How Chechens raise boys. Features of the Chechen family and upbringing. Spartan methods? No, love, respect and mercy

30.06.2020

The study of family rituals, including rituals associated with the birth and upbringing of children, is impossible without family research. At a certain stage of development of society, a large patriarchal family was common to all peoples. Its existence among many peoples of the Caucasus is noted in the literature of pre-revolutionary Russian ethnography. Large families of Kumyks, Balkars, Armenians, Georgians, Ingush and other peoples of the Caucasus have been studied.

The Chechen family was called “doyzal”, and the family community had several names, which, one way or another, denoted family unity: “tskhyana ts1yina doyzal” - people of the same blood, “tskhyana ts1erakh doyzal” - people of the same fire, “kastaza doyzal” - undivided family, “kastaza vezhariy” - undivided brothers (the last two types are an example of later origin).

Master and mistress of the house

The head of the Chechen family was the father - “ts1iyna da”, which literally means “master of the house” (“ts1a” - house, “da” - father). The unity of the family was preserved even after the death of the father; in this case, the elder brother became its head. He enjoyed the same authority and respect in the family as his father. But, at the same time, the elder brother could no longer resolve a single issue, both the economic and social life of the family, without the knowledge and consent of the other brothers.

The women's part was led by the wife of the owner of the house or his mother. She played a leading role in organizing the life and work of women big family. The area of responsibility of this “elder” was the household - in the narrow sense of the word - or “women’s” economy. She was called “ts1ennana” (“ts1a” - house, “nana” - mother), and another term was also used: “ts1eranana”, “ts1e” - fire, “nana” - mother.

In large families, as in small ones, among Chechens, the heads of families never interfered in women’s economic affairs, and if a man paid attention to this and devoted time to it, it was considered indecent and even insulting to him.

Daughters-in-law had to show full respect to the ts1ennana, especially the younger daughter-in-law. The latter had to go to bed later than everyone else, although she got up earlier than everyone else and cleaned the house. Despite the fact that several women lived in the house, as a rule, there was no disagreement between them and no quarrels occurred, since the woman did not have the right to violate the traditions that prevailed in the family. Those who did not adhere to these rules were punished up to and including expulsion, which was a great shame for women.

In Chechen families, the name of mother-in-law was taboo, which remains the case among Chechens to this day. The daughter-in-law did not (and does not call) her mother-in-law anything other than “nana”, “mom”, and in her presence she cannot allow free conversations, frivolous jokes, etc. In addition, the son’s wife should not appear in front of her mother-in-law without a scarf, untidy. In the family, Nana looked after, raised, and controlled the behavior and actions of her daughters-in-law and daughters.

Ts1ennana took an active part in raising the child, taking the women of her house to funerals, wakes, etc. Tsennana's first assistant, to whom she could entrust some of her responsibilities, was the wife of her eldest son. Ts1ennana played important role in the ritual life of the family, being a kind of keeper of the family, ancestral fire, which was considered sacred in Chechen families (as well as among other peoples of the Caucasus).

The cult of fire and hearth in the Chechen family

Let us especially say about the cult of fire and hearth in large and small Chechen families. As is known, the hearth of many peoples of the world was the center of the house, uniting and linking family members into a single whole (remember the ancient Chechen name for a large family - “people of the same fire”). After dinner, the whole family gathered around the fireplace, usually located in the center of the house, and all economic and vital issues were discussed here. The fire in the hearth, maintained by a female mistress, was passed on from father to children, and there were cases when it was kept in the family for even several generations and was not allowed to go out.

Boilers, the hearth and especially the hearth chain on which the cauldron hung were revered by the Chechens. To this day, the Chechens retain not only the oath of fire, but also ancient curses: “k1ur boyla khan”, which literally means “so that your smoke disappears”; “tse yoyla khan” (“so that the fire disappears from you”). Later, perhaps with the establishment of patriarchal principles in the clan structure, other social norms and corresponding terms were developed: “ts1a” - house; “ts1ina nana” – mistress of the house; “ts1yina da” – owner of the house. All this suggests that once in Chechen society the first place - as the mistress of the home - belonged to a woman. It is also noteworthy that with the establishment of patriarchal principles, the “residence” of the head of the family, his honorable and sacred place, moved to the fire and hearth, although he could not completely push the woman away from the hearth, having assigned purely utilitarian functions for her - to prepare food and maintain the house in clean and tidy. Nevertheless, the place of the head of the house at the hearth seemed to sanctify his power and gave him the right to a leading position in the family.

All this makes us see in the eldest woman in a Chechen family not just the mistress of the house, but a kind of family priestess in the past, who played an important role in the ritual life of the family. So, she, with the consent of the owner of the house, gave a name to the newborn and no one dared to protest it and offer the child a different name (in many cases, the paternal grandmother still gives the child a name).

Speaking about the power of the female head of the house, one can note that it extended to the entire female half of the family, but at the same time, in its nature, it was not much different from the power of the head, although the woman’s functions were limited to the framework of housekeeping and family rituals. She participated in the labor process, but the volume of her work, compared with the responsibilities of other women in a large family, was insignificant. In some cases, she transferred her functions to her eldest daughter, and the daughters-in-law could not do anything on their own, even if it concerned the performance of their daily duties around the house and household.

The dominant type at the end of the 19th – beginning of the 20th centuries among the Chechens, as noted, was a small individual family, which constituted one of the structural elements of the kinship group, with which it was connected by numerous connections. It seems that family and everyday traditions (customs, rituals, holidays) largely contributed to the preservation of these ties, which were aimed at preserving family and group orders and the cultural and ideological community of the Chechen population.

Small families, which, as noted, were the predominant or main types, also had several forms among the Chechens. Some small families consisted of parents and their unmarried sons and unmarried daughters, others included, in addition to parents and children, the parents of the husband, his unmarried brothers and unmarried sisters. In ethnographic literature, the term “simple small family” is used for the first form of family, and for the second – “complex small family”. Both types are small nuclear families of Chechens, in which the numerical composition was naturally different. According to the 1886 census, the size of small families ranged from 2-4 to 7-8, and sometimes up to 10-12 or more people. It is noteworthy that in many lists of the family census, the residence of nephews and nieces in the family of their uncles, as well as cohabitation, was noted cousins etc. And this is an indicator that at the time we are considering, older relatives accepted orphans and close relatives into their families; there were cases when orphaned children and distant relatives were accepted into families when they did not have closer relatives ready to accept orphans.

As can be seen from the data of family lists of 1886, among the Chechens in the time we studied, the main form of family was a small two-generation family, consisting of parents and their children. At the end of the 19th century, despite the desire of the peasants to preserve large families, they continued to break up. The development of capitalism undermined patriarchal foundations. Due to the penetration of private property tendencies into families, partitions began to become more frequent and completed. They prepared for the division of a large family in advance: they built or bought residential and utility premises, and prepared estates. The sons were separated after the birth of the first child. In most cases, parents kept their youngest son with them. However, if they wanted, they could leave any son. After the division, the brothers sought to maintain their former unity and continued to take part in the family’s economic work, etc.

