Everyone is well aware that each educational method has its strengths and weaknesses. But how often do we think about what kind of upbringing is really suitable for our child? What will have the most prosperous influence on the little man and help to grow out of him an honest, kind and decent person with strong moral convictions? How can religion influence him and what will this bring to the child in his future?

Positive aspects of religious education

In addition to the expression "about opium", in fairness, it does not hurt to remember one more thing: "If religion is a drug, then atheism can be called a gas chamber." And there is a huge amount of truth in this. What does religious education give a child?

• First of all, such education instills respect.

Your child will learn to respect his family, parents, as well as other relatives and people around him, and if you're lucky, the world around you - nature, animals, as well as those who are different from it.

• Religion instills in the child family values. It is very important. A person who has a family understands all the responsibility for it before God. Divorce is not allowed in many religions.
• A man raised in religion will never be alone. Because he has a God. According to statistics, among religious people, a very low percentage of suicides. Religion forms a sense of belonging of a person to a family, religion, people.
• Religious upbringing gives balance. Daily reading of prayers helps to relax, calm down and forms a healthy optimism and faith in a miracle, which are sorely lacking in modern life.
• Tolerance. The realization that everything in the world is "God's creations", which means that the surrounding people, animals, as well as plants, deserve at least an understanding of their significance before God.
• Chastity- one of the most positive aspects of education in religion. This applies not only to the physical body. In religious education, a lot of attention is paid to chastity and purity of thoughts, which can protect against various manifestations of moral instability and selfishness - “pride”.
• Concept of sin. Children brought up in religion are instilled with moral values ​​from birth, good and bad are very clearly distinguished, the idea is instilled that bad thing always need to answer, at least before God.
• Religion teaches moderation. This applies to all spheres of human life. Moderation and abstinence in food, personal relationships, the absence of manifestations of fanaticism that can lead to terrible trouble.

Negative aspects of religious education

As is known, in any educational method there are negative sides. Are they in religious education? Let's figure it out.

• The parishioners of the church, "God's servants", are called "flock" in church language. That is, speaking differently, led by "sheep", where the leading role is assigned to the priest. And who likes to be a "sheep" and a "slave"? Personally, these comparisons have always jarred me, and I would not want to instill such “humility before God” in my child.
• Religion divides the world into "black" and "white", clearly denoting what sin is. This, of course, will not bring harm, on the contrary, it will help to form moral principles. However, do not forget that the world is multicolored and someday you will have to tell your child about its shades. The main thing is not to break the already established system of values.
• One of the leading religious attitudes is "... we are all under the Almighty ...", as well as: "God will reward, guide and help." This in turn teaches to shift the responsibility for your life to "God", and not to take it upon yourself.
• There are many different myths, legends and “mystical attitudes” unconfirmed by facts that affirm the presence of an invisible God in life, on which almost everything depends. And these truths are considered an axiom and they are not subject to doubt. All other "dissent" is unacceptable. A religion that requires unsubstantiated acceptance of all postulates does not need an inquisitive "flock of slaves" that can question "immutable truths" and will seek their own answers.

So does a child need a religious upbringing? Perhaps it will not hurt, but without fanaticism.

There must be balance in everything, especially in raising children.

I think it would be wise to leave the child alone, but at the same time instill in him moral values ​​​​and cultivate respect for the world around him. And whether it should be mixed with religion or not, let your child decide for himself when he grows up.

What do you think?

MBDOU CRR Kindergarten No. 45 "Rostock"

Completed by: teacher Ryabtseva Oksana Sergeevna, Nakhabino village, 2015

In order to form a full-fledged member of society, able to regulate his emotional life, to develop adequate self-esteem in him, an adult who loves and understands him must constantly be next to the child. It is obvious that such close, and most importantly constant contact is possible only in the family.

The development of the child, his socialization, the transformation into "public man" begins with communication with people close to him.

All further development of the child depends on what place he occupies in the system of human relations, in the system of communication. A smile, like a nod of the head, a word, a gesture or a haughty look, a cry - replace the sensations of some contacts. The lack of emotional contacts always negatively affects the personality of the child. Parental inattention to the feelings and needs of the child hinders his healthy development.

