I hate my husband's mistress. I hate my ex-husband's mistress How to stop hating my husband's mistress

23.07.2020

I just can’t seem to extinguish my hatred for my husband’s ex-lover. He ended all relations with her, but the consequences greatly affected our marriage in terms of everything financially and, first of all, morally. During their relationship, this woman managed to get him into big debt troubles, due to which he still has to pay off all his debts to this day, and this greatly affects the financial situation of our family. I am patient with everything that happens.

Our relationship, thank Allah, has become much better, we have respect for each other, he has become more caring, and I am patient. But sometimes, when, because of his debt, I have to save a lot on family expenses, it becomes very offensive that because of her greed, my children and I suffer. But everything is fine with her, and she doesn’t need anything. Help me, advise me what to read or comprehend in order to forgive her. Sometimes there is internal aggression and hatred towards her, because inside, deep down, I have not forgiven her. And now every time I suspect my husband that he still maintains contact with her, although I know that he does not.

From a religious point of view:

In order for you to be able to extinguish your hatred for this person, you need to sincerely, for the sake of Allah, forgive him. On Judgment Day, this person will answer to Allah for all his actions. Trust in Allah and try to forgive, for this a great reward from the Almighty awaits you. The Almighty says in the Quran (meaning): “ Hold on to forgiveness, encourage goodness and distance yourself from the ignorant "(Surah Al-Araf, verse 199).

The hadith says: “ Forgive the person who did zulm to you (zulm - “oppression, oppression”) ».

Anas (may Allah have mercy on him) tells how a Jewish woman came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him!) with poisoned meat. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him!) learned about this through an angel and did not eat. He told the woman that her meat was poisoned. The Jewish woman replied that this was indeed so, and she had come to kill Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him!). The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him!) only said that Allah would not have allowed this, and released the villain.

On the Day of Judgment, people who have forgiven will be called “Ahlulhaq” – “possessors of high merit.” The hadith says: “ On the Day of Judgment a voice will be heard: “Aina ahlulhak (i.e., where are those who forgave)? Possessors of high virtues, enter Paradise.” And then those who have forgiven will respond».

Do not miss the opportunity to achieve this goal by following the sunnah of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him). May Allah help you.

From a psychological point of view:

For any normal family, a problem associated with cheating on the part of a husband always turns into a tragedy. This phenomenon can poison the family happiness of both spouses for many years and drive a significant wedge into their relationship. But be that as it may, the deed was committed, only a sore mark remained. First of all, you should pay attention to what is positive in the current situation. The good thing is that the husband realized the severity of what was happening and decided to correct the situation for the better. This phenomenon in itself is quite significant, since it is not uncommon that some men, sometimes women, do not realize the full gravity of adultery, show persistence in this and do not feel their own responsibility for what is happening and for what it will ultimately turn out to be for them. them.

In many ways, your condition can be explained by the presence of grievances not only against that woman, but also against your husband. The danger is that your husband, intuitively feeling that you have not fully forgiven him, will constantly feel guilty towards you and see a silent reproach in your eyes. Yes, his action deserves reproach, but his own feelings must also be taken into account. It is likely that he has long since regretted what happened many times and is looking for your forgiveness and understanding. But constant feeling guilt often develops into irritation and, as a consequence, into aggression. This happens quite often. Now, more than ever, your husband needs not reproaches from you, but support.

Of course, you can say that you have forgiven your husband and do not hold grudges against him, but at the same time you express your negative feelings towards that woman in front of him. How do you think your husband will feel about this? He understands perfectly well that he is to blame for what happened, and accordingly, he will redirect all your anger towards himself. He will again and again feel guilty, reproach himself, and all this together will not add to your both family well-being.

As for that woman, there is no point in judging her motives now, since all our speculation will not fully reflect what is happening inside her. Don't think that she lives happily ever after on other people's money. Everyone has their own problems, and there is always a leveling in everything; if a person succeeds in something, then, as a rule, he lags behind in another. It is likely that you are significantly exaggerating the fact that everything is fine in that woman’s life. Leave the grudge, your financial problems will be solved, your family will have prosperity again - be patient and support your husband.

Gadzhimurad Omargadzhiev
theologian
Aliaskhab Anatolyevich Murzaev
psychologist-consultant of the Center social assistance family and children

I got married at 20 years old. My future husband and I met when I was still in school, started dating, and then lived together with him. I got pregnant, we got married. A daughter was born. Her husband loved her very much and still loves her. I took care of the house, studied, and then started working. It was difficult at times, we often quarreled, but we managed.

