It’s so nice to hear about it, but it’s even nicer to watch it. What can we expect from long-suffering and merciful husbands and wives? http://shedevriki.ru/op/go/alappo/p/d043

What can happen when couples are too busy with their own feelings?

Why can't we ever have dinner on time? - says the husband, exhausted after a hard day at work and tired of waiting, with annoyance.

“Stop grumbling. It’s almost ready,” she answers angrily. She wasn't having an easy day either.

“But you're always ready this late. Why can't you ever be punctual?

"It is not true!" - she shouts. “If you ever looked after children, you wouldn’t grumble so much. After all, they are your children too!”

So a husband and wife raise a molehill out of a molehill and, angry, part without speaking to each other again. Each contradicted the other's remarks until both were insulted and offended. The evening was ruined. Each of them could have prevented this development.

However, both were too busy with their own feelings and did not pay attention to the feelings of the other. Their frayed nerves could not stand it.

Such problems can arise in many areas, for example in connection with money. Or the husband may have the impression that his wife excessively wants to have him only for herself, not wanting him to enjoy company with others.

She may feel neglected or taken for granted.

The cause of tension may be one or the other a big problem, or several small problems. Regardless of the reason, we are now interested in how to approach such a situation.

Each, husband and wife, can prevent such trouble from developing by being willing to “turn the other cheek” and not “return evil for evil,” but “overcome evil with good” (Matthew 5:39; Romans 12:17, 21).

To do so requires restraint and maturity, as does Christian love.

What does love really mean?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 contains the God-inspired definition of love: “Love is patient, kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, does not boast, does not behave in a rude manner. , NM], does not seek his own, is not irritated, does not think evil, does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices with the truth; covers everything [endures, NM], believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything [endures, NM]. Love never fails [does not fail, NM].”

Love can be based on different grounds: on physical attraction, on family connection or on mutual pleasure in communicating with each other.
However, the Bible shows that true love must exceed affection or mutual attraction and must be guided by concern for the highest welfare of the loved one.

Such love can sometimes even reprove or reprimand, as parents do with their children or Jehovah does with His worshipers (Hebrews 12:6). Of course, feelings and emotions play a role, but when communicating with others they should not be allowed to overpower reason or correct principles. Such love encourages us to treat everyone according to good principles of consideration and generosity.

To understand even better how love can benefit our family life, let's take a closer look at the definition given in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.

“Love is patient and kind.” Are you patient with your marriage partner? Do you show restraint even in an annoying situation or when you may be unfairly accused? Jehovah God is patient with us all.

Love does not approve of wrongdoing, but it still does not find fault with everything. She's not impatient. It takes into account extenuating circumstances (1 Peter 4:8; Psalm 102:14; 129:3, 4). Even in serious matters, she is ready to forgive.

The Apostle Peter certainly thought of himself as being patient enough when he asked Jesus, “How many times must I forgive my brother who sins against me? up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I do not say to you, until seven, but until seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21, 22; Luke 17:3, 4). Love forgives repeatedly, it is infinitely kind. Are you like that too?

“Love does not envy [not jealous, NM].” It's hard to live with a person who is jealous for no real reason. Such jealousy is distrustful and excessively wants to possess another. It is childish and deprives the partner of the freedom to behave naturally and affably in the presence of others. It is more blessed to give from the heart than to satisfy demands dictated by jealousy.

“Who can resist jealousy?” - asks the Bible. Jealousy refers to the works of the imperfect flesh (Proverbs 27:4; Galatians 5:19, 20). Can you detect signs of jealousy in yourself, driven by insecurity and fueled by fantasy? It is usually not difficult to see the mistakes of another person, but it is more useful for us to examine ourselves. “Where there is envy [jealousy, NM] and contentiousness, there is confusion and everything evil” (James 3:16).

Jealousy can ruin a marriage. The affection of a husband or wife cannot be achieved through jealous restrictions, but rather through loving care, consideration, and trust.

“Love does not boast [not boasting, NM], it is not proud.” Many people brag, but few people like to listen to boasting. In fact, the one who
knows a braggart well, sometimes he is embarrassed by it. While some boast by exposing their own merits in their conversations, others achieve the same in a different way. They criticize others and speak disparagingly of them, so that they themselves seem to be elevated in comparison with their victims.

Thus, someone can exalt himself by humiliating others. To belittle one's husband or wife is actually a form of boasting.

Have you ever talked in front of others about the mistakes of your husband or your wife? How do you think he or she felt? How would you feel if your mistakes were exposed? Would you have the impression that someone else loves you? No, for “love does not exalt itself,” neither praising oneself nor humiliating others. If you talk about your husband or your wife, then try to say something positive.

This will strengthen the bonds between you. And regarding your own personality, follow the wise advice found in Proverbs 27:2: “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; let a stranger, and not your own tongue.”

