Ethnographer Maysarat Musayeva told the Daptar portal about women's space in a traditional patriarchal society.

Everyone has probably heard this phrase. It sounds offensive. But, if you don’t immediately get into a fight, but think about it, then it becomes less offensive. After all, Your Place in a traditional patriarchal society means, in particular, the clear boundaries of your territory and the right to protect their integrity. It is precisely for this, in order to find out everything about the Place that a Dagestan woman should know, we turned to Maysarat Musaeva, a senior researcher at the Institute of History, Archeology and Ethnography of the Dagestan Scientific Center of the Russian Academy of Sciences.

- I'll start right away with the painful part, okay? Tell me, in that same “bygone Dagestan,” could a man make comments to a woman who is not his relative?

- Let's start with the fact that, if we talk about traditions, a woman with a man could not do anything that he could pay attention to at all. In the presence of men, women and girls behaved very reservedly. Now we walk the streets, sit in cafes, cinemas, ride minibuses, work in the same office with men. And in a patriarchal society, the spheres of life were clearly demarcated; in everyday life, the appearance of a man forced even a cheerful flock of girls to immediately muffle their voices, bow their heads slightly, in some cases even turn sideways and stand there until the man passed. These were echoes of the “tradition of avoidance.” But! In this case, the man, of course, under no circumstances should have made a direct comment. Among some nationalities of Dagestan, not only did he not have the right to make a remark, he could not even walk too close or speak to a strange woman, unless it was an old woman. Among the Kumyks, a man, seeing a woman coming towards him, had to turn into the nearest alley. It is clear that the rule was violated, but if it was violated publicly, if villagers were nearby, such freedom was condemned and could cause gossip. Therefore, when approaching a group of girls, the man addressed not the one to whom he wanted to say something or ask her, but one of his relatives. Like, could you please convey Patimat...

— And Patimat stands two steps away and giggles.

- Well, yes! But all etiquette standards are observed. And if he was dissatisfied with something, he again had to turn to women. There is no way to say anything to your brother about his sister - this is a conflict. So he has to find an aunt, maybe a neighbor, maybe a friend or a friend's mother. But under no circumstances should you tell your direct relatives about your dissatisfaction.

- It is reasonable. But what then to do with the custom that is mentioned by the same Ahmedkhan Abu-Bakar. Am I talking about girls who, on certain days, lie in wait for strange men outside the village and mock them in all sorts of ways, including beating them with nettles?

- This custom (we will call it that, although it is terminologically incorrect), it seems, does not even have a name. Do you know why? Because mention of this can be found among many peoples of Dagestan: among the Kulin Laks, and among the southern Dargins, it was found somewhere, and among the high-mountain peoples - the Botlikhs, Godoberians... These are echoes of ancient, ancient rituals that have turned into a kind of game uniform, when something that is prohibited in ordinary life is not considered shameful, for example, showing off over a man. Something like the European Saturnalia, carnivals, when all the usual rules were broken. All these festive events, which slightly crossed the borders, had a clear calendar reference and took place exclusively in the spring. The time of awakening, the time of the beginning of a new life cycle. Well, it was all dressed up in such a ritual practice. This ritual was recorded, well, at the very beginning of the 19th century. Although, people remember this. And the travelers who were here already in the middle of the 19th century, they didn’t observe it, but they heard about it, you know?

Happy or unhappy is another question, but if she somehow disgraces her husband, then their common children will bear this shame.

“What I like most is that the man was required to show restraint during such torture; he didn’t have to raise his hand or curse the girls, he didn’t even have to resist. Otherwise, he would “lose face.”

- Well, in general, yes. Same game moment, and in the game the rules are indicated. It would be good if he knew about such procedures, but what if not? It’s not like they were their own, they most often grabbed a stranger. Do you understand? Because he won’t forget his own and it will somehow come back to haunt him later. As I say, everything happened within a certain framework and at a certain time. God forbid if it gets into someone’s head that this was in the order of things. It happens with us that a person reads something somewhere - “Oh, God, we had this!” - and begins to preach and propagandize. The trouble here is this: when we come across some ancient rituals that are incomprehensible to us, we try to explain them from the point of view of modern man, with his ideas and knowledge about the world around him, with his logic, which follows from this knowledge. And this is not always correct. The same “marriage fights” in some villages were also part of the ritual. The girl was supposed to resist. Not very actively and not for too long, but fight. The same Dubrovin writes that brides were often shaved bald so that the young husband, asserting his marital rights, could not grab her by the braids and thus “pacify”. And the bride’s pants were always held up, and the hold was in knots. A hold is a string that was threaded instead of an elastic band, but there were no elastic bands. And the groom, before being allowed into the bedroom, was searched to see if he had a cutting object, so that he could not cut the rope. It was necessary to tear it apart, or better yet untie it. Untying knots is a very ancient practice - with this action, according to popular beliefs, the groom was supposed to increase his productive abilities.

- So, the girl could play along with her beloved. And if she was given in marriage against her will, and she had enough character and strength, she could resist so desperately and for so long that she would disgrace him in front of the entire village.

- No, you understand what’s the matter, even if she loved, she wouldn’t show it. She could not make public her attitude towards him; this was condemned. And then look, because in the mountains a woman would never marry some coward who in her eyes did not look like a man. And, naturally, if she loves someone, she will never allow it to be shown somewhere in society that he is weak. And even if she doesn’t love her, but is already married, she still wouldn’t undermine his authority. This is her family. Happy or unhappy is another question, but if she somehow disgraces her husband, then their common children will bear this shame.

- But there is a legend about Kamalil Bashir. A young man so beautiful that biological father was forced to kill him, because all the girls, widows and even married women, forgetting about their husbands and their shame, they vying with each other to harass him.

- It's still a legend. And for me the most important thing in it is not the love component, but the fact that his own father killed him. He sacrificed his own son in order to maintain peace in the village, he killed himself so that there would be no bloodlines. But I understand that you want to grope and outline the boundaries of the women's world, women's freedom. Then you might be interested to know about the marriage initiatives of Dagestan women.

- And how! Just hearing the word initiative makes me very happy, and if there is initiative in such an important matter as choosing a husband, then I am doubly happy.

