Answers teacher-art therapist, board member of the Russian Children's Fund Tatyana Shishova:

Avoid overprotection. The mother’s attitude, “I’d better do it myself, otherwise I’ll have to redo it later,” instills in the child a lack of confidence in his abilities. There are children with whom you cannot achieve results without pressure. This, of course, is not joyful, but you should not get upset and internally rebel against the child (“Why is he like this?”) It’s not his fault, these are his characteristics. This means that you need to show more consistency, perseverance and patience, and not let everything take its course, because many children refuse to overcome difficulties, and this way you will not develop will.

Figure out what exactly the difficulty is. Often, a child’s difficulties have more than just a psychological basis. It may be a matter of poor concentration, awkward motor skills, undeveloped spatial orientation, or a lack of understanding of oral instructions... In the case of such objective difficulties, the child should be shown to a neuropsychologist or speech therapist and undergo a course correctional classes. Or maybe treat him with a neuropsychiatrist.

Involve your child in creative activities, role-playing games, to games according to the rules (it is difficult for excitable children to follow the rules, and such games serve as good training for them), as well as to performing household chores and playing sports.

Suggest that overcoming difficulties is interesting, that it helps to develop a strong-willed, strong character. Focus on the process of overcoming, not the quick result. Although there should also be a result (at least an intermediate one), clarity is important for the child. The more difficult the activity, the more often the praise should sound.

Keep a “Diary of Independence and Overcoming Difficulties.” Every day, discuss with your child what to write down there, show the diary to dad and other relatives.

Gradually teach your child to endure, but do not overdo it. The tasks must be feasible.

With age, the load should increase and the approach should become firmer. With a baby it is dangerous to “squeeze”, but with a teenager it is dangerous not to “squeeze”.

Don't rush to anticipate your child's wishes. Not everything and not always should be given to the child just like that, “for beautiful eyes" Encouragement and reward must be earned, including by following the path of overcoming difficulties.

Set an example for your child. Nowadays, many families believe that it is easier to buy something than to cook or make something. And children quickly learn this. Therefore, for educational reasons, you should do more things with your own hands, involving children in this. Focusing on maximum comfort with minimum costs does not contribute to the development of will, diligence and hard work.

Tell your children more about strong-willed people who overcame various difficulties. Just make sure that your stories do not convey condemnation of the child (“That’s what they are like, and you…”).

More often use proverbs and sayings in your speech such as “time for business is time for fun”, “patience and work will grind everything down”. It is especially important that they sound when you praise a child: your words will be better perceived against a positive emotional background.

Teaching discipline. Reasonable hardening, gradual development of physical endurance, taking into account the child’s characteristics, also contribute to the formation of will.

Strength of will- capricious quality of character. The more you educate her, the more capricious she becomes. And the more patience you need to overcome your own laziness and fears. Volitional readiness occupies a special place in the child’s psyche. For a preschooler, the word “I want” is the most important and meaningful word in life. Already in junior school age one more word appears - “necessary”. How do “want” and “need” coexist in a child’s mind?

Everyone known fact that freedom is an acquired quality, and not inherited.

Developing willpower

The first and main condition is not to break it! Do not break what has not yet been built and is just emerging. In addition, greenhouse conditions cannot be created for personal development. Children should feel the taste of living life, reality, with joy and pain, losses and victories, with betrayal and devotion.

Protecting them from troubles and problems that may happen means gathering their will into your fist and weakening it, not giving it the opportunity to blossom and manifest itself. Strength of character is strengthened by overcoming difficulties. This does not mean that the child needs to be made a Spartan. He just should be given the opportunity to fill his own bumps, get personal experience. On the other hand, he must be sure that if he suddenly stumbles or makes a mistake, he will always find reliable support from his parents.

