This may seem strange, but the entire theory of relationships is shattered as soon as real relationships appear. In practice, it turns out that seemingly adequate behavior causes unexpected aggression. Coping with the storm of a relationship can be difficult; every mistake, even the most insignificant in a woman’s opinion, can lead to a major quarrel or even separation. What to do to avoid major quarrels leading to fatal consequences?

There are often cases when people who are closest to them suddenly turn into creatures who hate each other, whose every action only causes irritation in their partner. Nine out of ten women believe that almost all the responsibility for this lies entirely with men - the princes are the wrong ones today, they do not remember their responsibilities at all.

You can’t argue with this, but still, women are not at all blameless; they also bear a considerable part of the responsibility for the destroyed relationship between a man and a woman. Women's mistakes include the fact that if problems begin in a relationship, you cannot immediately place all the blame on your partner; you first need to take a closer look at your own behavior.

Since a considerable part of the blame lies precisely on the shoulders of the female part, it is necessary to do something so that your partner does not decide that he needs to look for another, one who will be much more patient and understanding.

It is in order to avoid making typical mistakes of women in relationships with men that you need to study the top mistakes that have the most significant impact on the course of relationships and building a joint future.

Robe and curlers

Jokes and anecdotes do not appear out of nowhere, and stereotypes about a wife who walks around the house in a washed out robe, with curlers on her hair and a mask - this is a typical picture among a huge part of married couples countrywide. Moreover, we should not forget that in most of these jokes and stories there is another woman in the “closet” - beautiful, meek and sexy - this is exactly what you should always be for your man.

It’s no secret that after just a few years of marriage, most girls begin to think that a man is obliged to love them “naturally” - in a stretched T-shirt, with an incomprehensible hairstyle on their heads. Of course, we are not talking about heels at home, but even in home clothes you can look well-groomed and sexy - trousers or leggings, a tunic or top, a cute dress, a playful robe before bed. Touching up your eyelashes in the morning is a matter of one minute, and the result is noticeable immediately. It’s the same with your hair - just putting your hair in a ponytail is much better than walking around with your “I fell out of the hayloft” hairstyle.

Mystery

The absence of secrets and riddles is an equally rare problem that introduces an imbalance in the relationship between a man and a woman. A woman’s mistakes are the lack of desire or ability to preserve a certain zest, which primarily attracts men. The beautiful half is so beautiful that she must always find something to surprise her man with. This woman is ready to read her favorite book more than once, while a man rarely returns to a fully studied work. Therefore, you always need to have “a couple of unread pages” in stock.

Time to talk

A common mistake women make in relationships with men is that they stop communicating. Just talking to your man after work, discussing the situation at his work, finding out about his experiences, just watching a movie together is much better and more beneficial for the relationship than chatting with your girlfriend for two hours or watching monotonous shows on TV. Weekends and free time It’s better to spend time together - it brings us closer together.

Don't compete

Of course, any man knows that his significant other cooks better than anyone, she is the best housewife, the sexiest and all that jazz. But he is ready to compare her not with himself, but only with other women. No man will tolerate competition with his beloved self, no matter what the relationship between a man and a woman is.

Women's mistakes are to emphasize their big earnings, their career rise, their lively mind, their winnings on his console a couple of months ago... And under no circumstances should you do this in front of strangers! Almost any man will decide that compared to you - so smart, skillful, successful - he does not look very advantageous, which means that it is simply not destined for you to be together.

Household chores

A woman’s mistakes in relationships with a man can also be expressed in the belief that he is simply obliged to always help her with housework. He is sure that if he gets tired at work, brings money to the family, he has the right to at least relax at home, watch TV or play his favorite console.

Provided that both people work in the family, household chores also need to be divided, there’s nothing you can do about it. In this situation, you need to be able to speak and negotiate. So, it is quite possible to agree “on the shore” that he rests on Friday, but on Saturday you do all the necessary homework together. But this should again be a joint decision, and not an ultimatum.

Personal space

Everyone needs it. Just as women need time to meet with friends, for themselves, for a good book, so it is vitally important for a man to have free time when he can do some of his manly things. He also needs time when he will be left to himself, able to spend time the way only he wants.

Give it to him and you will notice how the relationship between a man and a woman has changed in your couple. Women's mistakes are a constant, 24/7 presence in a partner's life.

