he gets close to them. Of course, there will always be those who deceive or betray, but, firstly, there are fewer of them, and secondly, sooner or later they will be brought to light.

Try to reduce the time you spend apart from your child and always warn him if you can give him attention. Even a minute of warm and respectful conversation with a child is much more important than a whole day when you sat next to them, but were busy with your own affairs.

Ekaterina Artamoshkina
The problem of shyness in preschool children

The problem of shyness in preschool children(along with problem of fear, aggressiveness, etc.) is quite serious, because it can have a significant impact on the further development of the child and his socialization.

Preschool age is a period of intense mental development, manifestations mental neoplasms, the formation of important personality traits of the child. This is the period of initial formation of those qualities that a person needs throughout his entire life. Therefore, help the child overcome shyness, to create in him a desire to communicate is the common task of teachers and parents. This problem is solvable, but it must be done while the child is still small. IN preschool age not only those mental features are formed children, which determine the general nature of the child’s behavior, his attitude towards everything around him, but also those that represent "backlog" for the future.

The older you get shy child, the more firmly he develops a certain style of behavior, he begins to be aware of this "disadvantage". Awareness of your shyness Not only does it not help, but it prevents us from overcoming it. The child is unable to overcome his shyness, because he no longer believes in his own strength, and the fact that he fixes attention on the characteristics of his character and behavior further fetters him and prevents him from overcoming his experiences and difficulties.

Psychologists identify the following sources shyness:

Fear of people (main source shyness) ;

Representation shy child about himself;

Birth order (seniority);

Sensitivity to Shyness of parents and children towards each other;

Inheritance shyness.

But, as you know, the foundation shyness, of course, is laid down in childhood. Its appearance largely depends on the upbringing of parents, educational institutions and social environment. Manifestation shyness is very diverse: from physiological manifestations to internal conflicts and disturbances in thought processes.

Shy a child is a child who, on the one hand, treats other people kindly, strives to communicate with them, and on the other hand, does not dare to express his communicative needs, which leads to a violation of consistency in interaction. The reason for such violations lies in the special ambivalent nature of the relationship shy child to himself. He has high general self-esteem, considers himself the best and at the same time doubts the positive attitude of other people, especially strangers, towards himself. Therefore, in communicating with them shyness appears most clearly.

Attitude towards yourself shy preschool children characterized by a high degree of reflexivity, fixation on one’s personality in any type of interaction. Shy the child acutely experiences his I. The peculiarity of his personality is such that everything he does is passed through the core of the image, in which "lives" another questioning the high value of his personality. Anxiety about one’s self often obscures the content of both joint activities and communication. Such children meager play activity, since even the simplest everyday task is insoluble for them - approaching another, asking for a toy, agreeing to play together.

U shy child's special structure of need-motivational spheres: personal motives always act as the main ones for him, overshadowing both cognitive and business ones, which prevents the development of behavior adequate to different forms of communication. In communication with close people, where the nature of the attitude of adults is clear and familiar to the child, the personal factor goes into the shadows, and in communication with strangers it clearly comes to the fore, provoking defensive forms of behavior that can manifest themselves in "withdrawal" and sometimes in acceptance "masks of indifference".

Sometimes shy a child may be called closed, considering these concepts to be the same, but there is a difference between them.

A withdrawn child has no motive to communicate, he has no desire (motive) communicate with people, no communication skills.

Shy the child most often has a motive, a desire to communicate, but either does not have the means and skills to communicate, or cannot for some reason (low self-esteem, fear of punishment, etc.).

To date, various programs have been developed aimed at correcting shyness in children. Currently, the so-called “method of sensory integration in dialogue”, which was proposed and used by the German occupational therapist W. Kiesling.

Under the concept "sensory integration" she understands the interaction of all senses. In working with shy children, U. Kisling actually uses the andropedagogical model of cooperation, in which the child, parent and teacher are kind of sides of an equilateral triangle.

