What does a break in a relationship mean for a man? Why do you need a timeout? And what does he do during this break?

Recently this story happened to my sister: her boyfriend wanted to take a “break in the relationship.” Suspecting nothing, one fine evening, Anya was preparing dinner and waiting for Kostya to return from work. He stayed late, and when he arrived, he announced almost from the threshold that he needed to think, that he was tired and wanted a break in the relationship. I would like to note that they have been dating for 6 years, 5 of which they live civil marriage. It’s difficult to call these relationships unstable. Anya was ready to hear anything that evening: a long-awaited marriage proposal, an offer to finally go on vacation together, but not what she heard in reality. According to her, there were no prerequisites for such a statement - no quarrels, no serious conflicts... The sister, without giving herself even a day to think, packed her things and moved back to her father’s house, to her parents.

Whether she did it right or not, I don’t presume to judge. But I wondered what it really means for a man to take a break from a relationship? What reasons might influence such a decision? Let's try to figure it out, because this can happen to any of us.

Reason 1. He met someone else

Unfortunately, no relationship is immune from interference by a third party. No matter how intense the feelings may be, this does not mean that someone cannot appear on the horizon who can nullify all your love. This happens suddenly and may be unexpected for both of you. But in this case, a break in the relationship is not necessarily a prerequisite for a breakup. It is quite possible that a man, having tried to start dating another woman, will understand how inferior she is to you, how much closer and more important you are to him.

Reason 2. Tired of responsibility

Quite often men are afraid of responsibility. When the relationship becomes more and more serious, he suddenly realizes that he is responsible not only for himself and his life, but also for someone else’s. This is a shock. And this “suddenly” can arise, both in the first year of living together, and after a few years.

Guest this thought: “Perhaps he was just tired of the responsibility that fell on him when he started dating you.”

Reason 3. Relationship crisis

I think this is the most common and serious reason.

My acquaintance Sasha speaks: “When a relationship crisis arises, when a girl ceases to be as attractive as before, when the spark that was between us disappears, I immediately say that we need to take a break from the relationship. There are two possible ways: we will get a little unaccustomed to each other, get bored, and the spark will flare up with a real flame. Or we’ll separate forever.”

Reason 4. Just tired

The reason for such fatigue lies, most likely, in the fact that the person doubted the correctness of his choice.

Opinion of a visitor to one of the Internet forums, Gesha : “If one person really wants to relax (and not send the other half), go to your grandmother in Kolyma (even if she actually lives in Vyborg), and there, alone, silently think about what you need and what will happen if you will part with your half forever. Have you thought about it? Now go back and bring your far-fetched idea to life. If you wanted to break up, break up; if you didn’t want to, continue to love your other half. But making your partner nervous in advance is somehow inhumane. Imagine: they tell you: “I’m tired, I need to think about my feelings... take a break from each other, or what?” Here, whoever you want, a nervous tic will set in...”

Reason 5. Love has passed - the tomatoes have wilted

I think this is the worst reason for saying “let’s take a break from the relationship.” If a man already knows that he does not want to be with the woman who is now nearby, he must be brave and tell the truth, and not find excuses... Such a man is simply a coward. After all, torturing someone who was once close and loved is a very ignoble and ugly thing to do. Opinion Ninka : “If you need a break, then the relationship is dead. This is a poultice for the dead." or Spiny: “My opinion is a soft message! It's like an ostrich burying its head in the sand."

Reason 6. Lack of freedom - haven’t had enough time yet

Perhaps the man is simply not ready for serious relationship and he needs to slow down. Take your time, they are like children. Give him and yourself some time. If he loves you, he will definitely return.

Guest: “In addition, there is a possibility that he simply does not have enough freedom next to you, and he is trying to “walk up” during this break.”

Reason 7. He wants to understand himself

It often happens that we women get confused in ourselves, and we need a little solitude and rest. The same thing happens with representatives of the opposite sex: he does not understand what is happening to him, and he just needs to understand himself. If the reason is really that the man is confused and doesn’t know what he really needs, it’s worth giving him time! The main thing is to set a deadline, for example, 2 weeks. Otherwise, his thoughts about life, himself, and your relationship may drag on for a long time. If during these 2 weeks he still cannot understand, make a decision and somehow decide, then it’s not destiny, and you should just forget about this person.

Reason 8. To resurrect relationships, renew, return old love

Here I really want to turn to the story Jack London "When the gods laugh." Brief excursion: A married couple, when their relationship began to fade, decided to separate in order to keep their feelings fresh and bright, like on the first day.

“But the dozing gods woke up. They raised their heads and looked at the man and woman who were laughing at them. And they looked into each other’s eyes one morning and realized that something was missing. The one, Firewing, left. He flew away secretly, in the middle of the night, leaving their hermitage.

They looked into each other's eyes and read there not love, but indifference. The desire has died. You understand? The desire has died. And they never exchanged a kiss. Not even once. Love is gone. They are no longer destined to burn, to languish over it. Everything disappeared: trembling, trembling and sweet torment; Sighs, excitement, hot heartbeats, songs disappeared. The desire has died. It died at night on a cold, useless bed, and they did not keep track of how it was gone. They read it in each other’s eyes for the first time.”