Love “does not act outrageously [does not behave indecently, NM].” Many things are clearly indecent, such as adultery, drunkenness, and violent outbursts (Romans 13:13). In contrast to love, all this harms the marriage bond. Rudeness, vulgar expressions or actions, and also disregard for cleanliness are signs of a lack of decency.

Do you carefully avoid anything that might offend the feelings of your husband or your wife? Do you treat him or her with care, with good manners and with respect? All this contributes to a happy and lasting marriage.

Love “does not seek its own, does not become irritated.” She is not self-centered. How much better it would be if the couple mentioned at the beginning of this chapter were distinguished by such love. The husband would not be angry with his wife because dinner was not served on time, and she would not lose her temper when answering him.

If his wife noticed that he was somewhat irritated because he was tired, instead of getting angry, she might reply, “Dinner is almost ready. You must have had a hard day at work. I’ll give you a glass of cold juice to drink, and in the meantime I’ll set the table.” And if the husband had been more sensitive and not thought only of himself, he could have asked her how he could help her.

Do you get easily irritated by what someone else says or does, or do you try to discover the intention behind a word or action? It is possible that no one wanted to offend you, and everything was harmless, just thoughtless. If you have love, “let not the sun go down on your anger” (Ephesians 4:26).

But what if the other person was upset about something and deliberately expressed or acted in a way to offend you? Can't you wait until you've both calmed down and talk about it later?

Approach things with your common interests in mind and you will find Right words. “The heart of a wise man makes his tongue wise.” “The one who covers up an offense seeks love,” not continuation of the quarrel (Proverbs 16:23; 17:9).

If you control the tendency to continue fighting to prove that you are right, you can win the victory in favor of love.

True love “does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices in the truth.” She does not consider it “clever” to deceive another regarding the use of time,
spending money or communicating. She doesn't use half-truths to appear fair. Dishonesty destroys trust.

So that she could exist real love, both of you should be prepared for the joy of telling each other the truth.

True love is strong and patient.

Love in a family “covers [endures, NM] everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything [endures, NM].” She perseveres under the stresses and pressures of the marriage while both members of this close relationship learn to be accommodating and applicable to each other.

She believes all the counsel in God's Word and applies it seriously, even when circumstances seem unfavorable. She is not gullible towards persons who are prone to dishonesty, but at the same time she is not overly distrustful. She shows more trust. Besides, she hopes for the best.

This hope is based on the firm belief that the application of biblical counsel will produce the best results. Therefore, love can be positive, optimistic and forward-looking. It is also not changeable and is not a temporary passionate love.

True love endures hard times and faces challenges bravely. It is resilient. She is strong, but nevertheless kind, affectionate, compliant and courteous. Such “love never ceases [does not fail, NM].” What happens when spouses have financial difficulties during difficult times?

Instead of wishing for an easier life somewhere else, a wife who shows this kind of love will loyally remain faithful to her husband and try to save or perhaps earn some money to supplement her husband's earnings.​—Proverbs 31:18, 24.

But what if the wife gets sick and the illness continues for years? A husband who has this kind of love makes every effort to provide his wife with the care she needs, to help her with household chores that she cannot do, and to make her feel that he still loves her.

What problems can such love overcome? Does it exist in your marriage? Are you showing this love?

How does love thrive?

Love in the family, like a muscle, is strengthened by consumption. On the other hand, love, like faith, is dead without works. It is said that the words and deeds that our deep-seated feelings impel us to do come from the heart, which represents our inner motivation.

“Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man brings forth good things from a good treasure.” But if our feelings are evil, then “out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, fornication, theft, false witness, blasphemy” (Matthew 12:34, 35; 15:19; James 2:14-17).

What thoughts and feelings do you harbor in your heart? If you reflect daily on how Jehovah has shown us love and try to imitate
Following his example, your good intentions will be strengthened.

The more you show this love, the more you act and speak in accordance with it, and the more deeply it will be instilled in your heart.

If you show love in small ways every day, it will become a habit. This deep-rooted love will help you cope with sometimes great difficulties (Luke 16:10).

Do you notice anything worthy of praise in your husband or wife? Tell him or her that! Do you feel a desire to show others a favor?

Follow this desire! We ourselves must give love in order to reap it. Applying all this will bring you closer to each other, unite you and allow love to flourish between you.

Share the love so it grows. The first man, Adam, lived in paradise. All his physical needs were abundantly satisfied. From the very beginning there were all sorts of delights around him. Not only meadows, flowers, forests and rivers, but also a variety of animals and birds subordinate to him as the ruler of the earth. Having all this, Adam nevertheless needed something: he had no one with whom he could share this beautiful paradise.

Have you ever watched in amazement a breathtaking sunset and, being alone, wished that you had a loved one with whom you could share this experience? Or have you ever had good news but had no one to tell it to?

