Natalya Kaptsova

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A story that, alas, is not uncommon: a flashbulb meeting, romance-passion, wedding, birth of a child and suddenly... “something happened.” It seems like nothing special happened, but feelings are lost somewhere over several years of marriage. And the man seems to be the same - with the same advantages and disadvantages, but... he is no longer drawn to him as before. There is no feeling of shortness of breath when he leaves, and there is no feeling of overwhelming joy when he returns home. Where do the feelings go? after the wedding, and how to get a second wind for your love?

Why feelings for my husband disappeared - let’s understand the reasons

Before you think about returning or not returning feelings to your husband, you need to figure out why and at what stage of life they disappeared. Reasons why love falls asleep (dies) , do not change at all times:

• Youthful maximalism(“I’ll never meet anyone better!”) and a gradual “epiphany” after the wedding - “it seems I bet on the wrong horse.”

• Marriage as a forced necessity reason for pregnancy, and not mutual desire.
• Marriage at an early age.
• “The fire went out because no one added wood”. Family life has become just a habit. The desire to yield, to please, to surprise is a thing of the past. In the present there is a routine without a hint of a spark between them.
• Accumulated grievances. He didn’t help with the child, he only thinks about work, he hasn’t given me flowers for a long time, he doesn’t protect me from his mother, etc.

• Cheating husband which cannot be forgiven or forgotten.
• Missing male attractiveness(and male wealth).
• My husband doesn't want to have children.
• The husband fell under the influence of the “green serpent”.

• Loss of rapport or trust.

Instructions on how to return feelings to your husband - finding family happiness again.

Of course, if something out of the ordinary happened in a family that can neither be forgiven nor justified, it will be extremely difficult to glue such a family boat together. Reviving feelings for a traitor, cheater or alcoholic is a fantasy task. Although, it is worth noting many families successfully overcome difficulties and, having shaken up the relationship, they start all over again. But what to do if even the thought of divorce seems blasphemous, but true former feelings for your husband are sorely lacking?

• First of all, don’t make hasty decisions and don't make hasty conclusions like “Love is dead!” True love is not a hobby; it takes many years to build and, even if it falls asleep for a while, it can still “rise from the ashes.”
• Every family has periods of mutual alienation. Everyone goes through this. The so-called test of strength - time, difficulties, clashes of character, the birth of children, etc. Such periods usually occur in the 2nd year family life and after the Five Year Plan. After 5-6 years of family life, spouses usually get used to each other, and all disagreements and misunderstandings remain a thing of the past. If nothing extraordinary happens, then such a union will last until old age.

• Understand yourself. What are you missing? What went wrong and when? Until you find out the reason, it will be difficult to change the situation.
• If your spouse’s habits, which seemed nice, suddenly become annoying, it’s not his fault, but your new perception of reality. It was not he who “lost his masculinity”, but you who stopped seeing it. Maybe you just don't give him a chance to prove himself?
• Accept for yourself the fact that your depression and the feeling of “boss, everything is gone!” will pass soon. This is a temporary phenomenon and a natural stage in the development of relationships. The law of nature is a “roller coaster” from passion to indifference, from irritation to a sharp attack of love hunger. One day you will come to the realization that next to your husband you are comfortable, calm and don’t need anything else.

• It’s a huge mistake to live separately after a quarrel or “test your feelings.” In this case, misunderstanding remains an unresolved problem. Either it will sweep away the remnants of your feelings in an avalanche, or it will simply melt away without a trace along with love. Remember that on the physical level, feelings (without “feeding” and development) begin to die off after 3 months of separation (law of nature). The fear of losing each other disappears when living separately. But a habit appears - to live without everyday problems, quarrels and “other people’s” opinions.

• If your feelings are depressed by routine and monotony, think about how to change the situation? Family traditions are great, but family “rituals” often become an “overwhelming suitcase” that you just want to throw from the balcony: the usual sex after midnight with a TV series, the usual scrambled eggs in the morning, from work to the stove, “buy some crackers for beer, dear , today is football,” etc. Are you tired? Change your life. Life is built from little things, and it’s up to you whether they will bring pleasure or poison your existence. Stop drinking tea and sandwiches at home in the morning - grab your husband’s arm and go to a cafe for breakfast. Don’t wait for the fulfillment of your marital duty at night, like hard labor - remember what and where you did before the wedding. Take sick leave and rent a hotel room. In a word, give up old habits and live in a new way. Every day of your life.