“We said that the girl could not openly express her feelings. This is all true, but there were situations... exceptions. The marriage initiative is apparently also a very ancient custom, because echoes are found among many nations. Among the same Laks, a girl who has reached marriageable age, came to the mosque and had to shout “kurmyamyav!” The word cannot be translated, but everyone knew what it meant: “I want to get married.” They say that this custom died out when some girl did not want to go out, she had already been an old maid for many years, and her parents forced her to go.. And she went to the mosque and shouted: “Let those who invented this be cursed!” . And among the Lezgins and Derbent Azerbaijanis, at night the girl dressed in dark clothes, went out onto the roof of her house and began shouting that she wanted to get married. And then people quietly began to look for a groom for her. For some period of time this ritual disappeared; it did not exist, as it turns out. But, during the years of the Caucasian War, when there was a certain imbalance between men and women, Imam Shamil revived it. He forced parents to marry off their daughters, even by force. For widowers, as a second wife, as a third. Because it was necessary to solve the demographic problem. He also lined up all the men of fertile age, lined up all the girls who stayed at home, including widows, and each had to name the name of the person she wanted to marry. And it didn’t matter whether he was married or not, or whether he had children, it made no difference. I had to get married.

- Now I like this much more. Alikhanov Avarsky talks about this, and I read in Aglarov about the custom of “khaduy in” (lit. “to leave after him”). A girl could fall in love and then collect her bundle and stomp straight into the house...

- ...to the chosen one. Very rarely, because it was condemned, and even the customary (adat) law of some societies provides for fines, and considerable ones, for such an act, but that’s how it is. Moreover, Alikhanov wrote about Dagestan in the second half of the 19th century. And they told me about a relatively recent case, it was in the 40-50s of the twentieth century. There was one man, a handsome man. I traveled to different villages for work and apparently took a liking to a girl from a neighboring village. She came to his house and sat down. And he has a wife and two children. And they were forced to take her as a second wife. Why, you won’t send him back, you won’t kick him out. It's a shame. Despite the fact that such an act did not look good on the girl and greatly affected the reputation of her family, this did not give the man the right to refuse her. Sometimes they all lived together until old age. And sometimes men married in order to comply with the custom, but did not live with such a wife. more than a year and then got divorced. Well, again widely famous custom throwing dads at a girl's window. There, too, she had freedom of choice; if she didn’t like the guy, his hat flew back. And in general, there are a lot of ways to make it clear whether the guy’s family should go to matchmaking or not. Let’s not go far, in the village of Rugudzha, where I come from, in the past, if some woman came to a girl’s house and asked to borrow a rope to tie a donkey, then it was for a reason. There's a metaphor here...

- I see. We have, they say, an uncontrollable donkey, you have a rope girl...

- Well, I think that there was no offensive meaning in this metaphor; we are again trying to interpret it from the point of view of a modern person, for whom “donkey” is an insult. So, she comes and asks, it’s broken there, everyone has this rope, I need to tie the donkey, please give it. If they give, then we can talk about a future marriage. If they don’t give it, then there’s no point in meddling. Or, so, they come to have a conversation and take with them a khurjin, and there is bread in it. If they come home and find bread that is not theirs, it means they have changed it, we can say so. But just talk. There are such ceremonies here... Even if it was 100 percent known that the girl agreed, the guy’s relatives went publicly three times, seeking an answer. And they were sent back three times. Although reconnaissance was carried out, they may have already received their bread, nevertheless, they went three times. It was so accepted!

In the mountains, women had more responsibilities and work, but they were still more independent, including financially.

— Sergei Abdulkhalikovich Luguev once told me about a marriage through a conspiracy, when a guy and his relatives deliberately spread rumors about a girl in order to discourage competitors and get her into their family. And Mamaikhan Aglarovich Aglarov mentions a “mirror” method called “notification”. There, the girl deliberately collided with the boy and started a scandal. She screamed that he stood in her way, grabbed her hand, in general, somehow encroached on her honor and now had to marry her.

— It’s difficult to answer unequivocally. In many cases, there is simply not enough material or evidence to speak not about a particular case, but about a tradition or custom. The same murder of babies that Yuri Karpov mentions, they say, they starved newborn girls, it could not be a custom. These are most likely special cases. Or the beating of old parents in the memoirs of Abdul Omarov. Or levirate and sororate - when a man marries the widow of his deceased brother or a woman marries her sister’s widowed husband in order to raise her children. Yes, if a phenomenon has received its name, this means something, this is already a kind of marking. But we can talk about a “custom” only if this happens in every second family. If we consider a traditional Dagestan family, we can state the following - the absolute absence, well, with rare exceptions, of domestic violence. Because a man who hits a woman was considered a weakling. There was a proverb: to judge whether a wife is good, look at the sleeves of her husband's Circassian coat; to find out what kind of husband she is, look at her face. The faces of Dagestani women were always open; a bruise, abrasion, or tear-stained eyes would be noticeable. Sometimes they explain it this way: she has a father, a brother, if you try to touch her, they will immediately take her away.

“It’s good that they’ll take it away, but divorce is a complicated matter even now.” These are property issues, first of all. Who takes the TV and who gets the dressing table.

— On the plain, where there was a purchased marriage, and there was a classic form of dowry, the husband paid his wife’s parents a certain amount. And they used this money as they wanted, they could buy her a dowry with this money, they could keep it for themselves. But it’s another thing in the mountains, there they often gave land as a dowry, it was her property and in case of divorce the woman took the dowry in full. True, she could not claim the cabin money. Now I will explain to you what it is. Now, when I, say, get married, there is such a cab, the amount agreed upon in front of witnesses. It was different in different villages. She was different for different girls, if she was beautiful, then they gave more for you and tede. The woman had never seen the cab money, but she knew that if she got divorced due to her husband’s fault, he would pay her the cab money. Or, if he dies, his family must pay her this amount or the equivalent - a house, livestock. This is her social guarantee, insurance. That is, in the mountains women had more responsibilities and work, but they were still more independent, including financially. Men left to work, and then they had to get out and do everything themselves, including sometimes men’s work. But when the man returned, he tried not to disturb the daily routine and life established by this woman. Because he will leave again, and she will have to restore all this.

— Who should the child stay with during the divorce?

— As a rule, with my husband. Especially if it's a boy. Among the Avars, even if a woman divorced while pregnant, she had to give birth in the house of her ex-husband. Sometimes the baby stayed with his mother until she breastfed him and only then went to her husband’s house. Whether she wanted it or not, it was the way it was supposed to be. In addition, the woman was returning to her parents’ home, and neither the father nor the brother would tolerate someone else’s child there, the successor of someone else’s family and surname. This belongs to the house from which she has already left. There was also a motivational moment here; in rare cases, a woman would get divorced while having children. And very rarely a child (and even then, as a rule, only a girl) could stay with the mother. But the father had to pay child support.