Jehovah God saw Adam's need and gave him a wife with whom he could share his thoughts and feelings. Mutual participation in something brings two people together and helps love take root and flourish.

Marriage is about community. Sometimes a gentle glance, a touch, tender words, yes, just sit together without words. Every action can
express love: making the bed, washing the dishes, saving money to buy something that the wife would like to have, but which she did not ask for because of the family budget, or helping another when he is not keeping up with his work.

Love means sharing with another work and play, troubles and joys, successes and failures, thoughts of the mind and feelings of the heart. We must have common goals and strive for them together. All this brings spouses together and allows love to flourish.

Services provided to a spouse contribute to the maturation of love. The wife usually serves as the one who cooks food, makes beds and apartments, washes clothes, does shopping, etc.

The husband's services usually consist of taking care of the food she prepares, the beds and apartment she cleans, and the linen she washes. This service, this giving, brings happiness and serves the growth of love.

According to Jesus, giving is more blessed than receiving. It is also more blessed to serve than to be served (Acts 20:35). He said to his disciples, “Let the greatest of you be your servant” (Matthew 23:11). This attitude of service removes the spirit of competition and promotes happiness.

When we serve, we feel that we are needed, that we have a purpose in life, and this gives us self-esteem and satisfaction. Marriage provides ample opportunity for husband and wife to serve each other and find such contentment. In this way, the marriage will be even stronger in love.

Love does not wait for dramatic circumstances to manifest itself. In some ways, love can be compared to clothing. How are clothes held together by a few large rope knots, or thousands of small thread stitches? Of course, thousands of small stitches, no matter whether we are talking about literal clothing or spiritual “clothes.”

Constant accumulation of daily simple words and actions “dresses” us and shows who we are. Such spiritual “clothing” does not wear out or depreciate in value like literal clothing. She is, in the words of the Bible, “incorruptible beauty” (1 Peter 3:4).

Do you want your marriage to be held together by “perfect bonds of unity”? Then do as Colossians 3:9, 10, 12, 14 recommends: “Having put off the old self with its deeds and put on the new,... put on... compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, long-suffering... put on love, which is the totality of perfection [perfect bonds of unity, NM].”

Coincidence or design?

Amazing interactions in soil

The amazing union of plants and bacteria contributes to the biological processes in the soil that make life possible.

note

Nitrogen is essential for plant growth and reproduction. However, for plants to absorb it, this gas must be converted into compounds such as ammonia. Legumes solve this problem by working closely with bacteria called rhizobia. This mutually beneficial cooperation between dissimilar organisms is called symbiosis.

Through a special chemical, legumes attract bacteria to their root system, which penetrate into the roots. According to one
scientific journal, bacteria and plants, although belonging to different kingdoms, cooperate “in the creation of what, in essence, can be called a new organ, an autonomous nitrogen-fixing root nodule” (Natural History).

Inside the nodule - its new home and workshop - the bacteria begin to work. Their main tool is a special enzyme, which is a form of protein called nitrogenase.

With its help, bacteria fix nitrogen, which they absorb from the air contained in the soil.

As the same journal notes, “all the nitrogenase on the planet...would fit into one big bucket.” Therefore, every molecule is precious! But there is a problem.

This enzyme is destroyed by oxygen. Where is the way out? Legumes produce a special substance that removes
potentially dangerous oxygen penetrating the nodules.

The nodules are surrounded by a membrane that regulates the exchange of ammonia, sugars and other nutrients between the bacteria and the plant. Legumes, like all plants, die over time. In this case, ammonia remains in the soil. Therefore, legumes are rightly called “green manure”.

What do you think?

Could microorganisms and their plant partners have “invented” such an amazing, incredibly complex life support system?

Or is this yet another evidence of creative design in nature?

Useful video

True love in a family is not only a feeling, it is the will of a person who decides to love, take responsibility, obligations, accept another person and share difficulties and worries together. Family relationships are multiple obligations, since they are built not with one person, but with many: children, parents, spouses...

The main thing is respect

The feelings that push us to take such a responsible step as starting a family transform into others over time. Passion is replaced by deep understanding of each other, mutual respect and tenderness, which young parents so need.

So, what is love in a family? These are obligations, the daily work of all family members, bringing joy and pleasure. This is common holiday - holiday unity where there is no place for anger, resentment, deception and violence. Happiness is when everyone feels important and protected. Love in a family is a shield, a fortress that no one can destroy.

It is a strong family, built on respect and understanding, that becomes a model of education for the younger generation. Children who grow up in an atmosphere of peace and harmony are, as a rule, talented and successful. They are endowed with the energy of creation, warmth and kindness. Relationships with parents are trusting and affectionate. They will carry the experience gained throughout their lives and pass it on to their descendants as a family heirloom.