In the first sensations from positive or negative contacts, children begin to catch messages about themselves, about their value. Children's first feelings about themselves remain the most powerful force in their personal development, greatly influencing the psychological attitudes children take and the roles they play. The lack of emotional communication deprives the child of the opportunity to independently navigate the nature of the emotional relationships of others and can lead to fear of communication.

Traditionally, the main institution of education is the family. What a child acquires in the family in childhood, he retains throughout his subsequent life. The importance of the family as an institution of education is due to the fact that the child lives in it for a significant part of his life, and in terms of the duration of his impact on the personality, none of the institutions of education can be compared with the family. It lays the foundations of the child's personality, and by the time he enters school, he is already more than half formed as a person.

The family can act as both positive and negative factor education. The positive impact on the personality of the child is that no one, except for the people closest to him in the family - mother, father, grandmother, grandfather, brother, sister, treats the child better, does not love him and does not care so much about him. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially do as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

The family is a special kind of collective that plays the main, long-term and essential role. Anxious mothers often raise anxious children; ambitious parents often suppress their children so much that this leads to the appearance of an inferiority complex in them; an unrestrained father who loses his temper at the slightest provocation, often, without knowing it, forms a similar type of behavior in his children, etc.

In connection with the special educational role of the family, the question arises of how to do so in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influences of the family on the upbringing of the child. To do this, it is necessary to accurately determine the intra-family socio-psychological factors that have educational value.

The main thing in the upbringing of a small person is the achievement of spiritual unity, the moral connection of parents with a child. In no case should parents let the process of upbringing take its course even at an older age, leave a grown-up child alone with himself.

It is in the family that the child receives the first life experience, makes the first observations and learns how to behave in various situations. It is very important that what we teach a child is supported by concrete examples, so that he sees that in adults theory does not diverge from practice. (If your child sees that his mom and dad, who tell him every day that it’s not good to lie, without noticing it, deviate from this rule, all education can go down the drain.)

Each of the parents sees in their children their continuation, the realization of certain attitudes or ideals. And it's very hard to get away from them.

Conflict situation between parents - different approaches to raising children.

The first task of parents is to find a common solution, to convince each other. If it is necessary to compromise, then it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties be satisfied. When one parent makes a decision, he must remember the position of the second.

The second task is to make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. discussing these issues is better without him.

Children quickly “catch” what was said and quite easily maneuver between parents, achieving momentary benefits. (usually towards laziness, poor study, disobedience, etc.).

Parents, when making a decision, should put in the first place not their own views, but what will be more useful for the child.

In communication, adults and children develop the principles of communication:

1. Adoption of a child, i.e. The child is accepted as he is.
2. empathy (empathy)- an adult looks at the problems through the eyes of a child, accepts his position.
3. Congruence. Assumes an adequate attitude on the part of an adult to what is happening.

Parents can love a child not for something, despite the fact that he is ugly, not smart, neighbors complain about him. The child is accepted as he is. (Unconditional love)

Perhaps parents love him when the child lives up to their expectations. when he studies well and behaves. but if the child does not satisfy those needs, then the child is, as it were, rejected, the attitude changes for the worse. This brings significant difficulties, the child is not sure of his parents, he does not feel the emotional security that should be from infancy. (conditional love)

The child may not be accepted by the parents at all. He is indifferent to them and may even be rejected by them (for example, a family of alcoholics). But maybe in a prosperous family (for example, it was not long-awaited, there were difficult problems, etc.) Parents need not be aware of this. But there are purely subconscious moments (for example, the mother is beautiful, and the girl is ugly and withdrawn. The child annoys her.

Types of family relationships:

In each family, a certain system of education is objectively formed, which is by no means always conscious of it. Here we have in mind the understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and the more or less purposeful application of the methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in relation to the child. 4 tactics of upbringing in the family can be distinguished and 4 types of family relationships that correspond to them, which are both a prerequisite and a result of their occurrence: dictate, guardianship, “non-intervention” and cooperation.

