Showing care is extremely important. Caring is important everywhere - at home, at school, at playground etc. Showing caring helps children and adults feel happy and secure and, by making an effort to help other people, become better people.

At the same time, one of the main problems is that the main components of interpersonal relationships are care and attention. The emotional bond between two people who care about each other is extremely strong - for example, the bond between a child and one of his parents or between two children.

Numerous studies and parents' experiences confirm that children are naturally nurturing. Babies may cry when they see one of their parents sad and offer their toy as comfort. Preschoolers show care through words and gestures. Junior children school age easily understand and care, and also realize the power of words, tone of voice, good and evil deeds.

Children need to see opportunities for caring and people caring for each other and doing kind things. This becomes the basis of the child's emotional integrity. Children also need to see how their parents care for each other.

Most parents show concern for their children Everyday life. Think about how many times a day you ask your child, “Are you okay?” after he fell. We want to make sure that nothing serious has happened to the child, and we try to calm him down with words and gentle touches. We do it instinctively and it becomes for the child good example manifestations of care. Questions about well-being, a caring tone of voice, gentle touches - the child learns all this from his parents. He is always attentive to how his parents take care of him and show kindness.

Children also learn to show care by imitating the characters in the books their parents read to them. Book characters can be role models for them in caring behavior. Children compare their behavior with the actions of the characters in books and draw conclusions about what should and should not be done in certain situations. Also, without putting himself at emotional risk, a child learns from books what it means to act badly or how a person feels when they are treated badly. In other words, when a child reads books or has their parents read to him, he begins to understand moral values ​​in a safe environment.

Caring does not necessarily mean being responsive to someone else's pain or sadness. It is also support and strengthening of our good qualities. For example, relationships between children are strengthened when they interact and do something working together. Group games and activities strengthen bonds between children. When two people are needed for any task, caring for each other becomes the basis for its successful completion.

Parents should help their child understand that caring for another person brings pleasure, and therefore it is worth caring for people. Kindness, care and respect for ourselves and others help us resolve conflicts and find mutual language together. We remember the good deeds and kind words of other people, we remember better the emotions aroused in us by this or that person than his actions.

At the end of March, heated debate broke out on the Internet over the careless statement of “living Barbie” Valeria Lukyanova. The blonde called everyone "freaks" fat people: “I touched on the ugly face, the ugly body, and also poverty. I believe that all these three aspects bring with them internal ugliness. Yes, yes, you heard right! This is my opinion, and I fully argued it.”

On April 24, Valeria wrote another provocative post. This time the girl spoke about her dislike for children. The blonde said that she does not want to give birth not because she is afraid of getting fat, but because she simply does not like children.

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“I am often asked about children. Why don't I want to have them? Of course, most people will immediately come to mind with the idea that I’m afraid of ruining my figure)) Well, no, I could restore my figure even after some kind of apocalypse, because I have iron willpower and I know exactly how to do it)) Case N E. IN THIS. I will try to describe it to you in more detail so that you understand. I just DON'T WANT children! The fact is that I generally don’t like children themselves. When I see them, I don’t have any pleasant emotions; on the contrary, I feel a certain feeling of disgust and discomfort. No, of course there are nice children, when they grow up, they are quite cute and funny. But at an early age, of course, I don’t like them either, purely visually. I don’t like the snot and drool that flow from them all the time, etc.,” wrote Lukyanova (Spelling and punctuation hereinafter are the author’s. — Note edit.).

Valeria noted that she did not want to serve and take care of the child all the time. According to "living Barbie", pleasing a man is much more interesting. “I don’t want to become anyone’s servant. Doesn't care about anyone. Just agree, caring for a loved one and caring for a child are two different things. I really like taking care of a man, but I don’t want to take care of children, this is a completely different sphere and area, and I simply don’t see myself in it. It even makes you feel sick if you imagine it))… I don’t want to take care of human babies and please them… That’s for sure! ... Doesn’t appeal to me - running around with a child in your arms and devoting your life to something like that... This is clearly not my area of ​​interest,” the blonde said.

