There were 36 questions from Dr. Aron. Experiment “36 questions to fall in love. Watch the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Amy learned about this interesting test. After reading that he helps to fall in love with two strangers, she immediately wanted to test him on Shel

09.11.2019

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20 years ago, psychologist Arthur Aron compiled 36 questions that he thought could help two strangers fall in love with each other. He tested them in practice, the success was complete! The experiment was carried out as follows: Aron invited a heterosexual man and woman into a room, sat them opposite each other and asked them to answer a series of 36 personal questions, which are divided into 3 sections. Their task was to answer the questions honestly and openly, and then look into each other's eyes in silence for 4 minutes. After 6 months, this couple got married!

Many years later, intrigued by this study, English writer and professor Mandy Len Catron decided to repeat the experiment on herself. Then she wrote an article about it in The New York Times. Oddly enough, but the experiment had a positive effect on her. She and the random university acquaintance with whom she conducted the experiment (although they did not go to the laboratory, but to a bar) fell in love with each other. Apparently, the openness and insecurity that comes with close communication and answering very personal questions makes a couple closer friend to a friend (after all, during such a conversation, in fact, no one thinks about the possibility of falling in love). As the author of the study writes: “One of key points this experience of developing a close relationship between peers is a long-term, reciprocal, ever-increasing self-disclosure.

If this interests you, try testing the experiment for yourself. Sit alone with a partner in a quiet room and take turns asking and answering these 36 questions, then sit silently for 4 minutes, looking into each other's eyes, and see how it affects you.

Section 1

With choices all over the world, who would you like to invite to dinner?
Would you like to become famous? In what area?
Before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What does "a great day" mean to you?
When was the last time you sang to yourself? And for someone else?
If you could live to your 90s and still retain either the mind or body of your 30-year-old self for the last 60 years of your life, which would you prefer?
Do you have a secret premonition about how you will die?
What do you have in common with your partner, name 3 main things?
What are you most grateful for in your life?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised as a child, what would it be?
Tell your partner in 4 minutes a brief history your life with more details.
If you woke up tomorrow and had the opportunity to acquire one ability, skill or talent, what would it be?

Section 2

If a magical crystal ball told you the truth about you, your life, your future, or anything else you would like to know?
Is there something you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why didn't you do it?
What is the biggest achievement in your life?
What do you value most in friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is the worst memory?
If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you change in your life and why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What role do love and affection play in your life?
Give a positive description of your partner. Highlight 5 main features.
Tell me, how strong and friendly is your family? Do you think that your childhood was happier than others?
What can you say about your relationship with your mother?

Section 3

Have each of you come up with 3 sentences with the word "We" given your partner. For example, “we both feel in this room…”
Continue this sentence: “I would like to have someone with whom I can share…”
If you were going to start a close relationship with your partner, then what is very important for him or her to know, share!
Tell your partner what you like about him. Be extremely honest this time, saying things you wouldn't say to the first person you meet.
Tell your partner about moments in your life that you are embarrassed about.
When was the last time you cried in front of another person? What about when you're alone?
Tell your partner what you already like about him.
What do you think is too serious to be laughed at?
If you were told that you were going to die tonight without being able to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not saying? Why haven't you said this yet?
There was a fire in your house. After saving your family and pets, you only have time to save one more thing. What could it be?
The death of which member of your family would be the hardest for you? And why?
Share a personal problem with your partner and ask them for advice on how to solve it and what to do. Also, ask your partner how they think you might feel about having this problem.

Last year, The New York Times published Mandy Len Catron's testimony. She told how she fell in love in a few hours with her faculty colleague, whom she chose as a guinea pig, answering questions from the American psychologist Arthur Aron with him. If Mandy Len Catron and her partner were already in love with each other, neither of them realized it until they got to question 36 and were silent for four long minutes. Like many discoveries, "a questionnaire that can make you fall in love" is the fruit of a happy accident.

In 1997, Arthur Aron, a professor at Stony Brook University (USA), researched close relationships. He came up with an exercise that makes two people get closer strangers. The result exceeded all expectations. One of the “experimental” couples of students got married six months later. She was the first in a long line of lovers.

See with new eyes

Arthur Aron realized that he had partially revealed the secret of love: vulnerability and intimate confessions create an environment in which the flame of feelings easily flares up. But with one caveat: the questionnaire causes love only among those who have already chosen each other, consciously or not. This is not surprising, the unconscious of the two recognizes and chooses each other; it remains to give a chance to desire to turn into a feeling.

“I was puzzled,” she admits, “because there were few questions I could answer quickly. It was difficult to give short answers. The strength of this exercise is probably that it throws us off balance. It makes us hesitate, doubt, choose... But what defines us as a person is more like just questions, not answers. The questionnaire allows us to catch the moment when we are especially close to ourselves in the present.

Discover your vulnerability

According to the psychoanalyst, close relationships arise here rather than as a result of an exchange of intimate confessions, but due to the fact that two people expose their weakness. “That's why,” she continues, “this questionnaire is effective for already established couples. Over time, we come to believe that we know each other perfectly, and this kills the feeling of love.