Dictatorship in the family is manifested in the systematic behavior of some members of the family (mostly adults) initiative and self-esteem of its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those who prefer orders and violence to all types of influence face the resistance of the child, who responds to pressure, coercion, threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deceit, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if the resistance turns out to be broken, along with it, many valuable personality traits turn out to be broken: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in oneself and in one's capabilities. The reckless authoritarianism of parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, the systematic deprivation of his right to vote in solving issues related to him - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in the family is a system of relations in which parents, by ensuring the satisfaction of all the needs of the child by their work, protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon themselves. The question of the active formation of personality fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - the satisfaction of the needs of the child and the protection of his difficulties. Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children for a collision with reality outside the home. It is these children who are more unadapted to life in a team. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that gives the greatest number of breakdowns in the transitional age. It is these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, that begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If diktat involves violence, orders, rigid authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties. However, the result largely coincides: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow excluded from resolving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general problems of the family.

The system of interpersonal relations in the family, based on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of the independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by the tactics of "non-intervention". This assumes that two worlds can coexist: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus outlined. Most often, this type of relationship is based on the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type of relationship in the family involves the mediation of interpersonal relationships in the family by common goals and objectives joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the egoistic individualism of the child is overcome. The family, where the leading type of relationship is cooperation, acquires a special quality, becomes a group of a high level of development - a team.

Style plays an important role in building self-esteem. family education values ​​accepted in the family.

3 styles of parenting:

• democratic
• authoritarian
• conniving

With a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. “Consent” style.

In the conniving style, the child is left to himself.

A preschooler sees himself through the eyes of close adults raising him. If the assessments and expectations in the family do not correspond to the age and individual characteristics of the child, his self-image seems distorted.

M.I. Lisina traced the development of the self-awareness of preschoolers depending on the characteristics of family education. Children with an accurate self-image are brought up in families where parents give them a lot of time; positively evaluate their physical and mental data, but do not consider their level of development higher than that of most peers; predict good school performance. These children are often encouraged, but not with gifts; punished mainly by refusing to communicate. Children with a low self-image grow up in families in which they are not treated, but require obedience; low estimate, often reproached, punished, sometimes - with strangers; they are not expected to succeed at school and make significant achievements later in life.

Adequate and inadequate behavior of the child depends on the conditions of upbringing in the family.

Children with low self-esteem are dissatisfied with themselves. This happens in a family where parents constantly blame the child, or set excessive tasks for him. The child feels that he does not meet the requirements of the parents. (Do not tell the child that he is ugly, this causes complexes, which then cannot be got rid of.)

Inadequacy can also manifest itself with inflated self-esteem. This happens in a family where the child is often praised, and gifts are given for little things and achievements. (the child gets used to material rewards). The child is punished very rarely, the system of requirements is very soft.

Adequate performance - here we need a flexible system of punishment and praise. Admiration and praise are excluded from him. Gifts are rarely given for deeds. Extreme harsh punishments are not used.

In families where children grow up with high, but not high self-esteem, attention to the personality of the child (his interests, tastes, relationships with friends) combined with sufficient demands. Here they do not resort to humiliating punishment and willingly praise when the child deserves it. Children with low self-esteem (not necessarily very low) enjoy more freedom at home, but this freedom, in fact, is a lack of control, a consequence of the indifference of parents to children and to each other.

School performance is an important criterion for evaluating a child as a person by adults and peers. The attitude towards oneself as a student is largely determined by family values. In a child, those qualities of his that most of all concern his parents come to the fore - maintaining prestige (Questions are asked at home: “Who else got an A?”), obedience (“Were you scolded today?”) etc. Emphasis shifts in the self-consciousness of a small schoolchild when parents are concerned not with educational, but with everyday moments in his school life (“Does it blow out of the windows in the classroom?”, “What did they give you for breakfast?”), or don’t care much at all - school life is not discussed or discussed formally. A rather indifferent question: “What happened at school today? ” sooner or later will lead to the corresponding answer: “Nothing special”, “Everything is fine”.