Valeria said that she would like to be infertile, but the girl emphasized that she does not hate children, but is simply indifferent to them. “You can say that you can always hire a nanny... Well, I don’t agree with you here. A nanny is a nanny, but the mother must still look after and care for the child! You can’t push all the responsibilities onto the service staff. Why then do you need a child? If you are already giving birth, then be so kind as to raise a person normally! And if you can’t, don’t give birth! But I honestly admit, I can’t and I don’t want to! I can’t, not because I’m infertile (although I would like to), but because I understand that this is not mine and I’m simply not capable of serving children and taking care of them. But I don’t want to, because I’m simply indifferent to them, and (attention) THE MAIN THING is that they DO NOT fit into my picture of the world and vision of myself and my life at all! I don’t like it and I don’t want it! It doesn’t mean that I hate it, no... It means that I am INDIFFERENT! YOU won’t say, buy a parrot. But I don’t like parrots, why do I need one??? And you say, “nooo what are you talking about??? Everyone has parrots!!! This is VERY fashionable now, buy it, you won’t regret it!!“ Do you understand me?” - Lukyanova addressed her subscribers.

Fans' opinions were divided. Some supported Valeria, while others attacked her with criticism and accusations: “But honestly, some love, some don’t) everyone has freedom of choice, there is no need to judge,” “You yourself were a slobbering and snotty child . They didn’t give up on you!”, “In my opinion, you are an irresponsible egoist, fixated on yourself, promoting surgical plastic surgery, and you probably get good money for your livelihood for this. This, of course, is up to you. There’s just one thing I don’t understand, hundreds of girls imitate you, future wives and mothers who have their whole lives ahead of them, why do you give them a negative attitude towards motherhood? Don’t you understand that with your authority you influence the unformed psyche of teenagers? Will you take responsibility for their future, which may not happen due to your influence?”

A loving parent takes care of a child

A child comes into the world as a helpless creature, and the parents’ care for him is essential condition his survival. With the help of an adult, a child learns to walk, talk, think, and navigate the world around him. An adult plays a leading role in the development of a child’s personality. It is in interaction with him that the child becomes familiar with the experience of humanity, as a result of which his psyche is qualitatively transformed and acquires human characteristics.

Yet when parents talk about caring for their child, they mean completely specific features relationship to him. Behind this lie everyday worries, things that usually worry parents. Parents take care that their child is not hungry, and prepare food for him so that he does not feel cold - they take care that his clothes and shoes match the weather outside. Parents take care of the child’s development - they teach him, help him, protect him, etc.

All these worries are part of our lives, and we simply do not notice that care and care are different. Moreover, children have different attitudes towards her, and not necessarily positively.

Caring is like a pusher. A mother is trying to teach her eight-year-old daughter all sorts of things, sciences and arts. The aspiration is essentially good, but it does not necessarily lead to corresponding results. Let's see why.

The girl, at the insistence of her mother, studies English language, music - goes to a children's choir, and also studies figure skating. The mother constantly says to her daughter: I want not only for you to have a slender waist, but for you to know how to behave in society and take your rightful place in it, at every convenient moment the mother repeats: I will do everything for you, I try, so that you feel only good.

The girl, inquisitive and capable, happily began to attend the classes offered to her and complete the development program. However, after a short time, the girl began to have doubts about the advisability of all this, and a feeling of protest arose: Why should I study music and English if I don’t like all this at all? I would like to do better at drawing or spend more time playing in the yard with friends... Mom says that this is all for my good and that I should enjoy such opportunities. But are all the activities that are useful really so uninteresting?

The mother’s concern is not perceived as if she overdid it and overloaded the girl with a variety of activities. The main thing is that the girl herself does not see the meaning in them, they are devoid of attractiveness for her. The girl is placed in a conflict situation. On the one hand, she doesn’t want to upset her mother, on the other hand, she doesn’t want to do everything that her caring mother tells her to do. All this leads to the fact that the girl begins to sleep poorly, bites her nails, and is increasingly in a bad mood.

