Stomp along the street, dine in a restaurant, hang out in a nightclub or have barbecue with friends in nature, and suddenly - here it is! - a beauty whom I really want to meet. What do we do? Do not miss the opportunity! Go ahead, let's try to start a conversation.

To start

Before approaching, consider whether the scenario implies a "hot" or "cold" start. "Hot" is applicable to a situation when she noticed you and, as it were, gave a prearranged signal - with an eye-to-eye look, a sexual throwing of her hair, or some kind of shy smile. A cooler option implies the absence of any signs and, perhaps, even complete disregard (well, she just hasn't considered it for you yet!). This scenario may turn out to be more difficult in practice, but where ours did not disappear! If you have not yet found a reliable approach to ladies (here, I must say, you are not alone) - here are several ways to "melt the ice" that can be useful in different situations, when it comes to dating a female.

1. Introduce yourself

This, in fact, goes without saying. She may simply not know about your existence (what if the girl's eyesight is weak?), If you do not inform her yourself. Let's draw an analogy with football: in order to score a ball, it will be safer to fit it closer to the goal than to kick it from two hundred meters. With women, as a rule, it does not work any other way. Therefore, swim up to her as if by chance and introduce yourself. For example: "I am Petya, glad to meet you", "I am Vasya. It seems we were not introduced."

2. Say hello

Don't laugh: for all the obvious, this traditional point is often overlooked. Maybe just because it seems banal. But he is just one of the most effective. Most women will greet you, if only out of courtesy. Their "automatic" reaction, however, is enough to continue communication. In general, such a simple approach, without frills, often allows not only to attract the attention of a stranger, but also to win her favor. Plus, this method is universal for any setting. Just say hello or hello.

3. Ask a question requiring a detailed answer

It would be nice to start the conversation in such a way that it does not end at the first phrase. Therefore, when starting a conversation, it is advisable to ask questions, the answers to which cannot be reduced simply to "Uh-huh" or "Nope." However, an overly complex approach should be avoided. It is dangerous to pose philosophical questions like: "What is your attitude to the globalization of world processes?" Your interlocutor may find this an abstruse mockery. It is better to ask something simpler: “What do you usually do in your leisure time, how do you have fun?” ”What are you going to do next weekend? "

4. Comment on your surroundings

Wherever you stumble upon it, there will always be something around that you can pay attention to. Use this as a talking point to strike up a casual conversation and move smoothly to general topics. This tactic isn't just for evening life. If you noticed attractive woman preoccupied with problems (for example, at the bus stop), say something that will make her forget about her everyday routine. Most likely, she will gladly join the conversation to distract herself from her problematic thoughts. But first make sure she's not too busy before pestering. Time should be chosen as prudently as “loot.” What can you say: “And why do these buses run so rarely ?! but nothing original. Do you know where you can find any unusual gift? "

5. Buy her something to drink or eat.

Whether you are in a bar, restaurant or coffee shop, the classic way to make an acquaintance is to order a glass of some drink for the object you like. The best thing is to ask the waiter to bring her again what she is already drinking. You can, of course, choose a drink to your liking, but there is a danger that you will pass by. Don't forget to attach a note with your phone number. And make sure the waiter explains to the girl where the drink came from. If she responds with a warm, grateful look, after a while you can come up and introduce yourself: “I am the one who had the audacity to send you this glass.” Or start with the question: “I hope it was not too bold on my part?” street, you can just stop in front of a woman and ask: “Are you hungry? I hope you won't mind if I buy you something? " And if she says that she is not hungry, add: "Then maybe just a cup of coffee?"

6. Give a compliment

It's no secret that women love compliments. One "but": if they are true. Most women are always able to tell a sincere compliment from an insincere one. So outright flattery and fake praise probably won't work. But if you manage to give something genuine, your "target" will certainly be flattered. A slender citizen with good forms can say: "What a light walk! You are like a fluttering moth. ”And this suits everyone:“ You have a very sweet smile. ”

7. Make her smile

Squeezing a smile out of her is like making her swallow a small dose of love potion: women are drawn to men who can make them laugh. A good joke can help out even in a deplorable situation. Humor sets a benevolent mood and hints that you are a person with whom you will not be bored. Of course, humor is a very personal thing, but we dare to suggest a couple of phrases. For example: "Have you accidentally seen my grandmother? I lost her somewhere along the way ..." Or "You will not take me home, otherwise I am very afraid of the dark."