Parents also set the initial level of claims of the child - what he claims in learning activities and relationships. Children with high level claims, inflated self-esteem and prestigious motivation count only on success. Their vision of the future is just as optimistic.

Children with a low level of claims and low self-esteem do not apply for much either in the future or in the present. They do not set high goals for themselves and constantly doubt their abilities, quickly come to terms with the level of progress that develops at the beginning of their studies.

Anxiety can become a personality trait at this age. High anxiety acquires stability with constant dissatisfaction with studies on the part of parents. Suppose a child falls ill, falls behind his classmates, and it is difficult for him to get involved in the learning process. If the temporary difficulties experienced by him irritate adults, anxiety arises, the fear of doing something bad, wrong. The same result is achieved in a situation where the child learns quite well, but the parents expect more and make excessive, unrealistic demands.

Due to the increase in anxiety and the associated low self-esteem, educational achievements are reduced, and failure is fixed. Self-doubt leads to a number of other features - the desire to thoughtlessly follow the instructions of an adult, act only according to patterns and patterns, fear to take the initiative, formal assimilation of knowledge and methods of action.

Adults, dissatisfied with the declining productivity of the child's educational work, focus more and more on these issues in communication with him, which increases emotional discomfort. It turns out a vicious circle: the unfavorable personal characteristics of the child are reflected in his educational activities, the low performance of the activity causes a corresponding reaction from others, and this negative reaction, in turn, enhances the characteristics that have developed in the child. You can break this circle by changing the attitudes and assessments of parents. Close adults, concentrating on the smallest achievements of the child. Without blaming him for some shortcomings, they reduce the level of his anxiety and thus contribute to the successful completion of educational tasks.

The second option is demonstrativeness - a personality trait associated with an increased need for success and attention to others. The source of demonstrativeness is usually the lack of attention of adults to children who feel abandoned in the family, “unloved”. But it happens that the child receives sufficient attention, but it does not satisfy him due to the hypertrophied need for emotional contacts. Excessive demands on adults are made not by neglected, but, on the contrary, by the most spoiled children. Such a child will seek attention, even violating the rules of behavior. (“It’s better to be scolded than not noticed”). The task of adults is to do without notations and edifications, to make comments as emotionally as possible, not to pay attention to minor misconduct and punish for major ones. (say, canceling a planned trip to the circus). This is much more difficult for an adult than caring for an anxious child.

If for a child with high anxiety the main problem is the constant disapproval of adults, then for a demonstrative child it is a lack of praise.

The third option is “avoidance of reality”. It is observed in cases where demonstrativeness is combined with anxiety in children. These children also have a strong need for attention to themselves, but they cannot realize it due to their anxiety. They are hardly noticeable, they are afraid of arousing disapproval with their behavior, they strive to fulfill the requirements of adults. An unsatisfied need for attention leads to an increase in even greater passivity, invisibility, which makes it difficult for already insufficient contacts. When adults encourage the activity of children, showing attention to the results of their educational activities and looking for ways creative self-realization a relatively easy correction of their development is achieved.

4 ways to support conflict situations:

1. Troubleshooting (purely business communication)
2. Peace at any cost (for an adult relationship with a child, the most expensive). Turning a blind eye to negative actions, an adult does not help a teenager, but, on the contrary, encourages negative forms of child behavior.
3. Victory at any cost (An adult strives to win by trying to suppress unnecessary forms of child behavior. If he loses in one, he will strive to win in another. This situation is endless.)
4. Productive (compromise option). This option assumes a partial victory in both camps. It is necessary to go towards this together, i.e. it should be the result of a joint decision.

After the divorce of their parents, boys often become uncontrollable, lose self-control, and at the same time show excessive anxiety. These character traits behaviors are especially noticeable during the first months of life after a divorce, and by two years after it they are smoothed out. The same pattern, but with less pronounced negative symptoms, is observed in the behavior of girls after the divorce of their parents.