Don't look for recipes

Many often ask themselves the question, what is love in a family and how to preserve it and carry it throughout your life? First of all, it is worth understanding that this is not at all the feeling of passion that is so vividly and obsessively broadcast from television screens. This is a combination of the best qualities and the most serious attitude towards each other, towards the needs and desires of the spouse, towards his weaknesses and fears. Tenderness and reverent attitude are much more complex feelings than blind love that accompanies the first year of marriage.

No matter how much literature a person reads on the topic “all about love in the family,” there was and is not an exact recipe that suits everyone. Everyone determines the degree of responsibility, the degree of affection and the level of trust.

If, nevertheless, a person managed to meet love in life, nurture it and preserve it, then life was not lived in vain. This means that a fortress built by joint efforts will withstand any assault, and a reliable shield of mutual understanding will protect from all adversity.

Every person has the right to happiness and has everything necessary to create it. Protecting and preserving this value is the most difficult, but quite achievable task. The desire to love and be loved, to find happiness and give it to others inspires a person; the impossible becomes possible and easily achievable. Just a little understanding and help is enough, which the specialists of the M.S. Center will be happy to provide you with. Norbekova on the course “My Happy Family”. By signing up, you will get answers to all your questions and find your way to family happiness.

I would like to start a conversation about the value system.

You know, we talk so often about unconditional love for a child, natural parenting, “correct” upbringing and home education that it begins to seem as if this is what a family is built on. We probably need to dot the i’s so that we really don’t start thinking like that! What becomes the basis of a family? When reading some questions, comments or stories from life, one gets the impression that love for children.

That is, the picture is as follows: a woman devotes herself to children (they are in the center), knows how to do it, raises, educates, cares, and there, somewhere on the side in the darkest corner, stands a small, inconspicuous husband. The main life task of the husband in this state of affairs is to fit into the correct ideas of his wife and do (in relation to the children) what she says. Once on the Internet I read something like the following (I’m paraphrasing in my own words): “my husband did not support natural parenthood, so I had to get a divorce.”

You know, this leads to very pessimistic thoughts. What is our value system? Breastfeeding does not establish the laws of the family; the child’s happiness or development as a person does not depend on natural parenthood. These are SECONDARY REMEDIES.

In general, you need to think about what lies at the basis (and whether there is one). For example, if you cook from organic products in a double boiler, while experiencing an aversion to the cooking process, the people to whom it is served and the whole world, then there will be no benefit from such food. No vitamin will work because hatred is stronger than proteins or carbohydrates.

If the child is unwanted and the mother does not want to recognize this and work with it, but everything is dedicated to his health, and he wears hand-sewn organic cotton clothes, he will not be healthy. And even more so - he will not be happy.

If mom successfully breastfeeds, quietly (or loudly) hating dad, then milk will do nothing but harm. It may even seem that love for a child determines everything else. But this is not true!

It is impossible to hate the one who produced this child and love the child! That is, it is possible “on the surface”, but inside, very, very deep, it is impossible!

It is not love for a child that determines a relationship. On the contrary, the relationship between spouses, love and mutual understanding determine the resulting love for children!

A woman should have a clear hierarchy of values. If, due to a misunderstanding of the father, family dramas flare up and every “field of activity” in education is literally won almost in a fight - children do not need such “useful things”! I’m not saying that you need to give up on everything; on the contrary, a woman’s task is to be patient and understanding. I'm talking about the fact that controversial issues are not resolved in mortal combat, that a family can be broken up just to save breast-feeding or home education- not a solution at all. Let better baby comes from a bad kindergarten to a good and happy COMPLETE family, rather than sitting at home with an embittered and offended single mother. (It is clear that I do not consider cases when the husband insists on something that contradicts moral dogmas, for example, having an abortion, etc.).

Perhaps dad doesn’t understand all of mom’s “innovations,” and it’s hard for him to accept some aspects of child care or something else that is already an axiom for his wife. But let's figure it out - what is needed, to win at all costs, even at the cost of one's own family, or to choose the future? Perhaps dad won’t accept anything with his first child. Maybe he won’t even want to listen or delve into it. Maybe it's a matter of time (not nerves)? True, it is better to save the family than to achieve “correct” upbringing at home through divorce!

There are things that are paramount, and any means are not included in this list. There must be “larger” objects - love, unanimity, mutual understanding, integrity, respect.

So let's go back to the beginning of this conversation. Let's talk about unconditional love. Just not to children, but for a change, to spouses. What happens in the minds of many wives? The woman will try to “get along” with this man, but it doesn’t work out, he doesn’t understand her, doesn’t support her, this and that, etc. Stop, you need to change your husband.