• Do not forget that your husband is your dear person. And you can even talk to him. And most likely, he will understand you and together with you will try to change your life for the better. Don't miss the opportunity for dialogue. Talk about what you want to change, what colors are missing in your family life, how exactly you want to drink coffee, go to bed, make love, relax, etc. Don’t complain that you feel bad with him - talk about what you need to feel good.
• Hasn't he given flowers for a long time? Doesn't confess his love? Doesn't he pat you on the head when he passes by? Will he call from work one more time to say that he misses you? Firstly, this is normal for people who have been living together for a long time. This does not mean that the feelings have faded away - just that the relationship has moved to another level. And secondly, how long has it been since you called him to say that you missed him? When was the last time you did it? pleasant surprises? When did you even dress at home just for him, your beloved?
• Leave everything - work, friends, embroidery courses, and dogs and children - to your grandmother's dacha for 2-3 weeks. Book a tour to a place where you can fully shake up your senses. Not just lying on the beach and crunching shrimp with a glass of wine, but so that your heart skips a beat with delight, your knees shake, and happiness covers you completely when you hold your husband’s hand. Shake yourself and your family out of the routine. The time has come to remember what happiness is.

• Change everything! Without novelty, life is boring and insipid. And boredom kills feelings. Change the furniture and menu for a week, change the route to work, the type of transport, hairstyle, image, handbags, hobbies and even, if necessary, job. By the way, it is often work that becomes the “red button”: fatigue and dissatisfaction from work is projected onto family life, and it seems that “everything is bad.” In general, change yourself!

• A look at a husband at home and a look at a husband outside the home are “two big differences.” A man who goes out into the world changes before our eyes, awakening all forgotten feelings. This is no longer a good old husband in sweatpants on the sofa with a cup of tea and a bag of gingerbread, but a man who is “wow”, at whom girls turn, who smells excitingly of expensive perfume, and when looking at whom there is a feeling of pride - “ He is mine". Therefore, quit your home gatherings and tea parties near the TV and get into the habit - spending evenings with your spouse is extraordinary. To be remembered. Fortunately, there are a lot of options.

• Find a hobby for two.Something that you both get excited about - fishing, sailing, karting, dancing, photography, cinema, swimming, etc.
• Go on a trip. If, of course, the children can already be left alone or with their grandmothers. By car or “tourists”, together, having laid out an interesting route in advance.
• Have you already come to terms with the loss of feelings for your spouse? And you continue to live by inertia, feeling sorry for yourself and tormenting your spouse with your sour expression? Maybe you're just comfortable in a state of eternal blues? There are such people. Which are good only when everything is bad. Then life becomes more interesting, and even sad poems are written at night. If If you are one of those “creative” people, look for another reason for suffering. Otherwise, this game of “where did the love go” will end with your husband packing his suitcase and waving at you.

Well, and most importantly:answer yourself the question - can you even live without your husband? Imagine that you are separated. Forever. Can you? If the answer is “no,” then you need to rest and change your environment. Most likely, you are just tired and see everything in black, including your relationships. Well, if the answer is “yes,” then, apparently, your family boat is no longer subject to repair. Because true love does not even suggest the thought of parting.

Have there been similar situations in your family life? And how did you get out of them? Share your stories in the comments below!

Love is the most beautiful feeling of all hitherto known to man. It helps you enjoy life and create, gives inspiration and faith in the best. But sometimes she leaves without warning. And there comes a moment when a person notices that the “half” seems to be slipping through his fingers. Of course, you shouldn’t prepare for such a moment in advance, because it may not happen. But if you notice in time that your partner is beginning to “cool down,” there is a chance to return the old feelings.

Be more attentive to the details: it is in them that the answer to the secret question is hidden, which we often address to daisies - seemingly for the sake of a joke, but at the same time, like children, we wait with bated breath for a miracle. You need to understand that in any relationship there are ups and downs, times of calm and moments when smoldering embers can flare up with renewed vigor. But in the situations discussed below, something clearly went wrong...

1. Anna Karenina in Leo Tolstoy’s novel of the same name began to irritate her husband’s ears. If something like this happens to you - something that used to not cause a reaction, but now it catches your eye all the time, or something that you liked is now repulsive - most likely, big changes have occurred in your relationship.

2. They look at you a little, that is, eye contact has become less prolonged and expressive. People smile at you less often. If you look closely, you will notice that in your presence. Or you began to notice such an attitude towards your partner.