In Russia, the creators of programs aimed at overcoming shyness in preschool age, unanimously believe that overcoming shyness in children of this age, first of all, is associated with the behavior of teachers and psychologists. In this regard, teachers are recommended to constantly reinforce the child’s sense of self-confidence and strength; involve in the execution of various tasks related to communication; expand your circle of acquaintances; give the child a certain (within reason) freedom of action. The psychologist is obliged to identify the causes of this condition; refer the child if necessary (if obvious pathology is detected) to relevant specialists; create an environment favorable for him.

In addition, when working with children preschool age It is recommended to actively use the game. Analysis of existing programs of correctional classes made it possible to identify several groups of games and play exercises aimed at overcoming shyness in preschoolers. Among them are games and gaming exercises aimed at mastering paralinguistic, non- speech means communication, verbal means, methods of expressing one’s emotions and recognizing the emotional reactions of other people (children and adults) ; reduction of psycho-emotional stress; development of skills of benevolent attitude towards each other.

At the same time, games and game exercises of each group can be divided into two categories by gestures. The first group includes games and game exercises, the content of which does not regulate their time duration and pace of game actions. children. For example: a game "Witch"(the game is described by N.V. Klyueva, Yu.V. Kasatkina in the collection "We teach children communication» )

Content. The sorcerer casts a spell children like that, what are they "lose" ability to speak. The child answers all questions with gestures. With the help of questions, he tries to tell the story of how he was bewitched. Index finger shows the direction and objects, the size and shape of objects, using gestures that characterize them, shows the mood of the wizard and his state at the moment of witchcraft. Other children tell in words what he shows.

Game exercise "Different gaits"(proposed by V. Levy and described by L. Stroganova in the article “How "disenchant" shy»)

In the second category we include games and game exercises, the content of which strictly regulates their time duration and pace of game actions. For example, the game "Live Illustration".

Games that regulate the time required to complete game tasks are more difficult to master, but practice shows that children preschoolers love these games, especially musical ones. This is despite the fact that in a music game, music is the main thing « actor» , which determines the character, tempo, rhythm, dynamics of reactions and movements of the participants in the game.

Many scientists recognize that music, as an art form, influences the biological essence of a person (V. M. Bekhterev, N. A. Bernstein, V. Levi, etc.). I.M. Sechenov also pointed out the relationship between auditory and mental sensations. B. M. Teplov clarified: the perception of music is accompanied by certain motor reactions.

Thus, music, bypassing consciousness, is capable of causing certain human reactions. The presence of these reactions, as well as their stimulation from the outside (in the form of praise from parents or other people) are factors that encourage the body to develop cognitive and communicative activities both internally and externally.

In mastering the musical game preschoolers A special role belongs to the teacher who organizes this process. The teacher identifies the level of preparedness (musical development) child to this or that musical game, conducts and learns it with the children.

When offering a child a new musical game, the teacher should know several options for its implementation. (easy and more difficult). Of course, you need to start with the easier ones. The learned game must be performed in class for quite a long time. Repeating a learned game not only entertains the child, but contributes to the development and formation of various skills and abilities (including cognitive and communicative). Each version of the musical game represents a certain level of development.

Music game "Compliment". Children stand in a circle, sing the first verse of the song, making the necessary movements. Then one of children makes a compliment next to you standing child, the latter thanks him for it. The music sounds again, a song is sung, and the child who has just received a compliment gives it to the person standing next to him, and so on in a circle. (other game options are possible).

IN correctional classes With shy children should use music not only as a background or a means to relieve psycho-emotional stress preschoolers. A musical game can be a means of engagement shy child into the communicative process, which means music games should take their rightful place in correctional programs aimed at overcoming shyness in preschoolers.