The singled out small family acted as a separate economic unit. It also focused on labor organization. Women were busy with housework, raising children, etc. A woman’s participation in agricultural work, if necessary, did not free her from performing her main duties. Men almost never took part in “women’s work”, since, according to established tradition, this was considered shameful.

While maintaining the natural nature of the economy, items necessary for the household and everyday life were produced by the family - mainly by women. The position of a woman corresponded to the important place she occupied in a public place and in working life families.

Chechen woman

In the past, women among the Chechens enjoyed incomparably greater freedom than among the neighboring Caucasian peoples. Girls and even married women did not hide or cover their faces in the presence of men. Chechens, brought up in the spirit of strict morality, have always been distinguished by their reserved attitude towards women. Mutual relations between young men and girls were based on mutual respect and strict mountain morality. Beating or killing your wife was considered the greatest disgrace; society stigmatized such a man; In addition, for the murder of a woman (wife), the perpetrator was subject to revenge from her relatives. Any revenge, punishment, murder could not take place in the presence of a woman; moreover, by throwing a scarf from her head, she could stop any bloodvenge. The persecuted bloodline remained unharmed if he hid in female half the home of any family from the bloodline. According to the adats of the Chechens, a man was not supposed to overtake a woman on horseback, but had to dismount and lead the horse by the bridle; when passing by elderly woman men had to stand up as a sign of respect for her, and men also had no right to fight in the presence of a woman. One of the archival documents of the Ermolov Foundation noted: “...women are given due respect: in their presence no one will be offended, and even one driven by a vengeful sword will find his salvation by resorting to a woman, then his life will remain safe.” Adats also maintained honor married woman. This is understandable, since the one who insulted his wife also insulted her husband, and this led to blood feud.

According to the adats of the Chechens, a woman never completely left the care of her relatives and her husband had no right to her life. Researcher of customary law of the peoples of the Caucasus F.I. Leontovich writes: “Under no circumstances can a husband sell or take his wife’s life, even if he proves infidelity... This is also typical for Chechens.” If the wife violated marital fidelity, the husband expelled her from the house, announcing the reason for the divorce to her parents and relatives, and demanded the return of the bride price. If we compare this custom with the adats of other highlanders and, in particular, with the customs of the Kumyks, where a husband can kill his wife for infidelity and, in case of complete evidence, is freed from blood feud, then we can conclude that the Chechen adats are humane in relation to women.

Customs of “avoidance” among Chechens

In the Chechen family, there were a number of prohibitions, the so-called customs of “avoidance”: between husband and wife, between daughter-in-law and husband’s relatives, between son-in-law and wife’s relatives, between parents and children, etc. The listed prohibitions are remnants of archaic forms of gender relations before marriage. For example, among the Chechens, the groom stayed with his friend or relative throughout the entire wedding period. Before the wedding (religious registration - “mah bar”) he did not visit the bride (usually this happened on the 4th day), and did not show himself to the guests. After the wedding, he visited the bride “secretly” for some time. For a certain period of time, the Chechen bride could not talk to her husband’s parents and relatives, or his friends. Compliance with the ban was the stricter, the closer in degree of relationship and older in age these people were. It happened that the bride did not talk to her father-in-law until old age (this happened very rarely). This ban did not last long, since in conditions of joint farming there was a need for communication. The husband's relatives gradually approached the daughter-in-law with a request to speak to them, while the persons lifting the ban presented gifts. This custom is known as "mott bastar" (loosening the tongue).

The son-in-law had to behave with restraint and politeness with his wife's relatives, and try to yield to them in everything. It was considered indecent if he was often in the company of his wife, and among the Ingush he (son-in-law) should almost never see his wife’s parents. The couple did not call each other by name. The husband did not enter the room where his wife and children were; in front of the elders, he did not pick up his child and did not caress him.

The Chechens, like other peoples of the North Caucasus, had a fairly strict division of labor between women and men. It should be noted that Chechen women never drove oxen on a cart, did not mow hay, and men did not do housework: they did not milk cows, did not clean rooms, etc.

Speaking about the gender and age division of labor among the Chechens, we note that responsibilities were also divided by age. The most responsible jobs (sowing, plowing...) were performed by experienced, older family members, and other jobs that did not require much experience and skills were performed by young ones. All work, as a rule, was supervised by the father - ts1inada. In Chechen families, all work was done together.

The traditional division of labor also existed among the female part of the family. The female part of the family was led by “ts1ennana” - the wife of the head of the family or his mother, who distributed women's work, she herself took part in performing part of the household work, indicating which daughter-in-law should do what: who should do the cleaning, sewing; who should carry water with the girls, etc.. The mistress of the house was in charge of all household chores. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was trusting, since women constantly need each other’s help and support. It can also be said that in small families there was no division of labor between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law and, in general, household work was interchangeable. But the burden of all the housework fell on the daughter-in-law, who did the bulk of the housework. It was considered indecent for a young woman to walk around the house idle and often visit neighbors. Relatives and neighbors praised the hard-working young women who were constantly at work, got up early, kept the house and yard clean, coped with all their many responsibilities around the house, and were friendly. The Chechens said, and older people still say, that “happiness visits home and family early in the morning.” And if the doors in the house are closed, it passes by with the words: “They don’t need me.”

Raising children among Chechens

Divorces among Chechens

At the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries, divorces occurred very rarely in Chechen families. As a rule, the initiators were always men, but it should be noted that in cases where a woman was childless, she herself proposed divorce. During a divorce, the husband, in the presence of a witness, had to say “As yiti hyo” (I left you). He said this phrase three times. When divorcing, the husband gave his wife everything that she brought from parents' house, and everything that she accumulated during the period of marriage through her labor. Although very rare, divorces on the initiative of the wife sometimes occurred in Chechen families, which, as a rule, were condemned by public opinion.

Throughout the entire system of family rituals wedding ceremony Chechens were the most developed. The famous Soviet ethnographer L.Ya. Shtenberg noted that “... in the entire complex complex, which includes many rituals: social, legal, economic, religious, magical, etc., the features of many layers going back to the deepest antiquity and formed under the most diverse historical and cultural influences are combined in a single ritual " Since the main purpose of marriage was procreation, the wedding was accompanied by some magical rituals that were supposed to influence the appearance of healthy offspring. For example, the bride had to step over a dagger or walk under crossed checkers, and also lie on a certain side while sleeping, etc. To ensure male offspring, a child, a boy, was given into the bride’s arms as soon as she entered her husband’s house.

The Chechens have a common marriageable age for a man it began at 20-25 years old and 18-20 years old for a woman, but young men got married at the age of 23-28 years and later. In the pre-revolutionary past, there were cases among Chechens when young men, due to lack of funds, could not get married until they were 30 or more years old. Early marriages among the Chechens were rare, although ethnographic material provides some facts when girls were married off at the age of 15-16.