3. Very often a person who stops feeling love for his partner begins to touch him less and less. He has no need or desire to feel the person he once loved. Even if he is in a small room, he will try to avoid mutual touches, and if this cannot be avoided, they will not be affectionate and warm, like those of a person in love.

4. As soon as a man and a woman stop laughing at the same jokes and making fun of each other, it’s time to revive the relationship if you still care about your partner. The ability to laugh at what is happening, at funny and difficult situations, not only helps to live, but also indicates harmony between people.

5. You notice that you become uninterested in almost everything that your partner says or might say. Communication with him seems to take all your energy. The partner, for his part, may not support the proposed topic, but rather strive to “collapse” it. Conversations mainly concern formal things that simply have nowhere to go, or are started simply to take time and maintain a semblance of contact.

6. A loving couple is characterized by a desire to jointly develop plans to achieve goals that are important to them. Reluctance to share plans or discuss decisions that affect your future life together should be a warning to you that your partner has stopped feeling strong emotions for you. And if such secrecy was not inherent in him right away, it’s worth thinking about how to correct the situation before everything went too far.

7. Rare phone calls also indicate that your partner has stopped loving you. At the beginning of a relationship, any man strives to win a woman, constantly calling her and checking how she is in her mood, what she does, and how she treats him. When the love is gone, the man doesn’t care, and he bothers himself with calls less and less. And he begins to answer the chosen one’s calls later and later, citing urgent matters.

8. Often, with or without a minor reason, your partner (or you) has an irritated tone in a conversation. Increasingly, scandals arise in couples over and especially without reason.

9. During a showdown, the partner does not strive for a constructive solution to problems, but simply tries to hurt, offend and humiliate you as much as possible. It is as if he is trying to force you to be the first to abandon this relationship, creating an unbearable environment in which it is impossible to live.

10. If they don’t argue with you, they may simply remain dejectedly silent - as if holding the answer or remark inside themselves. The partner withdraws into himself and stops participating in family life, preferring to throw himself into work or some hobby.

11. You periodically catch yourself feeling that everything has already been said between you, nothing new will happen, and you just have to tolerate the person who has quietly become a stranger to you. There is a vague feeling that you are wasting your time.

12. Under any pretext on weekends, your “other half” tries to disappear from home, preferring to spend free time with friends (it is possible that with a new potential “soul mate”). It is especially alarming if, before leaving home, the partner’s mood noticeably increases, and he examines himself in the mirror more pickily than usual.

13. If a partner indifferently watches how his significant other is flirting with someone else (or someone is trying to flirt with her), then things are bad: as they say, “the love has passed, the tomatoes have withered.” And the time of separation here depends on whether the lovers are married or just living together. The main thing is not to mistake an offended and demonstratively turned away partner for an indifferent statue!

14. See if your other half is hiding something? If he or she stays on his or her device and closes the screen when he or she thinks you might be snooping, you probably have something to worry about. Unless they are preparing a surprise birthday party for you or looking for a gift in an online store. But this will be more of an isolated incident rather than a permanent behavior.

15. If you are almost sure that your partner is playing a double game, and are determined to bring him to light, use the bluff method. Make a serious face and say convincingly: “I know everything.” If the “other half” is really lying up to her ears, she will buy it and give herself away completely. In the worst case, you can definitely find out what you only guessed about. In the best case, you will find out that you were needlessly beating yourself up, and your loved one has been afraid for weeks to admit that it was he who accidentally broke your favorite cup.

Hello. I am 30 years old. Married for the second time. She married for love. We have been living with my husband for 5 years and raising two children. Two months ago I fell in love. I myself don’t understand how this could happen. Fell in love with my husband's friend. He often came to visit us. I had no idea that he is 6 years younger and has been in love with another girl for a long time. Two months ago we started working together. I haven’t seen anyone except my husband, and here it is.
All my thoughts are only about him, I can’t think about anything else, everything is falling out of my hands. My soul is torn apart from the understanding that it’s too late for me to change anything in my life, and he won’t even look at me. Some time ago, circumstances developed so that we were left alone. I seduced him, he couldn’t resist. We slept together.
He says he doesn't want to lose his friend. And I can’t think only about myself. I want to forget about everything. Save the family. Where could those feelings for my husband disappear so quickly? My husband loves me very much. He began to feel that something had changed in our relationship. He began to reach out to me even more.

