First love is a feeling considered by many to be the most powerful and sincere emotional experience of the entire spectrum available to a person throughout life. The first feeling of falling in love begins in most cases under the influence of a hormonal surge, but thanks to the novelty and brightness of what is happening, it gives rise to the illusory feeling that first love is forever. This is an elevated and even magical state that motivates a person to think about the happiness of another, adds energy, imagination and optimism. All systems of the body work in an increased mode, thanks to which lovers are able to perform actions bordering on heroic deeds (not sleeping for days, not eating, walking a distance of tens of kilometers). Cognitive functions also increase, but only in relation to the object of love (that is, calculating the time of two people’s schedules so as to carve out an extra minute for a meeting is easy, but solving an equation for the second grade can cause difficulties).
First love is a stage of initiation and contains the most valuable life experience, which is not erased from and is capable of influencing the future life of the individual, as well as the development of interpersonal relationships.
People deal with their first love and the memories of it differently. Someone will want to return those bright feelings, someone will bask in the memories, and someone prefers not to remember and not meet. It all depends on what the first love was filled with and how it ended.
What is first love?
First love is a unique stage in personality development, which helps to form the ability to accept another. A common reason for the end of the first strong feeling is precisely the intensity of passions. In such a state, a person notices only his own new ones, and does not love another; he rather loves his own emerging state, attitude, love itself. The object of love is not much noticed, only one’s own need for it is felt. Going through the experience of falling in love for the first time teaches you to notice and care about another person, express your feelings in the most acceptable form, show attention and the ability to build contact, dialogue, and spending time together.
First love leaves an imprint on what partners a person will choose in the future, and what scenarios he will adhere to when building a relationship. If the experience was painful, but it was not possible to draw constructive conclusions and appropriate the experience gained, then there is a high probability that a person will transfer this unlived experience into his future life (choose similar partners, continue to make the same mistakes). Such actions are unconscious in nature and are aimed at resolving a situation in the past, trying to recreate it until the desired positive result appears.
Any situation tends to end, and it is better to return to unlived feelings, see what this person and the experience of the past teach you, in order to have more power over your own emotional life in the future. It is unspoken words of love or an unlived breakup that can push you back into the arms of a person who has simply used or has changed significantly over time, but these changes will not allow you to see his image frozen in yours.
When does first love come?
The first words that first love has appeared begin to leave the lips in kindergarten, when the time comes for the next stage of sexual development and the child notices the difference between boys and girls and acquires his own gender role. No one takes it seriously to call this feeling love, despite the baby’s promises to “marry Masha,” and for the lover himself the object very easily changes. This is not love yet, but training in managing social roles, trying on a new image, studying the reactions of others in the light of new information.
First love and its beginning roughly coincide for many people, and this is a natural phenomenon caused by hormonal changes and the completion of the process of puberty. Such loves have a chain reaction in adolescence, and soon after the first couple it turns out that everyone is in love.
At the ages of 11 to 16 years, sexual desire is realized, which, due to the lack of experience of these experiences, is confused with first love. Also, due to age characteristics, one of the basic needs of a teenager is recognition and the desire to be liked. Against the background of sharp fluctuations in mood and the division of all life events into excellent and terrible, and people into friends and enemies, it is easy to succumb to the illusion and decide that first love is forever, only thanks to the approval of a certain person and the novelty of sensations.
If relationships arise on the basis of sincere feelings, and not the desire to merge with a crowd of peers who are already mired in Shakespearean passions, then torment and anxiety associated with the analysis of one’s own behavior follows. Many complexes and psychological barriers, a lack of experience in building relationships add unnecessary discomfort to an already confused lover.
What many consider first love should rather be taken as falling in love, since this feeling is dictated mainly by physiological needs, not spiritual ones. That is why the first loves end in separation, because a person develops, begins to take a closer look at his companion, when the hormonal storm subsides at least a little and often discovers next to him a person who is far from the ideals, values and aspirations inherent in his own soul.
True love comes after this hormonal explosion. When there is already an interest not just in emotions, but in the personality and thoughts of the chosen one, when experience of interaction with the opposite sex has been gained, and when new knowledge about oneself has appeared. Usually this happens at the end of school or the beginning of college, but it all depends on the person, his personal characteristics, and his readiness to open up to others.
