If you don’t feel like working for the third day, then today is Wednesday.
A condom found by your wife in your coat means buying suitcases.
If you have a headache, it means you have one.
The better the breasts are visible, the worse the face is remembered.
If you curse quietly, it means you have a cold in your throat.
If you have gained 5 kg again in a week, then your best friend recommended this diet to you.
If a woman deceives you, it means she cares about you.
Salt spilled - to a quarrel. Sugar crumbled - to peace. Cocaine crumbled - to enchanting sensations and phantasmagoric visions.
A fork falls - someone will come. A spoon falls and someone's arms are growing out of their ass. A member falls - that’s it, no one is in a hurry. Soap falls - expect surprises.
A cracked mirror means trouble. The elastic band of my panties cracked - to great shame, or, well, to little shame. If the condom cracked, it would be better if the mirror cracked.
If the smoke spreads along the ground, go back and turn off the iron; if it rises in a column, you don’t have to come back.
If it itches left hand- to money, if the nose - to booze, if both - to booze for free.
If HE looks straight into his eyes, then it’s time to take care of his figure.
If the rooks have arrived, it is not a fact that spring has come. It is possible that the rooks did not fly away.
If, looking at a glass of vodka, you cannot solve the dilemma: “Is the glass half full? Or is it half empty?”, drink the contents of the glass, and the solution will not be long in coming.
If young people give up your seat on public transport, do not rush to sing the praises of modern youth, perhaps the youth have arrived.
Cats have a superstition: if a black man crosses the road, you have to run.
If a man gives flowers just like that, it means there is a reason after all.
If you take an umbrella with you, just in case, it won’t rain.
If you take advantage of privileges on your ID, they don’t ask you for it until you forget it at home.
When you catch up with a tram without seeing the number, it turns out that it is not your tram.
The likelihood of meeting acquaintances increases if you go with a person whose acquaintance you would not like to advertise.
If your hard drive crashes, you can restore everything except the most necessary files.
If it rains for two days in a row, it means tomorrow is Monday and you have to go to work.
Low-flying pigeons overhead - for washing.
If vodka is drunk heavily and strained, expect it back!
If you brush crumbs off the table onto the floor with your hand, it means a quarrel with your wife.
If you wake up in the morning wearing boots, it means your head will hurt.
If children go to school dressed up and bring flowers, then soon they will have to dig potatoes.
If there are only two shows on TV that are worth watching, they are necessarily on different channels at the same time.
If you wake up in the morning and don't have to get up, it means you slept standing up.
If you drank well, it means it’s bad in the morning! If it’s good in the morning, it means you drank poorly!!!
If you are driving in a car and you are hit hard, get out and look: if it was hit from behind, your money will increase, and if it hits you from the front, your money will decrease.
If a husband opens the car door for his wife, then it’s either a new car or a new wife.
If, when leaving the room, you catch on the door handle, then be sure to return there.
If circles appear around the sun, it’s time to ventilate the room and wash the windows.
If the dandruff moves, it's lice!
Children's wisdom: if mom laughs at dad's jokes, it means there are guests in the house.
Going to work means money.
If your dog said “Hello master” to you, it means he just didn’t want to scare you with his barking!
If a black cat with empty buckets crosses your path, don’t expect happiness!
It's a bad omen to drive at night... into the forest... in the trunk... in different bags...
If the heating is turned on in houses, it means a thaw. If they turn it off, it means frost.
If you stood up from your left foot on someone's right hand in the morning, then this is a very bad omen. This means there is another day of drinking ahead.
A high IQ level does not mean that you can fill out a tax return from start to finish...
Using an iPhone to illuminate a dark alley is a bad omen...
When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
The fact that meeting a black cat is a bad omen was recently scientifically proven through a series of experiments on laboratory mice.
If you spit over your left shoulder three times, then the probability of getting hit in the head from the left behind increases exactly three times!
When women's bellies become round, men's eyes become square.
An electrician doesn't fall far from pliers.
If members of the entrance exam committee laugh at your answers, this is for the army.
If a man goes left four times, then, according to the laws of geometry, he returns home.
If a woman suddenly becomes silent, it means she wants to say something.
When your hands are dirty, there is always something itchy.
If there's an empty carton of yogurt in the sink, then the spoon must be in the trash...
If you saw a neighbor with a hammer drill on Friday, then get up early on Saturday.
If you can't pick up your phone, you decide to call your best friend from my husband’s phone, and “Sergey Gennadievich - computers” is displayed on the screen - this is a sign of divorce.
If suddenly all the girls began to lose weight, it means spring is coming.
If you throw a stone into the water and don’t see any circles, it means winter has come.