- Okay, let's take a break from the sad topic of divorce, let's go back to the very beginning of marriage. Well, a daughter-in-law came to my husband’s family. What was her status? To whom did she report and who could she command? And when was her “promotion” expected?

“Her status, of course, was not high. Especially if there were also daughters-in-law in the house, wives of older brothers. Now let’s do this, here all the customs and traditions have a zonal feature. The plain is one thing, the mountains and foothills are another. And in the mountains, again, in feudal estates there are one order, in a free society another. Now, I’ll explain it to you. On the plain there is a large family organization, when all the married sons live together, under one roof. They have a common household, only separate rooms. And there is the Supreme Commander-in-Chief - the father-in-law. Or his eldest son replacing him. And all household chores - kitchen, raising children, buying groceries, cleaning, washing - are the responsibility of the mother-in-law. She is like the Khansha of the house.

Many peoples of the Caucasus considered a pregnant woman to be sacredly unclean, but the Dagestanis did not; on the contrary, they had a very respectful attitude towards her.

And intrafamily relationships were regulated by the custom of avoidance, the classical form of which was characteristic only of the Kumyks and Nogais. This is when for many years (or even until the end of her life), the daughter-in-law who came to the house did not have the right to speak directly with her father-in-law. Unless he specifically gave her a gift and thereby allowed her to communicate with him. And the mother-in-law, due to the fact that she often had to deal with her daughter-in-law about housework, gave such permission much earlier. But she might not have given it out of harm. This did not happen in the mountains, where families were nuclear and, after getting married, the son separated and lived, as a rule, in his own house. Only the youngest stayed with his parents and brought his wife there too. You know, we’re used to thinking: “Oh, she’s unhappy, poor, she obeyed everyone...”. Yes, she had to work from morning to evening. Moreover, God forbid, if the mother-in-law gets up earlier. God forbid if she goes to bed before her mother-in-law. But she did not work for someone else’s uncle, but for herself, for her family. And when she was expecting a child... Many peoples of the Caucasus considered a pregnant woman to be sacredly unclean, but the Dagestanis did not, on the contrary, they had a very respectful attitude towards her. She was considered, how to say, an angel! It was believed that you couldn’t offend her, you had to treat her, and you couldn’t talk about any such forbidden things in front of her. The birth of a child, especially a son, greatly strengthened her position, and over time she herself became a “Khansha”.

“And she got the opportunity to take it out on her daughters-in-law.” Amazing! This is what I also wanted. Yuri Karpov’s book “Dzhigit and the Wolf” very well describes male unions. Did women have similar ones? And I also read from someone about a secret women’s language. I’m curious, what did they talk about in this language that they wanted to hide from the men?

- Well, women’s language, firstly, not everyone had it, but a specific one age group and they did not always speak this language, but in specific situations, most often at spring holidays, where they did not want to be heard. And women’s unions, exactly in the form in which they existed among men (with age gradation, year-round) were recorded only among the Kubachi people... Other peoples of Dagestan did not have women’s unions in such a refined form, but some communities gathered at certain times of the year . More often in winter, or during calendar holidays. Before the Midwinter Festival in Western Dagestan, for example, women gathered: married women, old women, and young girls. Women also often gathered for mutual aid actions. Spinning threads, shelling corn, carding felt, that is, any household work that required such massive labor participation. Sometimes these were closed, women-only “gatherings,” and sometimes girls gathered at some widow’s house and young guys were invited there. It was an opportunity to meet someone, to communicate within the limits of decency and etiquette. And here they needed their own language, well, in order, perhaps, to say something that men would judge you for. A woman is always a woman, maybe she will want to say that this man looks good, handsome, handsome, all that. But I can’t admire someone else’s man out loud! And then a secret language comes into play to tell your girlfriends what cannot be said in front of people. It is possible that the man would not understand the extent of my promiscuity. Because a promiscuous woman is not a good woman.

Svetlana Anokhina

Is it easy to be the wife of a misogynist?

That all men are assholes is an axiom known to women a long time ago. Well, of course, not all men, but very many, think that women are fools. They are fools, but a man with a normal sexual orientation still has no escape from them. We have to adapt, learn to live next to these creatures in skirts.

Guys, you are not alone! For more than two years now, there has been a “Misogynist Club” in Russia that helps men in this difficult matter.
Today the club has about 200 members, and its ranks are growing every day. Moreover, in the very near future, the men plan to register as a political party (fortunately, a presidential decree has come into force, simplifying this procedure). The MK correspondent met with the ideological leaders of the KZhN and found out all the details of the life of their club.

When preparing for the meeting, I honestly expected to see either cruel outcasts, or glamorous gays, or brutal jocks focused only on their bodies. But it turned out that the misogynists are quite pleasant and handsome young men. We met in the VIP room of the capital's sports bar, since that evening there was a match between CSKA and Spartak.

“We have privileges in many Moscow establishments,” says Alexander Romashat, chairman and founder of the club. — In car dealerships, law practices, travel agencies... This is because there are many of us and among the members there are a variety of people.

Alexander himself is a young and promising lawyer. Two years ago he had a tragedy in personal life- the girl said. He worried and suffered for a long time, and then decided that he should not allow any woman to mock himself like that. It is necessary for women to know their place, including in a man’s life. And then he came up with the idea of ​​​​creating a “Misogynist Club”. First, friends joined it, then friends of friends... Today the club already has the status of an international organization: some of its members live in Europe, the USA and Thailand.

— Our meetings are held three times a year. This is what is written in the regulations,” explains Alexander. “And every member is required to attend at least one a year.” My wife didn’t let me in - this is not a valid reason.

- Wait, what wives? You are misogynists!

- Well, of course, “KZHN” is not against women, because we men cannot love other inhabitants of the planet, no matter how much we want. We are more in favor of normal relations between the sexes. Equal. And more often it turns out that in the family the woman rules the roost.

“And if a man cannot pacify his woman, then we do not accept him into our ranks,” military officer Andrei Zhigachev, an active member of the KZHN, enters the conversation. — I have a friend who has been asking to join the club for two years, but we don’t take him. Because he allows his common-law wife to yell at him in front of his friends. She doesn't let him go anywhere alone. We don't need such henpecked people!

A wife is not a wall

The guys said that some now active misogynists at one time came under pressure from women out of ignorance and inexperience. And then the guys had to be rescued by the whole club. For example, when one of their brothers became a father, the young wife immediately took him into her arms and stopped letting him go to friends at all. He could neither play football nor drink beer in the bathhouse. The chairman and several other members had to personally go to the young wife and persuade (demand) to change her attitude towards her husband.