Criticism

In some situations, criticism cannot be avoided, because it is precisely this that contributes to the learning of certain skills and abilities. But under no circumstances should you do this in front of strangers. Yes, and strangers too. Criticism is only possible in private. Even if you are in a company, try to either wait until you are alone, or simply speak out about your displeasure in your ear.

Criticism of his intimate abilities - the catastrophic mistakes of which are such that condemnation of their masculine qualities they will not tolerate from anyone.

Shopping

Women enjoy long walks to the shops; for them it is a way to relax and take their mind off problems. But men treat this completely differently - for them it is punishment, hard labor, which they agree to only in order not to spoil the relationship between a man and a woman. How to avoid mistakes in this situation? Just don’t take him on your shopping marathon; let him do what interests him. If you need to go to the store together, let it be a quick trip for specific purchases, and not a three-hour viewing of all the shelves available in the store.

His parents

Mistakes in relationships between a man and a woman are, to an important extent, a negative attitude towards parents. To his parents. No matter how much your mother-in-law annoys you or how much your father-in-law annoys you with his wild actions, you cannot voice this. Parents always remain parents. The very best. And if someone actively doesn’t like them, then perhaps that someone doesn’t deserve to belong to this family.

If there is no way to tolerate relatives, find a more or less adequate reason to minimize meetings with them. Let it be an allergy to their ginger cat, a panic fear of a high floor, a horror of the neighbor's lapdog - it's still better than "I can't stand your mom."

Former

Never, under any circumstances, mention ex-boyfriends! Never! And if you compare him with these same exes, this is simply a death sentence for the relationship. Here it’s enough just to put yourself in his place - who would like a comparison with some stranger. Exes are always taboo. In the same way, you cannot talk about his exes, because by insulting and humiliating them, it is impossible to seem more elevated, smarter and luckier than them. Rather, it will look like petty envy and jealousy. And what could be worse than a woman’s mistake in relationships with men than to expose herself as a jealous, petty and quarrelsome woman? That's right, not much...

Of course, exes with whom they have common children deserve a separate discussion. Of course, it will not be possible to remain silent about them. But here, in any case, it is necessary to refrain from making judgments. They just were. Now they are just parents of one child. All. Even if it seems that this child could have been raised better - by remaining silent. If you really want to prove that you are a much better teacher, give birth to your own child and use his example to prove everything to everyone.

Of course, these are not all the mistakes that women make in relationships and which have an extremely negative impact on these very relationships. But even by avoiding these most typical reasons for quarrels, you can greatly influence the climate in your family.

Is there such a thing as an ideal relationship? The kind in which there is no place for quarrels, but only boundless love and happiness. I'm sure almost all women dream about this.

Unfortunately, this only happens in fairy tales.IN real life psychology of relationshipsbetween the sexes is always filled with various troubles and emotional experiences.

Some people need it as much as they need air. But for most couples, all this only brings unnecessary suffering.

Why is this happening? How to stop committing?

With some effort, you can learn to avoid most situations., because of which you, most likely, have had to suffer more than once.

If this problem is relevant to you, read on. I'll tell you about the main ones mistakes , which can ultimately lead to the emergence of humans. To do this, I will use real life examples told by my students.

Typical

Imagine the situation: a young woman has given birth to a child and is fully occupied with her new role as a mother. She learns to give all of herself to this tiny miracle, devoting all her time and attention to it. And she begins to get annoyed when her husband does not help as actively in household chores as she would like.

It's difficult for her. Yes, he has work, things to do, goals. But she and the baby, in her opinion, should now become the center of the Universe for a man. And the woman is offended that he cannot be so involved in household chores and household chores. She has the right to this.

And soon the woman begins to express complaints to the man. But if he is tired of eating the same soups and borscht, he must understand that she, as a new mother, does not have enough time to prepare a variety of dishes.

It turns out that she has reasons. But for my husband, it’s just excuses.

And this is just one example from a whole series of similarmistakes women make in relationships with men.

Is it true that deep down in your soul you always want to be loved, no matter what?

For some reason, it is assumed that if your partner truly understands you, then he will forgive all your imperfections and should focus only on your merits.

However, not all representatives of the fair sex are ready to love their men on the same terms.

The most commonmistakes in relationships

It's quite difficult to be objective about yourself. It is for this reason that women most often commitmistakes in relationships with men.