Thus, in order to maximize the positive and minimize the negative influence of the family on the upbringing of the child, it is necessary to remember intra-family psychological factors that are of educational importance:

• Take an active part in family life
• Always find time to talk to your child
• Be interested in the problems of the child, delve into all the difficulties that arise in his life and help develop his skills and talents
• Do not put any pressure on the child, thereby helping him to make decisions independently
• Be aware of the different stages in a child's life
• Respect the child's right to their own opinion
• To be able to restrain possessive instincts and treat the child as an equal partner, who simply has less life experience so far
• Respect the desire of all other family members to pursue a career and self-improvement.

Relations between children and adults in the family should be trusting, friendly, but not equal. The child understands: he still does not know much, he does not know how; an adult is educated, experienced, so you need to listen to his advice, words. However, at the same time, the child sees that adults are not always right, that the behavior of many does not at all correspond to moral principles. The child learns to distinguish the bad from the good. In the family, the child learns to express his opinion, has the right to argue, prove, reason; any manifestation of creativity, initiative, and independence by the child should be supported in the family.

The family is the primary collective in which all its members, including small children, live according to the laws of the collective.

The common goal in the family, all family members is to take care of each other.

Each family member thinks not only about himself, his well-being, convenience, but also about others. At the same time, mutual assistance, joint work and rest are important.

Candidate talks about the possibilities of provocative pedagogy pedagogical sciences Alexey ENIN

One of the typical pedagogical mistakes is an attempt to educate children solely on positive examples and socially approved actions. At first glance, there is nothing dangerous in this, since such a practice orients the child to imitate certain positive models. What is wrong if the child begins to identify himself with the ideal image offered to him? But not everything is so simple...

Where do negative qualities go?

The problem is that in addition to positive traits, each of us also has negative qualities that cause corresponding desires and stimulate certain behavior. And the reaction of adults, including teachers, often comes down to prohibitions and moralizing. As a result, for many children there is a conflict between the idealized self-image and real aspirations. The consequences of such a conflict are: a decrease in self-esteem, internal confusion, increased irritability and other negative experiences. In the longer term, this can lead to problems in the development of the child, for example, in the development emotional sphere. It also happens that a child rejects a positive model of behavior and turns to other antisocial or even criminal models. In general, the loss of connection with the negative part of yourself is fraught with very unpleasant consequences. How to be? This is where provocative pedagogy comes to the aid of the teacher.

Is it necessary to move the border of what is permitted?

At the heart of provocative pedagogy is a challenge to the pupil, prompting him to take certain actions in the direction of his own development. Often this challenge is associated with a proposal to do something that goes beyond the boundaries of stereotypical ideas about what is acceptable and forbidden, right and wrong, encouraged and punished. That is, children are allowed and offered something that, logically, should not be encouraged by adults. The standard norms and boundaries seem to be shifting, and the child is given the opportunity to decide for himself: how far he should go in following the new “anti-pedagogical” attitudes and principles. In extracurricular work for this purpose, the technique of role-playing or simulation games can be used. For example, the game "Day of nasty things", in which the guys are allowed to do "dirty things" to each other, or "Day of Sloth", where children have only one duty - "doing nothing". As a rule, living such a “negative experience” causes a backlash in children: a desire to act contrary to the “negative” instructions of adults. On this effect, in fact, the calculation in provocative pedagogy is based. Agree, it is one thing when moral norms of behavior are introduced by adults, and quite another when children come to them themselves. In the latter case, ideal positive traits are no longer perceived by the child as imposed from outside; there is an awareness of their necessity, and the person himself begins to feel real freedom and responsibility.
In addition, the methods of a provocative teacher allow the children, as they say, to “let off steam”, to realize some of their negative desires in a “soft” and safe form for others.
But that's not all. In culture, provocativeness acts as one of the mechanisms for "working out uncertainty". That is, such a loosening of cultural and personal stereotypes, which leads to change, renewal, development of both individuals and society as a whole. How does such “looseness” manifest itself in the practice of provocative pedagogy? For example, a child's attitude to certain things changes, he begins to understand that some qualities that he previously considered negative should not be assessed so unambiguously. That it is possible to find ways that will make it possible to turn the potential of “negative” desires and interests “into positive”. Thus, provocative methods release latent energy in a child, activating and strengthening the resources of his self-development. And at the same time they help to integrate the positive and “negative” aspects of the personality into a holistic, adequate and positive self-image.
As you can see, provocative pedagogy has enormous potential that should be used. But!..