REQUIREMENT #1

A woman should not limit men's freedom! The husband has the right to decide for himself where, with whom and how much time to spend. And having children does not mean that a man should turn into a nanny.

Of course, everything is good in moderation - and men should take part in the life of the family and in raising children. They must be responsible for their family, and this is what misogynists charge them with. But - within reasonable limits!

“For some reason, women are sure that men get together without them solely to cheat with their mistresses,” says Andrei Zhigachev. - But this is not always the case. One day our club decided to hold its next meeting on the Turkish coast. And many wives were indignant: they say, you can’t let a man go to Turkey for a week. Then the chairman and the initiative group posted an official statement on the KZHN website: so, they say, so, we guarantee that there will be no extraneous women at the meeting. And for those who are especially jealous, they promised to take almost second-by-second photographs of their husbands and post them on the Internet. And what do you think? This worked for many women.

To their credit, misogynists also make demands on their fellow men. Like, if you want to be treated on good terms, then please comply.

“Unfaithful husbands are not welcome at KZHN,” says the chairman. - All members know this. For example, one of the club members recently started a family and had a child. My wife has postpartum depression and has more than enough new worries. And the husband met a young girl and went on a spree. We all agreed and stopped communicating with him. We don’t invite you to parties, and we don’t invite you to play poker either. His wife is a good girl, she doesn’t know anything, and we, of course, didn’t tell her about his adventures.

Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

“We helped her,” another community activist, a young successful businessman Evgeniy Karpitsky, enters the conversation. “I don’t have a wife myself, but I have three sisters.” And I know what women need. In short, the baby and I looked after her, and she was able to go to the hairdresser and go shopping.

“And this traitor quickly finished his tricks,” summarizes Alexander Romashat. “Because it may be good with a mistress, but with friends it’s much better.”

A woman's place in the family of a misogynist

REQUIREMENT #2

A woman should treat her man with understanding! If he feels bad because of a quarrel, you can’t play on your nerves and enjoy your power, you need to quickly go to peace. And if she doesn’t do this, it means she doesn’t care about the guy - and she should send such a lifelong friend to hell.

Evgeny Karpitsky is known in KZHN as the most implacable misogynist. This is what they most often say about him: he really hates women. But he himself believes that this is not so, he is simply strict but fair. In addition, he understands better than anyone else female psychology: communication with three sisters affects. And it is he who most often helps guys make peace with their lovers.

“Seryoga had a fight with a girl (by the way, it was his own fault),” says Zhenya, “he was very worried, but the woman turned out to be harmful - she didn’t want to forgive him. And so he is, and so on. And one of the most important functions of our club is to help guys who find themselves in difficult life situations psychologically. We treated him and treated him. They took me fishing and to the bathhouse, but he just won’t come to his senses. We decided that we would have to reconcile them. We assembled a mini-orchestra (I, for example, played the saxophone), learned a serenade and played it under this girl’s window. Snot in sugar, of course, but what to do when a friend disappears. They are still together.

REQUIREMENT #3

Under no circumstances should a wife be rude to her husband in public, argue with him, much less shout or insult him. Husband and wife are one Satan, and all disputes between themselves must be carried out without witnesses.

Misogynists are convinced that a wife should always support her husband in everything, especially in public. And then at home, one on one, you can figure it all out.

A separate topic is the attitude towards money. Girls who perceive their boyfriends solely as cash cows are not accepted by misogynists at all.

“Of course, the husband must support the family,” Evgeniy argues, “but still, the woman must also stand on her own two feet.” And, besides, keep the house in order and not strain me with washing the dishes (I’ll strain myself if necessary).

REQUIREMENT #4

A woman can inspire a man to make money, but she cannot squeeze all the juice out of him. And always help him in the difficult task of supporting his family - if not with his own earnings, then with affection, care and creating home comfort.

The misogynists are a close-knit clan, helping each other in everything: from resolving employment issues to legal assistance in problems with the police and raising money for expensive operations. It often happened that men supported each other in matters of raising offspring. Picking up from kindergarten/school to do homework - no problem.

Activists of the KZHN after its congress. Photo from the archive of Evgeny Karpitsky

“Many of them already communicate with their families, and their children are friends. We have high hopes for this young generation - they will grow up in the spirit of real misogynists,” says Chairman Alexander.

Women and barbecue are incompatible concepts

“Initially, our club was organized as a joke,” recalls Evgeny Karpitsky. “But in two years it grew into something much more.” This is large-scale male mutual assistance and mutual support in all matters. Our immediate plans are to create our own party. It is very fortunate that the president has now simplified the procedure for registering political movements. By the way, if he wants, we will be happy to accept him into our ranks. And we will give out the misogynist’s honorary panties.

- That is?

— Upon joining, all new members of the club are given our branded underpants with the “KZHN” emblem. The main thing is that if you are a misogynist, then you must wear them on your first date with a girl,” Zhenya explains in all seriousness.

The political program of the future party has not yet been fully formed. However, it is already known that misogynists plan to help defend the interests of fathers in the courts.

“Because they are too disadvantaged here, in Russia,” says Alexander. “And women have become bitchy; often after a divorce they don’t give ex-husband communicate with the child.

The misogynists are also planning to ensure that women also undergo compulsory military service. They believe that this will benefit many representatives of the fairer sex, and see this as an important educational moment. And although the guys understand that not everyone will like their ideas, they still plan to find a sufficient number of associates.

One of the most important events in the life of the club is the congress. Where can men go? Of course, go fishing! For two years in a row they have been going to a forest lake near Torzhok. According to the regulations, there are three such events a year. These are not banal drinking parties, this is an organized event where club members are initiated, problems and plans are discussed, arm wrestling championships and the signature game of misogynists - golf with a soccer ball and feet instead of clubs. By the way, morning exercises are required on all days of the congress.

Naturally, there should be no women at these gatherings. This is a purely men's event. Like pre-wedding stag parties, the club arranges them for its members at its own expense.

“And to get out, you just need to declare it,” says Evgeny Karpitsky. “But we no longer accept those who leave.

You can also leave the ranks of misogynists for drunkenness, unworthy behavior, or failure to comply with regulations. And in addition to wearing branded panties on the first date, there are a number of rules. For example, take the club flag with you on vacation abroad and take pictures with it near the main attractions.

