Any life is not endless. Often, already in childhood, the baby has to face this. To make the grief of losing a beloved animal or family member the least painful for a child, you need to explain to them what death is. The right approach addressing this issue will allow the child not to react so sharply to a sad event.

Should we talk about death to children?

From birth, the baby begins to master the world around him. Often, parents limit this knowledge to only the good, beautiful side, justifying their actions by saying that they do not want to frighten or upset their child. They leave all the negative realities of life for last: “The child will get to know them himself, later.”

Guided by the best intentions, parents do not understand that a sharp encounter with negativity can cause shock in the baby . He feels that his parents cannot protect him from everything, it hurts him. In such stressful situations, parents can leave the child alone with his pain so that he himself experiences the feeling of loss and understands everything, or they can explain in a crumpled, quick and unclear way what death is.

Psychologists believe that such behavior hides the parent’s own fear of discussing mortality issues, reluctance to deal with the unpredictable reaction of their child and confusion over what happened.

In any case, the baby will have to analyze the situation on his own, and he is not always able to come to terms with the loss. To avoid stressful situations, the child’s psyche must be prepared not only for wonderful events, but also sad ones, without putting it off for a long time. Tell that all people and animals are mortal. And if they die, the child will never see them again. And this needs to start already when he came up with questions about death.

How do children perceive death?

Children perceive a person's mortality and death in different ways.

First of all, it depends on their age:

• Up to three years the baby does not yet realize that this even happens, and can only ask questions if he is faced with the loss of a close relative.
• Children preschool age they consider the very fact of death as the fulfillment of their desire, therefore they often have a feeling of guilt if, in an angry fuse, they wished for the person to “disappear”; During this period, impressionable children are afraid to let their parents go so as not to lose them.
• Junior schoolchildren they already realize the difference between life and death, but at the same time they think that their loved ones and themselves are not threatened with this fate; at this age they imagine death in the form of some person (a grandmother with a scythe, a skeleton) who comes to “take” someone else’s life.
• Teenagers the issue is treated as an adult, realizing the inevitability of the process; many try not to take risks, but some continue to believe in the reversibility of death and therefore agree to risky actions and exhibit suicidal tendencies.

In the process of its development, a child goes through all stages of awareness of a person’s mortality, starting with disbelief and denial, continuing with a negative attitude towards what is happening (anger, tears, depressive moods) and ending with acceptance of the fact itself.

Children experience a lot within themselves, and this can lead to neuroses, auto-aggressive tendencies and a state of constant anxiety.

How to explain to a child correctly what it means to die, die, death?

A three-year-old child can perceive everything the world who sees. Therefore, it is better for him to give examples of the variability and impermanence of the world, based on the environment.

First you should point out the opposites in the surrounded objects:

• The sun rises, is born, illuminates the day, and in the evening temporarily disappears to return the next morning.
• Leaves on trees appear in the spring, and in the fall they fall and remain on the ground. They do not then return to the branches, but remain lying on the ground. And in the spring new leaves are born, which will go away in the fall.
• The flower grew in the spring, but withered in the fall and will no longer come to life.

To the question “Maybe they are dying?” You shouldn’t give a categorically positive answer. . After all, fallen leaves or a wilted flower are converted into humus and gradually become part of the earth, in order to subsequently reappear in the form of a tree or flower. Thus, everything has a beginning and an end, which implies further continuation in a new status.

Then they move on to an explanation at the animal level.

Thus, the child is led to believe that death is a change in external form. For example, a leaf fell and withered, but did not die. His life continues in a different way. Every animal is born, lives its life and dies when its time is over. The same thing happens with a person.

And here the question arises: “What happens after death?” . A person ceases to feel his body, but continues in other people, even if they are not visible.

During the explanation, parents should adhere to the following rules:

1. Don't get confused in the explanations! After all, death is natural, just like birth. There is no point in being afraid of her.
2. Be objective . Abstract from your own feeling of death. It is quite possible that the parents themselves received the wrong explanation in childhood; there is no need to intimidate the child.
3. Explain from simple to complex : first in a conversation, give simple examples from inanimate nature, then from the animal world, and then talk about humans.

Before discussing the concept

The explanation of death must be approached responsibly, having previously prepared the baby’s psyche. Important role His closeness to his mother plays a role in this matter.

Advice! To develop emotional perception, she needs to strengthen the emotional connection through regular interaction and confidential conversations. The child must realize that he is loved, that his mother will empathize and sympathize with him in any case.