When your partner does something you don't like, you blame it on his bad character instead of trying to understand the reasons for what happened.

You know that you always act only with good intentions, but for some reason you can’t be sure that your man is doing the same.

In other words, if you couldn’t do something or did it wrong, you forgive yourself, but if we are talking about your partner, then he most likely doesn’t love you more if he does this.

Do you recognize this point of view? Have you ever had similar thoughts about your lover?

To eliminate partmistakes in relationships with men, you can’t fall into the psychological trap “I’m so wonderful, but he doesn’t appreciate me.”

Correct psychology of relationshipsis based on cultivating the ability to assume goodwill on the part of your partner in any situation.

Take, for example, Olga and her husband Ivan: lately he has been increasingly late at work for a long time, and when he returns, he apologizes for this and begins to tell how he regrets that he is forced to miss the family dinner for the umpteenth time.

And Olga commits an unforgivablemistake in a relationship with a man, who is trying to feed his family, and makes the assumption that he loves his job more than her and his children.

It would be much better for her to look at this situation from a slightly different angle: Ivan is torn between the stressful conditions of the job he is forced to go to in order to provide his family with decent living conditions, and the desire to spend more time with his wife and children.

If she stopped blaming him, she would be able to look at this situation through his eyes and understand him. And then they would have the opportunity to discuss the problem together and try to find ways to solve it, so that...

It is precisely this approach that should be basedpsychology of relationshipsin a couple who wants to live a long and happy life together.

Anger is like another onewomen's mistakes in relationships with men

Suppose that your boyfriend committed an unforgivable act - he forgot to wake you up on time, remind you of your friend’s birthday, spent the last money from the common stash on himself, or something even more “serious”. Anger can be a very natural reaction to this.

But what will you do next after you tell him everything you think about him?Are you going to walk around and sulk at him all day? If this is your standard behavior pattern, you can add another item to your list "Mistakes in relationships with men».

A more prudent option would be, after you've cooled down a bit, to revisit the issue, have a heart-to-heart talk, and maybe even apologize for overreacting. And you will be very surprised at how much this misunderstanding will bring you closer in the end.

As soon as you stop playing the role of angry and offended, your feelings will be filled with warmth, mutual understanding and support.

Your lover will be truly grateful for your efforts and will henceforth think twice before repeating the mistake. And you, in turn, next time you won’t even want to get angry in such a situation.

Let's look at a few more examples.

1. Let's say your partner comes home very late one evening and forgets to take out the trash, which is supposed to be picked up by the garbage truck early in the morning.

When the sound of a truck pulling up wakes you up and he says, “I think I forgot to take out the trash yesterday,” what is the first thought that pops into your head?

1. And now a situation from real life: Lena calls Alexey and asks to buy tea at the store while he is already standing at the checkout with a cart full of groceries. Despite some difficulties, he still finds a way to fulfill her instructions.

When he comes home and it turns out that “the tea is the wrong kind,” she is tempted to say, “Don’t you know that I never buy that kind? Are you not paying attention to what I’m doing at all?”

And this will be the next onemistake in a relationship with a man, who went home with the confidence that he had fulfilled all the wishes of his beloved wife.

Instead of that negative reaction It would be better for her to think about how he returned to the tea department with a whole mountain of purchases and chose the best and most expensive tea for her. The correct option will thank him for this, even if he chose something completely different from what she wanted.

1. And wives sometimes complain that their husbands are incapable of preparing surprises in the form of unexpected trips to nature or buying theater tickets for her favorite play. And at the same time, they themselves rarely do anything like that. Similarpsychology of relationshipsmeets all the time.

But if you expect your partner to figure out your desires, you can wait a very long time and end up with nothing.

4 ways to fixmistakes in relationships with men

1. Recognize that if you don’t know what your partner was thinking at the time he committed “that very act,” you have no right to judge him. Train yourself to evaluate all controversial situations through his eyes. Don't always try to convince him that your point of view is the only correct one in the current situation, because your goal is to achieve understanding.
2. When you're upset about something your man did, ask yourself if he really did it to hurt you? Or maybe it was an accident?
3. Try to replay the conflict that has arisen. Invite your man to switch roles. Try to take his side and invite him to be in “your shoes.” Such experiments can lead to very unexpected results in the form of insight and understanding that one is wrong.
4. Write down everything that drives you crazy about your man. And then make a list of your annoying habits, imagining yourself in his place. Both lists are quite impressive. Is not it? So you're not so perfect compared to him?