This year one thing will happen in the life of the “Misogynist Club” an important event— a change in the current chairman is coming. The founder and ideological leader of the community gets married, but according to the regulations, a married man cannot lead the misogynists. Therefore, back in March, the community began its own election race. There are three candidates: Evgeny Karpitsky, Andrei Zhigachev and the current chairman Alexander Romashat, who still hopes that members of the community will spit on the constitution (regulations) and leave him in power. The elections will be held at the traditional May congress. There will be debates, speeches, election programs, ballots and ballot boxes. Alexander Romashat, now as ex-chairman, will perform the ritual of burying a flag and a bottle of whiskey in a secret place. If he gets divorced, this treasure will be dug up and drunk. And who knows, maybe there, on the picturesque shores of a forest lake, a real candidate for the President of the Russian Federation will grow up.

The problem of smart women
(Artist John McCarthy)
In modern culture, a woman knows very precisely what “woe from mind” is. If creating an atmosphere of responsibility, fortitude, and logical actions around herself is a priority for a woman, then she immediately faces opposition from a fairly large part of men.

Men begin to ignore an intelligent woman, not allow her into their world, and often, to one degree or another, take revenge on her, punish her for the “stupidity” of her intelligent behavior. As soon as a man realizes that with an intelligent woman he will not be able to be a fool at least sometimes, he begins to push her out of his field of vision. I’m not talking about tomfoolery and childishness, an intelligent woman is rich in humor and is not averse to fooling around, but about banal stupidity.

Why do some men not want an honest relationship?

The fact is that a self-respecting woman, and self-respect is a consequence of her intelligence, stops playing typical womanly games with men based on feelings of guilt. She strives to create honest and open relationships, which are often not needed by men, who prefer to expect unreasonable praises from women and unquestioning write-offs of all nonsense.

Men are able to recognize a dangerous mind in a woman literally from her first words or movements. The interlocutor may not even reflect at all, but the nonverbal message of her face, hands, gait, body is very expressive and intelligible.

The mind reveals in a woman new facets of understanding personal beauty, freedom, sexuality, this is a new way to enjoy life. A woman cannot ignore it, so she is unable to hide it. On the other hand, the behavior of a superficial woman is just as expressive and plays on the easy accessibility of contact, while an intelligent woman is not inclined to make deliberately simple what cannot be simple.

How do men behave in the presence of an intelligent and free woman?

The reaction of men to the presence of an intelligent woman is sometimes surprising and funny (when it is not disgusting and rude). They literally don't hear what she says, don't notice her actions. This sometimes surprises them. An idea expressed by an intelligent woman is literally perceived as one’s own, and the woman’s claims to authorship are declared absurd. He may not say hello or turn his back and be sincerely surprised when he notices his “misstep,” which is not far from hidden or overt irritation.

Women's games on feelings of guilt are an adequate, historically established mechanism that ensures women's survival in conditions of physical and social superiority of men. You need to be a little mommy for a man, in some cases take responsibility for his actions in order to cause his infantile behavior. As soon as a man begins to act like a fool, after a terrible scandal, all his idiotic antics are forgiven, and along with this forgiveness, a leash woven from duty, gratitude and guilt is placed around his neck.

Does a smart woman need such an old child?

Stupid men are satisfied with this situation - it gives them a chance not to grow up, not to waste time on sometimes difficult introspection, this makes it possible to transfer responsibility for all failures to “mommy”, and attribute all the merits to themselves. Failures, according to the rules of a woman’s game, are welcomed and are woven with new threads into the leash, providing a stupid but cunning woman with confidence in the future: “I won’t be lost with this idiot.”

But a smart woman does not want to live with an idiot who is afraid of her like fire. More precisely, in an intelligent woman, men are afraid of the obvious need to answer for their actions, first of all, to themselves. It is precisely the fact that you have to answer for nonsense not to yourself, but to “mommy”, that makes the woman’s game of leash so attractive to men. Because “mommy” can be bypassed one way or another (within the limits of the leash), but not by yourself.

An intelligent, free, independent woman is beautiful!

As a result, smart women who have abandoned women's games and are looking for honest relationships find themselves pushed out by society. On the field of sexual public games, stupid but cunning women do not at all perceive smart women as competitors. Smart people do not want to “play by the rules”, and because of this, within the framework of these “rules” that form unfree, dependent relationships between men and women, smart people “lose” - it is much more difficult for them to find a mate.

Which is strange. A woman who does not play women's games is beautiful! You can trust her, she will never test you, because she herself values ​​​​trust. She knows how to understand that forgiveness is much more important. She is no less demanding of herself, or even more, than of you, so you do not need to control her actions. She will honestly tell you the truth not only about you, but also about herself. One can only feel sorry for men who trade their freedom for the right to be a fool on a string. I don’t think that the situation of men’s fear of smart women as a social trend can change soon, although there is a movement towards the maturation of men in society.

Is strength necessary if there is intelligence?

Sometimes there is an opinion that men do not like strong women for the same reason that women do not like weak men. They say that the balance of power in the family should always be unambiguous - the male has the last word and the right to direct and coordinate common efforts.

There is confusion here - strength and intelligence are not at all mutually exclusive concepts, as strange as it may seem to men who justify their desire to have the right to tyranny with physical strength. It's about growing up, about physical age People's goals, values, and meanings in life can change.

A forty-year-old man who retains his teenage values ​​and disgraces himself and his family with a twenty-year-old waitress is pathetic. Equally depressing is the picture of the relationship between a stern, powerful woman and a depressed, balding “big” boy. These are not adults, not free, not developing relationships.

The nature of male and female is completely different and this difference, which forms the basis of the beauty of our relationships, should not be blurred.

The masculine principle is revolutionary, active, it is the movement of a person towards God, it is paving the way in the unknown, it is overcoming and obtaining results.

Feminine evolutionarily, observationally, this is the movement of God towards man, this is a concern for relationships, about space, this is attention to the quality of the process.

Every person has feminine and masculine principles and main secret A long-term relationship is about mutual learning. A man learns from a woman to feel, accept, empathize, he strengthens his results with intuition, a deeper and more multifaceted understanding of responsibility for his actions. At the same time, an intelligent man remains a man - he includes these skills, integrates them, becomes bigger, smarter with them.

A woman learns from a man strong-willed decisions, purposeful activity, the ability to act proactively, logically calculate options and always get exactly the desired results. At the same time, an intelligent woman remains a woman - she includes these skills, integrates them, becomes bigger, smarter with them.

What does a man give up when he refuses a relationship with an intelligent woman?