When the eldest turned 6 years old, we decided to have another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of my second daughter, things got even worse. My husband was promoted at work and became the head of a new department. I stayed at home with the children. Only when my daughter was one and a half years old did I learn the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he entered into a relationship with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year until she married someone else. After the site of her wedding, he went crazy, went on a drinking binge, quit his job, and made a scandal with me.

His crazy state lasted for almost six months, then he filed for divorce from me. It was incredibly offensive and difficult. Later, I left his apartment with my daughters to live with my parents. I found out that his mistress also got married pregnant. A year after the wedding, she divorced her husband. Was it because I was actually pregnant from my husband? I thought justice existed, I was glad that she also received from life. Three years have passed since that time. The resentment towards him did not go away, I was even disgusted to give him the children at the meeting. But he regularly pays child support, and the girls miss him. I, gritting my teeth, allow them to communicate. I knew that he was dating some women and, despite all the resentment, I wanted him to come back to me, so that he would understand that he was wrong. The last time I took the girls for the weekend, on Sunday they came joyful and began to say that they were visiting the site with their aunt and the girl, they had a new sister.

I was simply shocked, I found out through mutual friends that he is now . Still, a few years later it happened. I cried all night from horror and disgust. I called him and couldn’t stand it. She asked if her daughter was really born from you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I don’t care whose child it is, I now have three daughters. I replied that I hated him, and that he should not dare drag my children to this scoundrel, otherwise he would not see them again.

I hate this woman. I don’t know how or what she did with him. What attracted you? Hopes of getting together with him collapsed like a house of cards. I want to catch her and beat her thoroughly, but there will be problems later. All that remains is to ask for help so that she can be damaged.

Anonymous comments (8 ) to the confession “I hate my ex-husband’s mistress”:

Hello Anonymous. Hold on, be strong, but don’t turn back. What example do you want to set for your girls? A family where dad walks, mom suffers, but endures it all? Is this worthy of imitation? You have girls, they will absorb a similar lesson and in the future will consider male infidelity as the norm - this is how their father behaved, he did not respect the family. Will you like this future for your children? And in addition to this, imagine yourself and your condition - will it be pleasant for you to live on pins and needles all your life and in constant suspicion? Is this the life and family you dreamed of? Yes, the Lord brought you and your husband together and gave you two wonderful children. But now the Lord makes it clear that your paths with your husband diverge. Thank him for everything that happened. I understand it’s hard, his betrayal hurts you, but you have to move on.
Today you need courage and bravery, take responsibility for your life and don’t look back at anyone. Change your life and don’t wait for someone else to come and make you happy for you. Yes, you wanted to save your family, but your desire alone was not enough. And would you be happy if your husband stayed with you?! Rejoice. You are starting a new one, happy life. Get over your husband's betrayal and start LIVING. Start loving yourself, making yourself happy. You have a reason to live for. The world has not collapsed. After all, no one knows what awaits you ahead.
As for the husband: leave him, don’t touch him, this is his choice, his right, God is his judge. Just don’t turn your children against him. Little time has passed for you, but everyone is emerging from this cocoon. You will also find a way out - and very soon, I believe in it.
You will still be very happy, but you will have to work hard for it. I understand very well that you have no time for my predictions now, you believe only in one thing: the world has collapsed... and you will never be happy. I promise you - YOU WILL, definitely. The Lord simply gives us the best for us, even through such trials. The pain goes away, but not through thoughts about him, you can’t think about them at all. And I understand that you can only think about them. Get over it, shout it out, cry too much, let your emotions overwhelm you, then emptiness will come, and then it will become easier. And your husband is no longer your husband, only his shell, and he is called the lover of another woman.
There is no need to spoil anyone. Author Leave them alone, they have their own life, you have your own. Don’t live in hatred as it will first of all destroy you. Live on, for the sake of your girls. Everything will still be, because life goes on.
Understand that except for yourself, no one will bring peace to your soul. This hard work. But anything is possible. Everything depends on you. Strength, patience and health to you.