And finally I will say...

That by learning to be friendly and put yourself in your partner’s shoes, you can eliminate 95% of all conflicts that arise.

When you understand that the one who loves you performs all actions solely guided by good intentions, the number of misunderstandings decreases sharply.

Remember: your man, who promised to always love you, has bad days. Just like you.

And the fact that in all of the above the emphasis was on women does not mean that suchmistakes in relationshipscannot be done by a man. Of course it can.

But psychology of relationshipsis designed in such a way that the woman is usually the first to set an example. And her lover, if he really has tender feelings for her, will always follow her example.

I believe that you will succeed and the topicmistakes in relationshipswill soon stop bothering you. Thank you for your trust in this matter.

And one more thing - you can change your life and relationships with men in.

Read the top materials on my blog:

To win the heart of a beloved man and build a harmonious relationship with him, women are ready to do anything, even to eradicate habits that irritate the opposite sex. However, the development of relationships depends on both partners, and no matter how wise and flexible women are, if men make unforgivable mistakes, sooner or later it will turn into a loud scandal for them.

It would seem that if people love each other and want to be together, why do they forget about mutual respect and do not resolve controversial situations before they turn into an offensive quarrel? But the catch is that men and women think differently. And if a woman, by virtue of her natural intuition, can still understand the unexpressed feelings of her chosen one, then a man, with his logical and consequential thinking, is not easy to do this, and sometimes even impossible.

Therefore, to all representatives of the stronger sex who want to preserve happy relationship with your chosen ones, you need to learn the 10 most serious mistakes of men in relationships with women, and try under no circumstances to allow them in your life.

1. You are not solving her problems.

It’s just the way nature dictated - a man should be wise, brave and strong. A man must protect and protect his woman from any troubles, at least every woman wants it to be so. And even if it seems to you that your chosen one lives carefree and happy life, this is not at all true, because every day she has to solve a bunch of everyday and personal issues. Therefore, at the first opportunity, show concern for her concerns. And never wait until your chosen one asks you for help - just in case, offer help first, and even if she refuses, she will be pleased with your attentiveness.

2. You are stingy with compliments.

A woman needs compliments like a flower needs water. Without water, a flower will wither and die, and without compliments a woman will cease to feel like a woman. If you don't tell your girlfriend kind words and you don’t admire her appearance, thinking that this is already clear, because you love her, the woman will think that you are no longer interested in her. Therefore, having seen on your beloved new outfit, be sure to emphasize that it especially suits her and complements her already stunning beauty.

3. You are indecisive

Perhaps it is difficult for you to choose between a trip to the sea or a hike in the mountains, between dinner in a Japanese restaurant or in a restaurant with Georgian cuisine, and you think that your chosen one will cope better with this task. However, even in small things, a woman wants to see you as a reliable support, so overcome your indecisiveness and at least sometimes take the entire burden of responsibility on your shoulders.

4. You are not interested in her affairs.

You come home from work, exchange a few words, have dinner and go play computer games or watch TV. In this way, you are used to relieving the tension that has accumulated during the day, however, your silence and indifference makes a woman feel unnecessary and abandoned. Remember, representatives of the fair sex love intimate conversations; by talking, they get rid of stress and take a break from bad thoughts. Therefore, train yourself to be interested in how her day went.

5. You're lying

If you believe that you have no equal in the art of lying, and when you delicately distort reality by declaring that your strict boss assigned you overtime work, but in fact you spent that evening in a bar with friends, believing that this harmless lie will remain your secret, you are very mistaken. Any woman feels insincerity on a subconscious level, and you won’t be able to outwit this skill. If the habit of lying becomes your permanent condition, very soon a woman will stop trusting you both in small things and in serious situations.

6. You don't know how to stand up for your principles.

The paradox of the female psyche is that every representative of the fairer sex simultaneously wants to see next to her a soft, attentive romantic, as well as a strong, powerful man. Simply put, you should not always indulge your chosen one in everything, because... very soon she will begin to consider you a weak-willed weakling. If something in her requests and demands contradicts your masculine principles, feel free to defend your position.