Those who have had the traumatic experience of teenage love may close themselves off from romantic feelings and not have relationships and feelings for a long time. Those who experienced it more or less positively and took into account the mistakes they made, dust themselves off and begin to love.
When does first love come? First love flares up against the backdrop of common hobbies or spending time together; it may be mutual and lead to marriage, or it may not be mutual. In any case, this is a step in the development of one’s own personality, be it the ability to show one’s care for a person, support, development of the skill of resolving conflict situations, or self-development, the goal of which is initially to please the object of love, and the result can be very different. And if a person is not able to see the next stage of development in what is happening, but immerses himself in, closes himself off from the world, stops taking steps forward and regresses, then the question may arise of how to forget his first love after many years.
How to recognize love at first sight?
Love at first sight can occur in a fifth of a second, and this speed of inspiring feeling is due to hormonal release and is not a rare occurrence. There are several reasons for the existence of such a mechanism, and the first of them is genetic, based on the fact that for the appearance of healthy offspring a certain genetic compatibility is needed, which is calculated in these few moments, and accordingly, the stronger the sympathy, the better the genetic match for the continuation of a strong and enduring life. sort of possible. Analysis of physical and intellectual capabilities is useless here; everything happens at the level of smell and pheromones. Another reason for the emergence of quick love is the similarity of the faces of the lovers (the person seems familiar in advance, which inspires trust) and the goodwill of the mood, the interest of the object of love in the other. By approximately the same principle, it is likely to quickly fall in love with someone similar to your parents, even if only in a few features.
So it’s worth taking a closer look at your chosen one with a cool head and looking to see if you have anything in common besides a successful combination of chromosomes. Assess the degree of similarity between your level of education, life, and cultural preferences, because it may turn out that you will have nothing but great sex to share due to an insurmountable cultural gap. Decide what kind of relationship you expect, and if it is something light and short-lived, then physical attraction will be enough; if you are looking for a serious romance, then you will have to take a closer look.
Love at first sight has its own advantages, such as the absence of searching for a partner, comparisons, disappointments and long grinding. This is where negative aspects can lie in wait, because if you rush and don’t get to know the person better, the likelihood of divorce increases. Such little things as everyday life and habits, religious and political views seem unimportant only in the wake of an emotional upsurge, which will certainly subside and it would be good at this moment to be in the same apartment with a person who shares your goals and principles.
Love at first sight requires endurance and the ability to keep your emotions under control. You shouldn’t rush and overwhelm the object of your feelings with confessions, even absolutely sincerely; such behavior is alarming and makes you think about frivolity.
It happens that love at first sight and its rapid occurrence is due to prolonged loneliness or being among those who are not interesting or from a different circle. This state is insidious because the image of a person is invented and hung on a new acquaintance, while the real state of affairs is not possible to notice. Take a break, clarify things that are obvious to you, check whether this is the person he is or whether you just invented him that way.
How to forget your first love?
First love is one of the most powerful experiences a person experiences; it influences the events of future life and leaves its mark on everyone’s soul. That is why it is impossible to forget your first lover, whether this love is happy and mutual or not. The memory of this can live on, even when a happy life has already been built with someone else, and evoke a pleasant romanticism; they tell their grandchildren about this. Although it happens that these can cause unpleasant emotions, and there is a desire to cross them out. First, you should honestly answer yourself whether you really want to forget your first love, because dramatic experiences can serve as fuel for creativity or motivation for achievement, perhaps this is how you protect yourself from other relationships, devoting all your reserve strength to experiencing negative emotions. What happens if this memory disappears? Where does creativity come from, why achieve success and how to communicate in a new format? Many new and complex questions arise after this, and perhaps even unnecessary changes.
It is usually easier to forget the next relationship, the wounds after them heal faster, but with the first love everything is more complicated. It is unlikely that you will be able to forget it, but you can stop reacting so painfully and regain the colors of a full life. Don’t isolate yourself from friends and hobbies; try to continue living as before, keeping the same schedule as before. Things that did not lead to a significant change in life pass faster, and by maintaining social contacts, you can receive support. Staying with the same activities does not mean staying in the same emotional state and putting on a smile, crying when sad memories come, giving vent to your feelings.