A week later the man died, and the woman wrote in her diary:

"Oh, was there a time when we could
We kissed and didn’t kiss!”

If the relationship has faded, it will not be possible to resurrect it, but if it still exists, fight for it! Don't give yourself a break. After all, man is a slave of habit. We quickly learn and get used to living together, next to our soulmate, but we can just as quickly get used to living without her.

Reason 9. This is how it should be. Unplanned break

On one of the Internet forums Berry writes: “I had breaks with my loved one, but they were unplanned: business trips, trips to relatives in another city, and one day we quarreled, and I simply went to another city to visit my parents. During these breaks, love became crazy, I wanted to see each other as soon as possible, we called each other every day, I counted the days. When we met, we were just angels, then everything came back. Breaks, indeed, aggravate the feelings of those who love, and lead to separation of those who no longer love...”

Reason 10. He is not sure about your feelings

Men don't like to lose in battles. Including in the battle of love. If things are not going well in your relationship, he may start to worry that your feelings are fading. And being abandoned is worse for a man than just being left alone, so by offering to take a break from the relationship, perhaps he is just trying to make sure that you have not stopped loving him.

Something is going wrong in the relationship - you begin to doubt your own feelings or the feelings of your partner, and think about whether your union has prospects.

Perhaps you should consider a temporary separation from your loved one.

In what cases should you offer to take a break from each other?

Of course, it is impossible to describe all specific cases when it is worth separating for a while - after all, all couples and relationship stories are unique.

But “Beautiful and Successful” will tell you what “alarm bells” may indicate that there is a problem. And then parting for a while will either help to cope with this problem, or to clearly understand what exactly it is and what to work on after renewing the relationship, or based on the results of the temporary separation, a decision will be made.

You feel like your relationship is holding you back

You remember your life before this relationship, and it seems more eventful and active to you. You see that you are missing out on many truly interesting opportunities because the relationship forces you to have other priorities.

Your partner does not approve of your interests, and to please him, you were forced to abandon them or be less active.

The thought occurs to you that you could be more successful than you are this moment, if they were not in this union. Temporary separation in such a situation can help you set your priorities correctly and evaluate whether other opportunities are truly more useful and interesting for you than a relationship.

Here it is important to understand where the feeling of limitation came from - from your partner (and this is really bad if someone in a couple limits the development of the other person!) or from your own unrealistic assumptions about how rosy a free life would be.

You doubt that you are truly valuable to the person who supposedly loves you

Here some people will say that this manipulation of a temporary separation is to increase one’s worth in the eyes of a partner, and that, in principle, it is not a very clean game to pretend to be a mysterious, elusive touchy one who deliberately limits access to oneself in order to receive more confirmation of the seriousness of feelings.

On the one hand, there is some truth in this opinion. On the other hand, how else should a woman behave if it seems to her that a man has simply gotten used to it, has “warmed up”, has received a number of conveniences in everyday life and sexual life, but at the same time has little appreciation for his partner as a person and is unlikely to sincerely love her?

If separation is manipulation, then the manipulation is very effective: the man will either try to return his beloved and convince her of the strength of his feelings, or he will do nothing, thereby making it clear that he does not really need this relationship. Sometimes after such an event, men themselves go into the sunset, but... that’s where they want to go!

You doubt your own feelings

And feelings are not such a mistaken thing! If it seems to you that you could be better off without this person, that he has ceased to be someone special and necessary for you, this is probably true. The purpose of a temporary separation here is very simple: either you will feel that you want to return, or you will find confirmation of your thoughts that you are better off without him.

Are you tired

Do not consider your fatigue from living together as something shameful, something that should not happen.

• First of all, you are not to blame for this condition.
• Secondly, this is a problem familiar to many people.

Sometimes a person needs to be alone with himself, or communicate with someone else besides the man he loves - for example, with girlfriends or parents. “A vacation from love” is normal!

Temporary separation rules

In order for a breakup to actually be beneficial and not aggravate a bunch of problems, you should adhere to some rules, and be sure to discuss them with your partner!

• Discuss the purpose for which you are temporarily separated. For example, “Let's take a break from each other, I feel like I need to be alone for a while.” Try to be sincere - there is no need to offer mysterious omissions that can cause unnecessary jealousy and a stupid scandal. If you feel insecure about a man and his feelings, then say so, like, I don’t feel that I’m important to you, so I would like to give you the opportunity to think about whether you need our relationship.
• Agree on how much time you will allocate to each other for a “vacation from the relationship.” It is better not to offer terms of more than two weeks, but two or three days is also not enough.
• Try to honestly tell each other what you plan to do during this period - go somewhere alone or with friends, live with your parents, engage in creativity or actively immerse yourself in work, etc.
• Agree whether you want to communicate via the Internet, by phone, etc. Maybe your experiment will take place without any communication at all, maybe you will allow each other to communicate important information if it appears, or maybe you really want to chat on Skype every evening... But the opinion of psychologists is that parting for a while is more effective, the stronger the disconnection from each other's lives. Sometimes online chatter or correspondence turns out to be even more emotionally difficult than actually being there.
• Promise each other not to do completely unacceptable things that would be very difficult to recover from: for example, cheating, dating exes, etc.