7. You are sure that a woman will forgive you for any mistakes.

For some reason, many men believe that their wives are afraid of losing them more than anything else, and therefore will forgive them any weaknesses and mistakes. Of course, every woman is afraid of being left alone, but there is a limit to everything, and if the degree of insults you inflict reaches a critical level, she will probably break up with you.

8. You don't feel her mood

Men tend to combat bad moods with rest or a glass of cold beer. A woman in a state of blues most of all wants to be listened to and supported by her loved one. And even if it seems to you that the sorrows of your chosen one are like making a mountain out of a molehill, do not brush them aside, but at least listen and give wise advice.

9. You control her entire life.

Do you think that patriarchy should reign in the family, and you prefer to control every action of your wife, believing that she should spend all her time only with you? You can rest assured that very soon you will become a single man again, because... total control can destroy any feelings. If you don't want this, just learn to trust your chosen one. When she wants to spend time in the company of her friends or visiting relatives, do not forbid her from doing so, because a piece of personal space is the need of every person.

10. You have no goal

Perhaps this is the biggest mistake that no woman can come to terms with. With great love, a woman will forgive you jealousy, little lies, and indecisiveness, but she will never be able to feel comfortable and protected next to a person who has no goal in life. If you don't strive to achieve more than you have this moment, and this applies not only material assets, you will not be able to take care of your future children.

Every person makes mistakes from time to time, and that's okay. It’s scary if, when you make mistakes, you don’t realize it and don’t want to correct them. Therefore, in family life nothing can be left to chance. If you see that your spouse is offended by you, but don’t understand why, it’s better to ask her about it, without letting a small spark of resentment develop into a big fire.

The men who treat women with the most respect are rarely the most successful with them.
Joseph Addison

On the topic of mistakes that men make in relationships with women, you can find a lot of information, after reading which you get the feeling that it was presented specifically by women.

It's as if a doe that ran away from a hunter published an article on why the hunter was never able to catch her.

If a man is not the last egoist on the planet, he stands confidently enough on his feet and does not suffer from “ mama's boy” or “stingy”, is a purposeful person and, most importantly, he really likes his girlfriend, problems with strong man's shoulder, and other necessary attributes will not appear.

How to avoid mistakes as a man in relationships with women

1. In a relationship with a woman you need to be a fatalist

In your relationship with a woman, let everything happen as it happens.

You shouldn’t try to chase someone, change someone and tear your hair out if something goes wrong.

If you correctly assess yourself, the woman and the world around you, then the girl will not be able to baffle you.

The same woman can be completely different in her interactions with different people.

And how your relationship will develop will depend only on you and how you position yourself.

2. A woman should not be taken seriously. She's not worth it

You will have problems with a woman if:

1. You endowed her with mythological qualities and believe that she is really helpless and not adapted to life, insidious, unpredictable, romantic and bashful.
2. You think that a woman is worthy of serious experiences.
3. You still haven’t realized that they are almost the same and with each next one everything is easier than with the previous one, because experience accumulates.

If you make these stupid mistakes, your life will turn into a continuous chain of problems and worries. Dear ladies will definitely take care of this.

Women are capricious little children who use a simple and standard set of naive tricks, therefore:

1. Treat them kindly.
2. Don't take them seriously.
3. Don't get too attached to any of them, it rarely happens successful experience. Determine clearly for yourself what kind of attitude you will not tolerate from a woman, and be able to clear your life of people who are not suitable for you.
4. Value yourself more than a woman: you are one, but there are many of them. Over time, your value increases and hers decreases. Every year the range of women who will be happy to be with you expands, but for her it’s the opposite.
5. Be calm and do not overestimate any one woman or their entire family as a whole. Once again: appreciate, but do not overestimate.
6. And of course, try not to get into trouble. To do this, you just need to understand what exactly a woman wants from you, and try not to make mistakes! And we allow them often.

The main mistakes men make in relationships with women

1. Overestimation of women (fear of women)

I mean, you think better or worse of her than she deserves:

• Do you consider her a super being or a dirty creature.
• You're afraid that she sees right through you, or you think she's a complete fool.
• Looking at her angelic appearance, you attribute to her an angelic character.
• Or vice versa - you think that she is incredibly cunning and insidious just because she is a woman.

