In the description of the typology family education It is accepted to study educational parental attitudes and positions. IN general view were formulatedoptimal Andsuboptimal parental positions. It can be noted that the optimal parental position meets the requirements of adequacy, flexibility, and predictability.Adequacy parental position is defined as the ability of parents to see and understand the individuality of their child, to notice what is happening in his mental world.Flexibility parental position can be considered as the ability to restructure the impact on the child in the course of family living conditions.Predictiveness parental position means that it is not the child who should lead the parents, but, on the contrary, the style of communication should be ahead of the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of children.

In disharmonious families , where the upbringing of a child has become problematic, a change in parental positions is clearly visible in one or all three selected indicators. Parental positions are inadequate, lose flexibility, become increasingly stable, unchangeable and unpredictive. Considering the interdependence of relationships in the family, they are described through the roles that the child performs. The four most typical roles are:“favorite”, “baby”, “scapegoat”, “reconciliator”.

The first role, “favorite,” arises when parents do not have any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated concern for the child. On the contrary, when the spouses are very close to each other, the child once and for all remains in the family only a child, a “baby” with very limited rights. The third role, the “scapegoat,” arises in the family when the marital problems of the parents and mutual dissatisfaction with each other are transferred to the child; he, as it were, takes on the negative emotions of the parents, which they actually experience towards each other. The “conciliator” is forced to play the role of an adult, regulate and eliminate marital conflicts, and thus occupies an important place in the family structure.

Some authors have tried to base the description of types of upbringing on the degree of expression of parents' emotional attitude towards their child. Two extreme types are presented, and all the others differ in the degree of expression of emotions.

1. Families in which relationships are built on the basis of love and acceptance . The generalized formula of parental education is expressed by the statement: “The child is the center of my interests.” The behavior of parents is marked by tenderness towards children, various activities with them, concern for their life and upbringing.

2. Families in which relationships are built on rejection and rejection of the child . The generalized formula of parental attitude is formulated as follows: “I don’t accept this child, I won’t take care of him, I won’t worry about him.” The behavior of parents shows inattention to the child, cruelty and a desire to communicate with him as little as possible.

Many works devoted to parent-child relationships are based on the concept proposed by D. Baumrind in the 1970s. a typology of family education styles that meaningfully described three main styles: authoritarian, authoritative, or democratic and permissive. Here is the most popular classification of parenting styles today.

1. Democratic (reasonable love; accepting, authoritative style; value-based attitude with high reflection). With this style of family education, emotional closeness with the child manifests itself as acceptance, warmth and love. The requirements for the child are fair, with justification for the prohibitions. Control is exercised on the basis of caring. The model of communication with the child is personality-oriented. The child’s type of personal development is optimal (self-esteem and responsibility; independence and discipline, full communication);

2. Authoritarian (autocratic; dictatorship), emotional closeness with the child is often absent, although not excluded. The requirements for the child are strict, without explanation. Control is tough, incorrect, punishments. The model of communication with the child is disciplinary, constant shouting and threats. The type of personal development of a child, with an authoritarian style of family education, is passive (lack of initiative, dependence, low self-esteem), aggressive (the child turns into a tyrant, like the parent), hypocritical.

3. Overprotection (hyperprotection, dominant hyperprotection; “life for the child”) - excessive care for the child is manifested. There are no requirements for it despite numerous prohibitions and restrictions. Control over the child is total, sometimes excessive. Parents strive for close emotional contact. The child grows up dependent, dependent on parents, self-centered, and asthenic traits increase.

4. Pandering overprotection (indulging overprotection; “family idol”) - with the style of family education under consideration, adoration and admiration for the child is observed. There are no requirements, control over the child is weak, permissiveness. The communication model is “sacrifice” (maximum satisfaction of the child’s needs and whims).

5. Increased moral responsibility (hypersocialization) – high demands on the child are combined with low attention. Parents are overly concerned about the child's future, social status, educational success. With this style of family education, the child grows up anxious and suspicious.

6. Anarchic (indulging; liberal - conniving) - there are no or very weak requirements for the child, there is no control, the model of communication with him is “ingratiating” (non-cretical attitude). The child grows up to be selfish and opportunistic.

7. Hypoprotection (neglect; peaceful coexistence) – indifference to the child, lack of warmth towards him is manifested. There are no requirements or supervision over the child. Parents do not interfere in the child's life. He grows up unpredictable, hyperthymic, and asocial.

8. Emotional rejection (alienated; “Cinderella”; “little loser”) – there is no emotional closeness with the child. There are high demands on the child. The punishments are cruel and strict. Parents do not have contact with the child, he grows up dreamy and cruel. The child has difficulty communicating; neurotic disorders.

9. Abuse (aggressive ) – there are no requirements for the child, strict control, deprivation of pleasure, humiliation, beatings. The model of communication with the child is hostile.

"IN real life“,” notes V.S. Mukhina, “everything is still more complex than in any classification. In her opinion, several styles of attitude toward a child can be represented simultaneously in a family.” A study of the influence of various leadership styles on the development of children’s personality and the formation of child-parent relationships showed that the most beneficial effect on educational process providesdemocratic and authoritative interaction style , while other styles lead to disturbances in personal development and disharmony in interpersonal relationships between parents and children.