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IN family education Chechens assigned a significant role to children’s assimilation of order and etiquette. All aspects of etiquette have been quite clearly developed over generations, as can be judged by table etiquette. Thus, according to the rules of etiquette, the younger ones were not supposed to sit down for a meal before the elders, sit in the place of the elders, or talk during the meal. Members of a small family, in the absence of guests, ate food together, and in the presence of guests, they first set the table for the men, and then the women and children ate. In large families, meals were organized differently: in some cases, all the men ate together with the father, the head of the family, then they fed the children, and then the women (mother, daughters, daughters-in-law, etc.). Could eat separately married couples: the head of the family with his wife, sons with their children.

It should be noted that the Chechens did not approve of eating at different times in the family, because they believed that there would be no prosperity and harmony in the house if everyone ate separately from others. Chechens believe that it is forbidden to leave a piece of bread, churek or other part of food that has been started and left uneaten, thereby implying that you are abandoning your happiness. It seems that elders and parents taught their children to be careful and thrifty with bread.

In Chechen families it was given great importance physical, labor and moral education children and teenagers. It should be noted that children and adolescents, both in the process of direct participation in the working life of the family, and during various games, various youth competitions (running, stone throwing, horse racing, wrestling, etc.) received physical training. The Chechens gradually taught the boys to male species labor: graze and care for livestock, chop wood, carry crops from the field on a cart, etc. early age boys were taught to ride and care for horses. They also sought to teach boys to endure difficulties and strengthen their character. As a rule, the “lessons” began with the simplest assignments and ended with instilling the skills of independent work.

Girls were taught household chores: cleaning the room, kneading dough, cooking, washing, sewing, wool processing, embroidery, etc. The girls also helped their mother take care of the children. In a small Chechen family, girls were the mother’s only assistants in household chores, performing feasible household duties. Among the Chechens, as among other peoples of the Caucasus, a daughter was judged by her mother, and a mother was judged by her daughter. Very often, relatives and neighbors compared the daughter with the mother and said: “Nana erg yu tsunnan yo1” - the daughter is the same as the mother; they also said: “Shen nana hillarg hir yu tsunnan yo1” - she will be the same as her mother. If relatives or neighbors saw mistakes in the behavior of a growing girl, they concluded that the mother was not a good teacher, and added that the girl was a useless housewife. If the girl grew up neat, hardworking, and acquired a good reputation, her mother was praised.

In general, in the Chechen family, a significant role was assigned to raising children. It is noteworthy that the Chechens, in proportion to the children’s abilities and skills, entrusted them with one or another area of work. And the rules of behavior and work traditions were passed on to children in the family; it was instilled in them and explained to them from early childhood that they should fulfill the requests and instructions of their elders, that they should help in work, in life, and each other. And here the personal example of parents and elders was and is the main and the best remedy passing on positive traditions.

In late autumn and winter, when there was more free time, it was customary for Chechen families to gather at home around the fireplace. Older people talked about the past of their ancestors and the history of the people, recalled the heroic deeds of their grandfathers, historical tales, legends, told fairy tales, various legends and parables to the assembled youth, asked riddles, introduced proverbs and sayings. Of course, such evenings had a positive moral influence in conditions where there were no public schools, radio or television.

Sharia norms had a significant influence on the life of a rural Chechen family.

Chechen wedding.

Weddings in Chechen families were usually held in autumn and winter. It was considered undesirable to get married in April “Bekar-but” - the month of the cuckoo, citing the fact that the cuckoo does not have its own nest.

The main forms of marriage were: marriages by matchmaking, marriages by kidnapping, marriages by mutual consent of young people without prior notification of parents. Adat and Sharia prohibited marriages of Muslim women with people of other faiths. The principle of exogamy was strictly observed. When choosing a future bride or groom (and, accordingly, future relatives), purity of blood and impeccable reputation were placed above the material factor. Polygamy, despite the deep penetration of Islam at the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries, was not a common phenomenon among the Chechens.

Any of the above forms of marriage consisted of several stages:

a) choosing a bride;

b) matchmaking (“escape”, kidnapping of the bride);

c) wedding;

d) post-wedding rituals.

Each stage was a whole complex of customs and rituals associated with cultic ideas, supposedly contributing to the successful completion of the whole matter. A lot of people gathered for the Chechen wedding: close and distant relatives, neighbors, etc., and this did not require an invitation, since anyone who came was already a welcome guest. The bride and groom did not take part in the wedding. Chechen folk weddings have always been full of music, songs, dances, and colorful rituals.

On the wedding day, there was an “inspection” of the bride’s clothes, which were brought from home on the wedding day or a few days before the wedding, and the woman who brought it (the clothes) was given gifts.

The Chechens, immediately after the completion of the wedding, performed a ritual of including the newlywed into the economic life of the family. For this purpose, ch1epalgash pies were baked. A needle from the hem of a wedding dress was stuck into one of them. The young people, singing and dancing, together with the bride, went to the spring. The ritual was called “nuskal hit1e dakkhar” - taking the daughter-in-law to the water.

Here a creature with a needle was thrown into the water and shot at. Then they scooped up water and returned again, singing and dancing. In the past, shooting was intended to ward off hostile spirits from the bride, but today it is simply a wedding fireworks display.

After the cycle is completed wedding ceremonies they organized a movlid, to which mullahs, relatives and neighbors were invited. This tradition is observed to this day. These are, in general, the most general features of the ritual traditional Chechen wedding.

Concluding the article on education, we note that raising children was an everyday activity of the Chechen family. The importance of this was deeply understood among the people. Chechen folklore emphasized that parents, by raising their children, thereby created their future: what it will be like largely depends on how their children grow up. In raising children, there were folk principles developed over several centuries. The traditional system of education among the Chechens included such aspects as ensuring a full-fledged physical development, constant care for the health of the younger generation, transfer of labor and economic skills, compliance with norms of behavior in society, transfer of knowledge about the world around us. All these foundations were laid in the family.

Chechen wedding

So, it's decided! After a long debate whether or not to do the lovzar, the old people are at home - at the insistence of the youth and their own; plans known only to them, they finally reached a verdict: Allow Lovzar to be held this coming weekend. They called my father, and my grandfather’s brother, Chinka, the oldest among my relatives. male line announced to his father: “Tahana, nahekh lyattash bokha singattam bu, belli, bayni, tsongshi, khi d1a, khi d1a. Masni do uysh tsaditschia, amma, duyne vayg sats lur dats, I hiyts lur dats, derrig d1aderzin masuo x1uma nisdella ts1ka hir dats, thom oha duundeg dina dovler, kegirkhoyshn dokh tsarn mettig hilitarn dokha desh du x1 ara, lovzar...” (Today is very difficult time, killed, kidnapped, sick, etc. However, we cannot stop life, everything never happens well, so for the sake of the youth we decided to do this..) With something like this, or maybe even more beautiful, speech, he explained to his nephew, in the yard whom this wedding was planned, the reason for the permission of the large solemn event, which is the finale of the secret meetings, and the beginning of the life together of the two loving friend friend of young people.