Care as protection and guardianship. Mother and father believe that life is complex and difficult, and their child is also helpless and naive. Therefore, they protect him from possible troubles and difficulties. Parents help a seven-year-old with homework: they call his friends if the son forgets what is assigned for homework; they check whether he put everything in his briefcase when going to school. Parents are caring. How does this affect the boy? If you ask the teacher what she thinks about the boy, she will say: he is not independent, he gives in to the slightest difficulties. Classmates will add: his mother’s son is afraid of everything.

And the boy himself perceives this attitude of his parents not as a manifestation of love, but rather as an annoying interference in his life.

Over time, the child increasingly protests against the mentoring of his parents and avoids communicating with them.

The two options described - care as a pusher and care as protection and guardianship - represent excessive care. Although everything looks normal on the outside, we are dealing with a pronounced lack of understanding by the parents of the child’s inner world. This attitude does not help the development of children, but, on the contrary, distorts it and hinders it. In the depths of such wearing lies a lack of recognition of the child’s autonomy, distrust or the imposition of one’s decisions and desires on him.

In both cases, parents are more concerned with fulfilling the role of an ideal parent than with their real child, his unique personality, his needs - real, not imaginary. What advice could you give to such parents? First of all, be more clear about your child’s needs and take a closer look at what exactly he himself is striving for. A child is an autonomous person who has the right to his own decisions and preferences, and not a doll from which parents need to make a real person.

The child creates himself, whether we like it or not. He needs to try for himself what he can and cannot do, to find the path to follow. This path, of course, is not without mistakes, but can a person learn to walk without getting into trouble? The problems and difficulties that he encounters along the way are his problems, not his parents’, and he himself must learn to cope with them. Of course, parents want to help, their help is sometimes simply necessary. However, it will be more beneficial if difficulties and problems are not eliminated by predicting, but shown and suggested to the child possible options for solving them. In one of the letters, the mother writes that if she could, she would remove all the pebbles from her son’s path and put pillows on his path so that he would not hurt himself when he falls. The mother’s feelings, her desire for the child to do well, are understandable. However, our anxiety for the child is our problem, and sometimes it is simply necessary to cope with such feelings.

The child faces a difficult task - to learn to overcome the difficulties and obstacles that arise before him, and to feel faith in his own strength. In fact, parents who take care of everything in the world onto their shoulders thereby behave simply irresponsibly: it is physically impossible to always and everywhere accompany and care for their son or daughter, and by firmly tying them to themselves with excessive care, they obviously doom their children to a series of serious life failures.

A child perceives parental care in different ways: sometimes as a manifestation of love, and sometimes as interference and suppression. Numerous studies by psychologists show that for harmonious development he needs a certain balance of care, guardianship and freedom, autonomy, starting from early age. This is realized in the so-called democratic attitude towards the child. He must not only feel warm feelings from his parents, see their care for him, but also perceive that his parents approve of his independence, provide him with the opportunity to choose and encourage his independence, self-determination, that is, they understand and respect him.

By surveying parents, we came to the conclusion that most of them consider the democratic style the most acceptable and think that they themselves adhere to it. However, it is one thing to reason like this, and another to act accordingly. To actually implement such an attitude, from the very beginning it is necessary to distinguish our aspirations from the desires of the child. It is not so rare that what is necessary and useful from the parents’ point of view seems unattractive to the child. Almost always, when opinions differ, we try to convince the child and influence him, reasoning something like this: I have a huge life experience, and what does he understand? This is justified when it comes to the norms of human existence, healthy image life, etc. But much more often we try to convince the child that it relates to his personal choice, which, to be impartial, is no worse or better than ours - we just don’t like it. Our son is friends with a boy in the yard whom we don’t like; instead of the violin we chose, the child prefers football; in our opinion, the child prefers a bun to healthy beans, etc. and so on. Parents are often so convinced of the correctness of their attitudes that they resort to scientific and pseudoscientific arguments to justify them, and do not notice the reality that contradicts them.

Let's imagine for a moment a conversation with similar parents, who know exactly what their child needs, choose for him, and envelop him with unnecessary care.