Bibliography:

1. Shyness(what is it and how to deal with it)/ F. Zimbardo. – St. Petersburg: Peter Press, 1996. – 256 p.

2. Popular psychology: Reader / V.V. Mironenko. – M.: Education, 1990. – 253 p.

3. Workshop for child psychologist– Ed. 5th. / G. A. Shirokova, E. G. Zhadko. – Rostov n/ D: Phoenix, 2007. – 314 p.

4. Psychological problems of preschool children / E. E. Alekseeva. – St. Petersburg: Rech, 2007. – 224 p.

5. Psychologist’s work with shy children / L. I. Kataeva. – M.: Knigolyub, 2005 -156 p. 7.

The article “Shy Child” will open up new aspects of raising children, which will force parents to look at the problem of shyness differently and introduce it to its main symptoms and signs. He will also tell you what shyness is fraught with in a child, and what ways you can get rid of it.

Many parents find that when guests come to them, the child quickly hides in his room and categorically refuses to go out to see the guests. Lily, for example, at a matinee in kindergarten, the baby refuses to recite a poem that he recited with expression and without hesitation at home. He begins to hide behind mom or dad and tries to climb into his arms.

Adults often react very sharply to such behavior. And the child, in turn, withdraws into himself even more. Yes, this is not surprising, because it is in such situations that your baby can receive serious psychological trauma, which will respond in the future. It is worth understanding that almost all preschool children have one degree or another of shyness.

When a child is shy, he suffers not only mentally, but also physically. The baby begins to feel unwell, the heartbeat and pulse quicken, sweating increases significantly, and even the stomach begins to rage. However, this symptomatology is temporary and occurs at certain moments of strong emotional experiences.

In 15-20% of cases, children suffering from shyness have inexplicable fears of confined spaces, darkness and loneliness. They, as a rule, are constrained, feel insecure in the company of people they don’t know very well, are not talkative, and are withdrawn.

A shy child can be very easily identified by the following signs:

  • instant redness of the face;
  • shiver;
  • increased sweating;
  • slight shortness of breath;
  • stooped body;
  • eyes look at the floor;
  • the voice is very quiet.

Shyness leaves an indelible mark on all aspects human life. However, this can be prevented if parents notice the problem in time and seek help from specialists.

Causes of shyness

Psychologists confidently claim that the main causes of shyness include genetic and general ones.

Natural reasons

1. Shy mother

After conducting a series of studies and experiments, psychologists came to the conclusion that in the period from 18 to 24 months, a child’s shyness directly depends on the mother’s shyness, her secrecy and isolation.

2. Introversion

All people are initially divided into 2 types: those for whom the most important events in life, external ones (people around, other people’s opinions, etc.) and those for whom the basis of everything is the inner world, internal experiences. This is inherent in each of us by nature. So, it is those who put their inner world first that are most prone to shyness.

3. Biologically embedded sensory nervous system

Yes, because it is precisely this, the sensitive nervous system, that helps a person avoid conflicts and situations that pose a danger to life. Such children are not sociable, not verbose and withdrawn into themselves.

Common causes of shyness

1. Excessive parental love and care

Often parents try to protect and protect their child always and everywhere. As a result, the child becomes unsure of himself and his abilities - he becomes shy.

2. Different views on education among parents

As a rule, this happens like this: the father, for example, believes that the child should be rewarded for a certain act or behavior, but for the mother such behavior is unacceptable and she begins to scold the baby. As a result, your child begins to get confused, the sense of security disappears, he does not know what behavior he should adhere to, and this contributes to the child becoming withdrawn.

3. Complete lack of parental support

Most likely, without the active participation of parents in the child’s life, without advice, support, warmth and love, he will develop shyness. It is important for a child to know that he is loved, understood and supported.

4. Criticism and misunderstanding from peers

Not all children can find mutual language behind short time with a new team. It is during this period, as practice shows, that shyness manifests itself most clearly - during the period of joining a new unfamiliar group (kindergarten, school). The guys take criticism from their peers very seriously. They begin to feel uncomfortable and shy. Try to talk as best you can with your child, explain to him how to behave.

When Shyness Becomes a Problem

Not every child feels any discomfort due to his shyness. However, for some kids this can become a serious problem, which will be their companion throughout the rest of their lives. It should be noted that sometimes shyness can be just age-related feature during the period of personality formation and goes away on its own over time.