Questions are interesting because they make us notice again the strange and unfamiliar sides of the other, when we are surprised by his answers, his pauses, his emotions. They put us in a situation of uncertainty, and it is this withdrawal that makes us desirable and awakens desire in ourselves. Sophie Cadalen, like Mandy Len Catron, explains that this exercise only awakens a dormant or unconscious love feeling, but does not create it. Fortunately for us, love has not yet been learned to be produced in laboratories.

Set aside an hour in a quiet place. Answer the questions in turn. Speak with an open mind, do not take notes, do not comment on your partner's answers. Be as sincere as possible. From the first to the third part of the questionnaire, the degree of intimacy increases; you can pause between parts. At the end of four minutes, look into each other's eyes.

Series #1

1. If you could invite someone to dinner ( loved one, deceased relative, celebrity), who would you choose?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what?

3. Do you happen to rehearse your line before making a call? Why?

4. What would be your “perfect day”?

5. When was the last time you sang alone? And for someone else?

6. If you could live to be 90 years old and have either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years, which would you choose?

7. Do you have a secret premonition about how you will die?

8. Name three traits that you think both you and your partner have.

9. What are you most grateful for?

10. If you could, what would you change about the way you were raised?

11. In 4 minutes, tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow with some skill or ability, what would it be?

Series #2

13. If a magic crystal could reveal the truth to you, what would you like to know?

14. Is there something that you have been dreaming of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it yet?

15. What is the greatest achievement in your life?

16. What is most valuable to you in friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your worst memory?

19. If you knew you were going to die in a year, what would you change about the way you live? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What role do love and tenderness play in your life?

22. Take turns calling your partner his positive traits (exchange five characteristics).

23. Are relationships warm and close in your family?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Series #3

25. Make three statements each that are true for both of you. For example, "We both feel right now..."

26. Complete the sentence: "I wish there was someone to share..."

27. If you were going to be close friends with your partner, what would you tell them that you think they should know about you?

28. Tell your partner what you like about him; speak directly, say things that you could not say to a casual acquaintance.

30. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? And in loneliness?

31. Tell your partner what you already appreciate in him (her).

32. In your opinion, what topic is too serious to joke about?

33. If you were to die today before the end of the day without talking to anyone, what would you most regret about not saying? Why haven't you said this yet?

34. Your house with all the property caught fire. After saving your loved ones as well as pets, you have time to run into the house and save something else from the flames. What would you take? Why?

35. The death of which member of your family would upset you the most? Why?

Psychologist Arthur Aron conducted an amazing experiment 20 years ago. He invited a previously unfamiliar man and woman to his laboratory. During the experiment, he asked them to answer 36 questions. People had to speak sincerely, empathizing with each other.

After discussing the issues, the couple looked into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. It's amazing what happened then - six months later, these people decided to get married!

The secret of this experience is that by answering such personal questions, people become open, vulnerable. The general openness is very close.

List of questions to fall in love with a person:

Out of everyone in the world, who would you invite over for dinner?
Would you like to be famous? What would you like to be famous for?
Before you make a phone call, do you ever rehearse what you're going to say? Why?
What is your ideal day?
When was the last time you sang by yourself? And for someone else?
What would you choose: to keep the body or mind of your 30-year-old self for the next 60 years of your life?
Do you have a secret premonition about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner have in common.
For what in your life are you most grateful?
If you could change anything about your upbringing, what would it be?
In 4 minutes, tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow with a certain quality or ability, what would it be?
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about your life, the future, or anything else, what would you like to know?
Is there anything you have dreamed of doing for a long time? Why didn't you do it?
Name the biggest achievement in your life.
What do you value most in friends?
What is your most treasured memory?
Scariest memory?
If you knew that within one year you would suddenly die, would you change anything in your current life? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What role do love and affection play in your life?
Name the positive characteristics of your partner, about 5 points.
How close are your family members? Do you think your childhood was happier than most other people's?
What do you think about your relationship with your mother?
Make up three truthful sentences beginning with "we". For example, "We are both in this room thinking about...".
Continue this phrase: "I would like to share with someone ...".
What should a partner with whom you want to become close friends know about you?
Tell your partner what you like best about him. Try to be as honest as possible.
Share with your partner the most embarrassing moment of your life.
Think about the last time you cried and why.
What thing seems so serious to you that it's impossible to joke about it?
If you were to die this evening, what would you like to say and to whom?
Your house with all your possessions caught fire. After saving loved ones, you have time to return to the house again and save one thing. What is this thing and why do you choose it?
The death of which member of your family would hurt you the most? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner for advice on how to solve it.
Tell me about your first love.

Watch the episode of The Big Bang Theory where Amy learned about this interesting test. After reading that he helps to fall in love with two strangers, she immediately wanted to test him on Sheldon. Sheldon's partner in this experiment was Penny. Find out how it all ended:

The Intimacy Acceleration

The opinion of psychologist Yevgeny Yakovlev regarding the test "To fall in love with a man / woman in 4 minutes":

ellesilver.com