Dear author. You must live for your daughters. Don't live past life, it is no longer there, but to build the future. Forget them like horrible dream. I understand you, my neighbor stole my boyfriend. I was just crazy, I wanted to wish them everything bad, but over time, I calmed down, realized that it was not my man, and she had nothing to do with it. If he was like that, he would have found another one. Well, let them deal with theirs. Sometimes I remember him. But she left everything in the past. And don’t do any damage, it will later return to you and your children. Better pray, Psalm 90 and May God rise again. All the best to you. I believe that everything will work out for you, and you will be happy that you get married! Find strength in yourself, for the sake of the girls.

Anonymous, I really sympathize with you. But understand, this is not your man, and you are not his woman. With your hatred you dry out your soul and do not allow yourself to build a future life. Well, BZ doesn’t love you, but he loves his current wife. It hurts, but it's true. Don't obsess over it. And you will still meet a man who loves you and only you!

I agree. Why hate him and her? This is not a love affair at work, this is creating a family despite life's obstacles.

Author, you are captive of your negative emotions, so you consider your husband’s mistress to be to blame for everything.
From the outside, your situation looks like this:
- “We dated for several years, lived together with him, I got pregnant, we got married...” And your man was ready to marry you if you hadn’t gotten pregnant? If yes, then why didn’t you get married earlier? (It is likely that marriage
he has it not by feelings, but by flight);
- “We often quarreled, but it worked out.” This is an indicator that in your relationship with your husband there was no mutual understanding and “it worked out” only for you, and your husband felt bad at home.
— “When the eldest turned 6 years old, we decided to have a second child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage..” I sincerely don’t understand how Small child can strengthen relationships or marriage!? This, on the contrary, is the most difficult period even for loving couples, a litmus test for their relationship. Apparently, the idea of “strengthening the marriage with a second child” belongs to you (you decided to follow the previously proven path - I’ll heal - we’ll get married, I’ll heal - we’ll make peace, ” maybe he won’t get divorced”). At this time, the husband already understood for sure that you and he different people and decided to find a replacement for you. Author, if you and your husband were one, then on a non-verbal level you would feel what was happening to him, that he had become a stranger, moved away, etc. It would be necessary to sit down and find out at least without reproaches and complaints that your husband does not like about you, and not live a parallel life. Probably, the reasons were serious, since quarrels occurred, but you did not want to work on the relationship, delve into it...
Author, don’t get me wrong, I don’t justify your behavior ex-husband, cheating is definitely abnormal and dishonest, but in order to build new harmonious relationships, you need to work on your mistakes. Judging by the description, there was no solid foundation between you; naturally, your marriage rocked from side to side, like a boat in the middle of the sea.
Apparently, you and your ex-husband are people with different worldviews who do not want to work on problems in the relationship; the fault of this particular mistress here for your marriage is minimal. If your husband was not satisfied with your life together, then if not this girl, there would be another. Her fault is that she entered into an intimate relationship with a married man.
Author, after divorcing you, your husband continued to live, and you froze your pain, despair, negativity, and live with emotions from the life of your ex-husband. Do you want to take revenge...Why do you need all this? As for damage, this is generally trash. Do you know that this is a sin? Are you sure that this abomination will not return to you and your children? Why didn’t you, a few years later, leave the past in the past, let go of the situation, take care of yourself and your children!? Think about it! How difficult it is for your children and parents to see everything that you are filled with now. This is all that pushes men away from you. Life is so short, youth is even shorter, and you spend it so uselessly... Author, consult a psychologist, if you yourself cannot understand and accept all this, get out of your head this thought of damage and hatred of your ex-husband’s second wife and start working on yourself , you have a lot of work.

When the eldest turned 6 years old, we decided to have another child, we wanted to strengthen the marriage. However, after the birth of my second daughter, things got even worse. My husband was promoted at work and became the head of a new department. I stayed at home with the children. Only when my daughter was one and a half years old did I learn the terrible truth. Since the husband became the boss, he entered into a relationship with his deputy, a girl 6 years younger. He cheated on me with her for almost a year until she married someone else. After her wedding, he went crazy, went on a drinking binge, quit his job, and made a scandal with me.

His crazy state lasted for almost six months, then he filed for divorce from me. It was incredibly offensive and difficult. Later, I left his apartment with my daughters to live with my parents. I found out that his mistress also got married pregnant. A year after the wedding, she divorced her husband. Was it because I was actually pregnant from my husband? I thought justice existed, I was glad that she also received from life. Three years have passed since that time. The resentment towards him did not go away, I was even disgusted to give him the children at the meeting. But he regularly pays child support, and the girls miss him. I, gritting my teeth, allow them to communicate. I knew that he was dating some women and, despite all the resentment, I wanted him to come back to me, so that he would understand that he was wrong. The last time I took the girls for the weekend, on Sunday they came joyful and began to tell me that they were visiting their aunt and the girl, they had a new sister.

