Mother's Notes
Who is the boss in the house? If you believe the popular song “dad is, of course, the head of the house, if mom, of course, is not,” if you believe your eyes and ears, looking around the expanses of many familiar houses, then the head of the house is, perhaps, most often the wife. And often the husband is not at all against this arrangement. Less power means less responsibility. The wife is the head of the family even when it is declared that the head is the husband. This is when “the wife is the neck”, wherever I want, the head will turn there.
You can find families in which the head is really the husband. A real head, a wise leader, whom all household members really respect, love, and whose advice they really want to follow. And there are also fairy-tale, dragon, multi-headed families. Both the wife and the children are trying to be the heads of them at the same time. Grandmothers have more experience, and children get the best. It is difficult to determine who is more important and louder in this situation.
Who is the boss in the house? Why, why on earth – the main one? This is not an idle question. This is the question of why we are together. Why, for what we are a family.
The main one is who earns more money? Logical. This is when we live for money.
The main one, “on whom the whole house rests”? Also logical. This is when the floor is clean, hot borscht and ironed shirts, that is, “everyday life” and “comfort” are what we live for.
The home is led by the family value system.
The home is led by the family's value system, and this value system determines everything
And this value system determines everything. All. How we talk to each other. Where does our morning begin? How we sit down at the table. What is the layout of the rooms in our house? Where do children go for the summer? How we greet the news of pregnancy. How we face the death of someone we loved...
Every family, from the moment the future spouses meet, from the first words spoken about marriage, determines for itself this main value. This value is the very thing that unites two souls into one house - or this value gradually grows along with the structure of the house. One way or another, it is this value that becomes the foundation of the house and completes it, heads it. At first it could be one value - and gradually it will be replaced by another. We can also specifically, consciously renounce one value and dedicate our home to a completely different one. How a monastery grows on a destroyed temple, how a pagan temple turns into a place of service to the True God.
A family can even be a paradise: “...make your home a heaven,” the same John Chrysostom calls us. And then he adds absolutely amazing words, my favorite words:
“Where husband, and wife, and children are united in harmony and love by the bonds of virtue, there is Christ in the midst.” .
Christ can be “in the midst” of our home. Inside our house. The living God is with us.
The family – the small Church – is headed by God
Provided that there is love and harmony in the house. If we are all united with each other not only by everyday life, not only by pleasant feelings, but also by the desire for virtue... And God will be the main thing in the house.
The head of every man is Christ, the head of every wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.(1 Cor.11:3).
It turns out that there is such a hierarchy in the family, in marriage: the wife has a head, and this is her husband; and the husband, in turn, has a head - this is Christ. The main one in such a family is God Himself.
“In marriage there is always a third person - the Face of God Himself”, writes S. Troitsky, a researcher of the patristic teaching on marriage.
The family—the small Church—is headed by God. And he enters this house and is inside it. God, who created heaven and earth, may be among us. And it really is possible. This is a real family: one in which God is the main one.
Family relationships - to God
In a family we are connected to each other. Mutual obligations, mutual responsibility. Christ is in the midst of every relationship in a real family. Let's see what it looks like.
Husband
A husband must love his wife just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her(Eph. 5:25-33). It’s not easy to love. Loving your wife is with God, for God’s sake, as the path to God:
“You should love her not so much for her own sake, but for Christ’s sake... So, do everything out of obedience to the Lord and as if you were doing everything for His sake.”
How exactly to love, where is the measure of this love - it is said: like Christ. To death. In everyday life it is also very clear:
“At least you see that she neglects you, that she is depraved, that she despises you, know how to bring her to your feet with your great care for her, love and friendship. There are no bonds stronger than these, especially for husband and wife... the community of life... must be tied to oneself not with fear and threats, but with love and affection.”
As long as everything goes well, as long as everything is in order, it is not difficult to love your wife for her own sake, for the sake of the joy that communication with your beloved, beautiful, dear woman brings. And when everything turns upside down, when the wife does everything wrong, and says the wrong thing, and is hysterical, and a quarrelsome woman, and the very sight of this grumpy woman causes irritation... In the end, when she herself does not fulfill the duties assigned to her, when she doesn’t listen to her husband and is even “depraved”... Then it’s already a feat for Christ’s sake - to love her. Then it’s a feat to wrap her in warm care, “love and friendship.” For the sake of Christ, in whose Name we live, to whom our House is dedicated, for the sake of obedience to the true Head of the family.
Wife
A wife must obey her husband how the Church obeys Christ(Col. 3:18, Eph. 22-24). And again - to obey not for the sake of your husband (although for his sake too), and not for the sake of peace and harmony in the family (although peace is ensured), but as if serving God, serving the One for whose sake all relationships in the family are built, for whose sake - this whole house. According to Chrysostom, a wife must obey her husband “if not for the sake of her husband, then, especially, for the sake of the Lord.” This, the teacher of the Church continues, means leaving a husband or wife to follow Christ: that is, fulfilling one’s duty of love for one’s wife and, accordingly, obedience to one’s husband precisely for the sake of God, precisely as service to God. And the saint reminds us, wives, of the words of the apostle:
“If you obey your husband, then think that you obey as one who works for the Lord.” .
It is easy to listen to the one you love, it is easy to obey the husband who loves you. For whom you are the only one, beautiful, dear. But minor and serious problems, illnesses, grievances, fatigue, in the end, the obvious antics of the female psyche during pregnancy and during ordinary female conditions - all this first of all spills over into the relationship with her husband. And if at this time you see only your husband, then... it’s not so easy to pull yourself together, it’s not so easy to force yourself to obey him. The one who, of course, is wrong (how can you put greens in soup before potatoes?! How can you allow children to watch cartoons for 4 hours in a row? How can you put a plate of blueberries on a white tablecloth in front of a child?!). Listening to your husband at this time is difficult, almost impossible.
What if you look not at the husband who calls, but turn to God? To obey my husband is not because he is right, but because the Lord is right, who commanded me to obey. Obeying your husband is like making a sacrifice to God. And the most amazing thing is that in such cases, when for the sake of the Lord, and not in the name of logic and especially not in the name of demonstrating obedience (now the husband will see all the absurdity of his orders!) he manages to defeat his pride, his desire to emerge victorious in all quarrels , – then everything falls into place. For the sake of such a tiny feat, the Lord, the Head of our house, gives peace to our house. And love gives - not the love that “by itself” once brought us to each other, but a new love, even stronger and stronger. And after such a small effort on oneself, made precisely for the sake of God, “natural”, easy obedience to the husband appears, obedience in love for him, obedience in the joy of agreement and like-mindedness... Yes, like-mindedness in the family is achieved somehow even banally: the wife obeys her husband - and there can be no disagreement:
“It was not simply and not in vain that Paul showed great concern for this matter when he said: “Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” Why? Because if they are of the same mind, then their children are raised well... But if the opposite happens somewhere, then everything is a mess there...”
This is how easily peace and unanimity come to the house: if a wife hears and listens to her husband, where will disagreements come from? The very mechanism for the emergence of quarrels, anarchy, “disorder” in which our children are usually brought up - children of disorderly families - is destroyed...