Psychologist. Please tell me, do you have a friend, acquaintance whom you respect and consider a valuable person?

Parent. Yes, and, perhaps, not alone.

Psychologist. And are they all similar to you as individuals? Are they similar to each other?

Parent. Probably not, maybe in some ways. Often their views differ from mine. In general, they are quite different people.

Psychologist. Which of them is the most valuable as a person?

Parent. Sorry, but this question seems stupid to me. They are all people, they are all valuable, but each in their own way. Each of them found their own style of life and communication. You cannot approach every person the same way.

Psychologist. I am pleased with this conclusion of yours. Well, what about your child? How do you know in advance what he should be like, what he should do, what he should be removed from and protected from?

The main aspect of a democratic attitude is the recognition that the tastes, thoughts, and judgments of another person also have the right to exist, just like our own. Moreover, for another person they are justified, since they are based on his, and not on ours. personal experience, understanding the world. With such an understanding of the other, a truly democratic position in relation to the child’s choice and self-determination is possible: Although I like this, I’m glad that you were able to choose what you like, that you act as you think is right. I know that you will encounter difficulties, but you yourself must be able to anticipate them and cope with them. If you want, I will help you.

Help is most effective and brings a feeling of mutual satisfaction when it is really needed, when the child himself asks for it. It is paradoxical that we often do not hear just such a request, we bypass it, but we willingly offer pseudo-help, which is not at all necessary, humiliates the person, and at the same time we still count on gratitude. Let's look at one example.

A 9-year-old boy is learning to play the flute. Mother hears, being in the kitchen, that he is playing the exercise incorrectly. She goes to him and says: You are playing wrong. Let me show you how to do it and help you learn the exercise. The son says that he plays correctly and will learn it himself. However, the mother sits next to the boy and corrects him every time he makes a mistake. The scene ends with the boy starting to get angry, then completely losing his composure and crying. The mother is at a loss: she wanted to help! What's wrong with pointing out mistakes to a child?! She tries unsuccessfully to calm her son down. In the end, the mother loses patience and, leaving the room, says: It will never be possible to teach you anything! Well, play as you want!

Congratulations on this wonderful new experience! Your child is still very small and completely dependent on you. This fact probably makes you feel responsible for your baby's life, but you may be completely confused because you are faced with a new role for yourself. Do not panic! Below are some basic principles and tips to help you take good care of your baby.

Steps

Taking care of a newborn

Support your baby's head. When you pick up your baby, be sure to support his head and neck. Babies have poorly developed muscles in this area, and if the head and neck are not supported when lifting the baby, this can cause serious injury. Handle the baby carefully and gently.

Don't worry too much about the soft spots on your newborn's head. The child’s skull is not completely closed; this process will be completed when the baby is about a year and a half old, and for some children the process is completed at two years. Therefore, you will notice that there are soft spots on the baby’s head. Don't worry too much about this. Many parents are afraid to touch these soft spots, but you can be absolutely sure that despite the lack of bone layer, they are well protected for the baby's daily life. You can touch the area or scratch your baby without causing any harm.

Never shake a child. Under no circumstances should you shake your child. This can easily lead to serious damage to the brain or spinal cord, or even cause fatal outcome child. You should not shake your baby, even if the baby perceives it as a game and likes it.

• If you are angry with your baby (who is likely to cry a lot) and you feel the urge to hit him to shut him up, please seek help. Ask a friend or relative to watch your baby and give you advice until he calms down. Sleep deprivation is a severe punishment.

Feeding the baby

1. Try to understand when it is necessary to feed your baby. Your baby usually has his own daily routine. If the baby is crying, he may be hungry. Over time, you will learn to hear the difference between the baby's cries: he wants to eat, he wants to sleep, and so on. The frequency of meals will depend on what the baby eats, how much he eats, and on the individual metabolism of the child's body.

   • Older babies may use hand movements to indicate they are hungry.

2. Be very responsible about what you feed your child. Babies should drink milk breast milk or mixture. Try not to give them anything other than this, as other foods are likely to make them sick or cause choking. You can offer your baby baby food, as soon as he is a few months old, and when the baby begins to teethe, you can introduce more solid food.