If on Friday evening your husband said that tomorrow morning he would run into the garage for a minute, be sure that you will definitely not go to the theater, exhibition or cinema this weekend.
If you have triplets, that means two of them are the same sex.
If you go to the toilet at work, taking your mobile phone with you, someone will definitely call and ask if it’s convenient for you to talk now...
The better the morning is, the closer it is to Friday evening.
If the admin starts smiling strangely when he sees you, it means you brought your photos with interesting content to work.
Please enable JavaScript to view theToday, almost everyone who has a computer and is connected to the Internet can show off an anecdote, toast or joke at the New Year’s table on the topic of this beloved holiday. One has only to type the appropriate request and the global “network” will “catch” real pearls, pearls of wisdom and humor: a lot of wonderful toasts that will decorate any feast or friendly get-together.
And those who don’t have time to search can take advantage of our collection. Thanks for theseNew Year's jokes and jokes to their authors, we present everything unchanged, so all compliments and complaints to the authors are the sources attached. Take your pick - there are small New Year's stories for every taste.
1. New Year's joke "17 signs of Santa Claus"
1. The door peephole was immediately filled with frosty fumes.
2. The real Santa Claus has blue veins on his hands, while the fake one has blue tattoos.
3. The body temperature of a real Santa Claus does not rise above zero degrees. You can store vodka in it.
4. The real Santa Claus gets to you not on antlers, but on reindeer.
5. He remembers how he returned to Veliky Ustyug last year.
6. A real Santa Claus snacks only on a snowball or an icicle and sniffs it with the Snow Maiden.
7. The real Santa Claus is accompanied by only 1 (one) Snow Maiden. You can't choose.
8. The real Santa Claus never slaps the Snow Maiden on the butt in front of children. He pats her later when he thinks the children are already asleep.
9. The real Santa Claus hates poetry.
10. There is no United Russia emblem on his bag of gifts.
11. If you pull the real Santa Claus’s beard, his head will twitch.
12. He is very kind. Even after a kick he will give you something.
12. If you treat the real Santa Claus to real alcohol, grandfather will be left with a puddle that he won’t even think about cleaning up.
14. After the real Santa Claus, the toilet smells like pine.
15. When he leaves, things don’t disappear from the apartment! On the contrary, they appear.
16. He doesn’t leave behind business cards like “Banquets, weddings, anniversaries!” or “Candidate of Physics and Mathematics Sciences Aisman D. M.”
17. He also believes in Santa Claus.
(Source: "Red Burda")
2. New Year's signs - 1
If the icicle fell not down, but up, it means that your New Year's wish will come true exactly the opposite;
If the needles on the tree turn blue, it means there is no more water for the tree;
If you hear an obscene response to the call “burn the Christmas tree,” it means you tried to set fire to your wife’s green coat;
If on New Year's Day Santa Claus comes out of the closet, it means that today he gave you horns;
If you and your friends went to the bathhouse on New Year’s Eve, it means you won’t be able to wash yourself off for the rest of the year;
If a snowflake falls on your palm and does not melt, you urgently need to drink to warm up;
If Santa Claus demands a gift from you, save money....
(Source: lizoblyudnichat.ru)
3. Funny New Year's advice at the table.
1. If during New Year's Eve you find yourself under the table, remember: you are still an accomplice to the festive banquet.
2. If you are attracted to a dish on the New Year’s table, but it is impossible to reach it, pull the tablecloth towards you.
3. We must not forget that a cultured guest is not one who eats a lot during festive table, but the one who does not notice that there is nothing left to eat.
4. If in New Year's Eve your friend wanted to freshen up, shake the bottle of soda well and kindly offer it to him.
5. If there are no sweets on the table, do not despair, but wrap pieces of cut erasers in candy wrappers - the “sweetness” will not decrease.
6. If your cat has eaten all the holiday fish, roll the fish skeletons in the dough and bake them - the guests who have been playing tricks will be happy.
7. To make the New Year's feast memorable for your guests for a long time, add sawdust and shavings to the salad, and nails to the cutlets.
8. Delay serving the holiday dinner and your guests will find it much tastier, no matter what’s on their plates.
9. To prevent the birthday cake from crumbling, layer it with plywood and cover it with chocolate icing.
10. If the guests have eagerly destroyed all your culinary preparations, leaving no knives and forks, it is time to end the festive banquet.