It is necessary to develop a sense of empathy in the child by telling him that a flower hurts if it is picked. A kitten that has been hit experiences the same feelings. You also need to feel sorry for the person who is feeling bad. Examples can be given from various fairy tales and cartoons aimed at developing a sense of empathy. You can read the work of H.H. Andersen “The Little Match Girl”, where in a child death caused an innate feeling of fear of losing another person.

The baby will accept explanations, learn to sympathize, empathize, and endure his own emotions. The main thing is to do it gradually.

If a close relative of a child has died - the right words

It happens that a child encountered death before he learned about this phenomenon. Some parents say that the relative simply moved far away, leaving in the child’s soul the hope of his return.

Gradually, the kid realizes that the person who left said goodbye to everyone, but not to him. And if the parents also say that everything is fine with him, then the child begins to perceive the “escaped” relative as a traitor. This is fraught with the destruction of faith in strong and reliable relationships. If in the end it turns out that the relative never left, the child will stop believing those who deceived him. This is why it is important to tell the truth about what happened.

In this case, you need to take into account the age of the listener in order to choose the necessary words, and the following rules:

1. Do not panic! Calm the child down, hug him and tell him everything about death, but from the end, starting with man and ending with inanimate nature. Of course, this will not be gradual and will not be calm at all, but the baby’s stress level will significantly decrease. You can also adhere to religious views in this matter, explaining that the deceased became an angel and is now in heaven. In this case, it is impossible to turn heavenly forces into punitive ones (“Mom is better there,” “God took her”).
2. Do not replace the word “died” with “fell asleep” . This prevents the child from understanding what happened, and can also provoke a fear of sleep, which manifests itself in nightmares, difficulty falling asleep and fear of sleeping alone.
3. If a relative died as a result of an illness, explain that the doctors fought for his life as best they could, but the disease was very serious. To avoid phobias, it is important to note that the disease does not always end in death.
4. You should monitor your baby's behavior in the near future. , protect him from other stresses, make sure that he feels protected and is able to cope with his condition.

1. Avoid talking about the deceased. Any child’s interest must be satisfied taking into account his age characteristics.
2. Pushing the child away, making him feel unwanted and abandoned. You should avoid saying that life ends with the death of a family member.
3. Evaluate the child’s behavior from the point of view of deceased relatives (“Grandfather would not approve”). As a result, feelings of guilt for “bad” actions may arise.
4. Tell a lie, even if it seems more acceptable in a particular case.
5. To the child’s question: “Are you going to die?” answer: “Never.” This is also a lie. It is better to honestly say that you are going to live to a ripe old age.
6. Judging a child for negative emotions makes it more difficult for him than for adults to come to terms with the loss, but over time it will become easier for him. It's better to have a heart-to-heart talk with him.
7. Reproach children for having fun and joy when relatives go in mourning. This is how parents make the child feel guilty and do not allow him to come to terms with the loss.

Every child is unique and they are all vulnerable. The parent’s task is to help avoid psychological trauma so that the child grows up with a sense of confidence. Psychologists say that a child, not understanding the meaning of the concept of “death,” copies the attitude towards it from an adult. That's why it is important that the baby’s attitude towards this process is adequate .