Maybe it's better to abstain?

In conclusion, it is necessary to say about the limitations in the application of methods of provocative pedagogy. First of all, it should be noted that provocative methods are a double-edged tool. Illiterate handling of it can lead to the exact opposite effect.
Therefore, these methods can only be used by those teachers who are familiar with the basics of psychology and have the skills to apply gaming techniques. At the same time, the teacher should be guided by the principle of openness in communicating with the children, as well as the principle of "pedagogical participation". That is, the teacher must himself participate in the games, setting a certain “style” of going beyond the boundaries of the usual norms.
And of course, the degree of trust that has been established between the teacher and other participants in the gaming process is of paramount importance. It is also important to understand that some children feel extremely uncomfortable in a provocative environment. Therefore, participation in such games should be purely voluntary - only at the request of the child.

Prepared by Anatoly VITKOVSKY

Many parents claim that Kindergarten- the first step in the development and education of preschoolers. However, some psychologists refute this assertion. There are both negative and positive sides preschool. This will be discussed in our article.

Cons of Kindergarten

For some reason, not all kids attend preschool. When they conducted surveys of mothers, experts were able to name the negative aspects of the kindergarten:

1. Bad influence. Not all children grow up in prosperous and cultured families. This is where the negative impact comes from. Children have obscene speech, they begin to fight, be rude, show aggression. If a child grows up in such an atmosphere, then it is difficult to retrain him.
2. Diseases. "Where without it?" - You say. However, you should take into account that at home the child will get sick much less often than in the team. This problem exists in almost every kindergarten. Some mother cannot leave the baby at home on sick leave and brings him to the group with a runny nose and cough. As a result, the rest of the children begin to get sick. Therefore, such a cycle will continue until the nurse herself personally begins to accept children into the group.
3. Lack of attention. Yes, it is in every state kindergarten. There are many children in groups, and there is only one teacher. Of course, with all her desire, she will not be able to give each child due attention. That is why the kids are capricious in the evening. After all, they so want to finally pay attention to them in the family.
4. The psyche is traumatized. Well, what do you think? Yes, perhaps the child loves kindergarten, his group, friends and teacher, but deep down, in his distant subconscious, the baby is waiting for mom or dad from work. He wants a family, but he still cannot express his true feelings in words.

Benefits of Kindergarten

There are not only negative aspects of a preschool institution, there are also enough positive aspects:

1. Development. In the kindergarten, the program provides for such subjects: application, modeling, drawing, mathematics, speech development, the world around and much more. All this is necessary for the baby to develop both fine and large motor skills; for mental and logical development, vigorous activity.
2. Communication. Children often play by themselves. Their real friends appear closer to school. However, kids sometimes benefit from group communication. They must learn to resolve disputes, resolve conflicts, or just play.
3. Mode. Children who are taught to go to bed or wake up at the same time, eat and play at the same time, become more organized and collected in the future.
4. Independence. Another important step in development. Children who attend kindergarten know how to take care of themselves. They dress themselves, tie their shoelaces, go to the potty. Domestic children are not accustomed to such independence. They know that mom will get things, help them put them on and feed them with a spoon at any moment.

Conclusion

Only parents will be able to answer the question: “Do we need a kindergarten?”. No psychologist can help or advise. After all, this is the business of every person. Parents should simply ask themselves the following questions:

1. Why do we need kindergarten?
2. What is the purpose of going to it?
3. Who can pick up the baby on time?
4. How do I want to see our preschool?

Only after you answer your questions easily and quickly, then you decide exactly what you need and why. Good luck and don't miss important and happy years his crumbs.

Good parents grow up good kids. What is it - good parents. Future parents think that they can become such by studying special literature or mastering special methods of education, but knowledge alone is not enough.