(Source: babyblog.ru)
4. New Year's signs - 2
How you celebrate the New Year is how you will spend it. To ensure prosperity in the coming year, you should arrange a joyful, welcoming New Year's Eve;
You cannot give money away before the New Year, otherwise you will have to give it away the whole year;
If something happened to a person on New Year’s Day, it will happen for the whole year;
If someone sneezes on this day, then to your well-being - the whole year will be happy;
If you wear something new for the New Year, the year will be successful. On New Year's Eve with new clothes, wear new clothes for a whole year;
The last glass on New Year's Eve will bring good luck to whoever drinks it;
Loaf and salt on the New Year's table - to prosperity;
You should not pay debts on this day, otherwise you will be paying off the whole year;
You cannot borrow money on New Year's Eve so as not to be in debt for the entire next year;
Whoever's pockets are empty on New Year's Day will spend the entire year in need;
There should be an abundance of food and drinks on the New Year's table, then there will be prosperity in the family all year;
Before the New Year, you cannot wash dirty linen in public, otherwise there will be no domestic well-being for the whole year;
If the first day of the year is cheerful, then the whole year will be so;
If there are guests on New Year's Day, then there are guests all year round;
If on the first day of the New Year a merchant gives the goods to the first buyer he meets very cheaply, then the whole year will be a successful trade;
If you do hard work on New Year's Day, the whole year will pass without rest;
(Source: noviy-god-2009.com)
5. Folk New Year's signs.
1. If at 23:50 on December 31 you see two Presidents on TV reading the New Year’s Address, it means that your celebration is going according to plan.
2. If there are one and a half presidents, someone has already hit you in the eye, but the celebration is proceeding at a normal pace.
3. If there are more than three presidents, you were in a hurry somewhere and for some reason.
4. If the President is above you, get up from the floor.
5. If the President makes “faces” at you and makes such funny threats, you have good grass.
6. If the President addresses you personally and shakes your hand through the TV, the second and third stamps were unnecessary.
7. If the President is not visible or heard, someone has already broken the TV.
8. If the President is sitting in a fire, this is a reflection of your New Year tree: put it out and don’t buy Chinese garlands anymore.
9. If the President is alone, and you understand what he is talking about, you are very, very bored, but remember: everything can still be fixed!
(Source: wap.razhuka.borda.ru)
6. "Women's letter to Santa Claus before the corporate party."
Dear santa claus!
This New Year I would like everyone to become kinder, and for me to become more beautiful.
There will be time - make men smarter. But if you don’t have time, then just send me a twenty-five-year-old ski instructor. In general, Jake Gyllenhaal will do for me (This is about the same as Brad Pitt, only younger.) The guy from the cologne advertisement is also not bad - the one who runs naked around the apartment, kicks a pillow, and then sits in a chair and eyes like that stare-stark!
However, I digress. I want to ask you for another new metabolism. The one from the cormorant will suit me - this bird manages to eat more in a day than it weighs itself, but does not gain weight at all in its hips. In my opinion, this is unfair. Slender hips are much more necessary for women than for some cormorants.
Of course, I convince myself that if I eat bread for breakfast that tastes no different from the wrapper in which it is packaged, sooner or later I will turn into Kate Moss. But we both understand, dear Grandfather, that this is not so. Therefore - cormorants. Remember.
Now about the hairstyle. Make it so that I don’t have to shell out five thousand rubles to the hairdresser every time so that two days after the haircut my hair again takes on its original tousled look. I'm tired of explaining to people that I don't sleep in a cage with rabid hamsters.
Epilation. Grandfather, do you even know how painful this is? I don't argue, there are a lot of advantages to being a woman. You will be the first to be lowered in a boat from a sinking ship (not a fact, but it is common to believe in it). You don't need to straighten your genitals in front of everyone. You can digest food with your mouth closed. You can scare men with mysterious gynecological terms. But an endless civil war with your own hair on the entire surface of the body, except the head, is unbearable. Or give us all a device that would quickly and painlessly remove everything unwanted hair, or introduce fashion for shaggy women.
Further. Underpants. This is serious women's problem, to which even Bridget Jones at one time attracted attention. It's always difficult with panties. Always, every day, you have to make a decision: thongs, slimming, comfortable or no panties.
Shapewear has been preserved since the Inquisition, when women were offered the choice of fire, boiling lava or squeezing their insides using polyamide and elastin. In this vestment it is difficult to breathe, dance and take seductive poses. You can only think about one thing: “When the hell will this torment end?”
It's not easy with thongs either. The thong cuts into you know where, it pricks, and because of them you have to constantly itch like a macaque in a zoo. The only difference is that the macaque does it in public, and you deliberately touch the tables, chairs and hands of men.
Panties with frills, lace and other sexy decorations are also far from ideal. Maybe it’s precisely because of all these inconvenient devices modern girls they agree to have sex so quickly: they met, drank a cocktail and - voila! - She is already undressing. Still would.