Conflicts between children and parents in context

developmental psychology concepts

The age crisis according to L. S. Vygotsky and D. B. Elkonin is a turning point on the curve child development, separating one age from another. In domestic developmental psychology, the following age-related crises are distinguished: “newborn crisis (up to 1 month), crisis of one year, crisis of 3 years,crisis 7 years , teenage crisis (11–12 years old) and youth crisis.”

The restructuring of the child’s system of relationships with other people explains such characteristics behavior of a child experiencing an age crisis,like disobedience, stubbornness, negativism . During an age-related crisis, a child tests psychological boundaries in relationships with adults (including parents), explores the limits of permissible behavior, determines the extent to which parents are able to control his behavior and the extent of his own influence on the behavior of his parents. This is what explains the child’s uncontrollable behavior, aggression, negativism and stubbornness in this age period.

However, it is important to note that, despite uncontrolled behavior and an active attempt to demonstrate increased independence from parents, the child experiences a tremendous need for safety and predictability in the world around him, which can only be satisfied with clearly constructed and stable boundaries in the relationship with the child.

In addition, during a crisis, the child experiences a great need for psychological support and emotional contact with his parents.

Theoretical ideas about the peculiarities of the course of age-related crises determine the tasks that specialists face in communicating with parents who have made similar requests:

Normalizing the child’s behavior, explaining its reasons and, thereby, reducing the level of parental tension and anxiety,

Helping parents form emotional contact with their child,

Solving this problem involves both informing parents about the child's need for acceptance and emotional support, and discussing specific ways in which this goal can be achieved. Teaching parents the techniques of “I am statements” and “active listening” is useful for achieving emotional contact with a child.

Helping parents form clear boundaries in their relationship with their child.

Difficulties in the relationship between parents and children are very common. Conflicts can arise among parents with children of any age group: from one to two to eighteen years old. A particularly important condition for preventing child-parent conflict is adherence to the following principles in family education:

Openness and trust in relationships with children;

Optimistic relationships in the family;

Consistency in your demands (do not demand the impossible);

Providing all possible assistance to your child, willingness to answer questions.

Typically, a child responds to the claims and conflicting actions of his parents with such reactions (strategies) as:

reaction of the opposition (demonstrative actions of a negative nature);

refusal reaction (failure to comply with parental demands);

isolation reaction (the desire to avoid unwanted contacts with parents, hiding information and actions).

Various approaches to raising children in conflict situations between parents are described. Especially important:

find a common solution, convince each other. If a compromise has to be made, it is imperative that the basic requirements of the parties are satisfied. When one parent makes a decision, he must remember the position of the other.

make sure that the child does not see contradictions in the positions of the parents, i.e. It is better to discuss controversial issues without him.

"Bricks of Understanding"

Brick 1.

Accept your child, love him not because he is “smart” or “obedient,” but for what he is.

Brick 2.

If you see that your child is now having a hard time coping with something, help him, but only if he is ready to accept your help or asks for it.

Brick 3.

Pay attention to the words with which you address your child when you want to ask him for something. What color do they wear: positive, neutral or negative? Positively structured requests will find a response much faster and, accordingly, will be fulfilled more readily.

Brick 4.

A positive attitude towards oneself is the basis for the psychological survival of any person. So is it any wonder that the child is constantly looking for this and sometimes even has to fight for it. Parents, like no one else, can help build self-esteem by emphasizing the child’s positive character traits and good deeds.

Brick 5 .

Trust is very important when communicating with a child. Trust helps solve many seemingly insoluble problems.

Brick 6.

Rules, including prohibitions, must be present in the lives of children. Let these be clear rules, there shouldn’t be too many of them. But since they exist, all family members must adhere to them.

Brick 7.

A parent has the right to make demands on his child, but they should not come into obvious conflict with the most important needs (for example, food, rest, love...)

Brick 8.

The right tone in which the parent communicates his demand or prohibition will help avoid unnecessary tension in communication. Let this be said in a friendly explanatory tone, with very weighty arguments.

Brick 9.

If a child has done something wrong, deprive him of something good, rather than doing something bad.

Brick 10.

Your child is an individual with his own characteristics, some of which may or may not suit you. Dissatisfaction with a child's actions often develops into rejection of the child's personality. Try to prevent this from happening.

Fomina L.K. Concept and types of child-parent relationships // Young scientist. - 2014. - No. 2. - pp. 704-707. - URL https://moluch.ru/archive/61/9043/ (access date: 01/15/2018).

Parental attitude is understood as “a system, or a set, of a parent’s emotional attitude towards a child, the parent’s perception of the child and ways of behaving with him.” The literature describes a fairly extensive phenomenology of parental attitudes, parenting styles, as well as their consequences - the formation of individual characterological characteristics of a child within the framework of normal or deviant behavior (Zakharov A.I., Eidemiller E.G., Spivakovskaya A.S.) Research, There is practically no literature concerning the personal characteristics of parents and their influence on the nature of the parental relationship.

In general, the concept of “attitude” in psychology refers to the position of an individual towards what surrounds him. In social communities (and this includes the family), the people who compose them have not relationships, but relationships. Relationship is the mutual position of one person to another, while relationships and relationships are aspects of communication. And if in a relationship there is not necessarily a feedback signal, then in the relationship feedback is constantly provided, and of different modalities.

Family is also social group, in which the same mechanisms function. It has a subject (parent), with certain characteristics, and an object of influence (child), who is also endowed with certain properties. There are relationships, interactions, and mutual influences between them. But it should be noted that the object is temporarily and a subject, actively reacting to all impacts (influences) presented to it, interacting in a certain way with the subject.