A man’s refusal to have a relationship with an intelligent and free woman in favor of an easily accessible master of woman’s tricks is a refusal to grow up, to become even stronger with age, to achieve even more significant results, to experience life more fully, to have a bright mind and a deep soul. A man who has overcome his groundless, but seemingly so real fear of losing his power in front of an intelligent woman, gets the opportunity to live a decent, varied life, in which there is room for all of his true masculine qualities wise leadership, responsibility and strong-willed lawmaking.

Women do not like weak men because they are weak-willed and immature. The word “weakness” has no physiological meaning here. Sometimes inside the ostentatious pornographic appearance of a masculine male lives the petty soul of a dependent teenager, striving to hide his moral and intellectual impotence from himself and others. The woman doesn't love weak man because he has not yet grown out of short pants. A man doesn’t love an intelligent woman because he is seriously afraid that his aunt will take off his pants and spank his ass.

Is there a solution to the problem of smart women?

Dear women, who are aware of the intelligence that was so difficult for you! There are three news for you - good, bad and million dollar.

I'm sure smart women would prefer to find out first bad news.

It lies in the fact that there is no complete and final solution to the problem of smart women if you want to solve it regarding a stupid man. There are, however, forms of influence that can give you an advantage and turn the situation in your favor. But if this article is really for you, then you are unlikely to want a long-term relationship with a person with whom communication is so superficial.

Good news is that relatively smart man, who will not force you to sacrifice your adulthood for the sake of your own illusions, there is no such problem as the problem of smart women.

Fortunately, the solution to the problems of growing up cannot be formulated as a short final paragraph to an article in which you were able to recognize yourself and your friends. I repeat - to joy, because it would be sad if life turned out to be so mediocrely simple and monotonous that you and your unique destinies could be opened with a primitive master key.

There is an invaluable experience of men and women living together for a long time and, in the psychological sense of the word, growing together. There are personality types with unique approaches to problem solving. There are new stages of development that introduce new degrees of freedom, from which many questions of the previous stages turn out to be much simpler. There are practices that pave the way for you to achieve your inherent wisdom and genius. There are ways to manage your emotional state, ways to increase your own impact on the world.

A million dollar news is that there is no such clear-cut polarity as intelligence and stupidity. From many years of psychological practice, I know that every person has enough of both. This opens up space for change, for acquiring new skills and abilities that can enrich your life in every sense of the word. I wish you, glorious, beautiful, subtle creatures, many joys that you can receive, albeit difficult, but through exceptionally grateful daily development, and not by giving up who you are.

(c) Balyaev Anatoly.

The most offensive thing a woman can hear is the humiliating phrase: “Woman, know your place!” or “Your day is March 8!” Even if this is said in a joking manner, the essence remains the same: the woman is secondary, she follows the man (serves the man).

We live in a muscular world, in a muscular civilization. This world. Society has been created by men for men for thousands of years. Very rarely does a woman manage to do what she has a calling and talent for. More often she has to choose from a narrow list of “female” specialties. This makes her work joyless and the result minimal. Women's everyday life is monotonous and monotonous. hopeless.

Male civilization has convinced a woman that she has no abilities: “All geniuses are men!”

All geniuses known to mankind are men. It's almost like that. But nothing follows from this! The world would not have known Mozart if it had not been available to him musical instruments. If Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart had been born a woman, his destiny would definitely be “Kinder.. Kirche.. K?che...” And the world would not have recognized the genius. Because this world has no order for women for their abilities.

Believe in kitchen religion

There is a halo above the man’s head: “A man is always right!” And, if men created the world for themselves, then it is very advantageous from a male perspective to assert that a woman’s intelligence is limited, and women have no logic. A man is not interested in female thinking, female philosophy. Men are interested in maintaining dominance over women.

Woman know your place!

What can be said about the intellect and inclinations of a woman in a masculine civilization, where her way of thinking, her values, her vision of the world is denied? A man and a woman run through life side by side. Only, unlike a man, a woman makes her run “in a bag.” Under such “equal” conditions, she will never overtake a man.

The inclinations of thinking cannot be measured. Intelligence can only be judged by results, by the results of activities. The social task operates indirectly, through internal conditions: attitudes, motives, needs, acceptance of the task and self-confidence.

What about self-confidence?

Setting a passive role leads to developmental paralysis. Already in fairy tales girls are instilled with the archetype of passive expectation of happiness in the form of a prince, a hero, a savior.

Tradition and archetype, expressed in fairy tales about endless “women’s” monotonous activities: about the trials of sorting cereals and peas, endless yarn, knitting shirts from nettles - deprive women not of activity in general, but of subjective activity.

Culture excludes women from activity, leading to indifference and indifference; pushes aside personal attitudes and narrows interests. Women of the “wise” East demonstrate very low IQ. Is this an accident? This is a setup.

Does the popular belief that there is some limit to the intellectual capabilities of men and women influence each individual woman? It certainly does, even if she doesn't believe in the theory.

It can't be said that gender stereotypes negatively affect only the female psyche. Civilization dumbens humanity with the help of stereotypes, including gender ones, destroying the creative potential of its development. Again the conclusion about the decline of civilization suggests itself.

The reality is that the social demand for talented people constitutes only a tiny part of the actual creative potential, because women are excluded from this potential.

• Comparing the Motherland with a woman is not accidental. This allows you to keep the conversation to the point.
• The motherland is raped and humiliated in the same way as a woman.
• The homeland is exploited and mercilessly robbed, without any concern for its prosperity and future.
• Many people also believe that a woman’s destiny is to serve the needs and interests of a man, and the meaning of her life and the only goal is exclusively childbearing and motherhood. That is, what its depths can bear and give birth to.
• This is an old church ideological position.
• The meaning and role of Women is much more important!
• Only this, unfortunately, few men understand. And most women don’t know about this. Freeing yourself from delusions and lies is everyone’s right and duty.
• The time has come when it is vital for men to become kinder, and for women to become wiser. Then a lot will begin to change in the life of society.
• I am against manipulation and lies. Especially church ones. It was the church that for centuries killed LOVE between a man and a woman.

Yes, it is true, people are deliberately disoriented. BUT! If a person no longer lives in a somnambulistic dope and WANTS to figure everything out for himself, then he can. Now it has become not only possible, but also simpler than ever before. All information is open. You just need to be able to sift through it and select what is truly valuable.

Facts from life when a man (protector) himself becomes a threat to a woman

Women and girls should not be offended

Don't they know this?