You need to be consistent in your demands to help develop child's willpower. If today it is “possible”, but tomorrow it is “not possible”, or dad allowed, but mom is against it, the child does not understand what to do in reality. Firstly, it creates uncertainty. Secondly, the child becomes bored with this relationship: he will either be lazy to do anything, or begin to rebel (which is even better in this situation), or play along with his stronger side. Parental requirements must become fair terms by which The child's willpower develops.

Harsh conditions from the outside can form an iron character, but inside, squeeze the real “I” of the child. In later life he may become a toy in the hands of human puppeteers. Some parental restrictions must be precise, clear and unconditional. Others may have a springboard for developing the topic: “it’s possible if”, “it’s not yet possible, because...”.

Gentleness and permissiveness (“he’s still small!”) lead to children shifting responsibility onto the shoulders of their parents. At an older age, this can result in conflicts with parents, mutual grievances and accusations. A father must always keep his word! This is another example of developing strong-willed qualities. A parent’s “yes” should always be “yes”, without any additional meanings or conditions. You should periodically review taboo topics and do it on time. Children grow, mature, their zone of proximal development becomes wider, they need more freedom.

A daily routine helps a child distribute his resources, set goals and achieve them. You need to start with the basic rules of life in order to achieve something big and significant in life.

It has been proven that volitional qualities are perfectly formed in sports. One more physical effort is another overcoming of oneself. This is a new challenge to myself. “New Heights” testifies to the hidden possibilities not only of the body, but also of the human spirit.

This applies not only to big sports, but also to any physical activity. Here the child sees the result of his efforts. This gives him extra energy, pleasure and confidence that he can cope with difficulties

All parents want to see their children educated and fully developed. However, this is sometimes very difficult to do. It’s as if the child deliberately abandons all the things he has started, does not complete them, refuses promises. This greatly interferes with the achievement of goals in school and sports, or other hobbies of the child. How to convey to him what willpower is, why it is needed, and how to cultivate it in oneself.

Willpower does not belong to the qualities that are invested in a person from birth. It needs to be developed independently. IN adolescence The life of a teenager changes greatly. You have to put more effort into school assignments to master everything. Adults also change their view of the child as he becomes more developed mentally and physically.

The formation of will in adolescence is an important aspect in later life, studying at the institute, future career, etc. To do well at school, a child must be guided by established requirements, correctly complete all tasks, and calculate his strength and time.

Adult example

Education has a key influence on the development of will. Before a teenager learns to set conscious goals and objectives for himself, this must be done by an adult. Before giving a child instructions, you need to explain and show how to act and what to do in specific situations. You should not give your child empty promises in exchange for completing any task. You should be honest and always keep your word. If you say one thing and do another, the teenager will understand that this is acceptable and quite normal. Parents are the most authoritative people for him. And the teenager copies his behavior from them.

It is important not to compare your child with other children; you should never say that he will not succeed, like Vova, Masha, Sasha. He may develop a loser complex, he will not even start new things, he will not believe in himself, and he will give up what he has started.

It is necessary to gradually accustom the child to master his desires, emotions, and teach him to restrain himself. It is useful to develop such qualities as self-service and helping other people (cleaning up after yourself, setting the table, and so on). Big achievements begin with small everyday actions.

Rewards for systematic training

The development of willpower, as recommended by leading psychologists, should begin with small demands on the child. For example, doing something useful every day other than going to school and solving homework. It would be great to develop the habit of doing morning physical exercise every day. Out of habit, this will be difficult for a child. You can come up with some interesting reward for a month of continuous morning classes. Thus, the teenager will understand that for diligent completion of a task, a pleasant result follows: a trip to an amusement park, a zoo, a movie, a climbing wall. You can create a daily routine for the child that will include getting up early. After all, when a person follows his desires and sleeps until he stops, it is very difficult to force himself to do something during the day. You need to teach your teenager to do everything at once, and under no circumstances put off any tasks until tomorrow.