An object endowed with the properties of a subject forces one to react, to treat it as a subject in a certain way, but feedback from the subject – the child – also passes through the prism of the subject’s own set of personal characteristics – the parent.

Thus, interpersonal interaction involves an active exchange of information between two subjects. At the same time, the influence of the individual itself can be considered as an attribute of the individual, as its attributive characteristic. This means that the child-parent relationship is between parents and child, but also relationships, mutual influence, active interaction between parent and child.

That is, the “formation” of a family education style is a mutually dependent, reciprocal process for which both parent and child are responsible.

When getting acquainted with the methods that operationalize the style of family education (features of the parental relationship), one gets the impression that these methods are more likely to diagnose the personal characteristics of the parent than the actual personal relationship of the parent to specific child, and in this sense, it is right to say that the style of family education is in a special way connected not only with the individual psychological characteristics of the child, but also with the personality of the parent.

The style of family education is a kind of realization of personality, a unique characteristic of the personality of the parent. It can be assumed that a parent with certain personal characteristics, as a rule, will implement a very specific style or similar styles of family education.

Observing the upbringing of children in various families and the behavior of parents allowed psychologists to describe various parental attitudes, positions, types of behavior, communication styles, etc., which determine the specifics of parent-child relationships. In the most general approach to classification, optimal and suboptimal parental positions were formulated.

The optimal parental position meets the requirements of adequacy, flexibility and predictability.

· The adequacy of the parental position can be defined as the ability of parents to see and understand the individuality of their child, to notice changes occurring in his mental world.

· Flexibility of the parental position is considered as the ability to restructure the impact on the child in the course of family living conditions. A flexible parental position should not only be variable in the child’s compliance, it should be anticipatory and prognostic.

· The predictability of the parental position means that it is not the child who should lead the parents, but, on the contrary, the style of communication should be ahead of the emergence of new mental and personal qualities of children. Only on the basis of the prognostic parental position can the optimal distance be established and the requirements for independence of upbringing be met.

In disharmonious families, where the upbringing of a child has become problematic, a change in parental positions is quite clearly evident in one or all three selected indicators. Parental positions are inadequate, lose flexibility, become increasingly stable, unchangeable and unpredictive.

There is an attempt to describe relationships in the family through the roles that the child plays. A role is defined as a certain set of patterns of behavior towards a child in the family, as a combination of feelings, expectations, actions, assessments addressed to the child from adult family members.

In a harmonious family, it is difficult to describe the role, because all relationships with the child are flexible and changeable. But in cases where parental positions lose flexibility and adequacy, children's roles are quite clearly identified.

The most typical four roles are: “scapegoat”, “favorite”, “conciliator”, “baby”. The first role arises in the family, when the marital problems of the parents, mutual dissatisfaction with each other are transferred to the child, he, as it were, takes on the negative emotions of the parents, which they actually experience towards each other. The second, outwardly completely different role in its psychological content, arises when parents do not experience any feelings for each other, and the emotional vacuum is filled with exaggerated concern for the child.

The other two roles essentially describe the parent-child intimacy style. “Baby” is alienated from his parents, he is, as it were, forced out of the family community, once again and forever ordered to be in the family only a child, on whom nothing depends. This role occurs when the spouses are very close to each other.

“Conciliator”, who got involved early in the difficulties family life, occupies an important place in the family, regulating and eliminating marital conflicts. Preventing marital conflicts forces the child to play the role of an adult and get closer to his parents.

We present two extreme types (and all the others differ in the degree of expression of emotions).

1. Families in which relationships are built on the basis of love and acceptance.

The generalized formula of parental attitude is expressed by the statement: “The child is the center of my interests.” The behavior of parents is marked by tenderness towards children, various activities with them, and concern for their lives.

2. Families in which relationships are built on rejection and rejection of the child.

The generalized formula of parental attitude is formulated as follows: “I hate this child, I will not take care of him, I will not worry.” The behavior of parents shows inattention to the child, cruelty and a desire to communicate with him as little as possible.

In a number of studies (A.T. Shmeleva, T.M. Afanasyeva) attention was paid to studying the degree of freedom of the child in the family, or how parents regulate his behavior. Two extreme types were identified - excessive care and excessive demands.

1. Relationships of the type of excessive guardianship are characterized by the following parental attitude: “I will do everything for my child, I will completely devote my life to him.”

2. Attitude of the type of excessive demands. The parents' attitude can be expressed by the statement: “I don’t want a child the way he is.” This attitude provokes increased criticism of the child in the absence of praise and encouragement.

In many studies, psychologists, trying to describe the types of family upbringing, came to the conclusion that it would be more accurate to assess upbringing not in one, but in several aspects at the same time. The behavior of the parent is represented in a coordinate system, one of the axes of which reflects the emotional aspect of the relationship with the child, and the other - the behavioral one. The combination of extreme values ​​gives four types of education:

1. A warm attitude towards the child combined with giving him independence and initiative.

2. Cold permissive upbringing, in which some coldness towards the child, a lack of parental feelings are combined with providing him with sufficient freedom.

3. Warm, restrictive parenting, which is characterized by an emotionally intense attitude towards the child with excessive control over his behavior.

4. Cold, restrictive upbringing, which leads to constant criticism of the child, nagging, and sometimes persecution of any independent action.