They did Lovzarsh, both when people in Kazakhstan were dying from hunger and cold, and when it seemed like the end of the world had come, they did it at the most difficult and difficult hour. Lovzar shook people up, made them more beautiful, stronger, made them believe in the future!

Further, Lovzar - a wedding, has its own unshakable canons, its own rules, its own attractions, and like the law it is never similar to one another. All these features linked into a single mechanism provide extraordinary entertainment, a cheerful mood and a feeling of celebration for all those present.

However, for the organizer of a Chechen wedding, this mood for everyone is given by incredible tension of all forces.

Let's start in order, well, firstly, as soon as permission is received, the Council for holding the event itself meets, there are present, one might say preside: the father and mother of the groom, and the groom's closest people (brothers, sister, of course adults), issues are resolved here : who needs to be notified, and to whom to send a respected person and ask not to consider this wedding disrespectful towards them (due to the recent grief of these people), who specifically to invite, how many people the main table will be set for, tables for women, for children, tables for especially honored guests, where the bride will stand, which of the girls-relatives or sisters of the groom will be next to the bride all the time, what gifts to give to the girls who will come with the bride, who to entrust with inviting musicians: accordion player, doulist, singers and etc.

Special meaning is given to the security of the event: starting from the speed of the escort car, shooting, the exact route of the motorcade, the number (both quantitative and qualitative) of those who will go to pick up the bride. As a rule, the key positions here are occupied by the closest relatives, men, for whom it is highly discouraged to make a mistake, due to the fact that it falls on them. Here, minute by minute, the entire course of the future action is played out, the place for dancing, the place for the girls to sit, and the place where the guys should stand is determined, the number is predicted taking into account the Chechen mentality, (there can be a hundred or a thousand guests), specific performers of all actions and preparations are appointed for a wedding, there are no trifles in such a matter, as those who neglect this whole procedure have to be convinced. The slightest detail not taken into account at such meetings turns into a big embarrassment.

A day that many participants will remember for the rest of their lives is beginning! In terms of time, they try to bring the bride closer to noon or a little after noon, when the day has already wavered towards evening. The bride in luxurious wedding attire is driven to the porch of her current house, taken out of the car and brought to the groom's mother-in-law, who is waiting for her surrounded by women with a bowl of sweets. She herself puts sweets in her mouth and showers her with candies from head to toe, accompanying her with the words: “Del ya hyo march” (Come free), etc. A young woman standing nearby hands her a male baby and she is led into the house or to the place where a festively decorated corner has been prepared for her. The guests begin to gather.

Ozd k1ant, lovzare-lovzar d1adola delchul t'a'kh khochsh tovsh vu, lovzar yuk'e dalch davodash tovsh vu - Chechen ethics. (A well-mannered guy comes to a wedding after it starts and leaves without waiting for the end)

Lovzarsh, halharsh, vokkha stag volush, k1ant volush, sinkeramsh, sakyerarsh, dog haitarsh, zahlonsh, mok yitarsh, dunen bezam t1elatsarsh... Etc. This is all and this is not a complete list of specific words - concepts used in fishing.

Lovzar is a kind of market where they bring the best that comes to it: G1ilkh-ozdingal, tar-khazal, kuts-kep, duhar-kechvalar, lel-haar, dosh al-wist hilar. Those. to put it in Russian, this is going out into the world. And look at people and show yourself. And of course, this is a test, this is competition, this is some kind of result in someone’s education... People who demand to cancel this event probably want this because, everything I described above, somehow there is less work. But this is not Lovzar’s fault, but the fault of those who carry it out ineptly. In a word, if our ancestors would have treated this event as frivolously as we do today, the catcher would have outlived its usefulness long ago...

“Stag volu stag t1e vag1chi, stag hyuli ts1a vog1u, stag vocch stag t1e vag1chi, paidbotsche will vog1u,” says popular wisdom. (When you go to people, you return as a human being...) The author of these lines had to visit such places more than a dozen times weddings, after which you feel an order of magnitude higher, you comprehend your surroundings in a new way.

This is largely facilitated by Toastmasters. “Taman-da” is translated from Chechen as the father of pleasure. He knows everyone sitting at the table, including those who have arrived again and from very far away. At least, this is the feeling that arises among those for whom the Toastmaster asks those present to raise a glass.

Fifty to sixty people sitting at the ceremonial table, of whom you barely know one or two, listen attentively to the Toastmaster, who makes a speech, a skillful, noble speech, and you begin to catch something familiar from the facts he lists, these are the heroic deeds of your ancestors or your deeds, unknown to anyone, but characterizing you very well, and only at the very end, when everyone starts looking at each other in bewilderment to look for the culprit of such flattering words, your name sounds... If you came here as an unknown person, then thanks to the art of the toastmaster, you leave famous , having met a very large number of people who sincerely want to become your friends... At such a table there are no drunken speeches, and especially drunk people, and inappropriate speeches. Everything serves one purpose; introduce people to best qualities each other, to instruct young people in the good, the noble - living among the people forever.

Meanwhile, elegant Chechen girls and the guys take their places in the circle. In a place of honor there is a table with food, behind it sit honorable people headed by Inarl-General, this Inarl is responsible for everything that happens specifically in the circle. For the behavior of zhukhargsh clowns, for the behavior of young boys and girls. He is assisted in this directly by the manager of the circle - a young man of about thirty, armed with a twig or flower.

Shun yukhekh your votsush yish hil tarlo shun, your votsush your hil tarlo shun, yish yotsush your hil tarlo shun, tsul sovnakh makhkar votsu hyasha hila tarlo shun and tidmi iets shay de datsakh, shayn lovzar kyaram divide - that’s how we were raised! (Among all there may be a girl who doesn’t have a brother, or a guy who doesn’t have a brother, or a foreigner from afar, if you don’t know how to behave with these people, a wedding is contraindicated for you)

Everyone is dressed up and looks festive, it is unacceptable to attend a wedding, and even more so, in a dance, in sweatpants- as some people can afford to do today, or even unkemptly dressed, drunk, behaving inappropriately. Of course, no one here will say a word to them about this, but they will be remembered as a person who insulted this bright day for the organizers.

Now about the relationship between a guy and a girl, I want to preface the conversation about these subtleties with a small digression into the old days. The intimate side of the relationship between two lovers has always been hidden behind seven locks in Chechen society. And the words conveyed to each other, as if in a third person, and symbolic comparisons-metaphors understandable only to the two of them, the eastern language of lovers is full of mystery, all this was, is and will be. But I want to give here an example of bashfulness, modesty in expressing one’s feelings, which is inherent in real Vainakh men...