How to forget your first love? Usually, when breaking up, a lot of free energy appears, which was previously spent in the relationship, and then begins to be directed towards memories and suffering, making plans to return and depressive thoughts. Use this energy on your dreams for which you did not have enough time or energy (study, travel, new projects, creativity).
At first, you will have to monitor your thoughts so that they do not constantly revolve around the object of your affection, and also do not acquire an unrealistic catastrophic character (“I will no longer be happy,” “I will never love,” etc.). Try to take care of yourself and provide for basic needs (maintain a sleep schedule, provide adequate nutrition, take care of your appearance), since often such ordinary and automatic things against the backdrop of strong experiences become less significant, but their violation can only aggravate the situation.
How to forget and survive a breakup with your first love? To reduce the painfulness of memories, it is worth analyzing these relationships, understanding what good they brought and what they taught. By analyzing the past, you take care of your own future and will not make previous mistakes or get involved with the wrong person.
When wondering how to forget your first love after many years, many people forget about the good moments and concentrate on the bad ones, which is what usually happens if you try to completely remove memories. If you let them flow freely for some time, you will notice many bright memories, encouraging words, practical advice that can be useful in the present moment, bring a smile and gratitude to the person.
Over time, the understanding comes that there was nothing special and unique in first love, just the brightness of perception against the backdrop of the absence of such experience. If you compare your new relationship with your first love, they always lose in intensity, but not in depth. Like all firsts, first love will be brighter, just as the first day in a new place is always brighter than subsequent ones. Compare the quality of relationships if you are already doing comparisons, instead of enjoying the uniqueness of what is happening.
So, how to forget your first love after many years? Set new life goals or return to the implementation of old ones that were forgotten due to love itself or the experience of separation. Such activities will help you distract yourself and fill empty areas of your life, tighten gaps or reach new heights. An unacceptable option for distraction is entering into a new relationship without recognizing the previous situation. This is an unconditionally powerful method, and you, of course, will be distracted from your worries thanks to a new partner, but you risk finding yourself again with a ruined personal life, repeating the same mistakes.
Get rid of things that remind you of your first love, and fill the places with new emotions (have a picnic with friends in the clearing where you sat or rollerblade with a friend along the streets where you loved to walk). Be busy, and with your own life, and not constantly looking at your ex’s profile on social networks.
As you know, she will appear unexpectedly. And definitely at the wrong time: too early or in the middle of exams. And it will turn a hater of literature lessons into a poet, and a “nerd” into a slob. Moreover, it is precisely this that is a frequent cause of conflict between fathers and children. But there’s no escape from it—it will inevitably overtake every schoolchild. How should parents behave in this case?
The first time I fell in love was in 2nd grade. He always wore a bright green shirt and I liked him so much that one day I hit him over the head with all my might with a literature book. The book was thick, he even swayed, but stood firm. Today, years later, I think with horror about the possible consequences. And (just in case!) forgive me, Alyosha!
Rehearsal of feelings
“Having fallen in love for the first time, elementary school students still do not know how to show their feelings,” experienced school psychologist Natalya Katsevich easily puts everything into perspective in such stories.
- So it turns out somehow clumsy. They push me, they pull my pigtails, they throw stupid text messages at me. And this is not love yet, but just... sympathy. Moreover, it was formed for reasons incomprehensible to adults: “Why do you like Vasya?” - “He is the tallest!”
Sometimes in elementary school, children fall in love with the teacher, and not only boys, but also girls. And they explain their feelings like this: “She’s kind, she never gave me a bad mark. She took my hand on a walk.” That is, in essence, they treat the teacher as a mother.
By the 5th grade, children's self-esteem, as a rule, sharply declines. And at the same time, they begin to pay a lot of attention to who wears what. And in general “image”. Therefore, at this age, the reasons for falling in love turn out to be no less strange than among children.
For example, to the question “Why do you like him?” you can hear: “His cell phone is cool!”
And if the object of adoration does not reciprocate, the admirer begins to bully him mercilessly.
“Once,” recalls Natalya Feliksovna, “we had a case in the 5th grade - a girl turned all her classmates against the boy who rejected her. This is where, indeed, “from love to hate there is one step”!