Many works devoted to parent-child relationships are based on the typology of family education styles proposed by D. Baumrind, which described three main styles: authoritarian, democratic and permissive.

Parents limit the child’s independence and do not consider it necessary to somehow justify their demands, accompanying them with strict control, severe prohibitions, reprimands and physiological punishments. IN adolescence Parental authoritarianism generates conflicts and hostility. The most active, strong children resist and rebel, becoming overly aggressive. Timid, insecure children learn to obey their parents in everything, without making any attempts to decide anything on their own. If mothers tend to implement more “permissive” behavior towards older children, then authoritarian fathers firmly adhere to the chosen type of parental authority.

Democratic style - parents encourage personal responsibility and independence of their children in accordance with their age capabilities. Parents demand meaningful behavior from their children and try to help them, being sensitive to their needs. At the same time, parents show firmness, care about fairness and consistent discipline, which forms correct, responsible social behavior.

Permissive style - the child is not properly guided, practically does not know the prohibitions and restrictions on the part of the parents, or does not follow the instructions of the parents, who are characterized by inability, inability or unwillingness to guide children.

Chaotic style (inconsistent leadership) is the absence of a unified approach to education, when there are no clearly expressed, defined, specific requirements for the child or there are contradictions and disagreements in the choice of educational means between parents. With this style of education, one of the important basic needs of the individual is frustrated - the need for stability and orderliness in the surrounding world, the presence of clear guidelines in behavior and assessments.

The caring style is the desire to constantly be with the child and solve all problems that arise for him. Parents vigilantly monitor the teenager’s behavior, limit his independent behavior, and worry that something might happen to him.

Studies of the influence of various leadership styles on the development of a child’s personality and the formation of parent-child relationships have shown that the most beneficial effect on the educational process is exerted by an authoritative and democratic style of interaction, while other styles lead to disturbances in personal development and disharmony in interpersonal relationships between parents and children.

We examined some approaches to the classification of parent-child relationships. Their analysis showed that the basis for identifying types of relationships is the position of parents, the characteristics of their attitudes, values, and goals. One more very important issue remains beyond the scope of consideration - the child’s attitude to the existing system family relations. This aspect of the problem of parent-child relationships remains insufficiently studied.

So, child-parent relationships constitute the most important subsystem of family relations as an integral system and can be considered as continuous, long-term and indirect age characteristics child and parent relationship. Child-parent relationships as the most important determinant of the development and process of socialization of a child can be determined by the following parameters:

The nature of the emotional connection: on the part of the parent - emotional acceptance of the child (parental love), on the part of the child - attachment and emotional attitude towards the parent. A feature of parent-child relationships compared to other types of interpersonal relationships is their high significance for both parties;

Motives of education and parenthood;

The degree of involvement of the parent and child in the parent-child relationship;

Satisfying the child’s needs, the parent’s care and attention to him;

Style of communication and interaction with the child, features of the manifestation of parental leadership;

A way to resolve problem and conflict situations;

Supporting child autonomy;

Social control: requirements and prohibitions, their content and quantity; control method; sanctions (incentives and reinforcements); parental monitoring;

The degree of stability and consistency (inconsistency) of family education.

Integrative indicators of parent-child relationships:

Parental position, determined by the nature of the emotional acceptance of the child, the motives and values ​​of upbringing, the image of the child, the image of oneself as a parent, models of role parental behavior, the degree of satisfaction with parenting;

The type of family education, determined by the parameters of emotional relationships, the style of communication and interaction, the degree of satisfaction of the child’s needs, the characteristics of parental control and the degree of consistency in its implementation;

The image of the parent as a teacher and the image of the child’s family education system. This indicator has become the subject of scientific research and widespread discussion relatively recently. The emergence of interest in studying the child’s position in the system of child-parent relations “is due to the fact that the child, like the parent, is an active participant in them. Changing the educational paradigm from the attitude towards the child as an object of education to a humanistic attitude - the child as a subject of education and an equal participant in the relationship , which occurred in the last quarter of the 20th century in the public consciousness, is the basis for revising the concept of parent-child relationships towards greater consideration of the position of the child himself as an active creator of these relationships.

The emotional side of parent-child relationships largely determines the well-being of the child’s development and the realization of the educational potential of parenthood as a social institution. The emotional attitude towards a partner in parents and children in the context of their relationship has different origins, psychological content and development dynamics. If applied to marital relations we can talk about the fundamental equality of partners - both in relation to the genesis and development and implementation of the emotional connection - then in the case of child-parent relationships, the nature of child and parental love turns out to be different. The emotional attitude of a parent towards a child is qualified as a phenomenon of parental love (E. Fromm), and in modern psychology there is a clear distinction between the emotional attitude of mother and father towards a child, acting as maternal or paternal love. Along with the concept of parental love, the term “acceptance” is used (A. Roe, M. Segelman, A.I. Zakharov, D.I. Isaev, A.Ya. Varga), which characterizes the affective coloring of the parent’s attitude towards the child and recognition of his self-worth. Emotional closeness (V.V. Stolin) determines the affective sign of the relationship (sympathy - antipathy) and the emotional distance between parent and child.

The family, as the child’s immediate social environment, satisfies the child’s need for acceptance, recognition, protection, emotional support, and respect. In the family, the child acquires his first experience of social and emotional interaction. The emotional climate in the family where the child is being raised has a significant impact on the formation of the child’s worldview. In a child’s communication with an adult, a “zone of proximal development” is created, where cooperation with elders allows the child to realize his potential.