In the clean field after the battle, the epic hero Adi Surkho, leaning on his saber, walks around the bleeding Chechen comrades who fell in an unequal battle, asks Adi Surkho to convey the message: “Dakaza ma wala hyo, va Adi va Surkho, tsu nana va Gikhchu, hyo khacha va khacha, yurt chuvulche, bIasten uggar khyalkha kertakh 1azh latuoche, 1ash yu hyun ts1an nena haza yo1, d1ololakh akh tsu'nga so'gara kost, alalakh akh ts'nga, hyuna chetakh sovg1atash khekhyancho khi s ovg1atash dahyar dats ali..." (Adi Surkho, you will be in the village , find a house where the apple tree is the first to bloom in the yard, one girl lives there.. tell her that the one who gave her gifts will not give them anymore..) I don’t know how it is for anyone, but these simple words bring tears to my eyes.. ... did not betray her, did not mention her name, nor her father, nor her court, as he conveyed to his beloved about his death, after all, his chosen one probably knew that only death could turn him away from her... Hyaay dadala hyan, ma do hyo dolchuingakh!

If a guy met a girl at a wedding that he liked, he can send her swag - an invitation dunen sakyiram tyeitsa reza yu hyo oliy through an intermediary. A girl can afford to accept the advances of many guys, talk, listen to compliments, communicate, but this is all until she chooses among them the only one with whom she wants to go through life, until she reaches a real agreement with this one , and they will not exchange signs of fidelity to each other, such as: a ring, a handkerchief, some small trinket - do not confuse it with gifts, which can be in great abundance and from anyone who seeks her attention. But if she already has a lover, let’s use this wonderful word, give it to a Chechen woman, then she will apologize to this guy, thank him for the honor and tell him that she has a boyfriend. The guy should be worthy of her, not be offended by her answer, and if he can forget, then forget. But anything can happen... life has never flowed according to the rules and, of course, there are exceptions among the Chechens... Well, more on that in another article.

But at one wedding it is not customary to clearly show signs of attention to two people at once; you should be very even in relationships so as not to provoke jealousy and subsequent possible troubles. This applies to guys equally, don't forget that Medea was your sister.

Now that you have received a favorable answer, you should check how this girl dances. In dance, as in a mirror, a person’s character is tested; it’s not for nothing that the Chechens call it KHALKHAR, i.e. KHAL HAAR - find out about the condition. Is she slim, can she move, can she dress, can she dance. A person’s dance can tell a lot, a lot to an experienced eye. It reflects the whole person, like a mirror, with the smallest details of his character. Even if a young man is inexperienced in such a deep analysis of dance, then there will always be female relatives nearby who will point out shortcomings or concerns about what he can expect from this person.

And so Lovzar begins; the elder, or the eldest of the organizers, generally one of those responsible for what is happening, addresses the audience with a brief welcoming speech. He wants to have fun from the heart, asks that they be tolerant, respectful of each other, and maintain order. Lovzar is usually started by one of the honored and respected guests, tskha berkati stag yukh vokhu. Everyone, showing him respect, stands up and stands until he leaves the circle. He may be followed by more seniors, one or two... then the youth reign supreme.

And so the music sounds, the doula beats, the blood plays, your entrance is maestro! The guy, having secured consent to dance, waits for his turn, goes into the circle, he himself goes around the circle in dance, does bokh bukhar (fast dance...) Inarlu, and goes out to his girlfriend, who by this time is already ready to join the dance, he does she receives a sign of attention in a dance step, a kind of appreciation, and rushes after her smoothly slipping away partner. The idea of the game is this, that is, the meaning of the dance movement: the girl runs away, the guy rushes after her, but she is willful, and he has to drive her into his drawing. He hinders her, does not allow her to move... until she resigns herself, then he leads her, as if as a sign of his victory, to Inarl’s table, she dances - spins for Inarl, then brings her to his friends, where she also spins and then he escorts her to her place, in principle, after this well-coordinated duet, she can leave the circle at any time. Another thing is if the girl is not the chosen one, then they dance the usual dance, two or three circles, in front of Inarl, and she leaves. After seeing off his partner, the dancer performs a jubilant victory dance - temperamentally, to the fervent cries of his friends and ends the dance. The rest of the time, during breaks between dances, young people exchange messages through intermediaries, and, if possible, directly.

Two words about Chechen dance, Soviet Union of course, he emasculated Chechen art, making it “national in form and communist in spirit.” In the old days, there were several rhythms and forms of Chechen dance. All of them have reached us, and our choreographers, Tapa Elembaev, Khasan Gapuraev, Adlan, Dikalu Muzykaev and others knew them very well: kog sharshor, kog aibar, kog lovzar, kuogts khashar, etc. and not many had the right to dance, for example, Kog Aybesh... To do this, it was necessary to have no less rights than very many now have important person. But for some reason, even in an ensemble we resort to only two or three dance steps of Caucasian dance...

The Chechen people have always attached great importance to dance, people who know how to dance well have been remembered for centuries, the names of Makhmud Esambaev, Dakashev Vakha, Didigov Magomed and others are still heard. I saw how they danced, and Mahmud, and Vakha, and Magomed...

It was real high poetry of dance, like no one has ever danced before! Tsar tsa set yor yuh! Hyay dadala cer, ma neha b1arg buzur king! Ma samuka dokhara tsara nehan! People leaving their concerts began to respect themselves at least for the fact that THEY were Chechens.

Georgian choreographers, such celebrities as Sukhishvili, took a lot from Chechen dance, when they saw one of our original dancers, they dug into this person like leeches, trying to take all this skill from him, Georgian composers have long done colossal things from Chechen melodies, and when we timidly told them about this, they answered with a laugh: “Go ahead, take our songs and dance, because my adzin people are lusty brothers...” What can you say, they are truly brothers... And we need to learn from them and get back ours.

During the dances, people sometimes throw money, some hand it into the girl’s hands. I don’t know if this custom has deep roots in our country, but it seems to me that it’s artificial, courage is not in honor among the Chechens.

They also stand up not only when old people dance, a sister stands up when her brother dances, they stand up when a guest dances, they stand up simply out of respect even when a young guy dances, if he deserves it. This is how the wedding goes, they say that if mar nana the mother-in-law dances, then the nus daughter-in-law d1aed leaves. Don’t believe me, my daughters-in-law don’t walk away from this...

In general, a lot can be written about this, but the musicians are tired and it’s time for us too... A respected person who followed the wedding comes out into the circle and thanks everyone present for the gyilk and ozdingal that they showed here, special thanks to the pondarchins and doulist and singers, and declares the store closed.

I wrote that I knew that I remembered offhand, if something is wrong, write, and together we will create a “Manual for holding a Chechen wedding.”

Chechen character

Said-Khamzat Nunuev:

It is no coincidence that they say that Nokhchalla is in the blood (genes) of every true Vainakh.