8 Feb 2017

Julia0205

P. Mashtakov building 11

Olesya Verevkina

Hello Julia. It turns out that the young man wants to live as before (with his girlfriend and on friendly terms with your husband), and you want to return feelings for your spouse and revive family relationships, but don’t know how to do it? Do you and your boyfriend continue to work together? You write about your husband’s love for you, and what do you feel towards your husband - love, shame because of your actions, gratitude and respect for his support, care and loyalty, gratitude for children together, something else?

9 Feb 2017

Hello. Yes exactly. He wants to live as before and continue to communicate with my husband. And I want it like before. We continue to work together because there is no one else to work with.
I felt guilty before my husband when I realized that I had feelings for his friend. But for some reason there is no feeling of guilt for betrayal. I can’t look him in the eyes when he asks if I love him, I answer that I love him. I'm trying to convince myself of this. It couldn't have gone that way.

9 Feb 2017

Julia0205

P. Mashtakov building 11

Are you trying to convince yourself of your love for your husband - that is, you don’t feel it anymore, you’re trying to feel it, but so far it’s not working? What does it mean to you to love? What components make up this feeling? Frankl has a definition: “Love is an active interest in the life and development of another” - how do you like that? Should there be respect, understanding, gratitude, trust in love? Maybe there is something else in it for you? Let's talk about this.

10 Feb 2017

I don't feel it, and it's scary. In a relationship, it is important for me to love myself. To love is, of course, trust, respect and understanding. For me, this is a state of mind when a person wants to do everything and even more. An overwhelming feeling of anxiety and anticipation when he is not around. The desire to be near him makes it hard to breathe. I can't live with a person if I don't love him. I was depressed and wanted to leave my husband. Live alone, figure yourself out. Any word, any action, any touch irritated me. I even wanted to push him to think about an open relationship. I didn't want to go to bed with him. It was as if the ground had disappeared from under my feet. This was before the betrayal. I didn't expect it to happen at all. It was a coincidence. I was the initiator. It would be easier for me if he pushed me away.
I violated the main principle in my life.
But I pulled myself together. I'm working on myself, setting priorities and setting goals for myself. It's not too late yet.

10 Feb 2017

Julia0205

P. Mashtakov building 11

Did I understand correctly that the love for my husband disappeared even before the connection with his friend? Now you don’t want to do “everything and even more” for your husband, you don’t feel “anxiety and anticipation when he’s not around”, and instead of “breathing hard” from the desire to be close, you become irritated at any of his touch? I am inclined to understand the state you described not as love, but as falling in love - in love, feelings are calmer and more stable, and falling in love is passion, fireworks, bright colors, delight. Perhaps you were in love with your husband, and over time it faded, what do you think?
“I’m working on myself, I’ve set priorities and set a goal for myself,” tell us more about this, Yulia.

11 Feb 2017

I felt all these feelings for my husband all these years. In December, he left for Russia with his friend (the same one) in a truck. See what kind of work it is. To say that I was worried is to say nothing. I haven't found a place for myself all this week. He has arrived. Two days later I was doing laundry and on the T-shirt that he brought from this trip I found a long female hair. I was hysterical. He swears that no one was with them. I was very worried. And now I look at him and feel nothing.
I thought about the current situation for a long time. I'm trying not to think about his friend. I don't want to experience these feelings. To suffer.
I always wanted to get married once and for life. And on this moment It is important for me to save my family. If I destroy it, both my husband and children will suffer. And this won’t make it any easier for me. I do not want it.
I try to be with my husband every free minute. I hug him. I'm trying to feel the same feelings that I had before.

Love is always different. It constantly changes shape, intensity and expression. Passion and romance fade away, but what next? Either calmer, matured love, or its absence.What to do if it seems that there is no more love for your spouse? Where do the old feelings go? Should we break up or continue to coexist without love? You will find answers to these questions in the article.

Why does love pass?

The phrase “love has passed” is a rather loose concept. It can mean anything: from the transition of a relationship to another stage to complete cooling towards a man.

The initial stage of a relationship is almost always wonderful, a man and a woman are attentive to each other, looking for meetings, and are ready to give all of themselves to their other half. The partner's shortcomings are not noticed or are not given importance.

The first months or years of living together are a kind of test of strength to see whether the relationship will survive the test of everyday life. At this stage, many couples break up when it turns out that the partners cannot coexist together.