8. Go ahead

This approach is for those who are not afraid to be straightforward (like Lieutenant Rzhevsky). Admittedly, it works well at times. A man who does not beat around the bush, but demonstrates self-confidence and makes it clear that he is in control of the situation, often acts endearingly on women. Most likely, she will take your self-confidence as a sign that it is worth talking to you. What to say: “I just thought that if I wondered how to approach you for a long time, you would already leave. So maybe we'll just get to know each other? ”“ Do you mind if we have a little chat with you? To start…"

9. Find out if she is free

After all, you still want to know at some point: is she married or maybe she has a boyfriend. So why not end it right away? Even if you think that you are not afraid of any competition, all the same, by demonstrating your decency, you greatly increase your chances. However, this approach takes courage. Because the answer may not be in your favor. And yet, it is worth trying: asking a stranger if she is free, you immediately let her understand your intentions and get rid of possible misunderstandings in the future. How can you formulate this question? For example, floridly: “Oh, beautiful stranger, before I ask Your name, which is undoubtedly as beautiful as you yourself, I must know: are you legally married? ”Or more simply:“ Can I hope that you are now as free as I am? ”

10. Put pressure on pity

Women are very compassionate creatures. Especially ours, domestic. If somewhere in the West it is useless to appeal to their sympathy with cries that you have no money at all and you have no place to spend the night at all, then it is quite easy to call our people to pity. Of course, you shouldn't immediately whine about her to buy you a drink (she will decide that you are an alcoholic, and they are afraid of it like fire), but coming up with some problem that she could help you solve is a good option for dating. For example: "My wallet has just been stolen and I have nothing to pay for the tram with." If he responds to such a request, it is forever yours. In order not to look like a gigolo, you can come up with a less obligatory phrase: “I'm a little lost here; can you tell me how to get out of this area? ”Remember: if a woman starts helping you, it is psychologically more difficult for her to get rid of you.

If you still think that getting to know a woman is not so easy, we assure you that you will succeed. Throw away your doubts - and go! Of course, from time to time you will receive a "turn from the gate", but this is normal. Don't get hung up on rejection. Do not lose confidence in yourself - and you will meet so many women that you simply will not know where to go from them.

Why can some people easily make acquaintances, while other people are very withdrawn and do not know how to do it? After all, we are all born with the same abilities: we do not know how to walk, speak, meet people, etc. As children, we fully express ourselves and have fun. Some people retain this inner fuse from childhood, while others, under the influence of the environment, lose it. So what can you do about it? How to regain your former self-confidence and learn to communicate with people? We will tell you in the article.

Why is it worth making acquaintances and communicating with people

Do you think the environment influences us strongly? Remember how carefree we were as children and how easy it was to make acquaintances. But then they began to unconsciously learn from others and the media how to behave “correctly”. How much have we changed? 100%, with rare exceptions. The environment has a huge impact on us. As one popular business consultant puts it:

“Show me the 5 people you spend the most time with and I'll tell you how rich you are. ” .

The same applies to health, relationships, educational attainment and other areas of life. Therefore, it is very important to know how to communicate with new people in order to make acquaintances with those who will be useful to you and make your life better.

Of course, you can resist the influence of the environment. Still, the people with whom you spend your time influence and change us more. And that is why you need to choose the environment yourself, and not leave everything to chance.

Why sometimes we have nothing to say

Sometimes the question arises: “How to start communicating with new people if I don’t know what to say to them after“ Hello! ””. We all faced this problem. We want to make a positive impression on a person, but all words and thoughts seem to evaporate. Because of this, we feel uncomfortable and feel somehow “wrong”.

In fact, we always have something to say. It is fears that block your communication skills. Out of fear, we limit the topics we can talk about in order to:

• Don't seem stupid
• Do not offend the interlocutor
• Don't make a negative impression of yourself, etc.

As a result, it turns out that we either can't say anything at all, or we say mediocre questions like "How are you?" or "How was your day?" that don't really mean anything. They are given simply to fill the void.

But let go of those inhibitions and let the conversation go in an unknown direction. Do you know what kind of conversation goes on a straight line? Boring. So just talk about whatever comes into your head. Ask questions and then it is important not to speak yourself, but it is much more important to be able to listen to your interlocutor. Remove all blocks! Even if you accidentally hit your interlocutor, there is always the opportunity to sincerely apologize.

Don't be afraid to take the conversation in your direction.