Comfortable cotton briefs are made for people, but they don't look aesthetically pleasing. And usually the size of a small developing state. We have to constantly remember that if a girl in comfortable shorts is hit by a car, then all the orderlies at the morgue will come running to look at her: “Those are parachutes!”
In general, come up with something, you are Santa Claus. Make comfortable panties beautiful, delicious food low-calorie, and handsome men heterosexual
(Source: galya.ru)
7. "Monologue of Santa Claus" - 1.
Oh, what a huge house - this is my plot,
I go to him with a bag - Santa Claus is unhappy,
I have a red nose, a beard made of cotton wool,
Guys, I'm Santa Claus - hired for a fee!
My wife is waiting for me at home, my children are crying at home,
How I wanted New Year meet them together ,
That’s the only way the local committee decided - Peter Tryasoguska,
Now I’m walking with a bag - I have a load!
Here is apartment number one and a call without a tag,
Hello! I came to you, where are your children!
What's happened? No children? Why are you right?
Sign quickly, not here, but on the right.
They put something in my pocket. Three rubles. What are you talking about!?
Vodka? No, I don’t drink guys - I don’t tolerate alcohol!
Why if not your own? We are all just people
Well, let's go one at a time.. Oh, let's celebrate the holiday!
Here is apartment number two... Hello kids
If you feel dizzy, sign the book.
Get Bab Yaga for your girlfriend
No, I can’t do a dog, but I can do two guns.
They put something in my pocket... Three rubles? Let's!
No, guys, I don’t drink vodka. Anyway, pour it!
Here is apartment number three. No matter how it falls,
Open, I say... Grandfather Marasmus is knocking!
Feel free to invite your children here! You hold a candle!
Give me five rubles! Pour vodka!
Give me something to eat. Just hurry up
Yes, let me sit at the table, ugh, only Jews.
Here is apartment number - firm. Open quickly!
I'm Moidodyr guys, coming to you from the team.
Why are you hiding baby? Give me the way
Stop, dad, where you are! Oh, there are a lot of you here!
The bridge of the nose hurts, and under the eye it swells
Who am I? Leshy? Aibolit? Where am I lying? In the kitchen?
And come on, without threats, just keep quiet for a while.
Hello Dedushka Moroz! Bring a basin!
(Source: playcast.ru)
(On the same topic there is in the collection
8. Anecdote at the table "Features of the Russian New Year."
31th of December. 
So, I finished cutting the Olivier salad, the chicken was ready, the mashed potatoes were ready, I washed the fruit, cleaned the apartment, ironed my dress, washed my head, shaved my legs. Christmas tree, you creature, if you fall again, I’ll feed you to a mad cow! Well, where are you, dear guests, I’m just on holiday New Year's mood- Come on, damn it, sit down, eat!
Well, what about the New Year? Chin-chin!
1st of January.
Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sorcerers, midshipmen, Verka Serduchka,
I wonder which guest locked the cat in the dishwasher?
Fridge. Sofa. Sofa. Sofa.
January 2.
Hello, dear guests! You have martinis and tangerines, I have Olivier and a Christmas tree. Happy holiday! Christmas tree, creature, stop! Otherwise I'll feed you to the mad guests.
Have you seen the cat?.. Strange. Here's to the new year!
January 3.
Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sofa.
Ale, hello! To you?
Well: you have to make these movements: Well, okay, I’m going. Do you still have any food left? Ok, then I'm done with martinis and tangerines. I propose a toast: well, you know!
4 January.
I am made of Olivier, and instead of a brain I have tangerines. We need to take a break, go for a walk, drink some mineral water:
Oh, hello! What destinies? They were running past and decided to stop by, grab some vodka and warm up? Well, come on in: For the New Year? Well, let's.
I saw how a cat climbed into the dishwasher by itself and locked itself from the inside - it should be done with the holidays.
5 January.
Mom, dad, hi. Happy New Year to you, dears, all the best to you!
Mom, have mercy, if I eat your jellied meat, I will go straight to your holiday table or my stomach will burst through my ears. No!
No salads! I'm pregnant with Olivier - do you want such a grandson? Well, leave me to breathe quietly into the aisle and regret my worthless life:
I’ll drink champagne, but only as a painkiller - I know that I won’t get out of your table alive!
6th January.
Today is Christmas Eve, we need to celebrate Holy holiday as expected!
So, I finished cutting the Olivier salad, the chicken was ready, the mashed potatoes were ready, I washed the fruit, cleaned the apartment, ironed my dress, washed my head, shaved my legs.
Hello, dear guests, come in: leave the tree lying, it, like the whole country, is in hibernation.
Well, happy upcoming year to you! Don't pour it for me! Well, if only a little, symbolically: Here’s to Christmas! And for the new year, of course. Is Christmas more important?