This is also not just a theory or ideology. This attitude towards children affects the entire structure of our care for children. We send our children to sambo and to the swimming pool, we look for English courses for them with a native-speaking teacher, we prepare them for mathematics olympiads, we read funny books by Astrid Lindgren, turn on cartoons about rabbits and films about Sherlock Holmes - but the main thing is always what the Lord entrusted our children to us for. The main thing is when we do not allow children’s activities, children’s hobbies to grow and support children’s sins and passions. The main thing is when we build every child’s day, and the entire space of children’s activities, in memory of this main thing. The main thing is when the “teaching of the Lord” precedes and accompanies all other types of teaching children and all our communication with our children. The main thing is when we begin every task, every day, and every seventh day we join our small Church to the Great Church. When the community of our whole family with Church of Christ, with the teachings of the Church permeates the entire structure of life in our home.
If the Lord entrusted us, namely us, with the upbringing of our children, this also means the degree of involvement of parents in the upbringing of children. We can no longer brush aside this task, this commandment, “because there is no time,” and even because “I don’t know how to raise children,” we cannot easily and completely throw this good yoke onto someone else’s shoulders. Moreover, in our house, above our house, there is our Head, our true Father, Educator and Teacher - the Lord, who will always take care of our children. Will help us raise them. If we ask Him for help, if we generally call Him into our home, if we dedicate our home to Him. Then it turns out that our children are born and live in the house of God... Nothing less. Because what else can you call a house in which God is the Head? What else can you call a small Church?
If the Lord entrusts us with children, then we will greet the arrival of a new baby with joy: after all, this is not an accidental “flight”, but a gift to our home, a gift from our God. And with calm confidence: since the Lord gave the baby, He will help us take care of him. And if it seems to us that we are not ready, that we cannot cope... it only seems so: God gave - He will help us cope, He knows when and who to bring to our home. And all we can do is accept the baby, love him and raise him. For the One who sent it to us.
And if He took the baby... Big, small or long-awaited, but not yet born... This is a grief that can destroy the house. This is grief. But it destroys when the house is not towards God, not in God. But a real family is the house of God. After all, the baby is God’s. After all, the birth of a baby is not a prize, not a toy, birth is a task to educate little man for his true Lord and Father. Our God, our King entrusted us with education - and took our pupil back to Himself. We loved this baby, we cared for him - but our King withdrew His commission. We thought we would raise the baby until he grew up. So that he himself can continue to live - live towards God, go to God and enter into. And the Lord gave us to take care of him not until he was an adult, but just the first trimester of pregnancy, or just until his fifth birthday... And he went to God, to his Father, much earlier than we had hoped. But the main thing is that in the end, now or in eighty years, he comes to Him, into His hands... Isn’t that what we prayed for from the very moment the pregnancy test showed two red stripes?
Everything in a real family is towards God and in God. And therefore - everything is simple, everything is easy, even when it is too difficult and not at all easy. Our whole house is in God’s hands...
With love and unanimity for the Indivisible Trinity
It’s like this: serving God in the family seems to turn us away from each other. And indeed, Chrysostom says: listening to a husband for the sake of God means “leaving husband and wife” by following Christ. And it turns out as if we, going to God, are leaving each other. But the miracle is that everything is exactly the opposite. After all, all these commandments about family relationships literally force us to be closer friend to a friend, in general there is nowhere closer.
We go to God - and unite along this path, this path with each other
Abba Dorotheos says that God is the sun, and we humans are like the rays of the sun: the closer we are to God, the closer we are to each other. These are the two main commandments: “love God” and “love your neighbor.” We go to God - and unite along this path, this path with each other. This happens even with a monk, to whom the words of Abba Dorotheus are mainly addressed. What can we say about family!
In a family we go to God together. truly, forever connects us with each other.
We are bound not only by mutual debt, mutual obligations, by those commandments that we, family people, must observe if we consider ourselves Christians.
A family is a single organism. This is a unit, not a set
A family is a single organism. This is a unit, not a multitude.
It all starts with an incomprehensible thing: husband and wife are one person. Saint John Chrysostom says:
“It is known that from the beginning God took special care of this union, and, speaking about both, He expresses himself as one: I created husband and wife (Mark 10:6)... He arranged from the beginning, uniting them into one, as if on a stone foundation."
Many times, in a variety of sermons, the saint repeats that “a husband and wife are not two people, but one person.”
“From the ideal point of view of God’s perfection and God-manhood, that is, what a truly Christian and most perfect married couple should be, it is “one flesh,” one indivisible bodily-spiritual organism, with one body and one soul, one mind, one heart, one will "- wrote the teacher of St. Hilarion (Trinity) prof. M.D. Muretov.
The community of husband and wife and the less close but also strong connection between parents and children are not idle words or abstract philosophy. Yes, of course, husband and wife are two halves, we love each other, and we love our children. But, as it turns out, this situation moves from the category of a romantic image into a plane that for a believer is incredibly serious and even scary.
This is how Saint John Chrysostom addresses the father of the family:
“Is it really possible that if our wives and children are disorderly, we will be held accountable for them? Yes, if (this happens) because we do not accept strict measures, because for salvation our own virtue is not enough for us... but the (virtue) of another is also required.”
That's it - your own virtue is not enough. You won’t be able to work hard yourself, but others will do it somehow, at their discretion. A family man will not be able to go to God if he does not lead and does not try to bring both his wife and his children to Him. Here are the words of Chrysostom, from another of his sermons:
“You are responsible for saving both children and household members. Just as we will give an account for you, so each of you is responsible... for your wife and for your son.”
This responsibility in itself makes us one. And this whole begins to live like a living organism, sick or healthy.
It seems that the doctrine of salvation speaks of the salvation of a person’s soul. But the house can also be saved as a single soul. For example - salvation has come to the house (τῷ οἴκῳ) therefore(Luke 19:9). Salvation is not for the owner of the house alone, not for the housewife alone, not for the servant of God Alexander or Elena, John or Vasilisa - but for the house.
A house can be saved - and can perish, “fall into wickedness”, and also - as a single whole, as a connectedness, as the interdependence of household members. In the book “The Shepherd” of Hermas, included in the “Writings of the Apostolic Men,” we read:
"Not for you actually The Lord is angry with you, but because of your house, which has fallen into wickedness<…>And you, loving children, did not admonish your family, but allowed them to be corrupted." . .
We have obligations to each other. And before God. This is not just a tradition, not just a way of life, but a path to salvation. Fulfill all these obligations - together, with the whole house, go to God. Yes, the house can walk. To God or from God. And the house goes to God if it is a real house. And, one by one, we gradually move from our earthly home to eternity, to God. We must, we must come to God. And then it turns out that some of our family are still here on earth, while others are already “in place,” already with God. And the house goes into eternity. And the house turns out to be eternal.
This is how a house is built: from earth to eternity. From the very beginning – and forever.
Saint John Chrysostom suggests that the husband speak about this to his wife immediately after the wedding:
“Real life means nothing, and I ask, and beg, and try in every possible way to make us worthy of arranging real life in such a way that we can meet each other completely fearlessly there, in the next century. The present tense is brief and unreliable; If we are worthy to cross this life, pleasing God, then we will dwell forever with Christ in great joy. I prefer your love to everything, and nothing can be as hard for me as ever being separated from you.”
To be together forever, to be with God forever
Never be separated - neither in earthly life nor in eternity. To be together forever, to be with God forever.
Fulfilling the commandments entrusted to us, family people, can be a difficult feat. Probably comparable to martyrdom or foolishness... If you have to serve God in the family - alone, if you have to love your obstinate wife for the sake of God, if you have to be submissive to a hard-hearted husband for the sake of God. Do not abandon your cross, but carry it to the end. Even to death... After all, they don’t come down from the cross. They are taken down from the cross...