How to communicate with new people correctly? The way you want it: you can listen to the interlocutor, or you can carry on the conversation yourself. If everything is simple with the first option, then what about the second? What does it mean to have a conversation and how to do it effectively?

Let's talk about it.

Are you interested in listening to people who enthusiastically talk about something? Surely yes. We usually become infected with the enthusiasm and energy that these people radiate when talking about their favorite topics. Even if initially the topic was not too interesting for us.

Therefore, if you want to seize the initiative in the conversation and lead it in your direction, feel free to do it. Unobtrusively translate the conversation in the direction that interests you, and talk about it with enthusiasm.

Where to get topics for an interesting conversation?

Most interesting conversation happens when you do not know at all what you are going to talk about with a person. Because such a conversation is like a roller coaster: it rises sharply up, then flies down, and then sharply turns to the right at great speed. This is not the same as having a boring conversation according to a plan.

But how to communicate with people to make it interesting? Where to get topics for conversation? And how to develop the conversation in an interesting and exciting direction? How to make contact?

1. Look around and find something interesting. Let's say you are at a meeting with a lot of people. At such meetings, there is a huge number of potential interlocutors, so: go to a stranger or to your friend and ask him for what purpose he came here. At the same time, share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

1. Recall fascinating life stories. If you want to be a very interesting conversationalist, memorize some of them. Having worked out the pauses in the right places, changing the intonation, and so on. When you start a conversation, you will worry less.

1. Ask yourself a question: what could I ask the interlocutor. And try to repeat it until you find something interesting. Our brain is designed in such a way that initially it gives the simplest and most obvious solutions, but over time it begins to dig deeper and deeper. By using this question, you will be able to engage in meaningful dialogue.

1. As a last resort, use standard questions: movies, music, sports, etc. These topics can also be turned in an interesting direction.

How to develop a conversation and make it interesting? Listen to the interlocutor and ask about the details of the narration, you can ask clarifying questions. It's all about the details - this is the usual most interesting. Plus, you show the person that you are listening carefully, not just standing in front of them and nodding. The ability to listen and hear your interlocutor will give you a bunch of topics for communication with a new interlocutor.

How to meet strangers

What we talked about above is now a little practice. How to start communicating with people, make acquaintances at work, school, various events or just on the street? How to appear attractive to other people?

There are several rules for this:

• Use not only words, but also voice intonation, facial expressions and body language

Agree, it is much more interesting to communicate with a person who, in the course of a conversation:

• speaks loudly
• changes the intonation of the voice in interesting and significant parts of the story,
• uses his hands to show something
• and openly expresses emotions on the face through facial expressions.

Pay attention to this important skill, it will greatly improve your speech. By applying these simple tips, you will be able to conduct dialogue more lively and interestingly than those who speak monotonously and are in tight poses. With such active people they willingly make acquaintances.

• Smile

Everyone likes to see sincere smiles on the faces of the people around them. Smiling requires you to make an emotional an investment in a conversation, but you'll be rewarded.

Therefore, when making acquaintances, smile more often - this way your appearance will seem more benevolent to others, and they are unlikely to refuse to meet you.

• Communicate with strangers as if you were talking to loved ones

Don't strain yourself when you want to talk to a stranger. Imagine that you have known him for a long time. Do you think this is weird? But put yourself in his place: would you really be pleased if people around you were afraid and nervous when talking to you? Of course not. And the people around you don't want that either.

• Eye contact can help you succeed in conversation.

Make eye contact when talking. Just look away from time to time so it doesn't look weird.

In order to make an acquaintance, you can use a few more reasons:

• discuss the purpose of the meeting (if you are at an event);
• find out how the company is doing,
• what kind of people are there (if you are the first day at work);
• what brought your interlocutor to this educational institution(if at school).

Don't ask yourself the question “How to communicate with people correctly”. It is wrong in itself. After all, there are no prohibitions and correct ways of developing a conversation.

Just be proactive: connect with new people constantly. Then you will have interesting circle communication and you will develop your communication skills.

How to stop being afraid of public opinion

Why can't we make an acquaintance and just chat with a stranger? This can happen during your first day at school or work, when attending an event, or just while walking, if you meet an attractive man or woman you would like to meet.

As soon as we have a desire to go and talk to a person, we are attacked by thoughts like this:

• What if this person refuses to meet me?
• What if I look insecure?
• What if I have nothing to say, etc.