   • Breast milk is much healthier for your baby than formula because it not only provides your baby with nutrients, but also protects your baby from diseases by building immunity.

3. Knowing how to feed a baby is also important. You will need to choose your method: bottle or breast-feeding. Regardless of which method you choose, you must ensure that you are doing everything necessary to protect your baby from contracting infections and aim to reduce the likelihood of spitting up.

   • If you are bottle feeding your baby, you will also need to make a choice, as there are different kinds bottles You can purchase simple, inexpensive bottles, or you can opt for more advanced ones.
   • Breastfeeding is the easiest and most best way feeding. Women were created with this amazing ability! Make sure your nipples are clean and disinfected before feeding. Consult your doctor if you are taking any medications. Also, eat only healthy foods as you will be feeding these nutrients to your baby!
   • Although there are many feeding positions, you can feed your baby in an upright position as this will help prevent spitting up.

4. Preparing to burp. The baby's abdominal muscles are very weak at the beginning. So weak that sometimes they have trouble holding food! Don't worry, this is a normal process...although not very pleasant. Prepare for a spit-up, always have tissues on hand to clean up immediately, and put a bib on your baby as he gets older. You can also place a napkin over your child's mouth immediately after he or she has eaten.

   • Keep track of what your baby spits up: red, yellow, green, and Brown color Anything other than white or clear may be signs of illness. If in doubt, take your child to the doctor. Likewise, if the spit up is very heavy or if your baby isn't gaining weight, that's a reason to visit your doctor.

5. Belching baby. After the child has eaten, he may burp. Children swallow too much air while eating and this causes stomach discomfort. Position your baby so that he is slightly tilted and then return him to his previous position. This will help release the air and relieve the baby of unnecessary discomfort.

   Watch out for the gas guys. If your child is naughty and you cannot find the reason for this, most likely he is tormented by gas. You can ease the baby's condition by placing him on his tummy with his legs tucked toward the baby's navel. Massaging around the navel will push the gases down into the rectum.

Ensuring proper hygiene

You must ensure that you change your baby's diaper when necessary. It's not at all difficult to understand when to do this. If your baby's diaper is full, change it! If your baby's diaper is wet, change it! A soiled diaper will smell bad, so you won't have a hard time knowing when it's time to change the diaper. With wet diapers the situation is more complicated. Set a timer and be sure to check the diaper every two hours. If you notice that it is wet, replace it.

• A baby should never remain in a dirty diaper for long periods of time as this can lead to health problems. Besides, it's not hygienic! Overfilled diapers can leak and your carpets will soon become dirty.

1. Learn how to change your baby's diaper. Swaddling is a very simple method, but if done incorrectly, it can cause some problems. Leaking, diaper rash, and irritation can result from improper swaddling. Follow a few simple rules to keep your child clean and happy.

   • Place the baby on a flat surface. Do not leave him unattended and try to always hold your baby with one hand so that he does not fall.
   • Unwrap the dirty diaper.
   • Dry your baby thoroughly wet wipes. Do this as if you were drying yourself.
   • Place the dirty wipes in the diaper and then lift the baby by the legs and pull the diaper out from under him. Roll up the diaper and put it away.
   • Take out a fresh diaper, unroll it completely, and then lay it out into position. Make sure you put it on the right side.
   • Secure the diaper and make sure that the elastic around the legs is not too tight.

2. We prevent diaper rash. Diaper rash is a skin irritation that occurs when your baby is kept in wet diapers for a long time, or when your baby has other health problems. Very often this happens due to the fact that parents do not change diapers in a timely manner. If this happened to your baby, you may not be too upset about it, but take some measures.

   • You can cure diaper rash by using appropriate creams or powders when changing your baby's diapers, and the problem will be solved if you change a dirty diaper in a timely manner.
   • Make sure diapers and clothing are appropriate for your baby, and note that antibiotics may make your baby's skin more prone to diaper rash. Contact your doctor if the rash does not go away within a few days.