I have heard and read from many that Nokhchalla is the Nakh Code of Honor. I don't mind. I wrote this myself until recently. But upon careful analysis and comparison with many historical realities, it turns out that Nokhchalla touches not only on issues of honor and dignity - it forms the basis of national self-identification, provides a spiritual and moral connection between generations and times from the very depths of millennia.

Nokhchalla, therefore, is the national ideology of the Nakhs, in the name of which they must fight, live, and live with their heads held high!

People who live in accordance with Nokhchalla can in no case be petty, deceitful, stingy, narcissistic, not to mention the fact that any kind of crime automatically excludes them from among the owners of this treasure. The unique property of Nokhchalla is that any person can keep himself within the framework of its principles, regardless of rank, class, education, or type of activity. The main thing in Nokhchalla is not to lose human, male dignity, not to be tempted, not to become arrogant, not to lose heart.

Every true Vainakh, raised in his homeland in a traditional family, has strong makings of a knight, a gentleman, a diplomat, a courageous defender and a generous, reliable comrade. What is the reason? Why will a real Chechen or Ingush never let you down, betray you, forgive an insult, tolerate evil and violence, lies and duplicity, cowardice and cowardice?

Nokhchalla, as was said, is not enough to define the word “honor”. The Vainakhs have this honor. It is not enough to define the word “nobility”, because for us it is ozdangalla. Thus, we have “courage” - donalla, “courage” - mayralla, “pride” - yakh, “generosity” - komarshalla, “justice” - niyaso. In a word, all individual virtues among the Vainakhs are designated by specific words and definitions. “Nokhchalla” is something broader and more capacious. This is a worldview, an ideology. How could it have turned out? Based on myths? The ancestors of the Vainakhs parted with myths in the depths of thousands of years. Based on scriptures? The Vainakhs did not preserve them. This worked out well for the Jews. Based on military deeds, outstanding epoch-making feats? But in this case, Nokhchalla’s ideology would have a fighting, mobilizing spirit. And in Nokhchalla there is not even a hint of aggressiveness or belligerence. On the contrary, the ideology of Nokhchalla is distinguished by its special peacefulness, ethics and aesthetics, as if it was created not on earth at all, but in heaven.

"Nokhcho" means Chechen. And the concept of “nokhchalla” is all the features of the Chechen character in one word. This includes the entire spectrum of moral, moral and ethical standards of life for a Chechen. A child in a traditional Chechen family absorbs, as they say, “with mother’s milk” the qualities of a knight, a gentleman, a diplomat, a courageous defender and a generous, reliable comrade.

The origins of these qualities of a true Chechen:

Once upon a time, in ancient times, in the harsh conditions of the mountains, a guest who was not accepted into the house could freeze, lose strength from hunger and fatigue, or become a victim of robbers or a wild animal. The law of the ancestors - to invite into the house, warm, feed and offer overnight accommodation to the guest - is observed sacredly. One of the most important points of Nokhchalla is hospitality.

Roads and paths in the mountains of Chechnya are narrow, often snaking along cliffs and rocks. Having a row or arguing, you could fall into the abyss. Being polite and compliant is “nokhchalla”. The difficult conditions of mountain life made mutual assistance and mutual assistance necessary, which are also part of “nokhchalla”.
The Chechens have never had princes and slaves, since the concept of “nokhchalla” is incompatible with the “table of ranks”.

“Nokhchalla” is the ability to build relationships with people without in any way demonstrating one’s superiority, even when in a privileged position. On the contrary, in such a situation you should be especially polite and friendly so as not to hurt anyone’s pride. So, a person riding a horse should be the first to greet someone on foot. If the pedestrian is older than the rider, the rider must dismount.

“Nokhchalla” is friendship for life: in days of sorrow and in days of joy. Friendship for a mountaineer is a sacred concept. Inattention or discourtesy towards a brother will be forgiven, but towards a friend - never!

"Nokhchalla" is a special veneration of a woman. Emphasizing respect for the relatives of his mother or his wife, the man dismounts his horse right at the entrance to the village where they live.

For example, there is a parable about a highlander who once asked to spend the night in a house on the outskirts of a village, not knowing that the owner was alone at home. She could not refuse the guest, she fed him and put him to bed. The next morning the guest realized that there was no owner in the house, and the woman had been sitting all night in the hallway by a lit lantern. While washing his face in a hurry, he accidentally touched his mistress’s hand with his little finger. Leaving the house, the guest cut off this finger with a dagger. Only a man brought up in the spirit of “nokhchalla” can protect a woman’s honor in this way.

"Nokhchalla" is the rejection of any coercion. Since ancient times, a Chechen has been brought up as a protector, a warrior, from his boyhood. The most ancient type of Chechen greeting, preserved to this day, is “come free!” The inner feeling of freedom, the readiness to defend it - this is “nokhchalla”. At the same time, “nokhchalla” obliges the Chechen to show respect to any person. Moreover, the further a person is by kinship, faith or origin, the greater the respect. People say: the offense you inflicted on a Muslim can be forgiven, for a meeting on the Day of Judgment is possible. But an insult caused to a person of a different faith is not forgiven, for such a meeting will never happen. To live with such sin forever.

From a religious point of view, the meaning (the Plan of the Almighty) of the creation of everything (the biological and physical world, the Universe) is in the cultivation of the human mind and human conscience.

The main crime of man and humanity against God, against His Project is a retreat from reason and conscience.

But the Almighty sharpens the mind and conscience of man and humanity in continuous struggle. Struggle is the main instrument of development, the implementation of God’s Project. It was for the continuous struggle that the Creator allowed the existence of Satan - Iblis.

It would be strange if Satan did not perfect his wiles in accordance with the changing times. So, in provocations of Satan, blasphemous films supposedly about the Prophet and dirty dancing in Orthodox churches appear.

Patience, patient and wise cultivation of reason and conscience - this is what Nokhchalla is. Faith without any advertising rituals, hypocrisy and demonstrations of one’s piety; faith, which is in the soul and heart of a person, and not to please someone or something - this is the direct path to Allah Almighty, Tariqa Nokhchalla! Tariqa with thousands of years of roots, going back to the very origins of Islam, to the very first prophets of mankind.

Said-Khamzat Nunuev.

In Chechnya, the centuries-old traditions of their ancestors are sacredly respected; laws that have historically developed over several centuries are still in effect here. Family has a special place in the life of every Chechen.

But despite the patriarchal way of life, the customs here are not as harsh as those of other Caucasian peoples.

Children are the wealth of the family among Chechens

Large families are held in high esteem in Chechnya. No one here thinks about whether parents’ material wealth allows them to have many children. Welfare does not matter, because only great and Friendly family, in which, according to established tradition, there are at least 7 sons.

Mother is a teacher, father is a role model

The mother is responsible for raising children in a Chechen family, despite the fact that the leading role belongs to the father. He is an example to follow and an unquestioned authority. The father does not even talk to his sons and daughters - communication occurs through the mother. Distance is maintained to such an extent that in the presence of the head of the family, children stand respectfully rather than sit. But Chechen grandmothers take an active part in raising their grandchildren. They spend a lot of time with children, instilling the necessary skills and respect for elders.