In order to remove these thoughts, you need to know a little psychology of communication. Namely: how to stop being afraid of the opinions of others.

Nobody wants to look insecure, but the problem is that if you think about it all the time, you will look like that.

So what can you do about it?

Go towards your fear and understand that nothing bad will happen to you. No one will beat you for trying to get to know each other, will not remember every day and laugh at the stupidity that you said or anything else.

When you've made enough attempts to get to know each other and realize that the opinions of others mean nothing - and that no one else thinks of you - you will relax and the fears will simply disappear. You will become a confident person and can easily start a conversation with anyone.

Nobody will film your unsuccessful attempts to get to know each other and post them on the Internet. Nobody will tell this to your friends and acquaintances. Because the focus of each person is on himself. You are the center of attention for yourself. And each person is exactly the same center of attention for himself. We are preoccupied with our problems and we do not care about evaluating other people.

“All people think that those around them are appreciated. But this is an illusion: everyone is preoccupied with themselves and does not think about you. ” .

On the one hand, it may seem a little sad that no one cares about you. But look at it the other way: you can do what you want. Meet and chat with new people calmly, if you want. Many people will enjoy your company.

Exercises to Erase Fear of Public Opinion

Your fear of communication is your "monster". Only when you get rid of this “monster” that takes away all the topics of conversation and makes you feel uncomfortable will you start to easily meet new people.

It is important for you to create correct attitude to other people. What exercises will help you with this?

1. While walking down the street, say “Hello” or “Hello” to strangers.

1. If the first exercise is too easy for you - ask people for the time or direction to a certain place.

1. Compliment strangers. You can stop them by saying something like, “Hello! Please stop for a second. I wanted to say that you have a great style! ” ... Then you may wish have a good day and just move on. Remember that you are nothing bad person do not, but on the contrary - you can cheer him up.

If these exercises are uncomfortable for you, then they must be performed. Why? Because, first of all, it will show you that most people are friendly and do not mind chatting with you at all. And secondly, that you are aware of your problem and really want to overcome your fears.

Of course, not everyone will answer. But the problem is usually not you: most people are so immersed in their thoughts that they cannot hear anything around. Or they have no energy at all to answer you.

So don't worry about being ignored. This is the whole point of the exercise - to feel discomfort and understand that nothing bad will happen to you if you talk to strangers. Be a polite and tactful interlocutor, then the maximum that can happen to you is that you will be ignored.

Work on yourself

Constant communication is one of the important components of developing communication skills. But sometimes the problems that make us afraid to communicate can go deeper. Therefore, it is worth working on the following points:

• Accept yourself for who you are. If you can't change dramatically right now, then why bother? Would overconcern help you? Of course not.

Learn to love yourself. The following will help with this:

• praise yourself more often,
• do not give control over your self-esteem to the wrong hands;
• keep a success diary in which you write down each of your victories

By doing this, you will stop obsessing over your mistakes.

• Don't run away from hard work and fear. If you come across something that you don't think you can overcome, just say to yourself: “Yes, it will be difficult, but possible. At least I will try and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll gain communication experience. ”

This is useful if you want to get to know someone, but one of the fears that we described in the previous chapters overtakes you.

• Learn to be patient. You can develop your communication skills endlessly. It's like sharpening a sword: no matter how much you sharpen it, it will never be perfect sharpening.

You should want to develop your communication skills, but at the same time, don't worry about the outcome. Because it will hinder your progress in communication. Just work on yourself and praise for every achievement: a new acquaintance, a completed exercise, an interesting conversation with someone, etc.

• Read more fiction... The more vocabulary you have, the more interesting and competent you will be able to conduct a dialogue. What to read? What you like: you can classics, you can - detectives, or you can - novels.

The main thing is that reading brings you pleasure - it will help you not to stop and learn to communicate with strangers.

• Learn to be fun and open-minded. Why is it so important? Because when approaching people, the main value that you can give is positive emotions. And they can be called if you are an open and cheerful person.

You can share your failures in conversation and laugh at them - this is one of the better ways win over the interlocutor and relax.

Completion

The most important thing to remember about learning how to communicate with people is to try to meet new people. Reading useful material, like this article is just a helper. You need to constantly take action to develop your communication skill.

• keep starting conversations,
• be tactful
• polite
• smile,
• take the initiative
• keep eye contact
• ask questions,
• the main thing is to listen carefully to the interlocutor,
• think about him,
• be relaxed
• move forward and don't expect results.