Now let's think about what kind of idea of ​​family this is. Are we told that husband and wife are temporary phenomena and subject to “exchange”? No, husband and wife are one flesh, one whole, an unchanging constant for life. Wow! Does a woman allow such thoughts - oh, what a difficult character the child has, and he is capricious, and disobedient, and this and that - that’s all, I’ll get rid of him, give birth to another, better one. But it is not said that mother and children are one whole.

Mom and dad are one. And if the example of “replacing” a child looks so wild, then why are the arguments “changing a husband” so common? Our body is whole, we cannot change our arm or head. Likewise, spouses are an inseparable whole, and no less than that! The woman accepts the child entirely; she agrees with any of his qualities and characteristics. What about your wife? Every time there is dissatisfaction with your spouse, it is very good remedy- check if I am fulfilling my role perfectly? Is it really perfect?

The only two thoughts that should arise at that time when it seems that “we are not suitable for each other” are:

1. Am I performing my role well?

2. How can I change because of this situation?

If you follow these two points every time, very soon you can forget about plans to “re-educate” the other and see an unplowed field inside!

Very often they write that I’m sorry, but I myself had such a childhood, and such examples were before my eyes, and there were no men in the family at all, all single mothers and victims of divorce, I just don’t know how it is to communicate with my husband, and our upbringing, and education, and the social environment, and, and, and... You know, if suddenly, out of the blue, without any training, a person far from sports comes and says - I want to lift the barbell in competitions! - He’s unlikely to succeed. First, quite a lot of time must pass before his muscles understand what he wants from them, and he is unlikely to start with two hundred kilograms of iron. So is our consciousness - we cannot say, hop, we will be different tomorrow with changed behavior patterns. First you need to make some GRADUAL AND REGULAR efforts in order to see results.

Many people think: “I already know everything, it’s my HUSBAND that doesn’t behave like that, it’s my HUSBAND that’s not like that, no advice will help me...”

You know, if a person really wants it, he tries every means to achieve his goal and doesn’t stop. He tries even where it would seem that the result is impossible. And if a person has some problems in the area of ​​family relationships, why not try to fill his consciousness with constructive information? Yes, reading books will not help, and tomorrow, when you get up in the morning, you will not turn into a new person. But this will give a drop, which will be added to another, and another, and another, and in the end a “sea” will gather.

Consciousness does not change in five minutes. Try every day, just DAILY, to devote time to constructive matters - to think good things about your spouse as he is, to do him at least a little pleasure, to see at least one thing good quality in him.

Only daily!

Replace telephone conversations with work on your consciousness. Replace watching movies and reading books with work on consciousness and family issues. Replace complaining with gratitude and doing something good. Replace the negative and black with positive and light. No one will do this but you! And this will not be done on its own, never. This is daily painstaking work. Yes, little by little and little by little. But the results definitely add up!

Getting rid of selfishness

Love involves giving. Love is love because it bestows itself on everyone around it, and does not wait for attention to itself. If a person sits and feels sorry for himself, how miserable he is, and waits for love, he will not receive anything. You first need to open it in yourself in relation to others. Just the one we are trying to get from. It is impossible to put anything in closed hands. Before we receive love, we must give it, open up.

Imagine a situation where a person at work has someone who constantly, every minute, cares about raising, promoting, improving the position of that person, taking off his career. Will the person be grateful to him? Of course!

What's wrong with us?

Just when we have to forgive loved ones and learn the principle “love covers all”, we come to new level personal maturity. That is, the most “useful” people are those who teach us to love. This means that we should be especially grateful for those who put us in such conditions where we have to eradicate selfishness and self-pity from ourselves, and think about how we can show love for this person in this situation. Because life is about loving - that means they lead us higher and higher!

It’s not easy, of course, to take the first step, but “White starts and wins.” Love is received by the one who begins to give it. It is in those situations where it is especially difficult to show care and it seems that the person “does not deserve it” that you need to increase your efforts.

Maybe some will want to object - excuse me, you are all doing this from the position of believers, this is all different, in general a person should first take everything to himself, etc. but wait, I don’t know a single example of a person being obsessed with himself, demanding love only for himself, and at the same time being able to build wonderful family relationships. To see this, it’s enough to look around, how many destinies have been ruined because “he doesn’t understand me!”

I must be understood, loved, shown attention, I am the center of the universe, otherwise, if these conditions are not met, it is not love, it was a mistake, I still sit in the center on the sofa, and everyone around me does not start running! Look at modern society - just where there is a rejection of family roles and all responsibilities, the institution of the family is slowly falling apart and it is primarily children who suffer from this, growing up without the most important values ​​in life.

If anyone has not yet listened to Rabbi Asher Kushner’s amazing lectures on family happiness, try to find the time to listen! Regardless of your position in relation to faith, and even more so, religion. It is difficult to write better than what he says about the “meeting of two egoisms” in the family.

When we discuss some aspects of the wife’s role, we very often receive an angry question: “What is he doing?!” But unconditional love does not ask “what is he”, it asks “what is he to”, in the sense of “what can I do, not what he should”.