Valuable promises

It is important to teach your child to make promises and keep them. Rephrase your instructions. For example, if they answered you: “By the end of the day I will put things in order.” Ask for a promise, this will allow you to take the assignment more responsibly. Try to ensure that your child does less useless things. For example, watching videos on the Internet with the category funny. Occupy him more useful things, for example, sports, an educational game or reading an exciting book. Every fulfilled promise, every small step towards a set goal leads to the successful education of a purposeful individual.

Further success in career and personal life largely depend on the extent to which the parents instilled in the child the ability to finish everything to the end, achieve better results, and constantly improve the quality of life.

Instructions

If a child is always surrounded by excessive guardianship from adults, and he does not have to make any efforts to achieve what he wants, then it is unlikely that such a child will grow into a person with persistent statements and a strong character.

Sometimes parents say: “Well, what else can you expect from him? After all, he is still very young and doesn’t understand anything. When he grows up, then we’ll ask.”
However, this is a wrong judgment. It is necessary to demand from the baby, of course, only within the limits of his capabilities, from the very moment when he begins to understand the speech addressed to him and masters it himself.

Moreover, will is a very mature quality. Naturally, in this case, about the will of a very young child in an understanding that is embedded in the meaning of a mature will in an adult. However, we can talk about the beginnings of manifestations of will even in young children. Such rudiments are expressed:
- the child has a certain desire to achieve a goal;

In maintaining a given goal, despite delays or distractions;

In the ability to postpone or delay one’s desire, that is, the presence of patience;

The ability to overcome your reluctance in order to achieve your goal.

In order to develop these inclinations, it is necessary to firmly adhere to certain rules in raising a child. First of all, a certain daily regimen and routine must be established so that the child knows exactly how, when and what he should do: get up, walk, eat, go to bed, wash his hands before eating, put away toys before bed. All this teaches the baby to be neat and thereby contributes to the development of strong-willed character traits.

Adults should always be very honest with the child, that is, always keep their word. After all, this often happens: in order to console the baby, they promise him a lot - to buy toys, to play on the phone, and to ride on a swing. In this case, the child stops crying or being capricious, but expects what is promised. Adults immediately forget about their own promise and sometimes do not fulfill it. As a result, the child gets used to not believing the promises of his parents. He also learns to easily make certain promises and then not keep them. At the same time, he is not taught responsibility for his words. On the contrary, irresponsibility and lack of will begin to develop.

Gradually cultivate in your child the ability to master his own desires and feelings, teach him to restrain himself, to overcome his feelings of fear, pain, and resentment. All this strengthens and trains his will.

Video on the topic

In order for a child to become a strong-willed person, you need to go through several stages. This does not happen right away. Will can be compared to the voice of a father, while when a mother can ask affectionately, the father speaks clearly and directly what he needs. Will is one of the main character traits.

First stage

Insisting on your opinion, defending your interests. When a child shouts: “I do it myself!”, this is not will. This is energy that is still unformed and it can turn not only into will, but also into stubbornness. A stubborn person does everything contrary not only to himself, but also to those around him, and sometimes even out of spite, but a strong-willed person does what he needs, realizing and understanding that it is necessary this way and not otherwise.

Second phase

To shape the will of a child, one should start from early childhood. A child must respect his parents, imitate his father, of course, if the father is a strong-willed person, then he must set an example for his child. When he sees his father’s readiness to make important decisions and the like, then this will be the most important element for the formation of a strong-willed character.

If the father is a mumbler, then seeing such behavior, the child will also imitate it and in order to form his character and will, more effort will be required than that of a strong-willed father. However, the strong-willed character of the father can also be not only an example, but fear of him. By suppressing his own self. Try to convey to the child not fear of the parent, but an awareness of the necessary firmness.

There are people who suppress free individuality, so to speak, supporters of free education. Such parents will not have strong-willed children; for them it is better to turn the word “need” into “want”, since it is associated with suffocating violence, which is not acceptable for them.

Third stage

Respect for intelligence, commitment, results and their achievements. When for a child will is a value, when he understands why and for what he lives and does this, if he has all this, then he can move on to the final stage.