Family relationships in which a child is directly involved are child-parent relationships. The study of parent-child relationships is extremely important both for understanding the factors influencing the development of a child’s personality and for organizing educational practice.

The interaction of a child with his parents is the first experience of human interaction with the outside world. This experience is reinforced and forms certain patterns of behavior with other people, and these patterns are passed on from generation to generation.

In every society, a certain culture of relationships and interactions between parents and children develops, social stereotypes, certain attitudes and views on upbringing in the family arise. The specificity of the need for communication itself is the desire for knowledge and evaluation of other people, and through them - for self-knowledge and self-esteem (E. Fromm, E. Erickson, R. Burns, L.I. Bozhovich, M.I. Lisina, A. M. Parishioner).

Various aspects of the characteristics of intrafamily relationships were studied by M. Buyanov, A.Ya. Varga, A.E. Lichko, A.S. Spivakovskaya, A. Fromm and others.

The decisive role of the family in the formation of a child’s personality, in the upbringing of his moral, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual qualities is emphasized in the works of famous Russian teachers and public figures K.D. Ushinsky, N.I. Pirogova, D.I. Pisareva, N.V. Shelgunova, A.P. Nechaev, as well as V.A. Sukhomlinsky, J. Korczak.

Issues devoted to the problem of parent-child relationships have been considered by scientists throughout the development of psychological science and practice. In domestic psychology, research in this area was carried out by scientists Bozhovich L.I., Vygotsky L.S., Dubrovina I.V., Lisina M.I., Leontyev A.N., Mukhina V.S., Elkonin D.B. and others .

Bozhovich L.I. in her work “Stages of Personality Formation in Ontogenesis” she established that in the process of ontogenetic development, qualitatively new formations arise in the child’s psyche. These psychological formations, as a kind of holistic “mechanism,” determine a person’s behavior and activity, his relationships with people, his attitude towards the environment and himself.

Vygotsky L.S., Lisina M.I., Elkonin D.B. developing the problem of periodization mental development showed that with age, a child’s worldview, the type of his leading activities, relationships with adults and peers change, and this entails changes in the attitude of parents towards him.

The family plays a special role in the upbringing of a preschooler, since it is the first and often almost the only environment that shapes his personality. Preschool childhood- a period of high sensitivity of the child to educational influences and environmental influences. At this age, the foundation is created on which all subsequent education and training is built. According to the figurative expression of A.G. Kharcheva, the family for a preschooler is a “social microcosm” in which he gradually becomes involved in social life.

Socialization is the broadest concept in the development of personality; it involves not so much the conscious assimilation of ready-made forms and methods of social life, but rather the development (together with adults and peers) of one’s own value orientations.

Dubrovina I.V. in the work “Family and Socialization of the Child” considers the family as the main source of socialization. In the family, socialization occurs most naturally and painlessly; its main mechanism is education. Education is a social process in the broadest sense.

In the family, the child mediates the norms of human society and learns moral values. Its educational influences determine the nature of the child’s behavior outside the family. It is known that by the end preschool age a more or less specific type of relationship with a peer develops, which either ensures normal communication and cooperation, or leads to difficulties in communicating with other children, which give rise to difficult and acute experiences (resentment, hostility, envy, anger, etc.). Such childhood experiences can later become a source of serious interpersonal and intrapersonal problems for an adult.

The decisive role of relationships with a close adult for the development of a child is also emphasized by leading domestic theoretical approaches: activity-based and cultural-historical (L.S. Vygotsky, A.N. Leontiev, etc.). Along with this, clinical psychologists (A.Ya. Varga, A.S. Spivakovskaya, E.G. Eidemiller, etc.) have accumulated vast experience in the field of parent-child relationships. In childhood, this relationship is stronger and more relevant than ever. According to D.I. Feldstein, “the degree of mastery by a growing person of the social experience of actions and relationships...is peculiarly cumulative in the position of his “I” in relation to society.” At the same time, until the age of 6, children are in a narrow circle of intimate-personal relationships and focus mainly on close people. That is, it is the relationship with parents that is the foundation of all others. social connections child, which he will have to install and create. In addition, these relationships play a central role in the development of self-awareness - through them the child gains experience of relating not only to others, but to himself.

The specifics of parent-child relationships in foreign psychology are traditionally studied within the framework of psychoanalytic (S. Freud, E. Erikson, E. Fromm, D. Winnicott, E. Bern, etc.), behaviorist (J. Watson, B. Skinner, R. Sears, A. Bandura, etc.) and humanistic (T. Gordon, K. Rogers, J. Bayard, V. Satir, etc.) directions.

Psychoanalysis has become the determining direction in the development of basic concepts of child development, in which a key role is given to the problem of relationships between children and parents. Attachment theory has gained the most popularity. The central concept in attachment theory is the “internal working model,” which represents the inextricable and interdependent unity of self and other. The child gets to know himself through the mother’s attitude towards him, and the mother perceives him as the source of the attitude towards himself. This complex relationship in the original version was understood as an attitude towards oneself and a close adult, which gives a feeling of security and safety.