Spartan methods in Chechnya? No, love, respect and mercy!

Despite the harsh, at first glance, laws and traditions, very humane practices are practiced here. pedagogical methods. The child is taught to respect elders, love sisters and brothers, and be humane and merciful. Virtue is one of the most important qualities that are instilled in children from a very early age. Children and teenagers are not beaten or forced to do hard work. For them, just a stern look from their father or a shout from an irritated mother is a severe punishment. Chechen children are not characterized by aggression, because they grow up in an atmosphere of love, warmth and respect.

Physical education of Chechen children

Children are not forced to work long hours, but physical education in a soft and unobtrusive form - an obligatory stage of parental pedagogy. Mother and grandmother teach girls handicrafts; they can help adults prepare food, clean, and look after the kids. Boys, together with their elders, herd livestock, participate as best they can in harvesting, and look after the horses that every family has.

Chechens raise their children the same way as their ancestors did 100-200 years ago, they believe in the republic. A childless family is compared here to a tree without branches and fruits. Therefore, the birth of a child, and especially a boy, imposes serious responsibility on parents, which is considered the main task of their whole life.

One parable is very popular in Chechnya: a young mother went to an old man to ask him at what time she should start raising a child. The elder asked how old the baby was. She answered: one month. The elder, without thinking, said that she was exactly a month late in raising her. The most important thing that children are taught according to Chechen traditions is respect for elders. The father's name is an unquestioned authority that has a magical effect on the child.

Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which completely depends on the organizers - father and mother. In the end, a person, raising and spending money on the education of children, invests both strength and finances in them in order to ensure his old age, remaining respected in society both during life and after death. Elderly people often say that there is nothing more pleasant in old age than hearing from strangers about the merits of their children and how respected they have become.

Although modern world leaves an imprint on traditions, on family life, on raising children; in Chechnya they managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - large families. If you ask a 30-year-old Chechen, who does not have a permanent job and a stable income, why he has so many children, it is the same as doubting whether he needs his brothers and sisters. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to the parents, everyone wishes that the newborn would have seven brothers. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s the third child or the fifth. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

Expert opinion

historian, teacher at ChSU, SmartNews

— The main teacher of children in a Chechen family is the mother. If in an ideal Chechen family a boy learns from his father’s example, carried away by his authority, then his mother is practically the first teacher. A woman can turn to her husband for help only in extreme cases, when the child gets out of his hands. “I’ll tell my father everything when he returns” - such statements act on children like shock therapy. Even if the father never raised his hand to his children.

I never sat down in front of my father, I never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Never before have my father and I recent years they did not communicate in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising me. It’s exactly the same in our family. I never spoke to my wife or children in my father's presence. We were raised that way. And we will continue these traditions.

In fact, according to traditional adats, Chechens will never praise their children in public. Almost any Chechen father will remain silent if his son tells him about successes. Father and son communicated through mother, keeping a distance. But the core of the son’s upbringing was the father, whom he must imitate and strive for his ideal.

My father has always been the most important thing for me after the Almighty. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say, Ramzan - good boy. He taught me to do good, to study, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot of things. But I, for example, never showed him that I was more than he was sleeping. I always got up earlier and went to bed later so that he wouldn’t see that I was sleeping. We also have this rule - don’t show your face to your father for a month until he sees you by chance.

My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. She's like a translator.

Punishment of the mother was considered not so shameful, especially since it was usually carried out only during the first years of life. At the same time, the grandmother’s word has always had great authority for a boy, especially a teenager.

Grandmothers play a colossal role in raising children in Chechnya. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows much more than anyone else. Our grandmothers and grandfathers are the wisest. And my grandfather is a very respected person. I am very happy that my grandparents are raising my children.

Expert opinion

child psychologist, SmartNews

— Grandfathers and grandmothers play a special role in raising Chechen children. The writer Musa Beksultanov has a story where an old man takes his grandson with him on a hunt. This was a long-awaited trip for the boy. His grandfather allowed him to take the rifle and shoot the animal. At the last moment, when the game was at gunpoint, the boy did not shoot, and the frightened roe deer ran away. The boy felt ashamed of his weakness and began to cry. His grandfather, on the contrary, praised him for his humanity. “Well done, you will grow good man! - said the old man.

For all their brutality, Chechens have always valued humanity and mercy, and taught their children to it. For the boy in the story, such a reaction from his grandfather to the seemingly weakness that he showed would actually have a very strong effect in the future. He will understand that strong man will not offend the weak. For children at that age, this is a big change.

Even pre-revolutionary historians showed interest in the Chechen traditions of raising boys. When asked why parents don’t beat their children, fathers and mothers answered: “We want them to grow up to be human.” And the famous Russian Caucasus expert Adolphe Berger argued that Chechens never beat their sons because they are afraid that they will grow up to be cowards. The son is not beaten or scolded so that he does not know the feeling of fear.

Chechen historians refer to psychologists who claim that a person who has gone through fear can become a great oppressor. In the worst case, the Chechens believed, such a person could have his soul taken away. They say that if a Chechen is afraid of something, then he should only be afraid of shame or losing face. As the Vainakh proverb says, a horse that has been beaten with a whip will not become a real horse.

Raising children began at a fairly early age. This does not mean that they were forced to do some labor-intensive work. On the contrary, until a certain age, children were prohibited from lifting weights. Chechens never beat their sons. These days this principle is not particularly respected. Sometimes parents are forced to flog their careless offspring with a belt, as if eliminating their own shortcomings made in the process of upbringing. Sometimes such spanking is beneficial. The carrot and stick policy as a contrasting approach also justifies itself - depending on the degree of understanding of the teenager. In general, education implies primarily edification and reprimand rather than corporal punishment.

The Chechens and Ingush never abandoned children. Complete strangers could take a lost child under their care. Proof of this is an incident that occurred several years ago in Ingushetia. In the village of Achaluki, relatives found a Chechen boy who disappeared 16 years ago. Somehow, from the Chechen city of Argun, he ended up on the border with Ingushetia. Having discovered the child, a local resident, who was working in the Ingush police at that time, took him to his place. Since that time, Murad Soltanmuradov has lived with two families.

Children have become a reality in the Russian black earth outback. For a year and a half, a Russian family from Mtsensk raised a Chechen boy, and a Chechen family raised a Russian boy. As a result, by court decision, the families exchanged children.

They lived and had no worries until last August the Androsovs accidentally found a maternity hospital tag with the inscription “Zarema Taisumova.” Strange, where is she from? Reflections led Anna Androsova to an unpleasant conclusion - her one-and-a-half-year-old baby is most likely not her half-son.

The woman met with the Taisumov family, but initially they did not believe her words. Then Anna obtained a DNA examination, which confirmed: women are not raising their own children. It turns out that the kids were mixed up in orphanage. The midwife wrapped them in someone else's blankets, but the tags on the boys' arms were her own.