But if we follow this path together, if we serve God together in this way, then our home will truly become heaven on earth. Where the husband surrounds his wife with care, love and friendship, where the wife is obedient to her husband and like-minded with him, where parents devote themselves to caring for their children and raising them, where all relationships are in love for each other and for God. And we will restore this heaven, this paradise again and again, when our pride, our passions lead us astray from our chosen path. They shot down, they are shooting down and will continue to shoot down as long as we live on this earth... And we, falling, will get up again, and again we will walk, crawl, climb, helping each other, pulling each other out. So that our children are born and grow up in the house of God. To serve God as is available to us, as He Himself commanded us. So that we all meet in the Kingdom of Heaven. So that our family may remain forever with Christ, with the Head of our home. And so that our love never ceases.
Photo: Tatiana Gladskikh/Rusmediabank.ru
Let's talk about family, priorities and barbarians. I will tell you about my view on raising boys. And I’m sure only a few will agree, but I hope that someone will think about it.Correctly set priorities are societies and states. If the values are adequate, then success is predictable. But a misalignment can ruin everything. And you should start looking for problems with your family. So let's think about it - what are your priorities?
Majority opinion
Today, the center of the universe of most mothers is their children. How often when communicating with young mothers, I detect in their words concern, concern for the kids, but at the same time almost complete indifference to the man. Think about it, who is more important to you – your child or your husband? I don’t force you to choose, you don’t need to give up on anyone, just analyze - who occupies your thoughts more often?And now the next experiment, after you have answered the first question, who is more important - you or the person you chose in the last paragraph?
Everyone will have their own result. But most often I observe the following picture: the most important person is the child, the second most important person is the woman herself, and in last place is the man. Surprisingly, the child often comes first alone, even if there are several of them in the family. But with many children, the man is still lower than the rest.
Is this right or wrong? How should things really be? Let's figure it out.
Historical features
Humanity has lived in peace for several million years. During this period, natural instincts and rules were formed that helped to survive. The family was formed a long time ago, and its components were a man, a woman and children. But family well-being in the era of ancient people directly depended on the protector. The man protected his cell from animals, other men, and natural disasters. He, of course, also brought food, but the woman and children could collect something themselves to survive. But they could not fully protect themselves.What kind of families were there? The main thing remained the man himself. The woman understood that if she died, then who would take care of her children? And every person instinctively values himself above others. The second place in the family hierarchy was occupied by the man. He must be healthy, strong, well-fed. Without him, the existence of the family was jeopardized, the likelihood of survival was very low. Well, then there were children in the chain. High mortality, frequent childbirth and many other factors reduced the value of babies. This does not mean that they were loved less. But there was logic - if a child dies, you can give birth to another one. If a man dies, it is unlikely that all the other children and the woman with them will survive.
The example is rough, but illustrative. In addition to care, the man was also entitled to respect, sometimes in excessive forms. The man was the head of the family, clan, society. But all this is in reality, when protection was necessary. In the event of serious threats, the woman obeyed, understanding that her life depended on the strength of the companion and, in general, his presence. But times have changed...
When everything is there
An example of a changing situation is the Roman Empire before its fall. The huge empire extended over a large territory. And as a result, there was no one to defend against. Society demanded “bread and circuses”. But at the same time, there was plenty of everything: there were no hungry people in the holy city, and external enemies were too far away.During this period, it was not the political system that changed, but the education of the younger generation. If before this mothers valued their husbands more, then when protection became less important, they began to love their children more. What has changed? There was a much greater fear of losing them than the man. Respect for the stronger sex has decreased.
Children raised with excessive care were no longer so independent, not so strong. Their dependence on their mother increased. And the ladies tried in every possible way to protect them from pain, suffering, and trials. Defenders were no longer needed, their value was falling, but managers, scientists, and advisers were held in high esteem.
What happened next? Two or three generations without respect for protection led to the fact that each subsequent woman valued her children above a man and considered this the norm. With each generation, men became weaker. And then the barbarians came, and for a very a short time swept the empire off the face of the earth. It just turned out that there was no one to protect her. Weak men could not defend their country.
Terrible conclusions
Many may not agree with me, but I am sure that in a family a man should be more important than children. Respect for him, his interests, his needs should be higher than the desires of the children. there must be much more than those born from him. The correct hierarchy will allow us to educate the new generation in a new way.Well, how can a worthy younger man grow up in a family where a man is not respected? Condemning the father or contempt for him will not help create an ideal son using a bad example.
What kind of children grow up in families where priorities are wrong? Pleasers... The son tries to behave differently, not like the “bad” father. And this is no longer a sign of strength. – this is the one who has his own position and defends it. If he adapts, tries to always be good, fearing his mother’s “dislike,” will he be able to become worthy?
Surprisingly, today's women are 100% sure that the child is more important than everyone else, and sometimes even themselves. This is not the first generation that thinks this way, they were also raised this way. And they continue the tradition, creating men who know nothing about protection and strength.
And it even begins to seem to me that history will soon repeat itself. Let's look at Europe. Are the men of these prosperous countries ready to repel the new barbarians? It seems to me that they don’t know about protection, but let’s hope I’m wrong.
>>Head of the family. Who is the boss in the family?
Is the head of the family a man or a woman?
Is the man the head of the family?
Earlier the man was the head of the family, we have known this since school. His most important responsibility was to provide his family with everything they needed. A woman’s duty is to preserve the family hearth, give birth to and raise children, and, of course, remain faithful to her husband. In general, everything a woman received - money, or even just bread - she received from the hands of the breadwinner, the head of the family. Now the situation has changed dramatically, everyone, or almost everyone, will agree with this, and nowadays even a woman can earn and provide for herself and her children. This begs the question, who is in charge in the family now?
In the past, the moral authority of a man, as the head of the family, was based on the economic side of the relationship, which directly affected all other relationships in marriage. And this was spelled out in family legal norms and enshrined in law. Those. the law turned its face to the man in the family and its back to the woman. It is possible that we feel sorry for those who lived their lives according to patriarchal laws, laws of dependence on men, where the husband was unconditionally the head of the family. But we are in vain trying to adapt our psychology to those times; our psychology there is invalid.
In those dependent women and their husbands there lived an awareness accumulated over centuries that a man, as the head of the family, is responsible for everything and this is how it should be. This is how it happened historically and it suited both spouses and there was no question “who is the head of the family.” it was also smaller. But if you evaluate the human coloring of relationships, then there were different families with both black and white relationships, there were both, and there were those who never managed to find family happiness. Those. Tolstoy’s classic formula that “all happy families are alike, and each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way” works both for patriarchal families, and for modern, democratic ones.
By the end of the 19th and beginning of the 20th centuries, the patriarchal family model was increasingly shaken, exploding, as if from within. And future social changes were being prepared not only in the economy and production, they were also being prepared in marital relations, maturing in the depths of a person’s soul. And, ultimately, dramatic social changes destroyed the system in which the man was the unconditional head of the family. Marriage turned into a union of two free people who entered into this union on their own and, as they conducted a joint household, it was determined who the head of the family would actually be. And the head of the family was not necessarily a man.
Is the woman the head of the family?
Now, if a man offers his hand and heart, it does not at all mean that he will be the only economic support in the family, economically, perhaps woman - head of the family. And in modern families, at least in most of them, only children in the family are dependents, and both spouses provide for them. From this point of view, it also becomes unclear who is the head of the family in economic terms, especially if the woman earns on an equal basis with the man.