After the stage of falling in love, the time comes for mature love. There is no longer that fire between the spouses, they “get used to” their shortcomings and weaknesses, they no longer have the need to constantly be together, but this does not mean that they are not interested in each other. It is important to understand whether love is gone forever or has simply transformed.

Why does a woman sometimes feel like she no longer loves her husband? There are two options:

• the wife opens her eyes to previously unnoticed shortcomings that cannot be tolerated (usually occurs at the beginning of family life);
• the husband changes his behavior in the family, his attitude towards his wife (typical of the mature stage).

The most common reasons why a wife stops loving her husband:

How to check yourself - have I really stopped loving my spouse?

“Is the love gone or am I just tired?” - asks herself a woman who no longer feels strongly in love with her husband. You don't spend as much time together as before. Work, children, everyday problems take up all the energy, and there is no time or energy left for each other. What about the feelings, are they still there or have they disappeared?

10 signs that you have fallen out of love with your spouse:

1. There is no desire to please my husband (cook his favorite food, watch his favorite movies).
2. You stopped worrying about him. It didn’t matter what he wore, whether he remembered to have lunch, or how he got to work.
3. Your husband began to irritate you with his behavior, conversations, and everyday trifles.
4. Intimacy has become a burden to you; you perceive it as an unpleasant duty.
5. Thoughts about betrayal arise.
6. I want to be outside the house more.
7. The desire to please your spouse is gone; it doesn’t matter what you look like, what you say or how you say it.
8. I want to spend my leisure time with anyone, but not with my husband.
9. You don’t make plans for the future or your plans include anyone but your spouse.
10. Interest in his life (work, hobbies, dreams) disappeared.

If you notice more than half of the listed signs, then, alas, it’s most likely time to tell yourself “I don’t love you anymore.” Love did not mature, but simply disappeared.

There are only two options - leave or stay. Is it worth cutting the ropes? Does it make sense to keep smoldering coals warm?

If you don't have children and are young, you have a lot of new opportunities. Without seeing a future with a specific person, without being interested in his problems and inner world, there is no point in wasting your life.

When there is a child or several children in the family, making a choice is more difficult. Can you provide a decent life for your child? We are talking not only about the financial side of the issue, but also about the spiritual and moral side. Childhood without a father leaves its mark on the psyche. However, there is also no point in living with a tyrant father or an indifferent father.

Take your age into account. After 30 it is much more difficult to find a partner. The older you are, the more complaints you have against your partner, the less desire you have to change something about yourself and adapt to a new person.

If you really don’t love your husband or assume that your husband has also stopped loving his wife, the advice of a psychologist will help you make the right decision:

1. A classic of the genre - change the scenery. You don’t have to go south or abroad; a sanatorium outside the city will suffice. The main thing is to break out of the usual whirlwind of everyday bustle and spend time together.
2. You are alone. By giving up on yourself, you only make things worse for yourself. Buy new lipstick, change your hairstyle, engage in self-development. There is a high probability that the husband, seeing these changes, will show interest.
3. Invite your spouse to live separately. This The best way understand whether it’s good for you alone or bad without your other half.

These actions can be tried depending on the circumstances and your condition. The main thing is that they will help you clearly see whether it is possible to return faded feelings or whether your husband is definitely not your man.

Remember that the absence of romance and trembling love does not mean the absence of love. The biochemical reactions that we call falling in love fade away within about three years. After this comes a phase of awareness, a calm and sober look at your feelings. Now you can definitely understand whether you love your spouse, or your feelings have faded, and he is not your other half.

The question of how to return the love of a husband is asked by many women when any doubts about the strength of their family relationships creep into their heads.

Only when any unusual changes begin in the relationship between the spouses does the woman begin to worry and think that she, too, must certainly be returned. Psychologists give enough universal tips on this occasion.

In contact with

You can return it, yes. But it's difficult.

Psychologists believe that our habits depend on our internal state. For a woman sometimes it becomes the most important husband, home, family, work, kitchen - everything except herself. Roughly speaking, she stops loving herself. If there is no love for you, then there will be nowhere to get love from the outside. Without self-love, you cannot return your husband's love. Attention! Love and egocentrism are different things, don’t confuse them.

Psychologists also highlight the other extreme. When the wife is perfect. Your legs are always perfectly shaved, your hair is always perfectly neat, your dress is always perfectly ironed. And for whom? Psychologists believe that about 8/10 women try this hard for the sake of men and their attention. Not for yourself, but for someone else. Again: is it possible to return a man’s love when you don’t even love yourself? It seems like different things, but the outcome is the same.