Of course, it all depends on the age of the child. Until the age of 5, children, as a rule, do not yet fully understand what death is. And children 5-7 years old may not fully understand that there is no return from death. If children do not understand this, they may ask again and again when the deceased person will return. It is necessary to explain to children again and again that there is no return from death, that it is forever.
It is very important WHO informs the child about the death of a loved one. This should be the person closest to the child, the one with whom he has a good relationship, whom he trusts, with whom he can react his feelings. As a rule, these are close relatives.
WHEN to report? There is no need to hide the death of a loved one from a child and report it only after the funeral. The child may experience anxiety, be frightened that others are behaving somehow differently - tense, sad, crying, not playing and not paying attention to the child, feeling sorry for him, although he has not changed his behavior, is not sick. This can lead to distrust of adults. If no one answers where mom went or where dad went, but they just say something incomprehensible - she left, on a business trip, at work, got sick, the child may draw the wrong conclusions, which in turn can form a negative attitude towards himself and loved ones , life, cause low self-esteem, hatred, anger, resentment. Children need clarity, and if it is not there, they try to somehow explain the situation to themselves, and often these explanations are not in favor of the child. Usually there are 2 options: 1. I am bad, that’s why my mother abandoned me, I am unworthy (of life, pleasures, joy, toys, etc.) 2. My mother is bad because she abandoned me. Since the person closest to me abandoned me, it means I can’t trust anyone in this terrible world. Therefore, you should inform your child about the death of a relative as quickly as possible, before he begins to ask questions. If you do this later, “I will tell you after the funeral, after the wake, after the mourning...”, a belated message can give rise to resentment towards the remaining loved ones, “They don’t trust me, otherwise they would have told me right away,” anger, “How could he hide it, he’s a father, and I loved him!”, distrust “Since my close people didn’t tell me about this, it means everyone around is a liar and you can’t trust anyone.”
HOW to report? A child, faced with such a situation for the first time, does not yet know how to behave and will experience grief almost the same way as those around him, those who are around him all the time, who care about him, experience it. Children learn to cope with grief from adults the same way they learn everything else. When an adult tells a child about the death of a loved one, there should not be extremes - when an adult either experiences the loss by holding back emotions and thereby, as it were, “locking” them inside, or it happens too violently, with hysterics. In the first case, the child will learn that it is necessary to hide the experience of grief, that feelings cannot be shown, that one cannot talk about them, that one cannot ask questions. In such a situation, children feel isolated from adults and do not feel support and help. If a child has no outlet for emotions, they become at risk of turning into some kind of psychosomatic reaction (manifestation of internal psychological problems through bodily forms - diseases, body pain, skin and other manifestations). In the second case, the child will be afraid of such an adult’s reaction and will not feel support from the adult.
An adult needs to be frank: “I have very sad news. Dad died this morning.” It is important to use the word “died” and not “fell asleep” so that the child does not develop fears associated with sleep. Be attentive and sensitive to the child’s reaction, react to it with gestures, facial expressions, words, touches, hug him! If it's a preschooler, sit him on your lap. It is also important to communicate and show how you feel. If a child asks questions, answer them honestly, but without terrible details that traumatize the child’s psyche. You can say this: “Remember, dad was sick? Usually medicines and doctors help with such an illness, and the doctors did everything to prevent dad from dying. But his body was very weak and could not help the doctors and medicines cure dad.” Explain that the person's body could no longer fight the disease; it stopped working. Make sure your children understand that if they get the flu or a cold, or if Mom or Dad gets sick, their body can fight off the illness and get better. “Remember, you were sick in the winter and recovered, and I was sick and also recovered. Only rare diseases lead to death. Scientists are looking for medicines that can cope with such rare diseases. Maybe when you grow up you will want to become a scientist and help them come up with such a medicine ". Explain that most people recover. If the death was an accident, explain that the person's body was so badly damaged that it stopped working, but most people who are injured can recover and live for a long, long time.
It is also possible that the child had a conflict with a person who died. Maybe the child wanted this person away so he could get more attention from other family members. Maybe the child even told him, “I want you to die.” It is natural that the child will feel guilty and ask if he is to blame for what happened. Reassure the children and assure them that words and desires do not cause death, that the person died for a completely different reason. If the child is too small and lexicon small, you can invite him to draw his feeling (grief can be experienced in this way, no matter how strange it may seem). For example, fear can be black, sadness can be blue, resentment can be green, and anger can be purple. The main thing is for the child to understand that he is not alone and has the right to freely express feelings that will be accepted by his loved ones. Promise that you will be there and that you can talk about everything: fears, guilt, anger.
If the child does not mind, if he is not afraid, if you feel that the child can cope, his presence at the funeral ritual (at the entire stage, or part of it), wake, funeral service will help him better realize that a loved one has really died . An adult needs to be told in advance about what will happen there, for how long, what will follow what, and how he will see the deceased. "Dad will be dressed in a suit, he will be lying in a coffin, and his hands will be folded on his chest. When a person dies, his appearance changes, and you will most likely see him differently than you are used to seeing. People will come up to the coffin and say goodbye to dad, if you want, you can do this too. And if you want, you can put your drawing, letter, or flower in the coffin as a keepsake for dad." Tell us about the burial procedure, warn that at funerals many people cry, and some even scream. So that the child does not feel guilty for not going to the funeral, reassure him, tell him that children do not have to attend the funeral, adults should be there. If this happened without him, it is necessary to arrange for him a ritual of farewell to the departed. This could be a ball being released into the sky, a prayer being read, a boat being launched on the river, a letter written and burned, ashes scattered, etc. Explain that the meaning of the letter will definitely reach dad.