Shy guys, according to psychologists, are haunted by the feeling that the whole world around them is constantly watching them. Often this feeling arises due to low self-esteem, which is common to all shy and shy people. They are fixated on the inner world, constantly worrying about how others will react to certain actions or actions.

Shy guys do not tolerate criticism very well, they are sensitive to the obstacles that arise and painfully suffer defeats.

Shyness contributes to the fact that the child becomes withdrawn, uncommunicative, and unsure of his abilities. All this forces them to remain tense every minute, and this in turn affects the nervous system, mood, and general well-being.

Over time, negative emotions accumulate like a snowball and can even affect the child’s behavior. Guys suffering from shyness spend their energy on self-criticism and other worries instead of directing it towards their development.

In kindergarten and at school, it is a million times more difficult for shy children than for their peers who do not have this problem. It is precisely because they simply do not know how or are afraid to make contact with other children that shy children suffer from loneliness, they can even conflict with more active children. They do not participate in the life of the team, do not perform at events, which leads them to complete isolation in society.

As a rule, a shy child considers himself not as beautiful, smart, dexterous, or brave as another child. This also leaves an imprint on the child’s psyche.

As practice shows, shy people almost always consciously deprive themselves of positive experiences, joyful emotions– do not participate in entertainment events, do not attend any additional classes, in which they show strong interest. And the main reason for this is simply embarrassment, the fear of being misunderstood.

For example, a little girl can dance for hours at home, but she is afraid to go to a dance club, because she does not want to seem unskillful or unskillful - in the end, she does not tell her parents about her dream and does not develop further in the right direction.

The main problem of shy guys is that they involuntarily obey someone else’s will, someone else’s opinion, while ignoring their own, considering it initially incorrect. Such children are very easy to manipulate.

Often they can fall under the bad influence of morally stronger children. Very often, if a child chose a similar behavior rule in childhood, it will not be much different in adulthood. He simply will not be able to make decisions on his own, to make certain choices. And this will apply to all vital aspects of life.

Child psychologists focus on this aspect: negative emotions, dissatisfaction with oneself, which have been accumulating for years, can unexpectedly spill out in the form aggressive behavior or violence.

If in cheerful and active children anger can arise as a result of not knowing how to properly control their feelings, then in shy children, on the contrary, the ability to clearly and always control their emotions is the main reason for aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, there are many known cases where it is quiet, unsociable and modest children, and often even teenagers, who commit extremely cruel and inexplicable crimes.

How to overcome shyness

If you notice even the slightest signs of shyness in your child, do not put it off until later, try to immediately respond to the situation, make every effort to prevent future difficulties. There are a number of not complicated, but at the same time very effective and effective methods prevention of shyness in children.

1. Observe the child for some time. Pay attention to whether shyness causes him any inconvenience or discomfort.

Give your child a little freedom and independence. Allow him to make his own decisions if you see that he has problems with this. You can push him a little, but don't solve them yourself.

2. Try to understand your child, find the cause of shyness and, if possible, eliminate it.

Spend as much time as possible with your child, talk to him, find out what is happening to him. Perhaps the cause of embarrassment is tension in communication with peers, or the problem is buried much deeper. Help your child find himself - offer to go to a sports or dance class, help him build relationships with friends, finally praise him, talk about his uniqueness and originality. If a child feels the support and love of his parents, there is a 90% chance that the situation will change for the better.

3. Be patient - the fight against shyness will take more than a single day.

Don’t rush things, let your child get used to the new team or to some changes in his life. If you see that a child seems to want to play with unfamiliar children, but is afraid to approach and talk to them, don’t put pressure on him, let him get used to it a little, and watch. And only after a while, if he doesn’t come up on his own, try to invite him to do it as a game, push him a little.

4. Do not show your child by your behavior that you are concerned about a problem that concerns him.

Remember that your strong emotions, experiences, worries will be 100% passed on to your children and this can aggravate the situation, adding unnecessary worry and negativity. Just communicate with your children, give various life examples from personal experience– the child should know that he is not alone.