There is a contradiction in this scheme itself, because Married spouses are now equal, but how can there be a chief among equals? But, on the other hand, can different people be equal? Only identical people can be equal, but identical people do not exist, every person is an individual. Therefore, any two people are not equal to each other. And, we can assume that now the head of the family is not the head “by law”. Now the head of the family is a leader, this is a person whose influence and authority is voluntarily recognized by all family members.
According to sociologists' research, family leadership belongs to the one who performs administrative and regulatory functions. And, according to research by the same sociologists, in most families the function is performed by a woman. She is also the organizer of family consumption. And the main front of the economy lies on it - cooking, washing, ironing, cleaning, sewing, etc. And, as a rule, the main teacher in the matter turns out to be a woman (although here sociologists disagree; according to some data, she works a little more with children, according to others - a woman). And it turns out that the actual distribution of leadership in the family does not coincide with the generally accepted one. In fact, as it turns out, the woman becomes the head of the family in many respects.
Who is the boss in the family?
So, who is the boss in the family? Let's start with the fact that the concept of the head of the family has become dilapidated and has become old-fashioned, as has the title "breadwinner". There is no such concept in the modern Civil Code, as well as in the Constitution and family law. So who is the head of the family now? It seems that this concept lives only in our consciousness, which means that it still retains a certain force of inertia. Just how great is this power? Modern married couples characterize their union as a family without a head. And the number of these families increases with an increase in the level of education and a decrease in the age of the spouses.
As we remember from previous sections, the answer to the question “who is the head of the family now” can be answered that this is the person who is the main manager, organizer, breadwinner and support on whom the household, raising children in the family, etc. rests. If these responsibilities are distributed unevenly in a family, this gives rise to many contradictions. And the more unevenly responsibilities are distributed, the more contradictions appear between spouses and spouses.
If such contradictions turn out to be very acute, they can lead to serious consequences, such as dissatisfaction with your marriage. And the more unevenly the responsibilities are distributed, the greater the percentage of unhappy marriages, the greater.
And the third party wins when the husband and wife do not argue about which of them is the head of the family, but participate as equals in household chores and other responsibilities. Therefore, modern happy families are similar to previous happy families, but they are similar only in the end result. But the roads to these results were completely different. Those. The paths to achieving family happiness in the past and present have fundamentally changed.
The question “who is the boss?” is, of course, rhetorical, and we all know the answer to it very well. But these days, it’s not a bad idea to remind us from time to time who is the boss in the family, because often problems arise precisely when roles in the house are incorrectly distributed or someone wants to “take someone else’s place.”
The truth is that Allah created man and made him a support for woman. And Allah created woman and made her a source of peace for man. And if they (support and peace) unite together in peace and harmony, then in this union there will be great benefit for both of them.
The Holy Qur'an 1 says that that Allah gave a man dominance over a woman, because he gave him an advantage over her[in intelligence, determination, prudence, foresight, strength, constant observance 2, in the fact that only a man can be a Prophet, Caliph and Imam, can read the adhan, sermon, conduct Friday and collective Namaz, be witnesses on special occasions, has an advantage when distributing inheritance, in marriage, only he has the right to give a divorce, and also the pedigree is maintained according to male line] and it is his responsibility to provide for his wife. From this verse it is clear that the Creator himself gave men the leadership in the family. This is stated in the Qur'an, and it cannot be denied.
Men are the stronger sex. Allah gave them an advantage over women not only in strength, but also in intelligence, prudence and other qualities. We must accept this obvious fact and not contradict what was transmitted from the Creator himself. And we say this in a general sense, meaning that in general men are smarter and stronger than women. However, this does not exclude the possibility that a particular woman may be smarter than many men or surpass them in knowledge. For example, the wife of the Prophet ‘Aisha taught the companions of the Prophet and was the most knowledgeable of all women.
God created man and woman different and gave them different rights and responsibilities according to their characteristics. A pious Muslim woman understands that she is weaker than a man and does not seek to take his place. A worthy man does not strive to become like a woman and does not avoid the responsibility entrusted to him.
The Messenger of Allah said: “Every person is responsible for what Allah has entrusted to him hom. The ruler is responsible and must take care of the people, the man cares and is responsible for his family, and the woman takes care of the home, husband and children. Everyone is responsible for what they are given.”
It is important to always remember this and not strive to take someone else’s place. Instead of competing, it is better to quietly carry out your duties and strive for piety, since in the end the one who fears God will be the best, regardless of whether he is a woman or a man.
A woman should not equate herself with a man and try to dominate him - this does not correspond to Muslim culture. The man should be in charge, and the woman should be under his protection and tutelage. He is a provider and support. He is the one who makes decisions, solves problems, and should have the last word. And it's actually wonderful.
And when a woman begins to behave like a man, not believing that he will take care of her, believing that he will not cope with the role of the head, then this negatively affects both of them. Such a woman becomes aggressive, dissatisfied, cruel and categorical. She strives to manage everything and constantly points out to her husband his mistakes and shortcomings. And a man next to such a woman may begin to lose his masculinity, becoming weak-willed. In the end, they are both unhappy.
A woman who seeks to dominate a man will never be happy in her marriage. If her husband has given her the reins of power and indulges her in everything, then she is dissatisfied, since women do not like weak-willed, weak men. And if he does not give her the place of leader, then she spends all her energy competing with him, conflicting and quarreling. And all this is actually a sign of her stupidity and short-sightedness.
And the wisdom of a woman is to follow her natural nature - to be soft and feminine, to admit her weakness and become a joy to her husband. Such a woman inspires a man to succeed, and thereby develops herself as a person. It gives a man the opportunity to calm down, relax and accumulate masculine strength. And he feels that she needs him and his protection, and next to such a woman he feels like a hero. This is a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman.
There are women who cannot or do not want to live in the role of a slave, or are afraid to give control to a man, not trusting him. Perhaps, even before marriage, they were accustomed to making their own decisions and taking responsibility, so they simply cannot relax and trust a man. These women can be advised to:
- Understand that your husband is not a rival, but an ally. And the Creator himself endowed him with leadership qualities, the ability to make decisions and be the head of the family. Men are more reasonable, calm and not as susceptible to emotions as women. They have the opportunity to focus on the main thing and make an informed decision. So calm down and learn to trust him. Rest assured that you are in good hands. This advice has one more advantage - when a man feels that you trust him, then he himself wants to be with you even more and take care of you even more.
- Learn to obey. Even if at first after marriage it will be difficult for you to step over your habits of independent living, then force yourself. Believe me, you will only benefit from this, and subordination to your husband in no way humiliates the dignity of a woman, but, on the contrary, shows her high culture.
It is also important to always remember that, of all people, the wife's first responsibility is to obey her husband. But this does not mean that she must obey absolutely all of his demands. A wife has certain responsibilities to her husband, and they must be fulfilled unquestioningly, and in other matters there are concepts of what she would like to do and how best to act. - Stop correcting your husband’s behavior at every step and giving him “valuable instructions.” Usually women do this because they are afraid that he will make a mistake. But he is an adult who is able to make his own decisions and assess the consequences! Even if he makes a mistake, he is able to draw conclusions. He is the head of the family, not your child, and you are not his mother!
- Cultivate respect for your spouse. If you want to be a queen, then treat your husband like a king. Agree with him, do not challenge his decisions, value his opinion, do not allow yourself to criticize him, find fault with him and show him your dissatisfaction. Think about how you behave around people you deeply respect. Would you make caustic remarks at them or correct their decisions?! Carry this respect into your relationship with your husband. This will have a positive impact not only on you, but also on your children, because they feel how mom treats dad, and they are happy when love and respect reign in the family.