Often, when preparing for a funeral, adults are very busy with these troubles, they have no time for the child, and children at this time feel like outcasts, out of the situation, abandoned. But they need someone to share their feeling with them, so that the child feels loved, in contact with everyone. Therefore, if this is a preschooler, everything should be as usual for him, because he should feel that life goes on. Do not change the child’s routine, try to pay attention to him for communication, and preferably for cooperative game. Let him know and feel that you are nearby, you will not leave him. Tell them that no one can replace the deceased, but you will help fill the void as best you can. After the funeral, children can play out the plot of the funeral for some time, or another farewell ritual, and also pretend to be sick or dying. Such a game is a normal reaction of a child to the loss of a loved one, so the child is better aware and accepts this fact. Older children, like preschoolers, can be offered help in matters related to the funeral, but without overloading him with them.
Some time after the loss loved one The child's behavior and emotional background may change. He may become hot-tempered, aggressive, capricious, he may withdraw into himself, argue, his academic performance may decrease, he may lose interest in what previously interested him and liked him, he may have nightmares (if the death was unexpected or violent), enuresis, etc. . Even if everything seems to be fine with the child, oppressive sadness will overwhelm him more than once, especially in the first year after the loss. Holidays, birthdays and other special family celebrations can aggravate this sadness. At such moments, the child really needs the support of an adult. If an adult voices the child’s feelings and experiences, he will feel better because someone shares them, understands how bad he is, and supports him. You can say: " New Year you used to celebrate with the whole family when dad was also at home, but now he’s gone. I miss him very much too! He died, but he didn’t stop loving you! I think he is in heaven now, he sees you and hears you, he just can’t talk to you and you can’t see him either. But he always thinks about you and loves you!" You can also tell that you are also sad and miss him. If the child sees you cry sometimes, do not hide your sadness, explain that now you were remembering dad. Share yours with your child feelings. All this will not only help the child survive grief, but also help achieve certain positive results, namely, reducing psycho-emotional stress, deepening relationships with loved ones, accepting the reality of death, expanding the worldview. “I’m crying because I remembered my dad, I’m sad. But it won’t always be like this, the sadness will pass sooner or later.”
The child may develop a fear of his own death and the death of someone close to him. Therefore, it is important to reassure a child if he asks a question about whether he or one of his relatives will die, saying that all people are mortal and someday every person will die, but this will not happen soon, because... most people live a very long time and die only when they are very old. That people close to him will die when he is an adult, he will have children and he will live with them in his apartment or house. If a child asks if he will ever die, answer honestly that it will happen, but not very soon. If he gets scared and cries, under no circumstances should you retract your words and turn them into a joke. It is better to sit next to the child, hug, be with him and then help him return his thoughts to life, which continues. If a child begins to worry about an adult who gets sick, or gets behind the wheel, etc., that is, worries about you, trying to prevent another tragedy, you need to reassure him, first of all, voicing his feelings, saying that you see that he worried, worried, doesn’t want the same thing to happen to you that happened to dad, that he’s scared for you. Then show him that you are in control of the situation, that you can handle it, that you are always careful and take care of yourself, that nothing will happen to you. Let your child know that you always remember and think about him, that you love him very much, that he is the most important thing in your life, that you don’t want him to be left without you, so you are doubly careful. Tell us in detail about your safety and caution - how you achieve this, for example, do not drive fast, wear a seat belt, do not break the rules, you have a first aid kit, a telephone, airbags, studded tires in your car. Remind your child of how sometimes he was worried, but everything ended well and you coped with the situation, for example, how you were well treated for an illness, that you recovered. Say that you want to live long and will live with your child and take care of him for a long, long time.
The child will miss the deceased, so you can look through photos and videos with him. It won't be easy at first, there will most likely be tears, but it's very important point, because the child has many joyful, happy memories associated with the deceased, and over time, tears will be replaced by joy and a smile when viewing the photo.
Invite your child to go to the cemetery if you eat yourself, but don’t insist if he doesn’t want to.
How should you respond if a child asks why God allowed this to happen? Answer questions regarding God and religion according to your own beliefs. The right thing to do would be to consult the priests. In general, religious people are recommended to share their beliefs with children, as this helps them find answers to troubling questions related to the death of a loved one. Moreover, the answers found in the words of the parents may turn out to be important for the child both in the present (in a situation of loss) and in the future. However, it is best to avoid saying that God "took" the deceased to be with him or that "only good people die young." Some children may be afraid that God will take them too. They may also try to be "bad" because they don't want to die.
You can tell your child in an accessible form that when a person dies, a soul remains, which during the first three days says goodbye to everything that was dear to it during life, for example, to family and friends. The soul is with us for three days, therefore, according to Christian custom, the funeral is scheduled for the third day, when the soul “flies away.” Until the ninth day, at the command of God, the human soul contemplates the beauties of paradise and the abysses of hell. After this, until the fortieth day, the soul undergoes trials (ordeals), in which every deed, word and even thought of a person during life is discussed. Moreover, Angels testify for man, and demons testify against him. How the soul passes this test determines its fate. And at this moment, prayer for the deceased is very important; it can provide support to the soul at such a “preliminary” trial. By praying for the deceased, the child helps his soul. At the same time, in his thoughts he is next to him, he can feel caring for someone who is not there, more adult, responsible. At this time, the child can realize that death does not end life, that good deeds and actions give the soul another, eternal life. This understanding reduces the fear of death in children. When telling a child about death from a religious point of view, it is important not to make the mistake of creating an image of a “terrible God.” (God took my mother, now she is better there than here). The child may develop an irrational fear that he, too, will be “taken away.” About the fact that “it’s better there” is also incomprehensible to children. (If “there” is better, then why is everyone crying? And if death better than life- Why live then?).
If you are unable to talk to your child about the death of a loved one, contact the service immediately psychological assistance(in person or by phone), you will be provided with the support you need.