True love is never unrequited. No, we are not talking about Hollywood fairy tales and showering rose petals. We are talking about real, deep, unselfish love. It, unlike the “centrifugal” one, will never remain unanswered and ineffective. Because true feelings always bear fruit - first of all in yourself, then in loved ones. But results are possible only when a person stops jumping up and down and looking behind his back - “what is he? What will he give me? What will I get for this? And when will the result be? In 5 minutes? In half an hour?”

If a person loves, he strives to give, give, show, show love. Because love is such a special substance - it lives only in outward movement.

Getting rid of egoism - focusing on the outside world. We talked about the fact that a person, comprehending love, gets rid of egoism and strives to give love, thereby receiving it. But also, be sure to show love to others. If a person experiences difficulties, this means that he learns to sympathize and see the misfortune of others. It's time to look around you and think, who can be helped here, who is even more difficult than me? Perhaps your situation will become a key for many?

Relationships that are self-centered, closed, and not aimed at the outside world are doomed. I don't mean forget your family and go "help people." There must be correct priorities and the relative importance of each. But if your whole life is devoted to establishing personal relationships, they will very soon “cook in their own juice.”

Marriage is not the isolation of two from the world, it is the transformation of the world through increased love. When a person in difficult circumstances finds those whom he can help - not even by solving other people’s problems, but simply by listening to someone who has no one to talk to now, his own “insoluble difficulties” slowly recede into the background, become smaller, smaller, smaller , until completely dissolved.

"Just recently I had one of those days when everything that could go wrong suddenly decided to seize the opportunity. I was faced with a moment of global disappointment. I returned home exhausted...without stopping to think about my problems. The more I thought , the worse I got. Finally, being in need, I decided to sow a seed. I went to my office and found one of the many prayer needs. I called young man, who had been in the hospital for several months now... the moment I began to speak words of encouragement, I felt my joy return... By the time I hung up the phone, I was a completely new person. I felt like I could jump up to the ceiling. My friend, in times of need, you don't have to just sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Go and sow the seed. Moreover, you don’t have to wait for problems to start sowing. We must constantly look for ways to be a blessing to someone, not just when we are pushed into a corner. Every morning we must wake up and immediately rush in search of the most different ways help someone. ...

I agree, the temptation to be selfish is extremely strong. Many good people We fall into the trap of selfishness when we are driven by this attitude: “What do I get out of this? How can you help me? How can you improve my life? How can you solve my problem?” But our attitude should be exactly the opposite: "Who can I bless today? Where is the need that I can fill? Who can I encourage? Who can I encourage? Who can I comfort?" from the book "Your better life Today" by Joel Osteen (I highly recommend it to everyone, especially those who are in a “hopeless” situation, experiencing difficulties in personal relationships, in the family, a personal crisis, etc. It’s easy to read and really puts some thoughts in place).

If you have an impossible relationship in your family, “no one understands” you, your spouse is “not like that,” find someone who has no family at all and try to become his joy! See the difference in your attitude before and after. Many authors, speaking about love in the family, write that you don’t need to wait for “feelings to come” and then do something. The process is exactly the opposite - a person STARTS doing for another, and then good feelings appear.

That is, we should behave as if we love, and not wait for love to take action. The more we invest in a person, the more expensive and valuable he is to us (quite natural, right?). But I want to say one more, most important point in this. Don't just DO SOMETHING. And it’s not even easy to do something from the heart. If we do something that is not at all difficult and not tangible for us, this is not a sacrifice of love. But what is difficult to do is the most expensive morally and materially, the most energy-intensive, etc. - it brings more effect. That is, there is more effect within ourselves.

Because, as stated above, the more of our strength, time, soul, and some efforts we put into a person, the more strongly we become attached to him and the more precious he is to us. You can stop and think - what is the most difficult thing for us to do (give, etc.)? And do just that. By doing this, we give away a piece of ourselves. That is, we begin to love ourselves in another person.

Happy are not those couples who have introduced the routine of physical intimacy into their marriage and family relationships, but those who enjoy all this without false modesty and falsehood. After the wedding is played, it is to

Happy are not those couples who have introduced the routine of physical intimacy into their marriage and family relationships, but those who enjoy all this without false modesty and falsehood.

After the wedding has taken place, it is towards the end of the first year of family life that problems associated with a lack of mutual understanding accumulate.

Family experts believe that in order to live a full life, a person must achieve satisfaction of four needs. These needs include physiological, cognitive, emotional and explaining the meaning of life. It should be borne in mind that these needs are the same for everyone, but there is no single standard for how they are satisfied by each of us.