• Men who rape children or women, who beat women, are men with a huge thirst for self-affirmation and dominance, as a means of getting rid of an internal inferiority complex.
• Their main problem is their inability to build normal, harmonious, and even more so, loving relationships with women.
• As a rule, these are unfulfilled men, losers who do not feel superior among their peers, and especially over women. In this regard, they cannot realize their ambitious power desires.
• They strive to feel important and superior. Therefore, the weaker ones become the targets of their violence: children or women.
• They want to suppress and subjugate a woman, feeling that in her eyes they are not respected and loved. They try to achieve a woman's submission through aggression and violence.

Second fact.

• It is religion that is responsible for the distortion of the meaning of sexual love. It was the clergy who formed this “profession” - prostitution, in order to reduce the noble and high mission of Women to the function of service personnel.
• Huge damage has been caused to Love itself. But God is Love.
• They wear this word on their tongues, but they fight Love in every available way, allowing only Puritan marriage or depravity, which they despise, but in fact encourage.
• Religion and prostitution do not just come into contact. In fact, the root basis of prostitution is the religious doctrine of the depravity of the flesh, which there is no need to value - “Prison for the soul.”
• Flesh, Nature, Woman are links in one chain. Contempt for these principles was formed over centuries by the church.

Men are also victims of this centuries-old church ideology, which permeates EVERYTHING. Most people don’t even notice how church phrases about sin and temptation are imprinted into the speech of movie characters, politicians, and ordinary people. All these words and beliefs have long been perceived as axioms that do not require proof. It is in this root basis that the most terrible LIE is hidden. Moreover, this Lie is of such enormous proportions that almost no one sees it.

The culture of the sublime gradually faded away relationship with a woman

For such a culture (tradition) to revive and exist, there must be a whole class of men in society who create and transmit values ​​of the highest order.
And if not a class, then at least a significant group of people who significantly influence public opinion.
Fate comes to a person in person. It comes to a woman in the person of a man, to a man in the person of a woman.

As an illustration of the fierce hatred of women, of that immeasurable spiritual ignorance that, like rust, has eaten away the souls of people. And men first of all.
Such goblins hate and humiliate women, roaming in large numbers not only across the endless networks of the Internet, but throughout the cities and towns of the country. They are building their own goblin world.
This is a world of anger, devastation, poverty, loneliness, illness and total disappointment in life.
They are embittered, cynical, vulgar, primitive and wretched. At the same time, they are full of thirst for self-affirmation and their own importance. They try, first of all, to assert themselves on the weaker ones - women

A lot of them. They invade everywhere, leaving their sticky, stinking traces everywhere. They want to rule the roost.
And if decent people, who have not lost their sense of conscience, nobility, some kind of purity of soul, continue to take an exclusively contemplative position, silently sit in their corners, then these trolls and goblins will fill everything around with themselves and their squalor.
For those who still love someone, it's time to raise their voices in defense of their own lives!
Maya Slavskaya

then women's society was divided into three parts: some were victims, others knew how to manipulate their men, even if only in the in the best sense this word, and still others rebelled and protested in every possible way against this way of life. Then the pendulum swung the whole world to the other extreme, and suddenly women got everything they fought for. But most of them still “ran into it.” And now, women are hired more willingly than men. Moreover, the harder the work, the better women are hired there. A woman has the right to be a man, carry bags, drive piles, drink, swear, smoke, lead a promiscuous lifestyle, and even be the father of her child. All male roles are within the reach of women. And now, quite naturally, the pendulum has swung back again. The women suddenly howled in chorus about their longing “For strong shoulder", they suddenly felt so reluctant to work, and even wanted to be weak and helpless. And many different psychological girls' schools happily began to give women what they so want to hear: “be weak! Let the man decide everything! Leave all the burdens to him! It suits him, but it doesn’t suit you.” And here 90% of women fell into the trap! Just like falling into a hole covered with brushwood.

Problem 1:

A woman gives up her strengths.

Every woman has her own characteristics. And since we are the children of women warriors who often raised children alone, either de facto or de jure. Who could stop a galloping horse or a hot hut, we received a lot of this inheritance. Our generation of women are really strong women. And in different areas, but almost always in "Men's". Some are great at running a business, some are great at moving furniture and carrying heavy bags, some are passionate drivers, and some simply know how to take responsibility. In general, almost all of us are more or less good with responsibility. We were raised as adults: “Don’t believe, don’t be afraid, don’t ask,” and rely only on yourself. And suddenly they tell you “you can’t”, you take the peasant’s bread, refuse! Wear skirts, grow your hair, never make decisions without consulting your husband and always give in to him.

And many of us were forced to give up our strengths, which were not just for survival, but also caused pleasure, were part of the happiness and inner harmony of a woman. For example, I like to move furniture, I know how to give orders. And I also love and know how to manage money. And to take away these three “male weaknesses” from me is to deprive me of happiness. AT LEAST most of it.

What happens when a woman denies herself? Or from your parts? She begins to experience constant tension and anxiety within herself. She
understands that no one will do it better than her, but she has to put up with it. And inside her, a huge aggression accumulates against unsuspecting men who did not ask to renounce themselves. But for which she denied herself. And this is no longer feminine. A woman who sacrifices her pleasures is a woman who cannot radiate happiness and cannot “feed” her family energetically. She is constantly fighting with herself, all her energy is spent on containing her “manly” nature, and there is no energy on maintaining a healthy microclimate in the family. It would seem that she behaves like a woman, just as the coaches said. But they forgot to say “it doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is how you feel!” If you behave like a woman, but inside you are not relaxed, these actions are worthless. A woman brings pleasure from her insides. Her insides should feel high, then the whole family will trample! And health, and prosperity, and love, and everything you want. What to do?

Give room to your true nature.

If you like trousers, wear trousers. If you love hammering nails and not cooking, hammer nails!