WHAT NOT TO SAY AND WHAT NOT TO DO:
- Do not avoid talking about the deceased, otherwise the child will not be able to experience grief. Answer questions about the deceased, maintain a conversation about him. Remember out loud about the deceased: “That was his favorite movie!” Children may ask: “What will daddy eat there? Will he be cold there? Is there anything to breathe there? Is it dark there? Scary?” and so on. Try to explain to the child that dad’s body no longer works the way it worked before and now he doesn’t need to eat, breathe, he’s not cold or dark or scared. After all, the body does not sleep, it has died. Only when the body is asleep, it still breathes, it needs warmth. When the body is dead, he no longer needs anything. Don't be intimidated by your children's questions, don't show them that you are upset by their questions. If it’s difficult to answer, say that you will definitely answer after a while, because... you need to think about how best to explain so that the child understands. Don’t delay your answer for too long; try to give an answer within a couple of hours.
- The child should not feel unwanted (Mom cries all the time about dad, but she still has me. That means she doesn’t need me.). Cannot be programmed later life family without joy and happiness (Your sister died, now we will never be happy as before).
- You can’t say: “I know how it feels for you, but mom (who died) would like you to be cheerful (or eat your dinner).” Any comment that indicates to a child that he should not be in such a mood may, at the very least, cause him confusion. In the worst case, the child may feel guilty for not behaving as the deceased relative would have wanted him to. It’s better to say: “Mom understands that you are sad now. She understands that you don't want to eat. And I understand too. But I am also sure that mom is waiting for the day when your sadness will subside and you will become more cheerful. And she knows it takes time.”
- You can’t say: “Grandfather is now on an amazing journey that every person goes on one day.” “Grandfather fell asleep forever.” Children under eight or nine years of age think literally, not abstractly. Using other words instead of dead or dead can confuse your child. He may never want to travel, or be afraid to fall asleep.
- You can’t say: “Grandma died after she was taken to the hospital.” “Grandma died in an accident.” Children sometimes end up in the hospital, and something happens to all children at some point. This does not mean that such events are usually followed by death. Instead, let your child know that the accident was very serious and that injuries and hospitalization usually do not result in death.
- You can’t say: “Grandma was sick...” Children get sick too. Confirm that the grandmother was very sick and the medications that usually help did not help her because her illness was very serious.
- You can’t say: “Don’t worry, I’ll never die.” But how do you explain to your child that dad died? It's better to say that you are not going to die until you are very old. If a child asks what would happen to him if both Mom and Dad died, you can explain your plans for providing him with a guardian to care for him. At the same time, reassure him that you don't think this will happen.
- You can’t say: “Two years have passed since grandpa died.” Everyone has calmed down, but why are you still upset?” The best way to forget is to remember. As counterintuitive as it may seem, people are better able to detach themselves from loss when they have the freedom to remember and grieve the deceased. If you are surprised by your child's sadness, then your expression of SYMPATHY will help him understand. Perhaps the sad memories were evoked in the child by the fact that his friend’s relative had died. There are many reasons. Therefore, on the contrary, say: “It is normal that sometimes such sad moments arise in the soul. What exactly were the thoughts that plunged you into such sadness?”
Mental recovery after the death of a loved one can take time. Children recover more quickly if their caregivers are supportive, meet their needs, know how to comfort and reassure them, and are always willing to listen.