When we talk about the feeling that connects a man and a woman, we have to mean not so much deep mutual understanding, affection, support and, of course, love, but rather those emotions of joy and happiness that overwhelm them at the moment of physical intimacy. But, unfortunately, reality does not always live up to these expectations. This usually happens when young people are not educated, and therefore do not know how to explain to each other their own desires and preferences.

The topic of physical intimacy, not only for newlyweds, but also for married couples with experience, is considered the most difficult. When partners in a marriage do not have enough words to express their feelings, then all this leads to misunderstanding of each other. As a result, the beautiful dream of physical intimacy in marriage fades and turns into a boring marital duty.

However, there are couples who managed to overcome the barriers of bashful, but inappropriate silence in marriage in order to jointly begin the difficult and at the same time joyful learning of the art of love.

Scientists dealing with family problems note in their findings that for a man, during intimacy, the fact that a woman is fully involved in what is happening between her and her husband is incredibly important. This is extremely important for a man only because he subtly feels an emotional connection with a woman, who forms in him, with the wife’s reciprocal emotions, the very concept of his manhood, being able to give pleasure to his partner.

Men in answers to questions from scientists believe that this process itself does not depend on the strength or experience of a man. Everything is decided by a man’s ability to be gentle in marriage and family relationships, to create a mood in his partner in which she feels loved.

The opinion of men when answering the question of scientists about which woman is capable of making a man happy with the greatest pleasure is very interesting. The overwhelming majority of men thought that she was not the most experienced, but only one who, having cast aside inhibitions, endlessly trusts a man, feels completely safe and, in this regard, is able not only to understand, but also to express what she needs. This is the case when experience is not entirely necessary, since a man in the arms of such a woman will feel happy.

Strange as it may seem, scientists have found that many women think about love intimacy more than they would like to admit to their husbands. It’s just that their nature is such that the husband himself takes the initiative.

The question of initiative in marriage plays a role when spouses, through mutual claims, try to obtain evidence that their partner’s feelings are deep enough. But besides, one should not exclude the fact that in marriage and family relations of two loving people there is no place for pretense, false modesty and falsehood. Therefore, not only loving, but also desiring a loved one should not be determined by the norms of sanctimonious morality, when there is no need to take into account who first gave the signal. It is important in such moments that the intimacy is complete for both.

Family experts believe that doubts of all kinds in building their marital and family relationships for many couples are associated with the fact that physical intimacy is the only way for them to reveal the depth of their feelings. It is when they experience a failure here that in the future the spouses diligently adhere to traditional roles.

If a woman, as a partner in a marriage, is unsure of the feelings of her beloved, if it is difficult for her to express her desires, fears, and even complaints, then her desire to be the first to take a step towards intimacy disappears. Usually women in such cases simply hide behind their traditional role of being passive, waiting for their husband to “conquer” her. Thus, it is important for her to receive evidence in her husband’s actions of his love for her or its absence.

Such a test itself may turn out to be false. Men, especially those under the age of forty-five, are able to be ready to take the initiative, although, unfortunately, this feeling steadily fades away, leaving room for habit. In marriage and family relationships, with such closeness, there is not only no warmth, but also joy and, especially, passion. Ultimately, each spouse experiences a feeling of dissatisfaction, and often disgust.

But it also happens that a man, for some reason, avoids taking the initiative, although he loves his wife and is waiting for certain signals from her.

This also happens between spouses when they are confused in family and marital relations Having lost the ability to explain themselves, under the outbreak of physical intimacy, they restore openness and trust. But this miraculous restoration of mutual understanding happens with truly close married couples if they married life Some kind of discord has occurred and both sides are suffering from it.

The reasons of a sociological nature that have a destructive impact on marriage and family relations include, first of all, such obvious factors as: there is no apartment or a passage room where they can enter at any time. It is very annoying, especially for newlyweds, to think about how restless the child is, financial difficulties, problems at work, and the burden of household responsibilities. Unfortunately, all these worries and reasons do not contribute to the flourishing of free, joyful love.

Since ancient times, there has been an understanding among people that desired children are happy ones. WITH scientific point vision has proven that the fetus experiences the same emotional states as the mother.

When she is calm and happy, then the child is calm. If she is upset or scared, then her child “responds” to these emotions accordingly.

A woman who is not deprived of love, for whom motherhood is a source of pride and who, in the state of motherhood, becomes even more precious in the eyes of her beloved, conveys information of joy and happiness to the child.

A woman suffering from loneliness, feeling that pregnancy has destroyed her hopes of being together with the child’s father, traumatizes the child’s psyche with her thoughts and experiences. In contrast, different words are whispered by mothers into the ears of newborn babies.

A happy mother, confident that she and her child are warmly awaited, puts joy and jubilation into the whisper. And the words are completely different from the mother, who has no one to take care of her and who thinks with painful anxiety about who and how will meet her at home.