By a strange coincidence, both women removed these tags without even looking at them. The mothers were not embarrassed by the fact that a dark-haired and brown-eyed baby was born into a Russian family, and a fair-haired and blue-eyed one into a Chechen family. The truth was revealed only after a year and a half. Well, then there was a court that decided to exchange children. The federal judge presiding over this case, Lyudmila Chugina, has more information about this: “Children have the right, according to family code, brought up in their own families. Both children have mothers, fathers, and relatives. Naturally, the court came to the conclusion that children should be raised in their families of origin. There are absolutely no obstacles to this. What the hospital workers did was negligence that borders on crime."

As a result, the families exchanged children. The children were not given new documents. Anya and Zarema only exchanged their sons’ medical cards. And everything fell into place: the dark one is Adlan, the light one is Nikita. Now both women have become friends, and the Taisumovs, who have already moved to Chechnya, are going to invite Anna and their son to visit.

For the maternity hospital, this story did not go unpunished. Anna Androsova filed a claim for compensation for moral damage and won the trial. Now the hospital must pay her 150 thousand rubles. “The court took into account that there is an eldest child in the family who is going through this whole situation very hard, and the mother herself, naturally,” continues Lyudmila Chugina. “It’s also a pity for the one she is forced to give up. The stop in which her own child was, "It was difficult - the boy was going through a transition to another family, throwing tantrums. All this was taken into account by the court."

It is very correct that the boys were returned to their real parents right now, while they are small. There are fewer psychological traumas for them, says Maryanna Bezrukikh, head of the child development laboratory at the Institute of Developmental Physiology of the Russian Academy of Education. “It is important that they grow up in favorable conditions,” she says. “If children grow up in situations of care, love, affection, and attention from adults, then such a situation should not negatively affect their development.”

By the way, Zarema Taisumova is also thinking of going to court for compensation. The maternity hospital itself refused to talk to journalists. They only said that the nurse who made the mistake had already been fired.

A childless family in Chechnya is compared to a tree without branches or fruits. Therefore, the birth of a child, and especially a boy, imposes serious responsibility on parents, which is considered the main task of their whole life.

So that the one born has seven brothers

The most important thing that children are taught according to Chechen traditions is respect for elders. The father's name is an indisputable authority that has a magical effect on the child.

“Each of the children is a project, the implementation of which completely depends on the organizers - father and mother. In the end, a person, raising and spending money on the education of children, invests both strength and finances in them in order to ensure his old age, remaining respected in society both during life and after death. Elderly people often say that there is nothing more pleasant in their old age than hearing from strangers about the merits of their children and how respected they have become,” says 43-year-old Ruslan Musaev, father of seven children.

Despite the fact that the modern world leaves its mark on traditions, on family life, on raising children, in Chechnya they have managed to preserve one of the most important traditions - large families. If you ask a 30-year-old Chechen, who does not have a permanent job and a stable income, why he has so many children, it is the same as doubting whether he needs his brothers and sisters. Until now, when a child is born, in the first congratulations to the parents, everyone wishes that the newborn would have seven brothers. And it doesn’t matter whether it’s the third child or the fifth. A family with seven brothers is a very serious argument worthy of respect in Chechen society.

“The main teacher of children in a Chechen family is the mother. If in an ideal Chechen family a boy learns from his father’s example, carried away by his authority, then his mother is practically the first teacher.

A woman can turn to her husband for help only in extreme cases, when the child gets out of his hands. “I’ll tell my father everything when he returns,” such statements act like shock therapy on children. Even if the father never raised his hand against his children,” says historian Suleiman Demalkhanov.

How Ramzan Kadyrov was raised

The family of Ramzan Kadyrov is an illustrative example; here in practice you can see all the features of the traditions of local education.

“I never sat down in front of my father, I never talked. When asked, I answered. I tried not to go into the room where my parents were together. Until recent years, my father and I never communicated in the presence of my grandfather. I don't remember my father praising me. It’s exactly the same in our family. I never spoke to my wife or children in my father's presence. We were raised that way. And we will continue these traditions,” says Ramzan Kadyrov, head of the Chechen Republic.

“Father for me has always been the most important thing after the Almighty. I did everything to please my father, so that he would say Ramzan is a good boy. He taught me to do good, to study, to always work for the good of the people. This is what I did. We had a special relationship. He forgave me a lot of things. But I, for example, never showed him that I slept more than he did. I always got up earlier and went to bed later so that he wouldn’t see that I was sleeping. We also have this rule - don’t show your face to your father for a month until he sees you by chance. My mother and I had a separate relationship. Everything I wanted to tell my father, I conveyed through my mother. She’s like a translator,” the head of Chechnya, Ramzan Kadyrov, recalls his childhood.

“Grandmothers play a huge role in raising children in Chechnya. It was my grandmother who raised me and is raising my children, because she knows much more than anyone else. Our grandmothers and grandfathers are the wisest. And my grandfather is a very respected person. It is a great happiness for me that my grandparents are raising my children,” says Ramzan Kadyrov.

If you beat him, he will grow up to be a coward

“Grandfathers and grandmothers play a special role in raising Chechen children. The writer Musa Beksultanov has a story where an old man takes his grandson with him on a hunt. This was a long-awaited trip for the boy. His grandfather allowed him to take the rifle and shoot the animal. At the last moment, when the game was at gunpoint, the boy did not shoot, and the frightened roe deer ran away. The boy felt ashamed of his weakness and began to cry. His grandfather, on the contrary, praised him for his humanity. “Well done, you will grow into a good person!” - said the old man.

For all their brutality, Chechens have always valued humanity and mercy, and taught their children to it.

For the boy in the story, such a reaction from his grandfather to the seemingly weakness that he showed would actually have a very strong effect in the future. He will understand that a strong person will not offend a weak one. For children at this age, this is a big turning point,” says child psychologist Khamzat Duduev.

There are no other people's children

In Chechnya, there has long been a tradition when a brother can give his child to his brother and daughter-in-law who do not have children. Children usually learn the truth only when they become teenagers, and until then they consider them their father and mother. foster parents. Such children will never be deprived of the attention of both adoptive and true parents. Islam, which the Chechens now profess, as well as the traditional law of the Chechens - adat, strictly regulates the rules for the adoption of children.

At the same time, according to representatives of the clergy, according to the canons of Islam, adoption is of two types: permitted and prohibited. Permitted is the type of adoption when a child is taken into a family with the purpose of giving him proper upbringing, show kindness and sensitivity to him and completely replace his parents.

What is prohibited is when a child is adopted so that he is considered a child of adoptive parents and the same standards are applied to him as to other children in the family. new family. An adopted child cannot be given a new surname, and he is not obliged to consider strangers as his parents. If the true parents of the adopted child are alive, then he should know about them.

ellesilver.ru

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