It’s good if the teacher also manages to induce the student’s friends to help him, to talk to him about the deceased. Children may well be capable of this, sometimes even more than their mentors.
The death of a friend or classmate is an extraordinary event, because it is not an old person or even an adult who dies, but a peer. Therefore, there is a high probability of fears for your own life. In such a situation, teachers and school psychologists certainly should not remain indifferent. It is very advisable to make the event that happened the subject of class discussion, so that the children can express their thoughts and express their feelings about what happened.

Individual life is finite. One way or another, every person faces this. And making this collision the least painful for the child is an important task for parents. How to explain to a child what death is lies many consequences for him throughout his subsequent life.

A child begins to explore the world from birth. And usually the parent tries to show him the world from the good side, from the beautiful side: not to frighten him, not to upset him. “Let the child enjoy everything that is given to him, and let his childhood be rosy and wonderful. And he will become acquainted with the realities of the surrounding reality later,” the parent thinks. And he is wrong.

Whether they want to be with the child or not, the world bursts into the child’s worldview, leaving no room for rosy pictures. A parent must prepare for the wonderful or terrible in this world, taking care of the subsequent survival of the child. Too often, a parent delays this explanation or ignores children's questions about death.

When a child is faced with reality, everything is explained in a crumpled and inappropriate way. More often he is left alone with his experiences and pain, expecting that he will “perceive” and understand everything himself. Of course, for such stress mental child reacts immediately - at this moment the child feels the loss of the feeling of safety and security that his parents should give him, he feels pain. And these consequences will manifest themselves directly in his behavior.

How to explain to a child that people are mortal? Why can hamsters, cats, dogs and other living creatures not live? And the child will never see them. However, as well as the fact that this could happen to his loved ones.

Important things should be explained to the child from the point of view of his innate properties. Special attention in this regard, the small owner must be provided visual vector– there should be a special approach to it (see below). How to do this correctly? How to explain to a child what death is? After all, the baby is interested for a reason. He has his reasons for this.

The main thing is for the parent not to be scared. Death is a natural occurrence in nature, just like birth. It is worth abstracting from your own attitude towards death (surely it is caused by the fact that the parent himself did not correctly interpret this in childhood). During the conversation, the parent should be objective and not nervous. To clarify, precedents are not needed in reality. How to explain to a child what death is? Initially, you need to do this in words and simple examples. Examples should be given from simple to complex: from the inanimate level of nature and higher - to a person.

How to explain to a child... ? Let's start simple

The child sees the world around him. After 3 years, he already perceives everything that he can observe with his eyes. This makes it possible to give examples that the world is changeable and impermanent. First of all, it is necessary to show the opposites in the most objective things. Does he see the sun setting outside the window and night falling? Yes, he sees. The sun temporarily disappears, and in the morning it returns again - it is born, illuminating a new day, completely different from the previous one. Does he see how the leaves fall and remain on the ground in autumn? After all, they are no longer green, but withered, yellow, and when they fall, they do not return to the branches, but remain lying until next year. And next spring there will be small, new leaves on this tree. They are born in the spring and leave in the fall.

“Maybe they are dying?” - no, they just change shape. After all, fallen leaves are pressed under the snow, turned into humus, fertilizer for the earth, and become part of it in order to grow again into a tree and leaves on it. These will already be new green leaves that were once different. This happens everywhere: everything has a beginning and an end, only to continue in something new.

Such examples should be close to the child: it may not be foliage, but a flower in the park that he liked and withered. Not the sun, but the sea tide (everything that is cyclical in the day and seasons at the inanimate and vegetative levels).

It is important that the child perceives and agrees with what is being said to him; this should also be obvious to him. From the plant level you should move to the animal level and start with what does not interact directly with humans. For example, fish - without water they “fall asleep”.