I was simply shocked; I found out through mutual friends that he was now living with that mistress. Still, a few years later it happened. I cried all night from horror and disgust. I called him and couldn’t stand it. She asked if her daughter was really born from you? He said no. But I love this woman, and I don’t care whose child it is, I now have three daughters. I replied that I hated him, and that he should not dare drag my children to this scoundrel, otherwise he would not see them again.

Girls, I know how painful and bitter it is to find out that your loved one has cheated on you. But it’s even more painful when you find out that they chose a young girl who has nothing in her heart over an intelligent, mature, independent woman. This is exactly the story that happened to Olga. Let's give her the floor.

… This happened quite recently. I’ll be honest: ten years of my life lost all meaning because of a stupid teenager who seduced my husband! My current situation is simply hopeless.

I can't think about anything normally because every morning I wake up with the same question: "How to take revenge on your mistressmy lawful husband? And I want to do terrible things! The only thing that keeps me from doing this is my children.

My husband is an entrepreneur. For many years I supported him in all the failures that came his way. The fact that businessmen easily scrape money with a shovel is actually a fiction. How many times has my husband been on the verge of bankruptcy and breakdown, and I convinced him not to give up! I was a devoted wife. Now II hate my husband what should I do? Don't know . He trampled everything that was between us with his betrayal!

I was a faithful wife and helper

We got married when Pavel was an ambitious young man. Our parents helped us rent an apartment. We were in love with each other. Pavel was ready to do anything for me. He was handsome and kind. His eyes were burning. He decided to try himself as a businessman. He started small. I began to buy some unusual health juice in China and offered it for sale in fitness clubs and gyms.

He tinkered with these juices for two or three years. There was profit, of course. We had enough money to pay for the apartment on our own. We went to the sea several times. In his activities, Pavel was not afraid of anything, and I think that our relationship played a big role here. After all, he was sure that he would always find home loving friend and my wife, that is, me.

One winter, a very large supply of goods was damaged. Due to someone's oversight, the juice in glass bottles was transported in an unheated carriage in winter. The entire batch was lost because the juice froze and the bottles burst. We lost a large sum of money. Is it worth telling how desperate my beloved was? But I never tired of repeating to him: “Entrepreneurs don’t give up!”

Then Pavel opened an online store. I figured it out and set it up. It took a long time, because I wanted to learn how to do everything myself. This, of course, was also full of pitfalls. But my dear husband always found peace and faith in him at home. This helped him move on.

Now I I want a divorce

More than ten years passed like this. Over the years, we had children, two boys. Our family became very wealthy and successful. The husband turned around and made good money. But, apparently, there is not only a white streak in life, there must also be a black one...

This summer we were going to go to the village, to visit my mother. Live closer to the land. And our boys are curious to communicate with the village children and run to the river.

However, at the last moment it turned out that Paul could not leave the matter. This happened more than once, so I went alone with the children. And I couldn’t imagine that myhusband went on a spree.

But I was wrong. When I returned with the children a month later, a surprise awaited me...

My husband confessed everything to me. That evening Pavel informed me of what had happened. He said that, while away lonely evenings, he became addicted to going to a night bar in the center of our city. And one day I met a young woman there. Alcohol and an accessible beauty broke my husband’s vigilance. He succumbed to the charms of his new acquaintance. It was disgusting to listen to the details of how it all happened. And even now I shake with disgust when I remember that my husband cheated on me.

Is it possible to forgive betrayal?

Most importantly, this twenty-year-old bitch did not want to break up with my husband as easily as she got together. Yes, he repented and asked for forgiveness. He claimed that it happened once, that he simply drank too much that night. I was shocked to hear his confession. But the worst thing is that right during our conversation, she called him and began to beg to meet again. Pavel, of course, asked her not to call again.

But she doesn't give up! Now this woman (it pains me to say her hateful name) is simply clinging to my husband! She pesters him by phone during working hours and in the evenings. My life has become an outrageous nightmare. I justI hate my husbandfor his betrayal and I don’t knowwhat to doI should move on and how to live.