The importance of this problem is confirmed by the research of such scientists as E. Erikson, A. Freud, M. Klein, D. Winnicott, E. Bronfenbrenner, J. Bowlby, M. Ainsworth, P. Crittenden, who revealed that the basis social adaptation is formed with the appearance in the child in the first year of life of a feeling of attachment to close adults. At the same time, the types of attachment of a child to parents (adults) identified by the authors are considered as conditions for his social adaptation. They view the family as the child’s immediate social environment, satisfying the child’s need for acceptance, recognition, protection, emotional support, and respect. The family, according to scientists, can be both a factor influencing the successful social adaptation of a preschool child and one of the reasons for the social maladaptation of an individual. At the same time, the nature of parent-child relationships is highlighted as the main condition for the social adaptation of a preschool child.

In the process of raising a child in a family special meaning a parental position acquires, including such components as the characteristics of the emotional attitude towards the child, motives, values ​​and goals of parenting, style of interaction with the child, ways of resolving problem situations, social control and which is expressed in the type of family education, which are covered in the works of A.E. Lichko, A.Ya. Varga, A.A. Bodaleva, V.V. Stolin, A.S. Spivakovskaya.

One of the most important components of the parenting process in a family is the style of parental discipline. The literature describes an extensive phenomenology of family parenting styles. Many domestic as well as foreign researchers have been developing criteria for identifying types of upbringing. Characteristics of parental discipline style include:

• - requirements and prohibitions from the parent;
• -monitoring compliance with requirements and prohibitions;
• - parental sanctions;
• - monitoring of parental sanctions.

Traditionally, studies of parent-child relationships are built around studying the role of the adult in building interaction with the child, and the child’s position, especially on early stages development is seen as passive. However, the fundamental point of communication and interaction in child-parent relationships is the active position of the child in relation to the parent.

Research by M.I. Lisina shows that the nature of a child’s communication with adults and peers changes and becomes more complex throughout childhood. The development of communication, the complication and enrichment of its forms, opens up new opportunities for the child to learn various kinds of knowledge and skills from those around him, which is of paramount importance for the entire course of mental development and for the formation of the personality as a whole.

The child’s active position is reflected in the child’s orienting image of parent-child relationships. The image of parent-child relationships includes:

• - reflection and acceptance by the child of forms of interpersonal relationships with the parent;
• - a child’s personality-oriented “image of self”,
• - a personality-oriented image of a parent (O.A. Karabanova).

The child’s image of parent-child relationships is regulating, directing, controlling in nature and determines the tactics of interaction with parents. With age, ideas about oneself and another become more and more accurate, and the attitude towards oneself more and more adequate, however, the emotional component can become a source of persistent distortion of the cognitive “image of Self” and “Other”. (K. and K.E. Grossman, L.I. Bozhovich, M.I. Lisina, V.I. Garbuzov, A.I. Zakharov, D.N. Isaev).

According to researchers involved in family problems (I.M. Balinsky, A.I. Zakharov, I.A. Sikhorsky, etc.), the family can act as both a positive and negative factor in raising a child. The positive impact on the child’s personality is that no one, except the people closest to him in the family, treats the child better, loves him and cares about him as much. And at the same time, no other social institution can potentially cause as much harm in raising children as a family can do.

An analysis of studies devoted to the problems of raising a child in the family communication system allows us to assert that only in communication “one person becomes the greatest wealth for another,” an equal partner, where his uniqueness and originality are recognized. Such relationships are typical for a spiritually rich family, where in an atmosphere of love, trust and acceptance it is possible to form an adequate and healthy child.

Preschool age, like no other, is characterized by a strong dependence on an adult, and the passage of this stage of personality development is largely determined by how the child’s relationships with adults develop. Adults themselves do not always understand how they personal qualities become the property of children, in a peculiar way in accordance with the specifics childhood they are interpreted, what meaning they acquire for the child. Conscious or unconscious parental and pedagogical authoritarianism gives rise to a lack of originality, self-esteem, self-doubt and many other qualities in preschoolers that complicate the favorable development of personality.

Attitude towards other people always reflects and expresses a person’s attitude towards himself - his well-being and self-awareness.

Family upbringing, in particular the type of child-parent relationships, is considered, according to most researchers, one of the leading factors in the development of personality traits (L.S. Vygotsky, A.N. Leontiev, I.S. Kon, L.I. Bozhovich and etc.).

The influence of parents on the formation of models and methods of adequate behavior in children is very great. At least three aspects of this influence can be distinguished:

• 1. Family education style, which largely shapes the child’s personality.
• 2. The parents’ own behavior in various difficult situations, which the child (consciously or unconsciously) takes as an example to follow.
• 3. Purposefully teaching children constructive ways to overcome difficult situations.

Majority modern research rely on the typology of parental relationships proposed by D. Baumrind, who presented it in the form of three main styles: authoritative, authoritarian and permissive. In all approaches, the main characteristics of parental relationships are:

• - love, which determines trust in the child;
• - joy and pleasure from communicating with him;
• - desire for its protection and safety;
• - unconditional acceptance and attention;
• - exactingness and control.

G.B. Stepanova identifies the following parenting styles:

Authoritarian style - parents profess obedience, forceful methods of influence, submission, restriction of freedom and autonomy. Children of such parents, as a rule, feel rejected, experience anxiety and fear. They do not know how to defend their interests, are subject to rapid mood swings, and are often aggressive.

Permissive-permissive style - parents do not restrain their children in any manifestations or actions. A minimum of discipline in the family can lead to social aggression and rejection by peers.