One day, realizing that I could no longer pretend, I told my husband: “That’s it, from this day on you are the wife, and I am the husband.” He said "OK." He himself could not cope with the responsibilities of a man; it was easier for him to wash the dishes and vacuum the floor than to go and quarrel with the repair workers. And we consciously switched roles. If you
you can do this in your pair - be sure to try it! It's an amazing experience. It won't last forever, don't be afraid, but you will learn a lot of interesting things! First of all, I finally exhaled. I was able to calmly steer, command, lead and not judge myself for it. Moreover, I stopped waiting for encouragement from my husband, as a wife should. With full rights as the head of the family, I immediately bought all the incentives for myself. And when I felt that everything was in my hands and I didn’t need to convince anyone that I needed this or that thing, that my “wife” agreed a priori with my financial decisions, as a “wife” should agree, I suddenly I felt great respect for my husband. Trust yourself entirely to one person. And I even wanted to give him something that would please him, and I began to give him gifts. Saying “the wife deserves a gift.” I was very pleased with this. And from the skin of “The Man” I suddenly felt this moment why they give gifts. Because first he can satisfy his needs, and if no one bothers him, then this causes great gratitude and respect, “thank you for being with me.”
you trust and allow me to buy for myself what is important to me.” The second discovery that happened to me during this experiment was the understanding of why a wife is needed. In the role of “Husband,” I immediately felt that I could earn money alone and I could spend money alone, and it was not difficult for me to arrange a showdown with anyone (builders, repairmen, business partners). Question: why do you need another person next to you? And I felt very powerfully that a second person called “Wife” was needed for support. Support is when I do what I think is necessary, and my “wife” looks at me with admiring eyes and says, “You’re doing everything right.” That's all! As soon as the “wife” behaves like this, you understand that nothing is impossible in front of you. But as soon as this second person begins minding your own business - that’s it, you don’t even understand why you need a second person who is in the way. For example, I moved a table from one room to another (in general, I really like to move furniture around the apartment and around the house). And my new “Wife” stuck like a leaf with shouts of “you need to pull out the drawers, it will be easier for you.” And I realized that this is the worst thing that a “Wife” can do, I myself know how it’s easier for me, I’m already doing what’s more convenient for me. And if I don’t pull out the drawers, then that’s what’s more convenient for me. And at that moment I realized how many times in the “wife” state it was I who minded my own business, instead of looking with admiring eyes and saying “Oh! you are so strong! You even carry boxes!”

This experience gave me a lot of realization about what we are actually doing wrong with the role of “Wife”. And the understanding came that our strong mothers and grandmothers destroyed
men not because they behaved like men around them, but because they did not respect their men. After all, if you respect a man, then even if he plays the role of “Wife,” you respect him, and appreciate, and thank, and love, and give him your warmth and flow of energy and love. And you will never say “what can you do?”, “Yes, I’m doing everything myself, and who are you here anyway?” No, there is no resentment that he is fulfilling his role. Sometimes I want to teach him a little how to support him. Where he should come up and hug, where he should be silent and look with admiring eyes. But there is no desire to humiliate him. And his role as the second left hand is very clear, which is in the wings, which supports, helps, is present, and admires. The problem of our ancestors is not the incorrect distribution of roles, but the lack of respect for each other. Which often starts with self-disrespect. It’s not for nothing that I started with the fact that I, in the role of “Husband,” first of all went and bought myself what I expected from my husband, being in the role
"wives". A man should be full, satisfied and satisfied. And he himself is responsible for his satiety and contentment. And she doesn’t shift it onto the shoulders of another, as our women are used to doing. “I am everything to him, and he is nothing to me.” Why on earth should someone think about you until you have learned to think about yourself? When you begin to respect yourself, as a consequence you suddenly begin to respect others. Conclusion: dear girls, firstly, do not shift the responsibility for your satiety and contentment to your partner - this is your concern. And secondly, don't be mad that your partner thinks about himself first. This is right. He must first respect himself, then he will remember that you also need to give something good and valuable. Rejoice,
when a man loves himself and buys something for himself. This is healthy behavior. And in order not to get stuck waiting, buy what you need for yourself. A partner is not a parent; he should not provide you with what you need, even if it is necessary for an emotional state of goodness. Gifts – that’s why they are called gifts – because no one is expecting them. This is a surprise, a surprise. And surprise is only possible in the relationship between two well-fed people. Well-fed here, emotionally and in terms of needs. Your needs are your concern.

Problem 2

A woman dumps a responsibility on a man for which he is not ready.

We were told (and are being told) the same trainings: give your man the responsibility for survival, and he will learn to steer your family ship. Rave! It's like giving the steering wheel of a car to three, five or seven year old child. And expect that by the end of the trip he will learn to steer, and you will all remain alive and healthy. Our men were raised by women who did not trust men. Our men, for the most part, are not suited to housekeeping. They are either mama's boys, and their mothers did everything for them, or, on the contrary, those who protest against control and actively lead an independent life, but lead it at the level of children. Show-offs, expensive cars, debts, loans, irrational investments, irrational decisions, etc. With rare exceptions. And so the woman takes it and allows her husband to decide everything alone. And he lands the family ship safely on the reefs. I also had such an experience. We were selling an apartment. More precisely, I didn’t want to sell it. And basically it was in my power to say “no!” and stop all attempts to make a deal. But I thought “this is his apartment, it’s time for him to grow up, let him learn from his bruises.” Yes, he learns from his bruises, but for some reason we had to climb out of the wreckage of the destroyed family ship together. So never give the steering wheel to a man if you understand that he is not yet ready for the responsibility that you are ready for. Here you need to behave very competently. You need to gradually raise a man, delegate him little by little more and more spheres of influence. Give him a new sphere of influence and carefully monitor from afar how he copes. If you can’t cope, offer help and help. And gradually teach him to master new levels of responsibility. If money is a question, let him first learn how to effectively go to the grocery store for dinner, and then you can give him certain amounts of money and certain decisions for his own consideration. But you can’t immediately dump serious tasks on him, like “fill your bumps”, with a person who doesn’t yet know how to manage lower levels of responsibility. A woman should not do everything for her husband, she should give him what he can already cope with 100% and slowly give
what he copes with so far is a little worse. Raising a man means finishing his mother’s work, teaching him to be the helmsman. And if you are luckier, and you were taught this, then why not pass this skill on to your husband. Then after some time, maybe in a few months, or maybe in a few years, you will be able to see how skillfully he copes with tasks that he did not know how to handle before; moreover, his skill clearly surpasses that of the teacher , i.e. you. And it's nice. So before you drink wine and sleep until dinner as a wife, you need to go through the path of training your husband. You don't want to carry everything on yourself - great! Give your husband one kilogram every month. And after a certain number of months, this “everything” will be deftly and easily carried by your husband. But if you throw “everything” at him at once, you will simply bury him under it, he will break physically, mentally, and you will not be very happy with the consequences.

We always meet for a reason. Our husbands and men can do what is bad
it works out for us. And we are what they do poorly. And it is important to respect the gifts that they bring to us. It is generally accepted that a man “owes” a woman financial stability and physical strength. But very often men give us an example of how to be tolerant, wise, sensitive, and responsive. And we should learn this from them.