Well, let's do it again for Christmas! And for the New Year, so that he won’t be offended by us. Let's celebrate Christmas and the New Year together so that no one is offended?
Let's!
Jan. 7.
Sofa. Sofa. Sofa. I need to collect my thoughts and remember where the refrigerator is in my house.
January 8.
Ale, hello! Are you coming to tell fortunes to me? Well, come on: Just don’t bring a martini, otherwise I’ll throw up on my betrothed.
I’ll get married this year, give birth to a child, go abroad - an excellent result! You need to drink to this. There is vodka and mineral water - I suggest continuing the fortune-telling, I still need money next year and health to survive the holidays!
I propose a toast: yyyyy
January 9.
So, that's it, I have to go to work tomorrow, it's time to come to my senses. Cat, come out, I won't do it again!
Hello, are you coming to see me again? Listen, I have to go to work tomorrow, have a conscience! Will you have tea? With cake. Did you bring cognac? Well, okay, a teaspoon in tea - and no more! Here's to the new fucking year.
Wow, what delicious tea! Who else should I pour?..
January 10.
So: This is mine workplace. The only question is - who do I work for? I must have it somewhere job description:
How scary to live!
(Source: vk.com)
9. "How to have fun celebrating the New Year (in the style of Oster)
If you want to celebrate the New Year cheerfully and brightly,
Don’t stare blankly at TV and not fall asleep at one in the morning.
Dress up as Santa Claus and run outside,
And boldly block the path of good people!
Loudly demand gifts, trip them up while laughing
And it’s not at all make-believe that you stuff them into the bag.
If anyone wants to pass by, grab him by the coat
And read loudly a vulgar poem about the Snow Maiden.
Then they will bury you in a snowdrift, call you discordant names,
They will put a firecracker in your ear and pour confetti into your mouth.
And then, I assure you, you will not be bored at all,
And you will find out how fun this holiday is - New Year!
10. "Why Santa Claus doesn't exist"
1. Not a single Reindeer can fly. But to be honest, we haven't studied 300,000 living beings yet. And most of them are bacteria.
True, this does not mean that one of the creatures cannot be a flying Reindeer
(watch the tale about the Reindeer)
2. There are 2 billion children (people under 18 years of age) living on earth. Grandfather
Frost does not come to the children of Muslims, Hindus, Jews and Buddhists. Therefore, 81.1% can be rejected. That leaves 378 million children. Let's say that each family has 3 children.
That turns out to be 126 million families. Let us assume that each of them has only one good child, deserved a gift.
3. Due to time differences and the movement of the earth, Santa Claus has 31 hours to deliver gifts, if we assume that he moves from West to East (which is logical).
It turns out that he must visit 1129 families per second. So he can only spend 1/1000th of a second stopping, getting out of the cart, jumping into the fireplace, putting the gift in, climbing back through the fireplace, getting into the cart, and flying to another house. Let's say the distance between houses is 0.78 miles, then he only needs to travel 75.5 million kilometers. But we have not yet taken into account that in 31 hours Grandfather must also do what all normal people do: eat and relieve himself. To do all this, you need to move at a speed of 650 miles per second. For comparison, the fastest car ever invented by man (the Ulysses satellite) moves at 27.4 miles per second, and the average Reindeer moves, at its fastest, at 15 miles per hour.
4. Now let's look at gifts. If every child got a box
A medium-sized LEGO (1.8 kg), it turns out that the cart itself weighs 314,100 tons, not counting Santa Claus, who is rumored to be very, very fat. An ordinary Reindeer lifts 150 kg. Let's say that the Flying Reindeer are ten times stronger. Then we need 214,200 deer, and not 6-8, which, again, according to rumors, he rides. And the more deer, the heavier the cart. It turns out 353,430 tons with deer. For comparison: The ship Queen Elizabeth is four times lighter.
5. The result is that a body weighing 353,000 tons moves at a speed of 650 miles per second. The frictional force generated by this movement ignites the Reindeer. At the same time, each Deer releases 14.3 quintillion energy, which burns both the Deer and the cart. We get that the Deer and the cart are destroyed in 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Conclusion: If Santa Claus existed, then he is most likely already dead...
Popular wisdom says that how you celebrate the New Year determines whether this year will be good or sad. Listen to New Year's folk signs and beliefs, and then in the new year trouble will pass you by.
On New Year's Day, knock on the threshold with an ax and say: “Life, health, bread.”
If a fly flies into your house in the middle of winter, then lightly tap the glass and say the following charming words: “Every time has its hour, But this trouble is not for us.”