Olga was able to overcome despair, hatred and anger. She did not take revenge and arrange intrigues for her husband’s new passion, but went a different route. The most difficult thing was to take the first step, calm down and make an informed decision. To do this, Olga took a time out, left the children with her husband and went to a sanatorium for 12 days. Danila Delichev’s course helped her understand herself and cool down, just like me. You can find information about it using the link below.

For some time, Katya was even ready to commit a crime, but then she changed her mind. Now she is looking for sophisticated ways to take revenge on the woman who destroyed her family:

“I hate my mistress to such an extent that I even began to understand women who splash acid in their faces. I won’t do this myself, but I really want her to feel bad, if not physically, but mentally.

I was in so much pain that I want to return most of this pain to her a hundredfold. IN this moment I’m fighting (maybe in vain) with the desire to just walk up to her, grab her by the hair and hit her as hard as I can. This is the first time in my life that I am generally a very peaceful, non-conflict person. Where can I throw out this hatred, this feeling does not allow me to live normally, all thoughts are about revenge.

I know that this is stupid, undignified, and the husband is primarily to blame, but I cannot cope with this any other way. I want her to suffer and suffer.”
Katerina

The women at the forum tried to dissuade Catherine from rash actions. They advised me to pour out all my hatred on my husband, and not on my mistress. After all, it was he who swore to her in the registry office in eternal love and fidelity, but did not fulfill the promise:

“It’s better to take it out on your husband. He is much more to blame than she is. Happiness to you and worthy man near."
Anonymous

“A mistress, no matter how vile she may be, is just a catalyst for your relationship with your husband! For some reason, your relationship with your husband began to crack, and then she appeared. This time. And unforgiven grievances lead to illness, that’s two. Do you need it?”
Anya

“Is it more fun to suffer together? What does another woman have to do with it? If I stop loving sausage, but love black caviar, what is it that caviar is to blame for the fact that I chose it? You will better evaluate yourself - what has changed in you and your husband, that the same love between you is no longer there, is it possible to change this”
Dezzi*

“Katerina, no one expects you to respect or love L. She will not reciprocate your feelings either. The desire to grab, hit, splash... Maybe it’s logical for the first reaction. But... you understand. They can punch you in the face with the same degree of probability - there is complete equality here. Plus, it's a crime... Do you need it? Are you really at this level in society? It is clear that it will be difficult to cope. BUT, it can be done. »
Experienced mistress

“Author, don’t be a fool. She is a stranger, and it would be stupid to expect decency from her towards you. Even if your close person(I mean your husband) couldn’t live up to your expectations, then it’s a stranger... Although, personally, I understand you. Did you and your husband end up staying? Apparently yes. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so upset if you crossed him out of your life.”
Milena

Other women turned out to be more insidious. They offered Katya several options for sophisticated revenge, some of which they had already experienced on their own:

“My friend’s husband cheated on him with a work colleague, they all worked in the same team... She couldn’t stand it, she pulled her by the hair in front of everyone.”
Anonymous

“Author, if you really want to, then you can! Just do it beautifully. There is a beautiful story of revenge in the novel "The Master and Margarita". Remember how Margo destroyed the apartments of the Master’s offenders, being invisible? Mmmmm, beauty! This is unlikely to be repeated, of course. But, for example, you can New Year send her a gift that she will open with her family or at work, among her colleagues (this is a prerequisite!), and in a beautiful box there will be a rubber unit with some cute inscription.”
I

“I didn’t fight, he went to her. After a while, I had the opportunity to put a spoke in the wheels. I tried to put the brakes on (the opportunity came up twice), I don’t know what they have, but life won’t be so sweet anymore, because I have the right, defined by law, to do what I did. I consulted with officials, they gave the go-ahead, and in general I blocked I am oxygen, and some dreams will not come true as controversially as they would like, and maybe never, depending on how officials look at this situation (and he and she broke some laws).”
Anonymous

“Dilute poop with sus and water in a jar, splash it on it.”
Anonymous

“I had the same problem. I found out her phone number and began sending her anonymous SMS (I bought the left number for this). She wrote something like this: loser, redneck, etc. Friends said that she became depressed. Precisely because I convinced her every time that she was a failure. Go crazy. level it worked. And I calmed down. I don’t even know if she even understood who wrote those SMS messages to her.”
Anonymous

Ekaterina came to the forum to figure out how to take revenge on her mistress. Besides several interesting options, she also received a lot of advice about who really should be punished in this situation.