Remember that there are no situations in life from which there is no way out. The future life of a child depends entirely on the parents, on their behavior, upbringing, and on their participation in the child’s life.

Shyness in Children - My Shy Baby!

09.04.2015

Snezhana Ivanova

Very often, parents experience quite serious concerns about their child’s shyness...

Very often, parents experience quite serious concerns about their child’s shyness. Ignorance of child psychology and, at the same time, a strong desire to help your child can lead to fussy, wrong decisions that will not bring benefit, but only irreparable harm.

Child psychologists believe that shyness may be not so much a hereditary character trait as an acquired one. Many psychoanalysts believe that a baby can become shy as a result of deep psychological trauma that was acquired in unsuccessful moments of communication.

However, not all children who look bashful and shy are so. In some cases, completely different reasons are hidden behind external manifestations that make it possible to give such a characteristic to a child. For example, an uncommunicative baby does not need the help of others and at the same time feels very comfortable. The desire to be a leader in a children's company with a lack of leadership qualities can also cause a refusal to communicate. Some children (especially those who are spoiled by increased attention from adults in the family) are too capricious, arrogant and require increased attention to themselves. Wanting to show his power over others, the child demonstrates his willfulness: “I don’t want to - and I don’t communicate! And as soon as I want, then look!” And, of course, problems with speech (for example, stuttering) and intelligence (the baby cannot carry on a conversation, has difficulty making acquaintances), insufficient attention from parents to comprehensive development may cause communication difficulties for the child.

How does shyness manifest itself in everyday life?

Let's give some examples. Many parents are well aware of cases when their child, having learned a lesson at home and answering it without hesitation at home, suddenly brings home a unit from school. It turns out that when he comes to the board, he only blushes and for some time unsuccessfully tries to extract something from himself. Classmates begin to joke or make deliberately provocative suggestions, which further confuses the student at the blackboard. As a result, the teacher finds nothing else but to give a bad grade.

A shy child, as a rule, cannot stand up for himself, and therefore is more often than others subject to ridicule, bullying and nagging not only from classmates, but also from children in the yard. Being more capable than his classmates in drawing, music, literature, computer technology and many other areas, due to his inhibitions he is inferior to his more active peers. And here is the result: the child refuses to go to school, meeting new children causes fear and a desire to run away or hide, his immunity is weakened and the body begins to suffer from various diseases. Constant companions of shyness are excessive suspiciousness, isolation, uncertainty in one’s abilities, words, thoughts, timidity, and anxiety. All this negative set over time affects the general mental state and development of the child. If measures are not taken in time, diseases in the form of enuresis or night terrors, as well as various psychosomatic diseases, will not take long to appear.

This is not to say that shyness is more common in girls. About 25% of boys suffer from this unpleasant disease at various stages of their development. However, in boys, to a greater extent than in girls, shyness can be veiled by defiant behavior, rudeness, and hooligan actions. Wanting to receive compensation for their inner constraint and timidity, feeling somewhat inferior in this, such children are often drawn to companies where force, profanity and cheeky behavior become the main tool in communicating not only with peers, but also with adults. As a result, during puberty it is difficult for a teenager to get along with people, find true friends, or meet the girl he likes.

If you notice signs of shyness in your child, you need to consult with experienced psychologists or psychotherapists who will teach him to interact more freely with others.

How can you recognize a shy baby? Signs of Shyness

Not only psychological ones (constant and groundless feelings of guilt, anxiety, embarrassment when communicating, dependence on other people’s opinions, fear, lack of self-confidence), but also external signs will help you with this. The latter include: redness of the skin on the face, sweating of the extremities, rapid pulse, reluctance to look into the eyes, quiet speech, constrained movements, trembling.

The troubles that a child gets from his shyness are transformed into failures and complexes in adult life. What can this result in if you don’t take action in time and don’t turn to specialists?