Democratic style - parents direct and control children's activities in a rational manner, using discussion, persuasion and reinforcement. The children of these parents can be called well socially adapted. They are self-confident, can control their behavior, and are socially competent. Based on own life experience and generalizing it using available intellectual means, the child can come to different internal positions.

G.T. Homentauskas identified four generalized attitudes of children towards their parents and themselves:

• 1) “I am needed and loved, and I love you too” - this attitude distinguishes children with high self-esteem and trust in the people around them.
• 2) “I am needed and loved, and you exist for my sake” - a child early begins to understand how significant he is to adults.
• 3) “I am unloved, but with all my heart I wish to get closer to you” - such children lack understanding and emotional warmth.
• 4) “I am not needed and unloved, leave me alone” - the child loses his sense of self-worth and strives to isolate himself from communication.

According to A.S. Spivakov’s role of the child is primarily assessed by the parents themselves, in him they see their continuation, they pass on experience, knowledge, skills to him, and they feel protected thanks to his love. A.S. Spivakovskaya highlighted parental positions, thanks to which roles in the family are determined:

• 1) adequacy - the ability to see and understand the child’s individuality;
• 2) flexibility - different ways impact on the child depending on the situation;
• 3) predictiveness - the style of communication is ahead of the emergence of new qualities of the baby.

The author believes that in a harmonious family it is impossible to describe the role of the child. But if adults lose the ability to respond adequately, flexibly and predictively to family situations, children's roles become quite clearly identified. The most typical of them are:

“Scapegoat” - takes away the negative emotions of parents.

“Favorite” is an exaggerated love for a child.

“Baby” - he is prescribed to be only a child in the family, on whom nothing depends.

The “conciliator” is involved early in the complexities of family life and plays the role of an adult.

Z. Matejcek identifies slightly different roles for children that determine his future communication skills and character: “Family Idol”, “Mom’s Treasure”, “Good Girl”, “Sick Child”, “Terrible Child”, “Cinderella”.

The assignment of a role in the family is recognized by the child, determines his reactions to what is happening and forms the foundation for existing and future relationships with people; in the future he will depend on it, especially when creating his own family.

N.T. Kolesnik studied the influence of family upbringing on the social adaptation of children, manifested in varying degrees of expression of their self-esteem, sociometric status, level of communication and emotional well-being. She identified the types of behavior of children differently adapted to the world around them:

Adapted type - it is important for the child to adequately perceive the requirements, the motivation to achieve success is clearly expressed, he has diverse interests that are not limited by the program material preschool. Such children easily make contact, have high or average adequate self-esteem, occupy a favorable status in the peer group, and are able to resolve conflicts and avoid them.

Partially adapted type - has difficulty communicating, prefers familiar company or playing alone.

Unadapted type - experience difficulties in independent work, react sharply to external stimuli, and exhibit unconstructive behavioral reactions. In a peer group they are “outcasts”.

Based on theoretical analysis, we can conclude that parent-child relationships are affected by the type of family, the position taken by adults, relationship styles and the role they assign to the child in the family. The child's personality is formed under the influence of the type of parental relationship.

Olga Piterkina
Consultation for parents “Features of parent-child relationships in a modern family”

Family is the most important source of social and economic development of society, it produces the most important social wealth - humans. Most important function families is the upbringing of children, family upbringing exceeds in its emotionality any other upbringing, since it "conductor" is parental love for children, which evokes children's reciprocal feelings towards parents. Family represents the basic model for the socialization of the child, and parents are the first teachers. They are obliged to lay the foundations of physical, moral and intellectual development child in childhood.

Raising in family emotionally, individually, specifically. It is characterized by purposefulness, constancy and duration of educational influences parents for children, the availability of objective opportunities to include the child in various areas of activity families(household, economic, leisure, public). Wide range of products presented in family age and gender, professional subsystems allows the child to gradually and step by step be included in social life, as well as to most widely demonstrate and realize their emotional and intellectual capabilities. Occupied parents position, attitude towards the child in the family largely determines the entire course of his mental development that is formed in the child abilities and character traits. With all the diversity of these relations depending on family traditions, education parents, their value systems, worldview, general cultural level and many other factors, it is still possible to distinguish two main types relationships with children. In one case, the starting point and main guideline is the child, and in the other, the adult, his life principles, prejudices. Only for the first type relations It turns out that real mutual understanding between a child and an adult is possible, only in this case is it established emotional atmosphere necessary for the full development of the child.

Classification of indicators child-parental relations Kabanova O. A. She highlights indicators:

1. Parental position.

2. Type of family upbringing.

3. Image parent, as a teacher and the image of the child’s education system.

Parental position is defined as an integrative characteristic that includes: features of the parental image as a system parental requirements, emotional attitude towards the child, style of communication with the child.

The type of family upbringing is determined by the parameters of emotional relations, style of communication and interaction, degree of satisfaction of the child’s needs, characteristics of the parent control and the degree of consistency in its implementation.

Criterion Image parent and the child is to navigate in the specified system relations in order to achieve consistency and cooperation in solving problems joint activities.

Family varies according to composition: from extended (With ancestors, brothers, sisters) to nuclear (parents and children) .