So forget what other people think of you and learn! Remember, we learn valuable lessons not only from successful attempts, but also from failures. Please share your experience in the comments.

What are the best topics for conversation with a guy? What to talk about on a first date? How to behave in an unfamiliar company? We are ready to tell you about all this. After reading the information, you will not feel embarrassed when the situation develops in such a way that you are left alone with unfamiliar person... Of course, you don't have to start a conversation at all, but more often than not, for some reason, you still need to start it. Let's put aside the embarrassment and try to find topics for communication.

Introduce yourself to an unfamiliar company!

Or ask to introduce you to a stranger (or people). It’s good if it’s a small presentation: “This is Natalya, we go to trainings together” or “My friend works in real estate”. Such representations give a course to the conversation, cause mutual friendliness, especially when interests coincide. Most likely, the topic will be developed, thanks to clarifying questions, both on your part and on the part of the interlocutor.

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Ways to find a topic of conversation

By the way, in the old days, all persons of noble blood knew how to break the awkward silence. This art was taught along with French, dance and etiquette. Now, in a situation where you need to say something, many do not know how to find a topic for conversation. Young people of today are not taught this either at school or at home. Many girls are embarrassed, not knowing what to pick up topics for conversation with a guy. And guys sometimes don't know what to talk about with a girl. But we know several ways.

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1) Find something good in the interlocutor

Look at the person who, by chance or at your request, was next to you. What is he? Find in him what makes him different from others, and notice it to yourself. Perhaps you will not attach any importance to this, but your face will change significantly. The interlocutor will see genuine interest on your part, since this is noticeable even with the naked eye. The most unfriendly interlocutor will feel this and will give you their favor. Don't forget to compliment in return. If it's a woman, you can compliment her clothes or hairstyle. Such a remark will tune in to a positive perception of the environment.

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2) Look for a topic of conversation around you

If you are at a party, you can discuss contests, the number of guests, the mood of the heroes of the occasion. Even if you think out loud about the objects that surround you, it can be a good topic of conversation. If the person you are talking to is a person of the opposite sex, you can ask typical female or male questions. So, a woman can be asked what she thinks about the design of the room. You can talk with a man about automotive topics. In addition, you can offer drinks to the interlocutor to somehow strike up a conversation.

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3) Find common interests

Mayer Rothschild once said the famous phrase: "Who owns information, he owns the world." The statement has not yet lost its relevance. So, if you watch the news before going to a party, you will be aware of the latest current events, which means that you can easily strike up a conversation and support it. Topics related to your city are considered particularly successful. Preparing the streets for any holiday, weather forecast, the arrival of one of the artists or politicians. When such important topics related to their own year, few people remain on the sidelines. Most people immediately jump into conversation. If you find that you are in some way similar to the interlocutor, tell about it. “And I also have a child of the same age as yours”, “It turns out that you and I went to the same school!”, “I also love indoor plants.” Such remarks contribute to the fact that the conversation flows easily and freely, without unnecessary pauses. In addition, new topics of conversation are emerging.

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4) Feel free to ask questions

But avoid questions that require a monosyllabic yes or no answer. Ask the interlocutor where he works, what he enjoys. Psychologists say that all people love to talk about themselves, and therefore willingly make contact. But when asking questions, do not forget about the rules of ethics. So, it is not customary to ask questions that relate to the appearance of the interlocutor, his material support. Don't ask about salary, height, weight, size. Under no circumstances should you criticize the family, friends and loved ones of the person you are talking to if you do not want to make an enemy for yourself.

Talk about abstract topics. But do not be embarrassed if the interlocutor stubbornly continues to play in silence, do not take his coldness personally. Perhaps silence is one of the features of his temperament, or the person is simply not in the mood. In this case, it is better to stop pestering him.

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Non-verbal communication for the sympathy of the interlocutor

It is not difficult to adapt to the gestures and facial expressions to the interlocutor. If you manage to do this, the person will be able to speak openly and confidentially with you. Psychologists identify several non-verbal ways to win over a person and strike up a conversation with him.

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"I look at you like in a mirror"

If you copy the gestures, facial expressions, words of the interlocutor, on a subconscious level you will demonstrate to him that you are comfortable enough next to him. Just imagine that you are a mirror image of your interlocutor. If he put his right foot on his left, do the opposite: put his left foot on the right. This does not attract too much attention, but they are part of non-verbal communication. Psychologists do not recommend copying "protective" gestures (for example, crossing arms over the chest), since the interlocutor may perceive them as hostile.