Much more difficult is the question of how to return your husband's love. It would seem that the situation has changed radically - here he has already left for another woman and now it seems like his love belongs to her, that’s it, it can’t be returned. But no! Psychologists believe that this is simply the next stage of an existing problem, that it is just a matter of time.

The key to regaining your husband's respect and love is you. According to the opinions of many psychologists, the main thing is to regain interest in yourself, and then your husband’s love will return.

How to get your husband's attention and love back?

Do you love your husband yourself? This is not about care and guardianship, but about love.

Purposefully thinking about how to return your husband’s attention and love if you don’t have such feelings yourself is illogical. And no, you can’t say “let him take the steps first, he’s a man.” Psychologists say that you are responsible only for yourself, therefore, if you really want to return your husband’s love, you should consider him as a person, a personality, and love this personality. And you can’t return something that didn’t exist, especially love.

So, how to return a husband's love for his wife? Psychologists believe that in order to return love, sometimes it is enough to analyze the following aspects:

• self-perception;
• self-development;
• your behavior towards your husband.

Psychologists also note that this list is hierarchical - from the first comes the second, from the second comes the third.

Self-perception

Think about what you are for you. How do you perceive yourself? Why you.

Psychologists use these three key questions to determine a woman’s self-esteem and self-love. Therefore, psychologists advise using a very simple test. Take a piece of paper and write 5-10 points for each such question.

What/who are you?

Pay attention to the exact words you used to describe yourself - they will indicate your priorities.

If you first of all wrote that you are a woman, then your gender is fundamental to you. It is quite possible that you justify many of your own and other people’s actions with this. Such people tend to share housework, occupation, mentality, etc. into feminine and masculine.

Think about it: do you have any gender prejudices? Was it ever that someone imposed their concept of a woman on you, putting it in the foreground, and you didn’t have the willpower/desire to stick to your line?

If you have identified yourself as a person with a specific occupation (“artist”, “teacher”, “ballerina”, “scientist”), your emphasis is more on realizing your potential. Think about whether you are sacrificing something very important for the sake of the business that you have chosen as your main one?

Moving forward in your business is great, but psychologists believe that everything should be in moderation. You can't return love if you don't have time for it.

Doesn’t it happen when you brush aside your needs and those close to you in order to complete some project or task?

Psychologists believe that if a woman chooses an elaborate answer to this question (“goddess”, “work of art”, “perfection”, “True Woman”, etc.), there are clear demonstrative or hysterical elements in her behavior. Such ladies are prone to theatrical reactions to many events, as well as manipulation. As psychologists note, returning love with such “window dressing” is quite problematic.

What are you?

These descriptions, according to psychologists, also speak very eloquently about your self-esteem.

If you described mostly external characteristics (“tall”, “beautiful”, “blond”, “large”), psychologists may come to the conclusion that:

• you are a visual person - you receive most of the information using a visual analyzer;
• the attractiveness of your partner is really important to you;
• When winning someone over, you place more bets on your appearance.

Women who described some of their functional characteristics (“hardworking,” “efficient,” “hardy”) are characterized by psychologists as pragmatic. They:

• prefer practice to theory;
• they perceive dreamy people as a lower and infantile class;
• they don’t like typical gifts with a taste of candy romance - banal, stupid and boring.

According to psychologists, ladies who most described their own emotional component (“cheerful”, “irritable”, “harmonious”) are characterized by:

• good intuition and empathy;
• the predominance of sensory perception over intellectual;
• focusing on your perception of situations;
• kinesthetic type of representative system - receive information using tactile sensations.

If you described personal, including strong-willed, character traits (“purposeful,” “decisive,” “assiduous”), then, according to psychologists, you tend to:

• independence and self-sufficiency;
• selfishness;
• work for results.

Why are you?

The answer to this question, according to practicing psychologists, helps determine goals and priorities. You wrote what you need to realize. Someone wants to become a professional in a certain field, someone wants to raise brilliant children, for some it is more important to create a world-class masterpiece or make a shocking discovery. Some people just want love.

A very important detail: if you have a clear preference towards living for the sake of someone/something, pull yourself together!

Psychologists never tire of repeating that renunciation of one’s own “I”, of one’s nature, indicates a lack of love for oneself as a person. This leads to negative changes in many relationships, including in love.

Self-development

Remember the last time you tried to master something. And not just master it, but master it for yourself. Not for beauty, not for status or a partner, but in order to grow in your own eyes and learn something.