- Don't be ashamed to be weak and defenseless, which, in essence, you are. Show your husband that you need him, his wise advice and care.
We must always remember that a man and a woman are endowed different nature, and each of them has its own value. Therefore, anyone who wants to build a happy family must follow his destiny and follow certain rules in relationships. A man wants to feel like a man, to be a leader in the family and to have an obedient, kind and gentle wife. And a woman wants to be close to a strong and reliable man, feeling his care, attention and support.
A happy family is a single whole, where husband and wife do not compete, but complement each other. And if married woman remembers that she is “behind her husband” and not in front of him, then she will not have to remind anyone who is boss in the house.
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1 meaning of verse 34 of Surah An-Nisa
2 women do not perform Namaz and do not fast during menstruation and postpartum discharge
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Muslim names for boys and girls
The problem of naming is still relevant today. Each of us undoubtedly faced this problem at the time of the birth of a child. We painstakingly go through dozens of names before settling on one of the options. You always want to find something beautiful, not contrary to traditions and religion, but at the same time simple, easy to pronounce. The euphony of a name plays an important role in social society. There are cases when parents, under the influence of personal emotions and ideological ideas, called their children names that did not correspond to the moral and ethical principles in Muslim society. For example, during the all-Union construction of communism in some Turkic peoples, children were given the name “Lenur” - Lenin Nury (Lenin’s Light), “Marlene” - Marx and Lenin and other political names. It is also worth noting the problem of the disappearance from the language of such letters as “ه” - h and “ح” - X. For example, Asan, Usein, Usnie. These are names generally accepted in the Muslim world, like the same root words “ X asana" - » " X usain" - " X Yusniyay”, from Arabic - refined, graceful, good. The reason for the disappearance of the mentioned letters in the language of the Turkic peoples is the replacement of Arabic script with Latin or Cyrillic.
Some Turkic peoples to this day maintain an interesting tradition of calling a weakened newborn the name Tursun or Yashar, Omur. In particular, Azerbaijanis call Dursun or assign the name of the father and mother. No one will deny the fact that the name is a kind of carrier of any information. A Muslim name can carry the memory of the family of Prophets and their loved ones, peace be upon them. To testify to the humility and faith of a Muslim in the existence of One Allah, as well as on the Day of Judgment. This is noticeable in the example of names based on: ‘abd (‘ibad), safe and nur. Variants of the Arabic term “Abd” are interpreted as: slave. Safe is like a sword, and nur is a ray, light. Let us pay attention to the following names: ‘Abdullah, ‘Abdura X man, 'Abdul To adir, ‘Abdussamad, Seyfuddin, Nureddin and others.
It must be said that not only newlyweds, but also their parents and grandparents take part in the process of naming a child. In most cases, young people, as a sign of respect and gratitude, leave the last word to their elders. This is actually the mentality of the Crimean Tatar people.
In the traditions of some Muslim Turks, there is a special approach to names; the wife often addresses her husband without mentioning his name. For example, an Uzbek woman calls her husband “khodzhayyn” (but the etymology of the Russian word “master”), otasi is the father of the children. In Crimean Tatar houses, and especially these are families with a long history, they address each other as: akay, apay or kishi, apakay, avrat, etc. The word "awrat" is applied to women because they have parts of their bodies that they must cover in front of other men. (The whole body except the face and hands).
Returning directly to our topic, it is enough to remember our compatriots who have double names. For example: Kurt-Sabe. Kurt-Ali, Kurt-Asan, Kurt-Osman, Seit-Asan, Seit-Bekir, Seit-Belyal, Seit-Veli, Mambet-Ali. Let's remember the forms of names in pre-war Crimea, these are the names of famous classics of Crimean Tatar literature: Hassan Sabri, Hussein Shamil, Umer Fehmi and others. Sometimes among readers there are those who confuse their second non-official names with surnames. For, as we know, in surnames of Turkic origin there are no endings typical for Slavic peoples such as: ov/ova, ev/eva. Currently, some Crimean Tatar cultural figures, in order to emphasize patriotism, deliberately cut off such endings from personal surnames. For example, Shakir Selim(s), Shevket Ramazan(s), Aider Memet(s), Fetta Akim(s), Aishe Koki(eva), Sheryan Ali(ev). According to some reports, the above-mentioned paired names were assigned to children in order to avoid misunderstandings between fellow villagers with the same names. Perhaps there are other motives here. On this moment this issue remains poorly studied. Along with names, there are also various pseudonyms and nicknames. If usually creative people or less often, political figures, along with a real personal name, ascribe to themselves a pseudonym, then nicknames are assigned to a certain person directly by the people around him.
With the intention of recalling ancient traditional Muslim names, we are starting to publish the most frequently used names. The article is based on a reference book of Turkic names, Arabic-Russian, Ottoman-Turkish and other dictionaries.
Male and female names starting with the letters A
‘Abdullah is a servant of God.
‘Abid, (‘Abide) is a worshiping, praying, believing slave.
‘Adalet – justice, fairness.
‘Adil, (‘Adile) – fair. Male and Male and female name female name.
‘Azamat - greatness, splendor.
‘Aziz, (‘Azize) - respected, revered, beloved. Male and female name
‘Azim - determined, resolute
'Ali - name cousin Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him (‘Aliyah is a female name)
‘Alim (‘Alime) - wise, learned, noble. Male and female name
‘Arif - noble, intelligent
‘Abdulgaffar - Servant of Allah, Forgiver of Sins
Adem - Adam, the name of the first man created by Allah, the first Prophet, peace be upon him
Alemdar - standard bearer
Amin - reliable, truthful Male name and a woman's name
Amina is the name of the mother of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Amir (Emir) - ruling, giving orders
Arzu - 1. Beloved of Kamber - the hero of the popular fairy tale “Arzu ve Kamber”. 2. from person, desire, dream
Asiya (Asie) was the name of the Pharaoh’s wife. Pious woman from the followers of the prophet Musa, peace be upon him
Ahmad is one of the names of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Male and female names starting with the letters - B
Basyr - insightful, insightful, far-sighted
Batal - brave, courageous, hero
Batyr - hero
Bakhtiyar - from Pers. Happy
Male and female names starting with the letters B
Vildan (from the Arabic words valil, ordered, evlyad) - newborn children; slaves
Male and female names starting with the letters - G
Gevher (Jauhar) - gem, pure, true, genuine
Gyuzul (Guzal, Gezul) - from Turkic, beautiful, good. Female name
Male and female names starting with the letters D
Dilyaver - from Pers. brave, courageous, courageous
Dilyara - from Persian poet. gorgeous; sweet, beautiful, soothing to the heart
Male and female names starting with the letters Z
Zahid (Zahida) leads an ascetic lifestyle. Male and female name
Zaire (Zaire) - visiting, visiting. Male and female name
Zainab (Zeyneb) - the name of the daughter of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him
Zakir (from Dhikr) - mentioning the Name of God Almighty
Zarif (Zarifa) - gentle, sophisticated. Male and female name
Zafer - achieving the goal; victorious, winner
Zahra - flower
Zuhra is one of the names of the daughter of the Prophet, peace be upon him, Fatima.
Zeki (Zekiye) - pure, without impurities, natural, unadulterated. Male and female name
Zeki - smart, clever
Zulfie is the one who has very beautiful, voluminous hair
Male and female names starting with the letters - I
Ibrahim is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon Him, the father of the Prophet Ismail, peace be upon Him.