After a few minutes of communication with his "mirror", the interlocutor willy-nilly will take you "for his". After all, the same postures indicate that people are somewhat similar. The corresponding signal enters the brain, and the person begins to treat the interlocutor friendly.

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"I Hear Our Breath"

Another way to tune in to the "wave" of the interlocutor is to adjust to his breathing. Then communication will become trusting at a subconscious level. You can breathe in time with the interlocutor, having previously observed the rhythm of his breathing. Or you can just swing your leg to the rhythm of the interlocutor's breathing or speak to the beat of his breathing - try to pronounce your phrases as he exhales. To understand the rhythm in which your interlocutor is breathing, observe his chest.

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Best conversation topics with a guy

By the will of fate, you found yourself alone with a person you like. But out of excitement, you cannot utter a word, and there is no need to talk about non-verbal communication. Try to quickly figure out what you already know about this guy and think about what topics he might be interested in. Ask questions (remembering the norms of ethics), talk about yourself (only carefully controlling so that the dialogue with the guy does not turn into a monologue about your life). If you have something in common in life (work, study, hobbies) - great, discuss this aspect. If there is nothing in common, remember these topics, perhaps they will be suitable for the situation:

• music (what performers he likes, why);
• cinema (you can discuss new items);
• sport (what kind of sport he is interested in, whether he is a fan of any football team);
• favorite places in your city;
• work or study (if there is a desire to talk about it);
• Pets.

Try to discuss any topic so that the conversation does not look like an interrogation. It is better to first tell about yourself (I watched such and such a movie last week), and then ask about the guy's attitude to the same events.

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Videos about types of people and the rules of communication with them

Whoever you communicate with, often call the person by name. This disposes the interlocutor to you on an unconscious level. After all, the sounds of your own name are the most pleasant sounds for any person.

Sometimes starting a conversation is not easy. Okay, if it's difficult to start a dialogue with your wife. But what if you can't communicate with an interesting new person at a party?

Maxim Rafstein

It also happens that you need to while away the time before the airship is dispatched, and the only way is to get a casual fellow traveler to talk. Our advice is universal: after all, with their help you can ignite and maintain the flame of dialogue with anyone! So, listen. And then, taking advice on board, and speak it yourself.

01 Leave small talk to losers

Recently, scientists have found that people yawn three times more intensely when the interlocutor tells them that "now and winter is coming." Okay, okay, scientists haven't figured out anything like that yet. But they will probably find out soon. Because small talk on general topics creates in the interlocutor the feeling that, firstly, you are boring, and secondly, you find him boring at the same time. Look for a topic for conversation here and now. For example, if the interlocutor (we have forgotten for a long time about the existence of girls, that is, interlocutors) has a glass with a martini and an olive in his hands, ask: "Do you know that the pits of an olive are an excellent absorbent and prevents early intoxication?"

02 Go on the offensive

Immediately ask for the opinion of the interlocutor on a particular issue. Ask directly: "How do you feel about the introduction to the Duma of a bill banning olives in martinis?" Each person has an opinion on this or that matter. And a person is very flattering when people are interested in this opinion. True, you run the risk of running into not a dialogue, but a monologue, when a person, putting the cocktail aside, pulls out a pile of papers and says: “I've been waiting for this question for a long time! Here I have everything laid out in detail, I'll tell you now ... "

03 Raise the interlocutor

Ask your interlocutor for advice. "Do you think I should put my fifth olive in my martini or four will be enough?" Advice differs from opinion in that you are not just interested in the interlocutor - you ask him to influence your life. And this is already high quality new level trust. The interlocutor should be doubly pleasant. Well, or he will panic from the responsibility that you want to assign to him, and, having spilled a martini, will run out of the room.

04 Do not seek to know everything

Ask simple questions that the other person is happy to answer. There is no need to ask in which regions of Provence giant olives are grown and which dwarf ones. Even if he is competent in this matter (especially if he is competent), he will begin to answer for a long time, tediously and in detail. As a result, most likely, everything will mix into porridge (olive, obviously), and the interlocutor will spend a lot of valuable energy on your conversation. Just ask, "Aren't olives and olives the same thing?" Anyone would be happy to answer such a question.