Psychologists believe that if you don’t remember or if you stopped your personal growth because of some nonsense, problems will begin to creep up on every front. If you don’t develop on your own, love cannot be returned.

Behavior

According to psychologists, the most common pathological behavior in a family is the infantilism of one + the guardianship of the other. “Son-mother” or “father-daughter” pairs are formed. Psychologists view this as a codependent relationship that is initially doomed to failure.

Son-mother couples are characterized by the childish irresponsible behavior of the husband-son, which is accompanied by the all-forgiving care of the wife-mother. It is typical for such husbands:

• demanding attention and company;
• inability to make decisions independently;
• an indication that someone owes something to someone;
• manipulation to get what you want.

• the eternal craving to do something for her husband;
• obsession;
• tendency to take offense;
• appeal to conscience.

Father-daughter pairs are characterized by an opposite distribution of roles. The husband-father takes on the dominant role over his wife, and the wife-daughter remains a cute princess with a Barbie doll. Such husbands have the following characteristics:

• the desire to educate and reprimand the wife;
• control over the wife’s activities;
• emphasizing his wife's dependence on him.

The wives of this couple are characterized by the following:

• tendency to be capricious;
• irresponsibility;
• a demand for abstract care and understanding.

How to rekindle the old passion in a relationship?

That is, there was passion, but due to some reasons it began to wane. The beauty of this is that you already have the experience that can tell you how to return your husband’s former love.

Before you wonder how to rekindle passion and win back your husband's love, remember when you sincerely wanted sex.

And if you think for yourself and develop for yourself, as well as have sex purely for your own pleasure, you will no longer worry about how to get back former passion. And a man’s love will flare up even more if he feels that you are enjoying the process itself, and not your own false dedication “for the benefit of others.” This “for good” destroys families; it is often impossible to return love.

A separate group includes wives who have sex with their husbands solely for his pleasure. The couple has sex, not the husband! The husband will get his in 97% of the outcome! Think about yourself!

So, how can you bring passion back into your relationship with your husband? Practicing psychologists believe that you should:

• rethink your attitude towards your husband as a person - appearance is appearance, and excitement, like love, originates in the brain (where it needs to be returned), and not in the genitals;
• and your attractiveness - if you walk around the house stooped, with dirty hair and in a shabby robe, it is not surprising that it is somewhat difficult to return your husband’s enthusiasm towards you;
• overcome shyness and social inhibitions by discussing the issue of sex with your husband - who else should you discuss this with if not with him?
• love experiments and using them in your Everyday life– diversity will be a manifestation of your interest in this area, so it will be easier to return passion and love;
• pay attention to your own feelings during lovemaking and don’t focus on returning passion and pleasing your husband - sex for two.

More pragmatic advice from psychologists and psychotherapists regarding how to return the passion and love of your husband is as follows:

1. Learn to undress beautifully and gracefully - this is very exciting for about 40% of men.
2. About 60% of men love elegant lace lingerie on their wives - buy several sets for different occasions to bring back the spice to your intimacy.
3. Don’t be afraid to give a signal that you feel good: if you want to moan, moan, if you want to breathe, breathe. Don't hold back. It is important for a man to clearly record your positive reaction to his activity.
4. Remember that 65% of men prefer to alternate between traditional sex and oral sex.
5. There are very few men who are psychics. In order for him to understand your desires, it would be best to direct your husband’s hand to the right place. In some cases, you can just say it, but most men prefer the first option.
6. Be dynamic - the puritanical days are long gone, and you no longer have to remain in a stable position lying on your back in a long nightgown.
7. Train yourself to arch your back. It is beautiful.

How to stir up interest in yourself after the birth of a child?

It should be remembered that for 1 month after the birth of the baby, not only psychologists, but also gynecologists recommend refraining from making love. Psychologists draw attention to the fact that this time is the phase of adaptation of the husband and wife to the arrival of the baby, therefore the sensual part of their life together fades into the background.

During the period of breastfeeding, psychologists note the following nuance: if previously the breast was an object of decoration and pleasure for a man, now it does not belong to him, and the former priorities can no longer be returned. And on an instinctive level, the husband understands this.

The period of the first year after the birth of a child, according to psychologists, is a test of empathy and the strength of the family. Then, normally, sexual relations with your husband should be balanced and move to another level, and there is no need to artificially return them. Of course, love doesn't go away.