Nowadays, on average family lacks parenting time given to children. When busy parents, their fatigue and dissatisfaction with life, even with all their love and acceptance for their children, parents cannot satisfy the child’s basic needs, the need for emotional support, sympathy, and understanding. Often tired after work parents are freaking out, why in vain, on their children, they scold them and punish them for the smallest offenses. Children, instead of support and understanding, hear insults, curses, and accusations directed at themselves, which has an extremely negative impact on the developing personality. Punishments often pass for rewards; a child who gets used to it and expects punishment for every little thing includes (unconsciously) different kinds protection; he learns to lie in order to avoid punishment, becomes secretive, disobedient, and sometimes aggressive. You can often observe deviant (bad) the child’s behavior, both at school, on the street, and at home. Without having or feeling emotional support parents, especially mothers, the child will not be able to develop harmoniously. From parental parenting styles depend on how child-parent relationship, and the process of socialization of the child and, accordingly, his future life. Nowadays, they mainly use a socializing style (preparation for independent life, and a helping style is fundamentally a new style education, humanistic position and attitude to the child as an equal person. Exist different styles education: Authoritarian parenting style (order, director) style, like the liberal parenting style (permissive)– do not have a beneficial effect on the development of a full-fledged personality. Democratic and authoritative parenting styles are the main styles for the full education of the individual.

Parents need:

1. Choose the optimal parenting style, sacrificing yourself to emotionally accept and support the child, find out his temperament and other psychophysiological data (all children perceive and process information differently, they have different speeds of nervous processes, all carry out tasks, instructions, and based on different dynamics develop a parenting style on them and relationship with the child.

2. There should be more rewards than punishments. Physical punishment is rejected by both teachers and psychologists. The punishment must be congruent, that is, appropriate to the offense. And in no case should there be any personal insult, either verbal or, especially physical.

3. If parent sees in his child some kind of incorrect behavior, then he, first of all, needs to look at himself, and not scold his child. All children have the ability to identify themselves (to be identified, to be copied) With parent, especially of the same gender. And if you notice that you constantly scold your child for being lazy or for not turning off the light in the toilet, then first pay attention to the members families, and correct your behavior and attitude towards people, things and tasks. A child is like a sponge, absorbs everything that happens around him, many things that happen in family- not at all for him: for example scandals between parents(the child loves both equally parents, therefore, to prevent mental trauma to the child, avoid quarrels in front of children. Every child needs parental warmth, learn to express your emotions in words, physically (hug, kiss, gestures and facial expressions. Respect for the child’s personality, emotional acceptance and love, support and attention, an authoritative parenting style - these are the main components of a successful, harmonious upbringing of the personality and future of your children.

In each family Objectively, a certain system of education, which is not always conscious of her, is taking shape. Here we mean an understanding of the goals of education, and the formulation of its tasks, and a more or less purposeful application of methods and techniques of education, taking into account what can and cannot be allowed in regarding the child. Four parenting tactics can be distinguished: family and corresponding 4 types of family relationships, which are both a prerequisite and a result of them emergence: dictate, guardianship, "non-interference" and cooperation.

Dictation family manifests itself in systematic suppression by some members of the family (mostly adults) initiative and self-esteem among its other members.

Parents, of course, can and should make demands on their child, based on the goals of education, moral standards, and specific situations in which it is necessary to make pedagogically and morally justified decisions. However, those of them who prefer order and violence to all types of influence are faced with the resistance of a child who responds to pressure, coercion, and threats with his own countermeasures: hypocrisy, deception, outbursts of rudeness, and sometimes outright hatred. But even if resistance turns out to be broken, many valuable qualities are broken along with it. personalities: independence, self-esteem, initiative, faith in yourself and in your capabilities. Reckless authoritarianism parents, ignoring the interests and opinions of the child, systematically depriving him of the right to vote when resolving issues related to him related, - all this is a guarantee of serious failures in the formation of his personality.

Guardianship in family is a system of relationships, at which parents, ensuring through their work that all the child’s needs are met, they protect him from any worries, efforts and difficulties, taking them upon himself. The question of active personality formation fades into the background. At the center of educational influences is another problem - meeting the child’s needs and protecting him from difficulties.

Parents, in fact, block the process of seriously preparing their children to face reality beyond the threshold of their home. It is these children who turn out to be more unadapted to life in a team. According to psychological observations, it is this category of adolescents that produces the largest number of breakdowns during adolescence. It is precisely these children, who seem to have nothing to complain about, who begin to rebel against excessive parental care. If dictate implies violence, order, strict authoritarianism, then guardianship means care, protection from difficulties.

However, the result is largely matches: children lack independence, initiative, they are somehow removed from solving issues that personally concern them, and even more so general problems families.

Interpersonal system family relations, built on the recognition of the possibility and even expediency of independent existence of adults from children, can be generated by tactics "non-intervention". It is assumed that two can coexist peace: adults and children, and neither one nor the other should cross the line thus drawn. Most often this type is based relationships lies in the passivity of parents as educators.

Cooperation as a type family relationships assumes the mediation of interpersonal family relations common goals and objectives of joint activities, its organization and high moral values. It is in this situation that the child’s selfish individualism is overcome. Family, where the leading type relationships is cooperation, gains special quality, becomes a group high level development - by the team.

Of great importance in the development of self-esteem is the style of family education adopted in family values.

Three styles of family education: – democratic – authoritarian – permissive.

In a democratic style, the interests of the child are taken into account first of all. Style "consent".

With a permissive style, the child is left to his own devices.

Prepared and conducted by teacher of the highest qualification category O. V. Piterkina.