The consequences of parental passivity in helping their child are very dire. There are several main ones:

  • contacts with people are very limited;
  • communicating with anyone seems like a luxury. This conceals the danger of developing persistent psychological dependence and commitment to communicating with only one person, importunity and rejection, and reluctance to switch to communicating with others;
  • lack of confidence in one’s opinion and the inability to express it, which allows such a person to accept an opinion that is alien to him;
  • self-flagellation and constant feelings of guilt. A shy person assigns himself and his actions as the cause of any trouble, which forces him to engage in soul-searching and self-criticism. As a result of this, instead of doing things and necessary actions, the person suffers and worries;
  • negative emotions constantly accumulate without having a full outlet, and then transform into physical diseases;
  • a shy person does not know how to properly present himself, his abilities and skills, and show his importance. Or he does it using very absurd and unconstructive methods. As a result, he will not be able to realize himself in life, achieve success and reveal his talents.

Thus, psychological problem the child develops into a social problem. At first, the child experiences fear when communicating with strangers, is afraid not only of teachers and the director, but even of his classmates. Later, having become an adult, having aggravated his shyness and not receiving the help of parents and specialists at the right time, he will be afraid of his superiors, representatives of the opposite sex, and will not be able to become prosperous in his personal, family and professional life. And it may well turn out that he will remain doomed to loneliness.

What needs to be changed in your perception so that it will help your child overcome shyness?

Folk wisdom from different countries has enough proverbs and expressions on the topic of attitude towards oneself. A Japanese proverb says: “Whoever does not respect himself will not be respected by others.” American psychologist Louise Hay assures that the child will treat himself in the same way as his parents treat him. He begins to criticize himself, compare himself with others, attribute guilt to himself in the same way as his parents do towards him. In fact, we can say that the child’s life script is written by his parents from a very early age.

And here are the priorities that parents should consider when writing life scenario for your child:

1. Develop a positive self-perception.

The child must be accepted by his parents for who he is, with all his positive and negative qualities. There is no need to openly criticize, let alone compare your child with others. The baby must know that he is an individual, a person, and there is no one like him in the whole wide world! And so that your child has a sense of security in communicating with you, stock up on such a quality as empathy. That is, the ability to have interested sympathy in communicating with a child, empathy and understanding of his problems.

2. Form adequate self-esteem.

It is known that a negative attitude towards oneself, disrespect, and sometimes hatred can even give rise to a loss of meaning in life. You probably won’t find a parent in the whole world who would wish this for their child.

The process of developing positive self-esteem begins with praise, but only for real achievements. Therefore, you need to set goals for your child that he can achieve successfully. In other words, you need to create situations of success more often and praise for independent decisions. But it is not the child himself who needs to be criticized, but his behavior and actions. For example, instead of nervously exclaiming: “What a bad boy!”, you need to change the direction of the criticism by saying calmly and sternly: “You did a very ugly thing! Try to fix it."

Parents interested in developing adequate self-esteem in their child will never allow their child to be mocked and will try to eliminate any visible shortcomings (crooked teeth, skin problems) that may cause a feeling of inferiority.

3. Find strengths in the child’s personality and help him use his strengths.

Self-esteem allows you to find the opportunity to switch from shortcomings to positive personality traits and learn to use this in constructive communication with people. Knowing this, the child will never allow himself to become depressed, because, recognizing his negative qualities, he will compensate for this with knowledge of his merits.

One of the main goals of parents is to raise an independent person, and not an eternal “convenient” child, so you need to allow children to express their disagreement with you and defend their opinion. And besides, it is necessary to allow the right to make a mistake and learn to correct it. That is, take responsibility for your actions.

You should not control every action of your baby, because this can lead to an inability to make decisions, make choices, or establish relationships on their own. Forget that sometimes you want to shame your son or daughter (especially in the presence of strangers), and also don’t be too concerned about the reaction of others to your child’s behavior.