The final stage

Resistance to your desires, emotions that are untimely or inappropriate. Accordingly, you need to do it the way you need it, and not the way you want it. These are manifestations of willpower.

Those children have willpower who can force themselves to get out of bed in the morning and do exercises, because they know that they need it in order to be healthy, although they could spend this time stretching in bed.

Video on the topic

Willpower - how to educate.....

Raising children is a difficult and long process. And, of course, all parents want to see their children as strong, courageous and self-possessed people, with strong character and willpower. But where do these qualities come from, what needs to be done to cultivate them in a child?

Will is not an innate quality of a person. A person is not born with a ready-made strong or weak will; it is not inherited. The will is formed in the process of human activity, and living conditions and upbringing in the family play a huge role in its development.

As often happens, children in a family are overprotected, shielded from all problems and difficulties, and the child does not need to make the slightest effort to achieve something on his own. It is difficult to expect that in the future he will grow into a person with a strong character.

This is about simple things. Hasn’t it happened to you when you, having forbidden something to your child, having already said the word “no”, give up and allow it, tired of his whims and whining? And the child, having achieved his goal, will try to do it next time, no matter what it takes: tears, hysterics, scandals.

Justifying their actions, many parents say that it is difficult to demand anything from a small child. But when he grows up and becomes wiser, then we can begin to educate him. Unfortunately, this is a common mistake in raising children. It is possible and necessary to demand from a child, of course, within the limits of his capabilities, from the very beginning. early age, from the moment when the child begins to understand the speech addressed to him and masters it himself.

To comply with a parent's request, for example, to put down a toy to eat, or to refuse candy so as not to kill your appetite, is quite a serious test. Thus, the child learns to endure, wait for his desire to come true, and overcome himself. And this is a manifestation of will, albeit on a childish scale. Character development begins with such actions.

The formation of will in children should proceed in the same way as in an adult - that is, in a child it is necessary to develop the qualities necessary for the ability to set a goal and strive for it, to show persistence in overcoming difficulties encountered, to master oneself, one’s moods, and desires.

And all this depends on the parents, on upbringing in the family. First of all, a well-thought-out daily regimen and routine must be established for the child so that he knows exactly what, how and when he should do: get up, eat, walk, go to bed, wash his hands before eating, put away toys before bed, etc. .

All this teaches the child to be organized and contributes to the formation of strong-willed character traits.
Adults should also have a unified approach to the child.

There is nothing worse than disagreement between parents in methods of education: the father does not allow it, but the mother allows it. In such situations, the child develops cunning and resourcefulness. He begins to maneuver between adults, with the desire to bypass suppressions and achieve his own.

Adults should always be honest with a child and always keep their word. After all, it often happens like this: in order to console a child, they promise him a lot - buy him sweets, take him to an amusement park. The child stops crying and being capricious, waiting for the promise to be fulfilled.

Adults forget about their promise and do not fulfill it. As a result, the child gets used to not believing any promises from his parents and learns to easily make promises without keeping them.

We must gradually cultivate in the child the ability to master his desires and feelings, and teach him to restrain himself. From an early age, you should gradually accustom your child to feasible self-care (putting away toys, undressing, dressing yourself), as well as helping others (setting the table, watering flowers).

Even if what the child has done requires finishing or redoing, do not spare your time and effort, since in these, even imperfect, actions, the child’s activity and initiative are trained. Adults often try to do everything for the child, thereby inhibiting his independence and depriving him of interest and initiative.

Your child is growing, and your demands on him should grow along with him. Accordingly, the number of opportunities for developing strong-willed qualities in a child increases, and parents should use every opportunity for this.

P.S. When creating an area for your child, you need to take into account that it should have a place for games and relaxation, activities and fun. Furniture manufacturers offer many different solutions for arranging a children's room, worrying about making it comfortable and safe to stay in, as well as being able to make it comfortable and unique.