3. Give the baby a bath. Babies do not sweat like adults and therefore there is no need to bathe them often. Bathe them once a week or after a very soiled diaper. Use bath products specifically marked “for babies” and bathe your baby in a baby bath. Never leave a child unattended while in water.

   • The baby should not be put into water until the umbilical cord heals, because the umbilical cord cannot be wet until it has dried out and fallen off.

4. Don't forget to brush your teeth. Although your baby doesn't have teeth yet, once he's a few months old, you can start brushing his gums. This will stimulate the gums. Use a children's toothbrush, these brushes are mostly rubber. Gently brush your gums once every few days.

Putting the baby to bed

Set a sleep routine. Babies sleep a lot, but usually not for long. Each baby has its own natural sleep pattern, which you will get used to over time. Try planning your own schedule based on your baby's sleep patterns.

Learn how to put your baby to sleep. Your baby may need help falling asleep, so some basic tips can help you do it right. You can hold your baby in your arms or on your shoulder, or you can walk with him or rock him in a chair. Babies respond to repeated sounds, so you can sing a lullaby.

Swaddle your baby. Swaddling is a method of preparing a baby for sleep, since a swaddled baby stops moving. Although it may seem strange from an adult's point of view, swaddling can make a baby feel safe. The child will also not frighten himself in his sleep if he suddenly flinches.

1. How to avoid SIDS. SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is sudden death from respiratory arrest in an apparently healthy infant, in which an autopsy does not allow the cause of death to be determined. The exact causes of SIDS have not yet been established, but there are several factors that are associated with the risk of SIDS. Avoid these factors, and your child will be fine:

   • Place your baby to sleep on his back.
   • Don't give a pacifier to your baby.
   • Do not put your child to sleep in your own bed.
   • Use a firm mattress in your baby's crib.
   • Remove soft or downy bedding and stuffed animals.

Health

Psychologists have discovered that married couples, in which the father spends a lot of time playing with the child, and does not help feed or bathe him, the relationship between the spouses is much stronger and happier.

Research has shown that traditional roles have great importance, and men who insist that they want to help their wives take care of the children are actually undermining their efforts.

Professor Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan from Ohio State University, one of the researchers, said the finding would disappoint many people who believe mothers and fathers should be equally responsible for child care. However, she also noted that parents can share responsibilities in other ways.

"I don't think it's a bad thing for all families if a father helps take care of his baby."– she added. “You can have a strong, happy family and it is not necessary for both spouses to share responsibilities equally.”.

Schoppe-Sullivan and her colleagues recruited 112 couples with four-year-old children to participate in the study. First, participants filled out questionnaires that asked how much time they spent playing with their children, such as giving them rides on their shoulders and backs, and how much time they spent caring for their children, such as feeding, bathing, changing clothes, and so on.

The researchers then watched for 20 minutes as parents helped their children with two tasks—drawing a family portrait and building a horse using a construction set. These tasks were specially selected. They are a little difficult for a child preschool age and require the help of both parents, which allowed scientists to track whether parents supported each other in this process or, conversely, interfered.

Researchers observed how parents supported each other in parenting, such as how they encouraged or helped each other. Scientists also paid attention to whether parents criticized each other or whether they tried to “outdo” each other in completing a task.

A year later, the couples returned to the laboratory and took part in a similar study. The results showed that, overall, in families where fathers spent more time playing with their children, a year later the relationship between the spouses was stronger and they supported each other well. If men claimed that they spent more time taking care of the child, their families did not have such mutual understanding and support after a year.

The results of the studies were the same in families where one or both family members worked. The researchers also took into account a number of other demographic factors, such as fathers' education, working hours, family income, family size and length of the couple's relationship. These factors also had no effect on the results.

The study ties into Schoppe-Sullivan's other work, where she found that mothers often facilitate or limit fathers' involvement in child care. “On the part of mothers, you can notice some ambivalence of feelings when they both want and do not want the father to participate in caring for the child. But fathers themselves can also have an ambivalent attitude,”- she says. "Maybe it's because they're reluctant to do what mothers should do."