It happens that a husband’s attitude towards his wife changes noticeably after the birth of a child.

This is often observed in:

• couples who have lived together for a long time without a child (more than 3 years);
• couples who got married because of pregnancy;
• families where a child is born with health problems.

The new responsibility is obliging and frightening at the same time, which is why many wives after childbirth are faced with the question of how to return passion to their relationship with their husband after the birth of a child.

Actually, how to return passion to the relationship between husband and wife if another small family member has appeared? Psychologists advise the following:

1. Get to grips with your self-esteem. She must be returned! Yes, you now have a child, but you have not stopped being a person, you have not stopped being a woman who has a beloved husband. Remember this.
2. Clarify with your husband all these subtle nuances of your relationship - without this, there is no way to return love.
3. If suddenly you both have a fear that another cute screaming creature will appear at home, and then another and another, the solution is very banal and simple: use contraceptives.
4. Learn to relax. Sometimes there is not enough physical strength to make love, so there is no desire to return the passion.

How to return love to your husband?

And yet, how to return the love of a husband to his wife? A psychologist's advice, as a rule, is based on a specific situation and is developed specifically, taking into account many factors. But any experienced psychologist will tell you that analyzing the above-mentioned personality aspects can help bring back feelings. What should be done, according to psychologists, based on the findings obtained, in order to return the love of your spouse?

If new topics for reflection were found when analyzing yourself, you should take this seriously:

1. Don’t tie any traits or antics to generally accepted labels, because a man leaves for another not because he is a man, but because he too lacks something.
2. Find a balance between all the areas in which you are involved (family, love, work, education, creativity), and make sure that there is no strong preponderance in one direction.
3. Watch your reaction to your usual conversations with your husband: if something causes melancholy, irritation or some other type of negative emotion, you should think about the reason for what hurts you.
4. Learn to respect other people's opinions: you and your husband may have different positions on the same issues, this is normal.
5. Set your priorities in such a way that you can pay attention to yourself and interact with your husband - so that you have time for what you really want to get back.
6. If you are confused, do not be afraid to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist.

Start practicing for yourself, not for others:

1. Find an activity that you like, not fashion/girlfriends/husband, etc.;
2. Stop using lack of time and money as excuses.

When analyzing your own behavior with your husband, in order to return his love, you should:

1. Break out of vicious circle“superior-subordinate” (“son-mother”, “father-daughter”) and behave like a person who respects other people’s boundaries and interests (if this is really hard for you, an experienced practicing psychologist will help you “get yourself back”).
2. Get rid of addiction in your relationship with your husband - you are different people who made a strong-willed decision to develop together.
3. Learn to be independent.
4. Let your husband go if he needs it - to work, to some events, from home. He is also a person, like you, who has the right to dispose of himself.

There is no universal way to do this. Advice from psychologists flashed like red threads at every point. It is noteworthy that an adequate psychologist will not recommend manipulating a man or forcing him to do anything. Psychologists believe that before thinking about how to return love to her husband, a wife should engage in her own self-esteem and self-development.

In addition to the step-by-step analysis methods described above, psychologists recommend using tests based on archetypes and intuitive perception - drawings. Psychologists pay attention to different elements drawings, each of which denotes one or another sphere of your perception.

A popular test that determines a person’s emotional state is the “Nonexistent Animal” test. It is necessary to use colored pencils so that the test can be interpreted as accurately as possible. To correctly understand the results of this test, you need the help of an experienced psychologist or psychotherapist who will assess the client’s general emotional background, his inclinations, and can also diagnose some changes and accents in sexual behavior.

A similar test is “Lamb in a Bottle,” which helps the psychologist determine the client’s attitude to the external environment, to society, and to love.

In some situations, a psychologist may not give a general answer, but one that suits your situation. But then the psychologist needs to delve into your relationship, which is not done online.

Useful video

Psychologists advise first deciding what you want to return. If you are sure that your relationship is fading away, and you really want to return and maintain love, then the game is worth the candle. So, how to return your husband’s former passion and love:

Conclusion

1. Psychologists believe that you can return your husband’s love by analyzing your behavior, as well as by changing your attitude towards yourself. You can analyze it yourself, or with the help of some tests, which a psychologist will help you interpret.
2. Most psychologists advise having a frank conversation with your husband, which would dot all the i’s.
3. It is necessary to engage in self-development - this is partly the answer to the question of how to return love. And your husband’s interest will thus be directed towards you, as well as his attraction.