Idris is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them.
Izzet - greatness, respect.
Ilham (Ilhamie) - inspiration. Men's and women's.
Ilyas is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them.
Imdad - help; force sent to help
Iman is faith. Female name.
‘Inet - mercy, guardianship, care.
Irfan - knowledge. Male name.
‘Isa is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them, son of Maryam, peace be upon her. Allah sent down the Injil to Him.
Islam is the name of the religion of all the Prophets, peace be upon them, from Ar. means submission to the One God
Ismail is the name of one of the Prophets, peace be upon them. The first son of the Prophet Ibrahim, peace be upon him, from the hajer Ismet - purity, security.
Irada (Irade) - will.
Male and female names starting with the letters - K
Kamal (Kemal) - perfection.
Kerem - nobility; generosity.
Kerim (Kerime) - generous, noble. Male and female name.
Kausar (Kevser) - 108th sura from the Koran, the name of the source of paradise.
Kamil (Kamila) - perfect, impeccable. Male and female name.
Kader (Kadire) - powerful, strong. Male and female name
Male and female names starting with the letters L
Latife - tender, soft. Female name.
Lutfi (Lutfiye) - kind, dear. Male and female name.
Lyale is a tulip.
Male and female names starting with the letters M
Mahbub (Mahbube) - beloved, beloved. Male and female name.
Mavlyud (Mavlyuda) - born. Male and female name.
Madina is the city in which the grave of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, is located.
Maryam (Meryem) - mother of the prophet ‘Isa. peace be upon him
Madiha – praising.
Mecca is the place where the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was born and the location of the Ka'bah.
Male and female names starting with the letters - N
Nadir (Nadir) - rare.
Nazim (Nazmie) - composing.
Nazif (Nazife) – pure.
Nail (Naile) - achieving the goal.
Nafise - very valuable; beautiful.
Nedim (Nedime) - interlocutor, friend.
Nimet - good, gift.
Nureddin is the light of faith.
Male and female names starting with the letters - R
Raghib (Raghibe) - willing.
Rajab (Rejeb) is the seventh month of the lunar calendar.
Raif (Raife) is kind-hearted.
Ramadan (Ramadan) is the month of Fasting.
Rasim is an artist who draws.
Refat - compassionate, kind.
Male and female names starting with the letters - C
Saadet - happiness.
Sabit is hard and stable.
Sabir is patient, trying on.
Sadriddin - with faith in the heart.
Said (Saide) – happy, lucky.
Sakin (Sakine) being at peace.
Salih (Saliha) - pious.
Safvet is clean, clear.
Safiye is pure, without impurities.
Selim (Selime) - without flaws.
Selyamet - well-being, safety.
Sefer - travel.
Subhi (Subhiye) morning.
Suleiman is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Sultan (Sultaniye) - ruler.
Male and female names starting with the letters T
Tahir (Tahire) pure, noble.
Talib - aspiring; student.
Tevfik – luck, lucky.
Male and female names starting with the letters - U
Ulvi (Ulviye) – elevation.
‘Ubaydullah is the servant of the Almighty.
Ummet is a community.
Male and female names starting with the letters F
Fazil (Fazile) - noble.
Faik (Faik'a) - excellent.
Faruk is fair.
Fatima (Fatma) is the name of the first daughter of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Male and female names starting with the letters - X
Khalil is a devotee (friend, comrade).
Halim (Halime) - soft, kind.
Khalis (Khalise) - pure, without impurities.
Khabib (Habibe) - beloved.
Khadijah is the name of the first wife of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Haydar is a lion, that is, brave and courageous.
Hayreddin - benefit from faith.
Khairy – happy, lucky.
Hakim (Hakime) - wise.
Khalil - loyal, friend, comrade.
Halim (Halime) – soft, kind.
Khalis (Khalise) – pure without impurity.
Hasan – graceful, good. The name of the grandson of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Hikmet – wisdom.
Husseini is good, graceful. The name of the grandson of the prophet is Muhammad, peace be upon him.
Husniy (Husniye) – graceful, beautiful.
Male and female names starting with the letters - Ш
Sha'ban is the eighth month of the lunar calendar.
Shemseddnn - with bright faith.
Shakir (Shakire) – noble.
Shevket – majestic, important.
Shemseddin - with bright faith.
Shemsi (Shemsie) – sunny, radiant.
The sheriff is honorary.
Shefik (Shefiqa) – kind, sincere.
Shukri (Shukriye) – giving thanks.
Male and female names starting with the letters E
Edib (Edibe) - well-mannered.
Edie (hedie) - a gift.
Ekrem is very generous and welcoming.
Elmaz is a precious stone, diamond.
Emin (Emine) - honest.
Enver is very radiant, bright.
Enis (Enise) is a very good conversationalist.
Esma is very generous and welcoming.
Eyub is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Male and female names starting with the letters - Y
Yunus is the name of the Prophet, peace be upon him.
Yusuf is the name of the prophet, peace be upon him.
Male and female names starting with the letters - I
Ya'qub is the name of the prophet, peace be upon him.
It is quite difficult to find a person who does not dream of a happy family life next to someone who will love, understand, respect, appreciate, tolerate, care, support, behave with dignity, raise children competently, treat parents well, and so on. But few people think that all these wonderful qualities are branches of a tree whose roots are fear of God.
Nowadays, people often choose a life partner based on external appearance, status and position in society, hoping that other positive qualities will appear over time. They hope that in the future they will be able to instill in their life partner a love of knowledge and observance. Of course, this is not excluded, but our religion strongly recommends choosing a life partner based on fear of God.
A woman should be especially careful when choosing a husband, because it is often beyond her power to correct an adult man. But even a man should not get his hopes up: although it is easier for a husband to influence his wife, not every woman is easy to change.
When people get married, they don’t always think about the fact that they have to go through a long life journey together, raise children, go through trials and difficulties, but only think about whether it’s pleasant to spend time with this person. Therefore, it is not surprising that their hopes for a happy family life are often not justified.
How to avoid disappointment? The answer to this question has long been known - choose someone who fears God. He is the most reliable life partner. The love of such a person will make you happy, but even if there are no such strong feelings, he will still always be fair to you. You don’t expect a trick from such a person, he will lend a shoulder in difficult times, will be kind and patient, will direct you in the right direction and will do the right thing himself - as Sharia orders. A God-fearing person loves for the sake of Allah, and not for the sake of his nafs, like most people: while feelings are seething, they are ready to endure and give in, and when the feelings pass, the relationship between spouses deteriorates.
However, truly happy married couple- one in which both spouses are God-fearing. Therefore, not only seek a godly life partner, but strive to be one. After all, the ideal married couple are those who lead each other along the path to Paradise.
The fruits of the union of God-fearing spouses are wonderful - not only a good relationship, but also pious offspring. There have been many examples in history when two God-fearing people raised children who illuminated the whole world with their knowledge.
Parents of the Great Imam Abu Hanifa
One day a traveler was walking along the road. He was very hungry. And suddenly he saw an apple floating along the river. He took out this apple and ate it, but then he thought: “What if it came from someone’s garden?” Then he decided to go upstream and see if there was a garden there. After walking a little, he saw an apple tree growing in someone else's garden.