If on the first day of the new year someone told you about someone's death or you met a funeral procession, then you may have a dead person in the new year. In order to ward off trouble, you need to cross yourself and say: “There are not three or seven fingers on your hand. Get away from me, dead man, completely! Key, lock, tongue. Amen. Amen. Amen".
On the first day of the new year, you need to make sure that no stranger not only lies down on your marital bed, but does not even sit down, otherwise your spouse will cheat on you in the new year.
A pregnant woman, sitting at the New Year's table, should be the first to start eating, then she will easily and quickly give birth.
If a mother on New Year or Christmas says about her newborn: “Why do I need him?” or other words indicating an unwanted baby, then God will take that child.
A woman breastfeeding a baby should not invite guests to her home to celebrate the New Year. otherwise her child will be restless all year.
If twins are born on January 1 of a leap year, forty alms must be given, otherwise the fate of one child may be unhappy.
A mosquito dancing in the house after January means loss of peace in the family. To avoid this, you need to kill him and say: “Whoever rode took it upon himself. Amen".
Under no circumstances should you do laundry on the last day of the year, so as not to “wash” those who live with you. The same ban applies to washing the floor five minutes before the New Year - you risk “washing” someone out of your home forever.
Whoever sprinkles milk on his threshold on New Year's Eve will be full and rich all year. When splashing milk on the threshold, you need to say: “There are so many droplets in the milk. That would bring me a lot of joy!”
You should never do anything important on December 28th. You can't get married and get married. You cannot move from one residential place to another. Do not get a job or service on this day. Don't enter into contracts. This day will ruin everything, and no matter what you do, everything will be wrong, because December 28th is a cursed day, the day of the massacre of infants. People born on December 28 will be unlucky unless they are talked out of all their troubles.
The old people firmly remembered that you cannot celebrate the New Year sitting at the same table with the number of people corresponding to the last two digits of the coming year. For example, if you are celebrating 2015, then you should not invite so many guests that there are 15 people at the table together with the hosts.
They say that dishes break for good luck, but, alas, not at the New Year's table. If you or your guests broke dishes on New Year's Eve, you don't need to throw them in the trash as usual; this time you will have to bury the pieces, otherwise there will be scandals in your house all year long.
It has long been noted that if on New Year's Eve a cat lambs in the owner's house, a dog whelps, or there is any other offspring on the farm (calf, lamb, kid, foal, etc.). then under no circumstances should a newborn animal be given the same name (nickname) as that of family members, otherwise this person will certainly die in the same year. For example, if there are people in the family named Boris. Basil. Maria, etc., then it will not be possible to call cats, dogs, pigs, horses, etc. by the names Vaska. Borka, Masha, etc.
If a bird knocks on the window with its beak, it foretells a funeral in the new year. To avoid this, say immediately: “Fly, trouble, with a light feather from my window. Away from my doorstep and onto the road. Key, lock, tongue. Amen".
On the third day of the New Year, one does not borrow money from someone who has the same name. how are you. Otherwise you will give away your luck.
On the third day of the new year, avoid wishing for health - everything you say will happen the other way around.
Do your legs hurt? Buy white wool socks on the third day of the New Year and don’t take change from your purchase. The person selling socks should not be younger than you. Socks bought today will help you in your trouble - your feet will stop hurting.
Anyone who cuts off their hair on the third day of the New Year will lose the thickness of their hair.
All sins committed by you on January 3 will be passed on as a debt to your children. Don’t promise or swear anything today, otherwise everything you have in mind will turn out to be empty.
On January 3, you should not peek through a crack or keyhole, otherwise your eyes will hurt, and eavesdropping can lead to hearing loss.
No surgical operations are performed on the fifth day of the New Year. If possible, it is better to reschedule the operation for another day. Today you should not pay off your debts, otherwise you will have to borrow money more than once.
Be careful on January 5th with sharp objects. If you cut yourself, the wound will not heal for a very long time.
On January 5th, read the Bible and pray to the Mother of God, magnifying Her deeds. Clean your house and yard in preparation for the birthday of the Savior of the world.
Anyone born on January 5 after sunset will definitely emerge victorious from all life's troubles. Anyone who hems his hem on this day will shorten his life by a day.
It is considered a good sign if two people are the first to enter your house in the New Year, this means that nothing bad will happen to you this year.
When the first guest enters your home on New Year's Eve, ask him: “A lot or a little?” If the guest answers “a lot,” you will live comfortably this year, and if he says the word “few,” then in the coming year you will have nothing but losses.
On New Year's Eve, wash your face and pour this water into a mug. Place this mug in the cold. If in the morning you see smooth surface, then you will live for a long time. If there is a hole inside the mug, you will die soon.