“Are they dying? They can no longer swim or breathe underwater.” And here with the fish it is the same as with the foliage, which ceases to be green and attached to the branch. Yes, it no longer breathes or swims, but the fish continues in nature by being food for many other fish or animals. And the same thing happens to those in turn. Chickens, cows, birds - they are all born and die.

How to explain to a child what death is? Death is a change in external form. Like with a leaf: it has fallen, you can no longer see it on the branch, and it looks like death, but in fact everything continues. If you look only at a single leaf, at a single rabbit or any other animal - then it began, it was born, it was small, it grew up, it became big and it died - its time has ended. But there is no separate rabbit or separate hamster - we all live next to each other. The same thing happens to people.

How to explain to a child what will happen to them after death? After death there is nothing, these people do not feel the body, they continue in other people, even if this is not obvious to the child.

Explaining the fact of death to a visual child is a scrupulous procedure that requires preliminary preparation for the child. The child’s emotional perception must be sufficiently developed so that he does not become overstressed.

This is achieved through a close relationship with the mother. An emotional connection with her should be reinforced daily by confidential communication, constant interaction between mother and child, so that every hour he knows, understands, feels that he is loved, that his mother is nearby and is ready to share all his feelings and experiences.

Secondly, it is necessary to constantly develop a sense of empathy in a child: drawing his attention to the fact that the flower is in pain if it is picked, the dog is in pain if it is hit, and, most importantly, when a person feels bad, one should feel sorry for him.

Examples for developing a sense of empathy are provided in abundance by fairy tales and cartoons with moral content, aimed at awakening precisely this feeling. Before talking with a child about real human death, which such children often obsessively ask about, it should be shown as a reason for compassion using the example of Andersen’s “The Little Match Girl,” when death becomes a reason for the child to empathize with the innate fear of death not for oneself, but for another person he will not feel horror, from the fear of losing his own life.

A visual child will experience, sympathize and endure his own emotions. The story about the leaves will become for him a real projection of the fact that the events of the fairy tale can also happen in life. The main thing is to bring him to this smoothly and consistently.

If this happens, and the parent did not have time or does not know how to explain to the child what death is, when such a precedent has already happened in life to someone close to them, there is no need to panic. Moreover, you should not leave your child in the dark. You need to hug him and give him warm milk and tell him the above explanation from the end: from the human level to the inanimate level. It will not be as smooth and calm for him as in the first case, but this way the degree of stress in the child will be significantly reduced. In the near future, he should be carefully protected and protected from stress until he copes with this condition through the care and state of security provided by his parents.

Children are different, each of them has their own vulnerabilities, and it is important to understand the needs of each in order to help avoid psychological trauma and grow up with a sense of confidence. Knowledge on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan http://www.yburlan.ru/training/ will give you an incomparable advantage - a complete understanding of your child’s psyche, the approach to education that will be best for him.

The article was written based on training materials on system-vector psychology Yuri Burlan.

Death is an integral part of life, and any child sooner or later learns about its existence. This usually happens when the baby sees a dead bird, mouse or other animal for the first time in his life. It also happens that he receives his first knowledge about death under more tragic circumstances, for example, when a family member dies or is killed. It is quite expected that this question, so frightening for adults, will be asked: What happened? Why does grandma (dad, aunt, cat, dog) lie motionless and not talk?

Even very young children are able to distinguish living from non-living and a dream from something more frightening. Usually, out of fear of traumatizing the child’s psyche, parents try to avoid the topic of death and start telling the child that “the cat got sick and was taken to the hospital.” “Dad has left and will return when you are already quite old,” etc. But is it worth giving false hope?

Often behind such explanations there actually lies a desire to spare not the child’s psyche, but one’s own. Young children do not yet understand the meaning of such concepts as “forever”, “forever”, they consider death to be a reversible process, especially in light of how it is presented in modern cartoons and films, where characters either die or move to another world and turn into funny ghosts. Children's ideas about non-existence are extremely blurred. But for us, adults, who are well aware of the gravity of what happened, it is often very, very difficult to talk about the death of loved ones. And the big tragedy is not that the child will have to be told that dad will never return, but that they themselves will have to experience it again.