The young man was very God-fearing. He was upset that he ate someone else's apple and decided to ask the owner for forgiveness. He went to him, told him about the apple and asked the owner of the garden: “Will you forgive me?” He answered: “No,” and the young man became even more upset. He imagined punishment in hell for eating what was unlawful, and decided not to leave until he received forgiveness. When the owner left the house, the young man asked again: “Will you forgive me?” The owner of the garden, seeing his fear of God, said: “I will forgive you only if you marry my daughter. But know that she doesn’t see, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t walk.” Hearing this, the traveler was afraid, but the fear of the answer on the Day of Judgment was stronger than the fear of the trials in this life, and he agreed.
They entered the house. The owner led him to his daughter's room. A very beautiful girl and greeted the father and the guest. It was the owner's daughter.
The traveler was almost speechless from surprise and surprise. “But you said that your daughter doesn’t see, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t walk!” - he exclaimed. “That’s right,” the father replied, “My daughter does not see what is forbidden, does not say what is forbidden, and does not go where it is forbidden!” (that is, she was also very God-fearing). Allah granted that in this way a God-fearing father would find a God-fearing husband for his God-fearing daughter. This is how the parents of the great Imam Abu Hanifa, one of the most famous theologians in the world, met.
Parents of the pious ‘Abdullah ibn Al-Mubarak
‘Abdullah ibn Al-Mubarak is a great scientist and Sufi. He was sincere and brave. This is the story of how his parents met.
His mother's father had a garden. One day he asked the man who was guarding his garden: “Bring me a sweet pomegranate.” The watchman went for a pomegranate and gave it to the owner. When the owner tried the pomegranate, he said: “What did you bring me?!” He's sour! Bring something sweet." Then the watchman went again and brought him another pomegranate. The owner, having tasted the fruit, was again indignant: “Why did you bring me sour pomegranate again?!” You’ve been working for me for a whole year and you don’t know which ones are sweet?!” To which the watchman replied: “You hired me to guard the garden, and not so that I could taste its fruits. How can I know which one is sweet and which one is sour?!” The owner of the garden was greatly surprised by the honesty and decency of the watchman and invited him to marry his daughter.
Parents of the fifth caliph Umar ibn ‘Abdul-‘Aziz
‘Umar ibn ‘Abdul-‘Aziz is the fifth righteous caliph and grandson of the second righteous caliph ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab. He was a fair ruler, possessed the deepest knowledge and was very ascetic. Perhaps all his achievements were facilitated by his upbringing, since he had godly parents. Here's the story of how they met.
His grandfather, Caliph ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab, was a great companion of the Prophet and ruler of the Muslims. But despite this, he went out into the city at night to find out how they lived simple people. And one day, during his next round, he heard a conversation between two women. The milk seller told her daughter: “Dilute the milk with water,” to which she replied: “But the Caliph forbade this!” Her mother told her: “But he doesn’t see us now.” Then the daughter replied: “If Umar does not see, then the Lord of Umar sees everything!”
Returning home, ‘Umar said to his sons: “I know a house in which a God-fearing and decent girl lives - let one of you marry her.” And ‘Asym ibn ‘Umar married her. And when their son was born, they gave him the same name as his grandfather.
How to raise a child into a PERSONALITY
From birth, the child develops and is imbued with the beliefs and life attitudes that his parents and environment instill in him. In childhood, his character, habits, worldview are formed - all this forms the foundation that underlies his personality. That is why it is so important in childhood to instill in a child the correct beliefs and principles that will help him become successful and happy.
The first thing parents must take care of is to give the child true beliefs about the Creator and the world that He created, about good and evil, about the commands and prohibitions of Allah, about Heaven and hell, about reward and punishment. This is the most valuable and important knowledge, without which true happiness is impossible. In addition, parents are obliged to teach their child to perform Namaz, observe Fasting and other duties, because they do not want him to commit sins in the future. This is the foundation without which success is impossible.
In addition, it is important to develop in the child those qualities and skills that will help him in the best possible way live this life and achieve a high degree of piety for eternal happiness in the Next World.
PURPOSE
It is important for a child to learn to set goals and achieve them.
Nowadays, children often do not understand the meaning of life, do not find their place in this world, many of them prefer to live in “virtual reality”. And as a result - their real life goes to waste.
Explain to your child that life was not given in vain, and there is responsibility for how he lives it. And also explain that life in this world is temporary, and after it there will be eternal life: in Heaven or in hell. In Heaven there will be eternal happiness, and in Hell there will be eternal suffering. Therefore, the main goal is to live life in such a way as to get to Heaven!
How to achieve this, we were told by the Prophets - special people sent by God. The most important thing is faith in God, who created this entire world, but Himself is not like His creations. And whoever lives as God commanded will achieve success.
On the way to your main goal, it is important to learn how to set small goals that will help you achieve it. For each goal, you need to define objectives and develop a plan to achieve it. Therefore, your task as parents is to teach your child these skills. A person who possesses these skills lives meaningfully and does not go with the flow of life. It is such a person who is a person.
Prepare your child for the fact that there are always obstacles on the path to success, otherwise everyone would be successful. Difficulties await him, but don’t let that stop him - he must learn to overcome them and benefit from the experience he receives. Develop in him those qualities that will help him achieve his goal: perseverance, hard work, willpower and responsibility.
RESPONSIBILITY
One day a child said to his father: “Our new teacher He doesn’t know how to explain mathematics, I won’t learn anything with him.” The father replied: “Understand, son, if you want to know mathematics, then this is your task, not your teacher. What have you done yourself to resolve this issue?” That is, the father did not allow his son to shift responsibility to others. He wanted to show him that there are two types of people: those who take responsibility for their lives and achieve success, and those who simply look for someone to blame for their failures.
The ability to accept responsibility opens up a broad perspective for a person. Without the willingness to take responsibility, it is impossible to achieve true success! How can someone achieve success who hides from problems, avoids difficulties, is unable to make decisions and shifts everything to others?!
Often the parents themselves are to blame for the fact that their children grow up exactly like this: infantile, lazy and irresponsible. After all, they decide everything for the child, do not allow him to take the initiative, literally take the work out of the child’s hands, believing that he cannot cope on his own.
Help your child not be afraid to take responsibility for their actions. Even if he doesn't do something perfectly at first, don't stop him. Teach him to take on responsibilities and fulfill them, as well as be responsible for possible failures. Start small - let him take responsibility, for example, for the order in his room, saying to himself: “I am responsible for the cleanliness of this room” and keeps his promise.
It is natural for parents to want to help their children. But true help lies not in solving all their problems for them, but in teaching them how to solve their problems.
One person, walking through the park, noticed a cocoon on a bush from which a butterfly was trying to get out. There was a narrow gap in the cocoon, and the butterfly made every effort to crawl out through it. The man stopped and began to watch the butterfly, which could not get out. He felt sorry for the butterfly - he took out a knife and cut the cocoon to help her. The butterfly immediately crawled out, however, its body was frail and weak, and its wings could barely move. The man continued to watch the butterfly, thinking that its wings would get stronger and it would fly, but this did not happen. After all, it is precisely the efforts of the butterfly that are needed to get out of the cocoon that strengthen its wings and give it the ability to fly!
Don’t try to make your child’s life easier by solving all the issues for him. The sooner he learns to take responsibility for himself and his actions, the better for him! After all, in the end, a great Report awaits everyone! What will be the position of someone who has avoided responsibility all his life?!
If you teach your child to set goals, take responsibility, overcome obstacles, show diligence, persevere, work on himself and achieve results, he will become strong, will not be afraid of life's difficulties and will be able to achieve real success.