Whoever dreams of not aging for a long time should bring a basin of clean snow into the house on the first day of the New Year, melt it and wash with this water with the words: “Water from the sky will fix everything. And me. servant of God (name), will add beauty to her white face. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen".
On New Year's Day, tap the table with a spoon and say: “Just as the table is full now, it would be full all year.”
Be careful on the first day of the new year from morning to lunch. “Whoever is in a hurry these days breaks bones and sheds blood” - that’s what our grandmothers said.
On the first day of the New Year, everyone in the family spoke without raising their voices, so that there would be no quarrels and scandals in the new year. They wished each other health and prayed to God, because as the year begins, so it will be.
If on January 1st you find three unmarked graves in a cemetery and at each of them, bowing, say: “People don’t know your name, clan, tribe, so that I won’t know poverty for a whole year!” - then the coming year will be comfortable.
On the second day of the New Year, tie a knot on a towel for good luck with the words: “how I easily tied this knot, so that all my dreams can easily come true.”
On January 2, throw a handful of seeds to the birds and say: “I feed you birds. And God will feed me. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen". Whoever does this, God will not allow him to experience hunger and need.
On January 4th, people usually have dreams that portend trouble. To reprimand bad omen, read before you wash your face, a special spell: “The night has come, the night has gone. So you, bad dream, go away. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen".
A holiday that children and adults look forward to, because it couldn’t be more fun and magical. In Europe and America, on all continents of the Earth and in many countries and cities since ancient times, namely since the times of ancient Rome, there have been traditions that are symbols of the New Year, according to which the coming year is celebrated in a certain way.
About signs and traditions
New Year's signs and superstitions are what envelop this holiday in romance. Everyone, even a very adult and serious person, on the eve of the celebration becomes a little child who believes in all the signs. He begins to notice the most incredible of them, which will tell him how the next year will go. Those who strictly followed all the traditions can count on the fact that success will soon begin to accompany their affairs.
Our country has its own rules. New Year's traditions in Russia are very rich and varied, even though this holiday was borrowed. Today it is celebrated all over the world, so there are signs different countries. Considering that New Year Since people have been celebrating it for many centuries in a row, they have accumulated considerable experience in its celebration. Vintage new year traditions penetrated into every family and are carefully passed on from generation to generation. It is useful to join the experience of different cultures and peoples, so that this time all the bad things are truly left behind, and only pleasant surprises await ahead.
New Year's signs for December 31 and January 1
breaking dishes - to a quarrel;
quarreling at the table - to bad luck in all endeavors;
to be inhospitable - there will be no money;
leaving the table meager means poverty;
throw food away New Year's table- there will be no luck.
New Year's signs will tell you what you must do on December 31 to attract good luck for the whole year:
buy a new broom, place it with a whisk up in the corner of the kitchen, decorate with a red ribbon;
hang a wreath above the front door;
put a glass of wine and salad for the brownie;
before guests arrive, light candles in the rooms;
ask everyone for forgiveness and forget your grievances.
Choose what you like
We look at the most common New Year's signs and traditions. Therefore, before choosing what is interesting to you, you need to familiarize yourself with each ritual and master it - to become a little wizard yourself. And only what will be to your liking are those future New Year’s traditions that will suit a particular person or family. So, let's begin to attract good luck and happiness into our home.
Many New Year's traditions in different countries dictate that on a festive night there must be a banknote in the right pocket of one's clothes. And the greater dignity she has, the more she will attract next year. After all what is money? In the material plane it is just paper with watermarks, but in the metaphysical plane it is energy. And the higher the denomination of the bill, the more energy it has. And, as with any energy, the law of attraction works. Money reaches for money! The larger the bill you keep in your pocket, the greater the likelihood financial luck in the coming year. Well, when correct positioning issue, a banknote saved in this way on New Year’s Day will also be a serious help in celebrating Christmas.
Celebrating the holiday in new decoration is also a New Year's sign. Buying yourself a dazzling outfit, having received great pleasure from its acquisition, is a kind of summing up the financial results of the year: “Yes, I was so successful (successful) that I can afford it!” The results of the New Year are summed up not only by people, but also by the Universe. She calculates her income and prepares to distribute bonuses according to her merits. New outfit for everyone it is a symbol of success in the past year and a message for achievements in the coming year. Therefore, do not spare money on outfits! The positive that comes with it will multiply hundreds of times next year. And this is worth a lot. And make, make wishes - they will certainly come true!