Of course, both of these extremes are absurd. There is no need to be afraid of women or overestimate them: these are quite simple mechanisms with standard capabilities and a standard set of functions.

Once gained experience will help you manage with ease different models, therefore, looking at the body, do not think that there is something under the hood that can especially delight or disappoint you.

2. Trust in a woman

Male naivety is a terrible thing.

Even though you have a more critical mind than your friend, be prepared to swallow any lies from her because you trust her.

And believe me, women use this much more often than you think.

Of course, you shouldn’t live in an atmosphere of suspicion, but just don’t hang your ears at any reason.

Take any proposal or statement from a woman critically, especially if it concerns you or in any way affects your interests.

No matter what a woman says, remember: she will never play on your side.

Therefore, trust, but verify: a woman always acts in her own personal interests, and even if sometimes your interests coincide, do not attach importance to this coincidence.

3. Sexual craving for a woman (fear of losing her)

One of the most important tools in a woman achieving her goals.

Sexual or psychological dependence on a woman (and this can happen to anyone) can turn you into a rag, no matter how strong you are.

Women know this very well, feel and use it. Manipulating a man through sex is a woman’s favorite pastime.

Schemes “I will give - I will not give; you will good boy- you will receive candy; I’m offended, don’t come near me,” etc. – this is a classic.

The way to avoid this is simple, like all ingenious things: it’s better not to get completely obsessed
on one woman, unless, of course, this is your single one and you are still able to look at other ladies.

In this case, why, as they say, put all your eggs in one basket? Let you have several girlfriends, and if one of them suddenly decides to start manipulating you, you just shrug your shoulders and go to another.

Whether we are in a close relationship with someone or not, happiness does not depend entirely on this circumstance. But if we do have a relationship, we definitely feel happier, says Ilona Boniwell in her book Keys to Well-Being.

Relationships that are not developing exactly the way we would like are not very difficult to correct, especially if the couple has not been together for very long. Summarizing their observations, psychologist Paula Pietromonaco and her colleagues from the University of Massachusetts identified the most common mistakes in partner relationships. And while the consequences of our mistakes have not reached destructive proportions, we have a chance to correct them. What mistakes should we avoid if we want to save our relationship?

1. Thinking that your partner is not going anywhere

As relationships develop, we increasingly take the presence of a partner in our lives for granted. The signs of attention shown to each other at the very beginning, surprises and other pleasant little things gradually disappear.

We often stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones only because we are used to them.

On the one hand, this indicates that the relationship is becoming more mature. But on the other hand, longing for a beautiful romantic period can overshadow what is valuable, which, in fact, holds the union together. At such moments, it is useful to imagine what my life would look like in a different situation. For example, without my partner.

Imagine how you will live if you really break up? What will you do? Will this affect your well-being and your ideas about a happy future?

These fantasies will help you maintain your relationship, more acutely feel the feelings that connect you and which have probably become dulled due to the fact that you have been together for a long time: affection, interest in your partner, concern for him and a whole range of your personal experiences! It is very important to listen to them - they can become the right guide for you.

Often we stop noticing and appreciating our loved ones only because we are used to them and think that they will not get away from us. But if we (even unwittingly) convey our indifference to our partner, sooner or later he will begin to look for the unreceived care and attention outside of our relationship.

2. Thinking that your partner will leave you

Being inattentive to a partner is a bad idea, but the other extreme is equally unproductive for a relationship - when we are too attached to him and think only about one thing: does he love us? Does he value our relationship? People who are overly dependent on another person's attention can scare away those around them with their excessive need for love and confirmation. Once the boundaries of the relationship are outlined and mutual obligations are defined, it is not at all necessary to constantly wonder whether your partner really cares about you.

By paying attention only to what you don’t like, you risk not noticing anything good in a loved one.

And even if the relationship is just developing and it’s too early to talk about commitments, you are able to determine for yourself how sincere the other person is with you. Is he interested in your life, how friendly and attentive he is to your mood, does he take into account your tastes and desires - these and other signs will help dispel anxiety about your partner’s feelings and intentions.

3. Ignore the boundaries of the couple’s personal space

Established couples always have their own secrets that unite the two, and it is very important that partners respect this intimate space. By revealing certain details of our private life to other people, we risk hurting feelings. loved one and undermine his trust in us.