In the article, I will tell you who is in charge in the family and just relationships - a man or a woman.
I believe that the main (leader, presenter) in a family and relationships is a man.
- Would most women agree that the man is in charge? … hardly…
- Will a man agree that it’s not him, but the woman who’s in charge?)) ... of course not...
How are things going for low-ranking couples?
Very often the main person (leader) in a family or just a relationship is a woman.
- Man, if this is the case for you, I hasten to disappoint you. You are a woman with balls between her legs, who is satisfied with everything, who does not know how / does not want to take responsibility (this is a man’s main quality). You're worthless. You should be in charge. This is your natural role. It's yours by right. This position indicates that you are a low-ranking male. Therefore, you need to develop and pump up the man in you.
- Woman, if this is the case for you, I hasten to upset you too. You're not a man. You are a woman. This is not your natural role. You are not suited for this as a man. Your role is different. You must understand that you chose the wrong male. With a real high-ranking man (male) - you would feel like a woman, weak, protected, a little girl :) I know, you just dream about it... You wouldn’t have to pretend to be this damn iron lady, play the role (function) of a man and forever decisions….
Very often in families and simple relationships the so-called reigns. equality.
Those. decisions are made by both men and women. In the vast majority of cases, this indicates that the man is of low rank. This won’t work with a high-ranking man.
But, there is a very important nuance here: a high-ranking man can take into account and reckon with the opinions/interests of his woman, but this should in no way be confused with equality.
A high-ranking man = much stronger internally than any high-ranking woman. Whatever a woman is, with a HIGH-RANKING MAN = she will always be weaker.
Because the internal state of a man (high-ranking) is much stronger than absolutely any woman (even high-ranking) and women combined.
Next to a high-ranking male = always a high-ranking woman. IT CAN’T BE ANY OTHER WAY! NO WAY! A high-ranking male will never live, date, sleep, fuck - a low-ranking one. And vice versa, a high-ranking woman will never even pay attention to a low-ranking male.
A high-ranking woman (like any woman in general) needs a male who will be stronger than her inner self. A woman needs a man. Support. Strong men's impenetrable shoulder. Stone wall. The kind of male with whom she will feel like a little girl 🙂 weak, submissive, protected, like a god in her bosom, where she won’t have to decide anything and pretend to be an iron lady.
With such a male nearby, the woman, as if by clicking, automatically becomes number 2, because she feels his power. Feels this power. Energy. This confidence. Everything happens at the level of feelings. Whoever is stronger inside = he is the main one (leading). There are no disputes, fights, clarifications, etc. bullshit.
Everything happens at the level of feelings. And if a man is real, a real high-ranking man, a woman will immediately feel it and will not be able to compare with him in this regard. She is no match for such a man. And the man, in turn, will feel it, and that’s how everything is determined.
Therefore, a woman cannot be number 1 and cannot be the so-called. equality with a high-ranking male. But the point is that a woman does not need to be equal to such a man in this regard.
A woman is programmed by nature to do something else (she should not be a man, stronger than a man, perform the role of a man, his functions, etc., women do not have all this, therefore, next to a high-ranking man, a high-ranking woman will always be weaker).
Therefore, the woman is No. 2. A man can take into account and reckon with the opinions/interests of his woman. Undoubtedly. But in the end, he still decides for himself. It will or it won't. Yes or no. This or that. Etc. This should not be confused with equality. Such a man is the head, the leader, he is stronger, he is No. 1. I repeat, this is felt (by both men and women) and it cannot be confused with anything.
In general, all these No. 1 and No. 2 = bullshit. This is just so you understand what I want to tell you. Such a concept as I am No. 1 - and you are No. 2. No. A high-ranking man and woman in an alliance (tandem) both feel very, very good and comfortable. Nobody complains about anything. No one is humiliated by anything. And so on.
It may seem like this here in the article, but #2 = means bad. And #1 = awesome. No. There is no such. A man needs a woman, and a woman needs a man. That's all. It’s just that these concepts include a lot of things :)
TO THE MAN...
A woman needs a man. Dot.
Hey, you don't need a guy, a boy, a teenager, a girlfriend, a man, a woman with balls between her legs, a friend, etc. and so on. - hey, I need a man. But look at the matter here: if you think that you were born with a penis between your legs and you are already a man, I hasten to disappoint you, you are mistaken. This is not so. One is not born a man, one becomes one.
The man in you needs to be pumped up. Constantly pump. Like a hero in the game until the very high level. Understand? It’s like playing a game on a computer, only in reality, and your hero is you. You have to pump yourself up. Level by level. Constantly work on yourself. Develop the necessary qualities in yourself. Develop. Studies. Acquire knowledge and implement it in yourself and your life.
- ...I'm planning many more episodes like this, so keep an eye on my blog.
Yes, it is a long and difficult path. Nothing worthwhile comes quickly or easily. But here everything depends on you, on your desire, perseverance, assertiveness, etc.
If you have a real wild (burning) DESIRE = you will pump yourself up to the highest level, the level of a man, and everything will just be f*cked up, no, then don’t expect anything good, because you have decided to do nothing ( do nothing, don’t change) and everything that happens in the future will be your fault, because you yourself decided not to change anything and remain a woman with balls between your legs.
And about a woman with balls between her legs - women wipe their feet. Women don't respect people like that. They don’t appreciate it and treat it accordingly. When you develop the man in you, any woman will be at your feet. You will be appreciated. You will be respected. They will be afraid of losing you. They will run after you. It will be impossible for you to be pushed around and manipulated. And much more. This is a LEVEL!
Level of a high-ranking male. A male to all males. The vast majority of men are low-ranking. They are manipulated, pushed around, disrespected, treated like whores, etc. and so on. , believe me, I know what I’m talking about, because I was like that myself.
HIGH-RANKING MALE = NOT BORN! THEY BECOME THEM!
Advice: take it now correct solution— start pumping up the man in you.
WOMAN...
Woman - you are number 2. in an alliance (tandem). Not #1. No. 1 is yours - man. You are number 2.
When you marry a man, your status becomes “MARRIED”, think about it: MARRIED. BEHIND him, FOR him, do you understand? you automatically become number 2, where number 1 is a man. The man is the main one in the union (tandem), he decides everything and the responsibility in everything lies only with him.
P.s. clarification for everyone, I’m talking about a man now, and not some kind of snot, a boy, a boy, a man, etc. With these creatures born with a penis between their legs, you are unlikely to feel like number 2. Even after marrying him get married, because these are not men. One is not born a man - one becomes one. It is difficult to find a real man. Because this is pumping up. This is a skill... you have to work on yourself. Work. Work. Work hard every day, work hard and work hard. And remember: A high-ranking man only needs a high-ranking woman. It won't work with a low-ranking woman. But that's not the point now.
You will feel such a man. His strength. Confidence. Power. Energy. And you will be very comfortable being figuratively speaking No. 2. behind him, behind his strong masculine shoulder, believe me, you will enjoy everything. Because I finally found such a man, because such people are in great short supply. There are very few of them.
CONCLUSION: this is a real man - No. 1. You are a woman - and you are No. 2. Dot. But, such a thing as I am No. 1 - and you are No. 2. No. A high-ranking man and woman in an alliance (tandem) both feel very good and comfortable. I give these numbers so that you understand. Got the point. It cannot be any other way with a real man. No, of course you can be No. 1 with a man, but it will be a low-ranking man, because this won’t work with a high-ranking man. No. 1 with him. you never will.
Best regards, administrator.