Purely about money
And these are money New Year's signs - to pay off all debts before dark on December 31st. Pay off your debts and sleep peacefully. Although in modern world, perhaps this should not sound so clear. Needs to be analyzed financial condition at the end of the year. Summarize, remember all the debts that were not paid on time, and get rid of them. If we are talking about a long-term loan, and interest is regularly paid on it, then you don’t have to worry about it at all. This is not a debt that necessarily needs to be paid off on New Year's Eve. You just need to equalize the family budget, and let this become an annual tradition for someone.
In order for the money to come into the house, you need to take something out of the door on December 31st. Let it stand there for a day - it’s like paying tribute to the old year, and with the onset of a new year, you need to bring it back.
Something that always comes true
There are signs that can be considered a guide to action, and their logic is quite understandable and acceptable. Many of them, in different interpretations, are used as New Year traditions in different countries. They help change your life for the better in the new year, improve your financial condition, and attract good luck. Here they are, all six, in order:
clean the house, throw away all old trash and garbage;
set a rich table;
use a white tablecloth;
put coins under it;
light seven green candles;
make wishes as the chimes strike.
Let's look at each of them in detail.
Over the past year, a huge amount of all sorts of unnecessary rubbish and garbage has accumulated in any home, no matter how diligently they clean it. This trash attracts negative, destructive energy of stagnation. It makes people apathetic, deprives them of vitality and the ability to create. New Year's signs prescribe to get rid of it, so that a fresh breath of air in the form vital energy Qi burst into life and made it complete. Therefore, a few days before the holiday, you need to start clearing out the rubble, cleaning your house, that is, putting it in order.
Promising happiness to the family hearth
A white tablecloth on the table is a symbol of purity and readiness for change, the arrival of good luck in the house. Coins under the tablecloth - cash flows during a year. Seven green candles represent a home: green is the color of monetary luck, and fire is the activator of its energy.
Well, the most important thing is to make wishes during the chimes! They need to be made differently. Real and incredible - it's the New Year! Whatever you wish will always happen! After all, at the same time as you, a great many people make wishes and send them into the Universe, and this is a very powerful energy of collective desire. Everything always comes true!
For family, happiness and love
And yet, not by bread alone... Many New Year traditions in Russia are not associated with material well-being and money. This is not the only thing Russians dream about on New Year's Eve. Family happiness, love, health and well-being of relatives and friends are important for people.
And in this regard, there are New Year's signs and superstitions regarding the celebration of the holiday in family circle. Only close and dear people. Under no circumstances should ill-wishers or enemies be invited. Only those who will wish happiness. Then you can continue hanging out with whoever you want and wherever you want. But when the chimes strike - only with people dear to your heart. And here, as signs of the New Year, couples in love give each other the first kiss, while spouses kiss last. If a child wakes up on New Year's Day, let him stay at the festive table. This way you will maintain mutual understanding with him.
If a girl has a desire to get married in the New Year, a good New Year's omen for her is to give gifts to seven children. This activates the energy of the family.
Particularly good for health
There are also those New Year's signs and traditions that are paid tribute in the old fashioned way. If you want to be healthy for a whole year, it is imperative and simply necessary to take a bath or shower just before the celebration in order to wash away the energetic dirt of the past year and prepare your body and energy to perceive something new in life.
It is very correct to observe Christmas post, if the person is a believer and an Orthodox Christian. This is not only a spiritual need - the lack noisy companies, contrary to the very spirit of fasting, overstimulating nervous system during this period, but also benefits for physical health person - the absence of excessive alcoholic libations and overeating.
Happy New Year with a smile
Eat new year rituals, which must be done immediately before the chiming clock, and since there are several of them, the desire to do everything in time to attract good luck and money will turn into a very fun marathon. It might even be worth practicing the day before. So, the funniest New Year's signs:
have time to peel a tangerine or orange before the clock strikes and put it under the tree;
have time to drink a glass before the chimes strike, and if you are the last to do so, your luck this year;
wish for a lot of money over a coin, throw it into a glass of champagne, drink it, and make a pendant out of the penny and wear it around your neck all year;
write a wish on a piece of paper, burn it, throw the ashes into a glass of champagne, drink it all while the chimes strike;
if something unusual happens on New Year's Eve, it will happen to you all year;
and under no circumstances should you throw a Christmas tree out of a window or balcony, especially on New Year’s Eve - family happiness will be destroyed.
If you approach the issue wisely and tell your guests in advance about such “100%” effective methods, then by 12 at night you can witness funny puns.
And finally
This is why the New Year is valuable because with a smile and slight sadness you can look back at the passing year, emerge from the whirlpool of bustle and, before crossing the threshold of the coming one, look back. Thank the Universe for what you have experienced, ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself, take stock and outline plans, and most importantly, do not forget to ask for blessings for the coming year. The expectation of a miracle and magic must appear on the doorstep with the last chime of the chimes.