Although the baby does not understand the meaning that is in the words, he perfectly feels the tone of the voice addressed to him and, of course, the warm, cordial atmosphere that the people who love him have enveloped. He also experiences the joy that his parents convey to him from touching him. The mother, in a state of happiness, caresses the baby with every movement and thereby confirms that he is loved and desired.A mother behaves differently, deceived in her expectations, abandoned by a man. It is a great sin when she extends part of her bitterness and bitterness to a child. There are also times when it is difficult for her to even look at him. And where can tenderness come from in such situations?

The most beautiful eyes someone who looks at you with tenderness and love, and it doesn’t matter at all whether they are brown, blue or green - but they are the most relatives andexpensivein the world. ( statuses about family, happiness and love )

Rules for a happy family life:

1. Family life begins with the pronoun “We”.

2. Hurry to create and notice the good. This will fill happiness not only with those to whom you do it, but also with yourself.

3. Stop being angry. Don’t rush to pour out your anger, think, comprehend the situation, be able to understand and forgive.

4. Every step towards is equal to many days of joy. Every step away from the family means many bitter days.

5. If you are sure that she (he) is to blame, then look for the reason in yourself. In any situation, both are to blame.

6. A kind word is good, but a good deed is better. But a kind word is also a good deed.

7. Know how to not only take the place of another, but also be able to stand your ground with dignity in a given situation.

8. The one who deceives himself does not believe. Family relationships are built on trust in each other.

9. Be a friend of his (her) friends, then your friends will become his (her) friends.

10. No one strives to love a mother-in-law and mother-in-law, but everyone is ready to love two mothers.

There is a whole family resolution method(and not only) conflicts.

In a conflict situation, it is advisable to resolve the conflict in stages (diagram). And at any moment, if something doesn’t work out, you can return to the previous step.

At the very beginning, you need to distance yourself and observe from the side. Next, a person can describe the situation from his own and opposing points of view.

Here he can notice what he and his partner are right or wrong about. And with a reasonable (including emotional intelligence) consideration of situations, the opposite side can see positive sides and in some situation, praise and support him.

Then you can start a conversation where it is important to discuss common goals.

Love is a theorem that needs to be proven every day. William Shakespeare.

Parable “Love is an action”

One day a man came to a sage for advice.
“My wife and I have not had the same feelings for each other for a long time!” I guess I just don’t love her anymore, and I’m afraid she doesn’t love me either. What should I do?
- Love her!
– But I’m telling you, there are no feelings left!
- This is a good reason to love her!
– But how can you love if you don’t love?
- Appreciate her! Empathize with her! Tell her about love! Listen to her! Ask her! Help her!Make a compromise!There are no barriers to true love! For the verb “LOVE” does not mean a feeling, but an ACTION.

Factors that determine the possibility of changes in the family.

First, taking responsibility.
Secondly, awareness of what you don’t like in the present.
Thirdly, self-reliance, faith in one’s strengths and abilities, which gives emotional security and a willingness to act effectively.
Fourth, a clear and detailed representation of what you want to get as a result of the changes.

Love takes full responsibility upon itself: I am responsible, not you. Once you understand that the responsibility lies with you, you will begin to blossom.

Ordinary love is a requirement, real love is maturity. She knows nothing about the requirements; she knows only the joy of generosity.

Help, share energy, love. Accept others and let them know that you are welcome. Don't make them feel guilty, don't make them feel like they deserve to be judged.

Love is a deep understanding. And you will love this person, you will help him become who he is destined to be. You won't expect anything else from him. Any expectation is condemnation, denial. Rejection.

When you feel that at least one person accepts you for who you are, you begin to feel centered. You are welcome in this life!Help others become themselves.There is only one way to love people: to love them as they are.Help people to be natural, to be free, to be themselves and never try to force, pressure or manipulate them. Osho

If we do not see in people the potential for soul development, then we will not bring them good; it is necessary to deal with people based on existing in every potential. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe.

A happy wife is sure that her husband is the best, and a happy husband is one who knows that he is appreciated.

Parable "The Best Choice".

A little mouse was born, she grew up and became simply dazzlingly beautiful. Her parents started looking for a groom for her. But will you find a mate for such a beauty among the mice? I wanted to find the best, most powerful groom.
They thought and thought and decided that the sun was the most powerful in the world. The sun smiled, thanked him for the offer and said that the cloud was more powerful than him, because it could block the path of the sun's rays.
The father of the mouse went to the cloud. The cloud thanked him for the offer, but said that his wind was more powerful, because he drove the cloud wherever he wanted.
The mouse's father went to the wind, and he said that the wall was more powerful than him, which he could not overturn.
The wall also thanked her for the proposal, but said that there was another suitor in the world who was more powerful than her, because any mouse could gnaw a hole in her.
The father was surprised, clapped with pleasure and went home with a proud look. Soon they married their daughter to their mouse neighbor and the young people began to live together happily and happily.