Is it possible to call good those parents who never doubt, are always sure that they are right, always know exactly what the child needs and what he can do, who claim that at any moment of time they know how to do the right thing, and can foresee with absolute accuracy not only the behavior of their own children in various situations, but also their future life? Is it possible to call good those parents who arrive in constant anxious doubts, get lost every time they encounter something new in the behavior of the child, do not know whether it is possible to punish, and if they resorted to punishment for a misconduct, they immediately believe that were wrong? Parents constitute the first social environment of the child. Parents' personalities play a significant role in the life of every person. It is no coincidence that we mentally turn to parents, especially mothers, in a difficult moment of life.

That is why the first and main task of parents is to create confidence in the child that he is loved and taken care of. Never, under any circumstances, should a child have doubts about parental love.

Deep constant psychological contact with the child is a universal requirement for education. The basis for maintaining contact is a sincere interest in everything that happens in the child's life. Contact can never arise by itself, it must be built even with a baby. When we talk about mutual understanding, emotional contact between children and parents, we mean a certain dialogue, the interaction of a child and an adult with each other. It is when the child participates in the common life of the family, sharing all its goals and plans, that the usual unanimity of upbringing disappears, giving way to a genuine dialogue. The most essential characteristic of dialogic educative communication is to establish equality between the positions of the child and the adult.

In addition to the dialogue, in order to instill in the child a sense of parental love, one more extremely important rule must be followed. In psychological language, this side of communication between children and parents is called child acceptance. What does it mean? Acceptance is understood as the recognition of the child's right to his inherent individuality, dissimilarity to others, including dissimilarity to his parents. To accept a child means to affirm the unique existence of this particular person, with all his characteristic qualities. Negative assessments of the child's personality and inherent qualities of character should be categorically abandoned.

1) Control over the negative parental assessments of the child is also necessary because very often parental condemnation is based on dissatisfaction with one's own behavior, irritability or fatigue that arose for completely different reasons.

2) The independence of the child. The bond between parent and child is one of the strongest human bonds. If children, growing up, increasingly acquire a desire to distance this connection, parents try to keep it as long as possible.

The solution of this problem, in other words, the provision of a certain measure of independence to the child, is regulated, first of all, by the age of the child. At the same time, much depends on the personality of the parents, on the style of their attitude towards the child. It is known that families differ greatly in the degree of freedom and independence afforded to children.

The distance that has become predominant in the relationship with the child in the family directly depends on what place the activity of education occupies in the whole complex, ambiguous, sometimes internally contradictory system of various motives for the behavior of an adult. Therefore, it is worth realizing what place in the parent's own motivational system will take the activity of raising an unborn child.

A person as a social being has a peculiar form of orientation - a focus on the mental appearance of another person. The need for "guides" in the emotional mood of other people is called the need for emotional contact.

The satisfaction of the need for the meaning of life can be caring for a child. As a result, the parent receives the required sense of his need, and every manifestation of the son's independence is pursued with amazing persistence. The harm of such self-sacrifice for the child is obvious.

For some parents, the upbringing of a child is motivated by the so-called achievement motivation. The purpose of education is to achieve what parents failed due to lack of necessary conditions, or because they themselves were not capable and persistent enough. Such parental behavior, unconsciously for the parents themselves, acquires elements of egoism: we want to shape the child in our own image, because he is the continuer of our life. .

But the child can also rebel against demands that are alien to him, thereby causing disappointment of parents due to unfulfilled hopes, and as a result, deep conflicts arise in the relationship between the child and parents.

There are families where the goals of education are, as it were, moved away from the child himself and directed not so much towards him, but towards the implementation of the system of education recognized by the parents. Some parents follow the ideas of the Nikitin family's upbringing, advocating the need for early intellectual learning, or the call: "Swim before you walk"; in other families, an atmosphere of complete forgiveness and permissiveness reigns, which, according to parents, implements the Spockean model of education, forgetting that it is not a child for education, but education for a child.

Education as the formation of certain qualities. In these cases, the parent organizes his upbringing in such a way that the child is necessarily endowed with this "especially valuable" quality. For example, parents are confident that their son or daughter must be kind, erudite and courageous. In cases where the values ​​of parents begin to conflict with either age characteristics development of the child, or with its inherent individual features, the problem of independence becomes particularly evident.