If you reveal some secret of your partner to strangers and the information reaches him (small world!), he may not even know that you were the source of this gossip, but his feelings of resentment and humiliation will not become any less painful. You will begin to empathize with him (especially if your partner is still dear to you) and will suffer from remorse for once being too open about topics that should not have been touched upon. These experiences can be long and painful, but, alas, they will not solve the problem that has arisen.

4. Complain about your partner

Those of us in long-term relationships usually have a clear idea of ​​what we'd like to "tweak" about our partner. And this is not surprising, since ideal people do not exist. The problem arises when we decide to discuss our list of grievances not with our partner, but with someone else who is ready to sympathize with us. In addition to the fact that this will be a disclosure of personal secrets (see point 3), such a strategy in itself is destructive. After all, the partner simply may not realize the essence of our claims.

5. Suppress dissatisfaction

It’s not difficult to see a reason for mutual irritation in a long-term relationship; the question is how we decide to deal with it. Perhaps one of the most dangerous ways to cope with irritation is to accumulate it, pretending that nothing is happening. It may seem that it is much safer to hide your dissatisfaction or disagreement with what your partner says and/or does, but this is not the case. Without telling him (her) how we really feel, we risk losing trust and delaying the possibility of a frank conversation.

Moreover, unexpressed irritation passes into the realm of the unconscious. And then we seem to accidentally forget to call our partner or fulfill his important request... These actions do not correspond to our intentions, but behind them there may be emotions repressed from consciousness. Therefore, if you suddenly notice that such incidents are starting to happen to you, a generally attentive and organized person, it is worth thinking about their hidden reasons. And find the strength to honestly discuss them with your partner.

6. Constantly doubt

Do you often worry about the prospects of your relationship? Are you afraid of jinxing them, saying or doing something wrong? Do you see signs of inattention, self-neglect, and unwillingness to maintain the relationship in your partner’s fatigue? If such anxiety overwhelms us too often, we risk two things at once. Firstly, comfort and loss of confidence.

The partner may feel doubts and interpret them as an unwillingness to move on

And secondly, when we constantly think through various options developments and draw up an action plan in case of a breakup, we unwittingly charge the relationship itself with our anxiety. A partner may feel our doubts and indecision and interpret them not as a fear of losing him, but as an unwillingness to go further in this relationship, and in this case, a quick separation may become a very likely prospect.

7. Not taking your partner seriously enough

What place do you give to your partner in your system of priorities? Do your children come first? And work, of course, is there too? Of course, you can always find a logical and understandable explanation: children are growing up quickly, and you want to devote more time to them, and at work you are at the peak of demand, which is unlikely to be expected in the near future.

But time goes by, children grow up, business people retire, and partners who do not feel value and significance in the relationship leave them, because no one likes to be in last place.

8. Stop believing in your partner

Loss of a job, health problems or death of friends or relatives - we all experience grief from time to time. When one of the two faces difficulties, it becomes a test for the other. It would seem that what is required is obvious: to provide support and encouragement to your loved one. But if you are used to the fact that your partner is your support, it becomes difficult to cope with anxiety and show real, not fake optimism.

The conviction that your partner can cope will not only help ease his pain, but will also become an impulse to find strength in himself

When the bad streak drags on and your partner continues to be despondent and inactive, you begin to doubt that he is, in principle, able to get out of this situation. difficult situation. And yet, it is important to sincerely believe all the time that troubles will end. Your support and firm belief that your partner will definitely cope will not only help ease his pain, but will also become the necessary impetus for him to find strength and overcome trials.

9. Stop believing in your relationship.

In addition to the problems that each partner faces, difficulties can affect the couple as a whole. List possible reasons, because of which we can lose hope for the future of our relationships, are significant - from banal misunderstandings and differences in characters to someone’s betrayal. But if you allow yourself to give up, no matter what exactly happened, you will close off the opportunity to establish an emotional connection with the person who has been dear to you for a long time. You have invested a lot in this relationship, don’t let despair wipe it all out in one moment.

Feelings of hopelessness are often the result of a whole set of irrational beliefs, such as: “if it’s bad now, it will always be bad,” “life should be joyful and enjoyable,” “constant minor disagreements indicate underlying problems.” Stop yourself every time such beliefs try to take over your thoughts and stop them - then it will be easier to focus on the positive aspects of your relationship, rather than the negative ones.