How traumatic information about the death of a loved one will be depends on the tone in which you talk about it with your child, with what emotional message. At this age, children are traumatized not so much by words as by the way we say them. Therefore, no matter how bitter the death of a loved one is for us, in order to talk with a child we should gain strength and calmness in order not only to inform him about what happened, but also to talk, discuss this event, and answer the questions that have arisen.

However, psychologists recommend telling children the truth. Parents must understand how much information and what quality their child is able to perceive, and must give him the answers that he will understand. In addition, it is usually difficult for young children to clearly formulate their question, so you need to try to understand what exactly is worrying the baby - he is afraid to be left alone, or he is afraid that mom and dad will also die soon, he is afraid of dying himself, or something else. And in such situations, believing parents find themselves in a more advantageous position, because they can tell their child that the soul of their grandmother (dad or other relative) has flown to heaven to God. This information is more benign than purely atheistic: “Grandma died and she is no more.” And most importantly, the topic of death should not be taboo. We get rid of fears by talking about them, so the child also needs to talk about this topic and get answers to questions that are understandable to him.

It is still difficult for young children to understand why their loved one is taken away from home and buried in the ground. In their understanding, even dead people need food, light, and communication. Therefore, it is quite possible that you will hear the question: “When will they dig it up and bring it back?” the child may worry that her beloved grandmother is alone underground and will not be able to get out of there on her own, that she will feel bad, dark and scared there. Most likely, he will ask this question more than once, because it is difficult for him to assimilate the new concept of “forever.” We must calmly answer that the dead are not dug up, that they remain in the cemetery forever, that the dead no longer need food and warmth, and do not distinguish between light and night.

When explaining the phenomenon of death, one should not go into theological details about the Last Judgment, about the fact that souls good people go to Heaven, and the souls of the bad ones go to Hell and so on. It is enough for a small child to say that dad has become an angel and is now looking at him from heaven, that angels are invisible, you cannot talk to them or hug them, but you can feel them with your heart. If a child asks a question about why a loved one died, then you should not answer in the style of “everything is God’s will”, “God gave - God took”, “it was God’s will” - the child may begin to consider God an evil being who causes grief and suffering to people and separating him from his loved ones.

The question often arises: should I take children to the cemetery for burial or not? Definitely - small ones are not allowed. The age at which a child will be able to survive the oppressive atmosphere of a burial, when the adult psyche cannot always withstand it, is purely individual. The sight of sobbing people, a dug hole, a coffin being lowered into a grave is not for the child’s psyche. Let the child, if possible, say goodbye to the deceased at home.

Sometimes adults are perplexed as to why a child reacts sluggishly to the death of a loved one, does not cry or mourn. This happens because children are not yet able to experience grief in the same way as adults. They do not fully understand the tragedy of what happened and, if they experience it, it is inside and in a different way. Their experiences can be expressed in the fact that the baby will often talk about the deceased, remember how they communicated, and spent time together. These conversations must be supported, so the child gets rid of anxiety and worries. At the same time, if you notice that after the death of a loved one, the baby developed the habit of biting his nails, sucking his finger, he began to wet the bed, became more irritable and whiny - this means that his experiences are much deeper than you might think, he is not If you are able to cope with them, you need to contact a psychologist.

Memorial rituals adopted by believers help to cope with grief. Going to the cemetery with your child and putting a bouquet of flowers on the grave will make your grandmother happy. Go to church with him and light a candle on the eve, read a simple prayer. You can take out an album with photographs and tell your child about how good his grandparents were, and remember the pleasant episodes from life associated with them. The thought that, having left the earth, the deceased did not disappear completely, that in this way we can maintain at least such a connection with him, has a calming effect and gives us hope that life continues after death.

ABC of education

For most children, the question of death arises after an event that greatly impressed them. This can be not only a tragedy in one’s own family or among friends, but also the death of an animal, as well as a television program seen that exploits the theme of death and suffering. A child cannot remain indifferent to this issue due to his emotionality and spontaneity.

A child who is thinking about death, as a rule, experiences strong internal anxiety for the well-being of himself and his family. Excitement is spurred by a sudden feeling of insecurity before this event. Often these emotions find a way out in crying (especially at night), disturbing drawings, games in which plots of death and funerals may appear. At correct behavior from loved ones, this period will pass, and the child will have formed right attitude to death and images that will help him cope with grief if it enters his life. Although, due to the sensitivity of this topic, it can be difficult to respond to a child’s questions in such a way as to really help him and not cause psychological trauma.