When can taking a break from a relationship only do harm?

And when can breaking up for a while cause harm? Definitely - if the idea already appears in your partner, and you would absolutely not want this. Let him go for a while, and the man will think that you also want freedom, and then a breakup is not far off...

To the question of whether it is necessary to take a break from each other in a good, healthy relationship, you can answer “yes” - since the higher the trust and love for each other, the more guarantees that the separation will end in a joyful meeting, and during the time spent apart, both partners will receive some kind of individual experience. And if both (or one of them), then for such people time alone with themselves is the most useful “recharge”.

“My boyfriend began to call me less often, write SMS, and then even suggested taking a time-out in love for a few weeks, supposedly to test the relationship and take a break from each other. I’m desperate, is this the beginning of the end?” Yulia (25 years old), Samara.

Most likely, this time-out will slowly but surely flow into a break, and the man in the memory of the other half will forever remain nothing more than a four-legged, two-horned and heartless.

The man offers a temporary break if he hasn’t had enough yet. He misses clubs, parties, friends and other things from his bachelor life. Men remain children for a long time. In this case, it is advisable to give him a little time to decide what is more important to him: you or freedom. If he loves you, he will definitely return, and it’s much more pleasant to have fun with your beloved girl.

Quarrels and conflicts often occur in couples; the guy and the girl prefer to relax separately and cannot stand mutual criticism. In this case, if one of the couple suggests breaking up for a while, the relationship is most likely doomed. Everyone considers themselves right, not realizing their mistakes; over time, the reluctance of the other half to give in, to submit, develops into negativity towards her.

French psychologist Alain Delurme says that in this case “the most reasonable way to solve the problem,” no matter how sad it may sound at first glance!

The other side of the pause is with -om.
There is no conflict or omissions in the couple, peace and silence reigns. A pause is taken when a couple, by mutual consent, decides to separate for a while to think about whether it is love or a habit. Most often, relationships only improve afterward and marriages are concluded. People understand that this is love, and living at a distance is unbearable for them. After all, separation is simply a panacea for the revival of true love!

During this time you will have the opportunity to analyze events last days(quarrels, conflicts, etc.) that led to such a “pleasant” proposal. And stay positive! After all, life goes on.

If you decide to leave for a while:
The minimum explanation should be: “I want to be alone, I have a lot of work,” etc.
There is no need to make a scene and blame him.

If you left, don’t call him, don’t write SMS, don’t look for “random and unexpected meetings,” don’t ask mutual friends about him, otherwise all this will be more like a breakup game, which the guy is unlikely to like.

Don't forget that leaving is not easy, but returning is not easy.

Quite often, women have complaints against their partners because they do not hear them, do not notice what they should notice and continue to do what is so annoying. Is it really so difficult to put things in their place and screw the lid on? toothpaste and turn on a football match at a lower volume - a familiar situation, right? If you look at this from the outside, you will find that the reason for the emergence of such situations is not the partner’s pathological deafness to comments, but the fact that a huge lump of irritation is growing in us more and more every day. Everyday squabbles come to the fore, and not words of love for each other, secondary things become important, and you solve issues of cleaning the apartment, forgetting to kiss your loved one before bed.

Taking a break from each other: breakups

In order to continue to love each other, you need to separate all the time. Don't be scared, not literally. There is no need to break off the relationship, but you should learn to spend more time apart in order to rush towards each other again. The desire to spend 24 hours together because you cannot exist without each other is typical for the first stages of a relationship. And in order for it to be preserved, you need to let go of your partner’s hand for at least a few hours so that you want to cross your fingers again.

Taking a break from each other: the habit of being bored

Develop the habit of missing your partner by remembering everything you love about him. True, the task becomes a little more complicated if he is next to you at that moment. Therefore, try to plan your leisure time so that you have time to go to the cinema with your friends, have lunch with colleagues, and in the evening be happy woman, who managed to miss her man.

Taking a break from each other: personal space

Personal space is very important for every person, and by ignoring its existence at the beginning of a relationship, you create a big trap for yourself for your future. It doesn’t matter who you are - a pronounced extrovert or a reserved introvert - there comes a time when a person needs to retire to put his thoughts in order. Respect your partner’s personal space and defend yours so that you don’t get offended at each other later. Spend time on the balcony with a cup of coffee, spend the evening watching movies that you want to cry at, read a book in the park. In short, set aside a time and place where you have personal space, and allow your man to do the same.

The BuzzFeed portal has made a relevant video on this topic, which will tell you how find time for yourself, and then return to your partner with fresh thoughts.

Photo source: depositphotos