05 But don't stop there

It’s not surprising that when you ask a question that can be answered “yes” or “no”, you only get “yes” or “no”. So ask for clarification. "Are olives and olives the same thing?" - "Yes". - "How interesting, but why are they different colors?" Agree, this question is harder to answer "yes". And even no. The interlocutor will be forced to communicate with such a pleasant, unobtrusively persistent person like you.

Not everyone loves social talk about anything. In fact, such conversations perform a very useful function: they help to defuse the situation, get out of an awkward situation or start communication in an unfamiliar company, as well as unobtrusively start a conversation and get to know a new interlocutor better.

To be honest, I used to think that the ability to unobtrusively start a conversation is an exclusively innate talent. With these people, in a couple of minutes you feel as if you are talking with an old man. good friend... And I personally know such people - there are not so many of them in my environment.

In addition to them, there are comrades who just as easily start conversations with strangers, but after a minute they become like representatives of a Canadian company trying to sell you another set of knives, dishes or a vacuum cleaner. There is a huge difference between the former and the latter. How to understand that you are too carried away, and how to start a conversation correctly? Here are five simple tips by Celes, author of the Personal Excellence Blog.

1. Ask a question

The easiest and most standard way to start a new conversation, many people use it.

"What do you do?"

This is a great question to start a conversation in countries with, for example Singapore or Hong Kong. People from there are used to identifying themselves with their occupation. If you know that this person loves his job and devotes a lot of time to it, feel free to ask. You will receive a long enough and detailed answer that the conversation does not end after a short phrase and the subsequent awkward pause. Also, the method is well suited for conversation at various conferences, seminars and business events. Then you can ask a huge number of work questions: "How long has he been in this business and has been working in this company?", "Does he like this job?", "What prompted him to join this company?" etc. Questions about clients, travel, career and fun at work - the possibilities are endless.

"What brings you here?"

This question is especially useful for a variety of events, be it a house party or a business meeting. Use the answer to continue the conversation. For example, a phrase like "I'm here to meet new people" means that this person is inclined to communicate and make new acquaintances. Perhaps you can share interesting events that are included in your calendar.

"What did you do today?"

Sometimes the answer to this question is standard and uninteresting. And sometimes they can reveal fascinating details about the other person.

"How was the event (event)?"

If you know where the person has been before, use that for conversation. For example, some of your friends or colleagues recently returned from or attended an interesting conference. Ask him about this event.

"What are you doing this week?"

Since the question is about the future, ask it closer to the end of the conversation, so that you can politely say goodbye.

Remember that you may be asked counter questions, so be prepared to answer them.

2. Compliment

For example, the option that works best in a women's company: “What Nice dress! It sits so nicely on you. Where did you buy it? " and all questions related to accessories, hairstyles and appearance... Start a conversation like “You look great! Did you have a good rest / sat on / started playing sports? " and so on also works well with men.

Compliments regarding the work done will be pleasant to everyone, without exception. They work especially well with open and emotional people.

3. Use surrounding objects as a hook for conversation.

Having met at the conference, say that you liked the speech of a certain speaker, indicate which moments made a pleasant impression and ask the interlocutor what he thinks about it.

Use what is happening around you for conversation, thus creating a comfortable atmosphere. After the ice has melted, you can move on to more personal topics.

Often, a single question or a simple request for help can lead to a long, engaging and rewarding conversation.

Why does it work? Because people like to help. It gives them a sense of importance, a sense that they have done something useful. And admiring responses to answers make them feel like a senior mentor.

These can be questions about work topics. For example, you can say that in this moment are busy with new and would like to know the opinion of a person, since he is an expert in this field.

Even if you don't really need help much, ask for it anyway. The advice given by another person can open up interesting perspectives before you that were previously unseen.

The most interesting thing is that the usually silent and humble person can break his standard behavior and show himself from a completely different side. Some people directly thrive when someone is interested in their hobbies.

5. Tell us something about yourself

What have you been doing in recent months? What new and interesting things have you learned? What goals do you want to achieve in the near future? Tell us about it.

This method is the opposite of method # 1: you yourself take the initiative and share some information about yourself that may be interesting.

It is better to use it if your counterpart is very shy and is unlikely to start the conversation first. Or if the person did not respond to your question or comment. Then you can start by being the first to tell about yourself and be sincere in that way. When the person sees your willingness to evaluate and discuss, they can relax and open up in response.

How do you start a conversation with strangers?