And of course, the best way to prevent shyness is the example of parents in active communication with other people. The family should have quite a lot of contact with adults and children, including common holidays, sports, joint travel, trips to attractions, cafes and other events. All this will show your child, first of all, your skill and pleasure in have a nice chat with people.

Loving parents will always try to do everything possible to ensure that their child gets rid of painful shyness and in this way will open the way for him to a successful and happy future!

Shyness is a fairly common phenomenon among children and adults, which is fraught with many problems. Shy children are often self-absorbed, indecisive, shy in communicating with adults and peers, acutely worried about situations when they find themselves in the center of attention, characterized by particular suspiciousness and anxiety, as a rule, they have high level anxiety. Having analyzed the content of the concept "shyness" , we can conclude that the problem of shyness is one of the pressing problems in psychological and pedagogical science. The main difficulties in a shy child's communication with other people lie in the area of ​​his attitude towards himself and the attitude of other people towards him.

In domestic and foreign psychology, issues of a child’s personal development have always been and continue to be given great attention. And personality, as we know, is formed through communication. The child is in a state of constant interaction with the world. He builds his relationships with the people around him, learns something new from them, imitates them, communicates with them. The level of comfort and, on the contrary, discomfort of a child’s existence in an ever-changing world depends on the ability to find contact not only with adults, but also with peers, and to build interpersonal relationships.

Shyness is one of the most difficult and most common problems of interpersonal relationships, which, naturally, leaves an imprint on personality development. According to researchers - F. Zimbard, L. N. Galiguzova, M. I. Lisina. When studying the phenomenon of shyness, shy people experience many problems in the sphere of communication: it is difficult for them to make acquaintances, it is not easy for them to express their opinions, they experience negative emotions during communication, they are overly reserved, they do not know how to show themselves, they "realize" in the presence of other people, overly focused on oneself.

Shy children tend to behave quietly and calmly, prefer quiet games, often alone. Shy children (mostly girls) They are reluctant to make contact, they are shy, and when in contact with adults they try to avoid making eye contact with the interlocutor. In games and other activities, they usually occupy minor roles or do not take part at all. They show sensitivity to assessments of any kind, stiffness in movements, usually sit quietly and mind their own business. Shy children rarely do anything illegal, are shy, do not show initiative, and are constantly focused on evaluating their actions. As a rule, they show stiffness in a new situation, rarely perform at holidays, when performing they often get lost, forget words, and strive to be invisible in the peer group.

Relationships with other people develop most intensively in preschool age. The first experience of such relationships becomes the foundation on which further personal development is built. How the relationship develops in the group kindergarten the subsequent path of his personal and social development, which means his future fate.

How to help children overcome shyness or mitigate its manifestations? Is it possible to involve overly shy children in the collective activities of their peers and in exciting games? How to do it?

Only adults can help a child cope with unwanted manifestations that constrain his behavior. It should be said that this work requires caution, tact, and of course time. It is very important to show trust and respect to the baby, to instill in him confidence in his own abilities.

Such a child needs to be involved more often in carrying out various tasks. Often the child refuses instructions not because he does not want to carry out, but because he is embarrassed, for example, to go, ask, find out, carry, ask, etc. In this case, the shy child must be introduced to one of the friendly peers or adults. Thus, the children carry out assignments together, but at the same time, the shy child certainly experiences joy from completing the assignment. Shy child paired with a partner in playroom, household, labor activity as if he borrows methods of communication from his partner, is less timid and embarrassed than in a large communication group.

An effective way to introduce a shy child to group activities is to include them in joint activities with younger children. Young children appreciate the attention that older children show to them.

A shy child, older in age, acts as a patron, and this has a beneficial effect on his awareness of his "I" . Finds himself in the position of an elder, teaching and helping, a shy child, not only with a desire to take care of the younger one, but also receives satisfaction from communicating with the baby, but also shows many communication skills - he can start a conversation, play, offer to do something that he cannot demonstrate this in his interactions with peers.

Thus, the main principle that should be followed when working with shy children is a change in position in relation to others, including it in the system of positive relationships in the group.