But you need to understand: in childhood, the feeling of hatred plays a protective, protective role, preventing the growing child from having negative experiences that can affect his entire future life.
Does your child suffer from unrequited love? Advise him to keep a diary! By expressing his feelings on paper, a teenager develops a sense of reflection. That is, the ability to understand what exactly is happening to him,” says educational psychologist Lyudmila Sitnikova. “The main thing is that he is sure that no one outside (including parents) will ever look at these records.
"Let's remain friends..."
“Svetka got it - she clings endlessly, bullies me,” sixth-grader Yegor complains to his mother, returning from school.
“This means that mom should explain to Yegor that Svetka simply fell in love with him,” advises educational psychologist Lyudmila Nikolaevna Sitnikova. “And you need to tell your son how to behave in this situation.”
Moreover, there are several response options. For example, you can not react to the bully Svetka and keep your distance. Sometimes such coldness quickly cools feelings.
Or we can talk. And without judgment, simply stating the facts: “When you constantly push me in the side, it irritates me terribly. And I would like you to stay away from me.”
Or: “I wish we were friends.”
The main thing is that you need to voice exactly what you really want.
In general, first love is a useful thing. Children train to build relationships with the people around them: they quarrel, make peace, learn to accept others as they are.
Before the start
Sixth-grader Shurochka’s room is hung with photographs of the pop idol. She has already bought all his CDs. And the only desired birthday gift was 4,000 rubles - to buy a ticket to the idol’s concert.
Mom is confused, dad is furious: “You need to study, not pray to fools!”
- Cool down, parents! - calls for sexologist, candidate of medical sciences Artem Tolokonnikov. — The fact is that the feeling of love develops in stages. And the first of them is platonic love. That is, passion for the image (of which this story serves as a clear example). Moms and dads must understand: without this stage, it is impossible to further develop normal relationships between a man and a woman. So encourage platonic hobbies. Otherwise, without finishing playing them, adult women “get stuck” at the stage of infatuation with the image. Hence many years of falling in love with married men, etc.
Captivated by passions
Eighth-grader Yulia had a friend Tanya who was dating Artem. But Yulia also liked Artem. Who once liked Julia. And now he walks with her. And Tanya, shocked by the betrayal of her friend and lover, sobs into her pillow and repeats: “I’m unhappy. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to live!”
“Parents whose children are suffering from unrequited feelings sometimes come to see us,” says Alexander Chizhov, director of the Center for Psychological, Medical and Social Support of the Education Department of the North-Western District of the capital. - And each case is individual. So it would be unprofessional to give general recommendations behind the scenes. But one piece of advice, perhaps, suits everyone: you need to explain to your child that first love is not necessarily for life. And that you should not idealize your lover. But how to explain this? In my opinion, you just need to remember your personal experience. And tell your child about it. At the same time, remember the state in which he now finds himself.
After all, the problem of unrequited love is the problem of loneliness. Therefore, all your child needs now is empathy and compassion. In this “co” is the main thing. The child must understand that you are together in an important and difficult situation for him. Moreover, you understand his feelings - after all, you also have a similar experience. And it is precisely the fact that you, alive and well, now telling him about it, that demonstrates best of all: this can be survived.
In general, first love is a serious test of the strength of the parent-child relationship. Unfortunately, sometimes dads and moms themselves put an end to these relationships, boring them: “You need to learn, not fall in love!” Having not found understanding in the family, the child, of course, will go looking for it on the side. And it is not known where he will find it! So, first of all, try to adapt to changes in your son or daughter's behavior.
"Who are you messing with?!"
A rumor spread around the school: sixth-grader Lenya set fire to the front door to the apartment of the main beauty of Natasha’s class. And now the girl’s parents are arguing in the director’s office. Natasha herself got it from them: “I got involved with a hooligan!”
“There is an example of blocked excitation,” comments Alexander Chizhov. “He fell in love, she didn’t respond, and the guy turned to aggression. How to resolve this situation competently?
Of course, hooliganism must be punished. In this case, the parents are responsible for their son. They will pay a fine, and at the same time receive information that they need to be more attentive to their child.
Remember: a worthy chosen one is one who has high self-esteem.
The child must be confident in himself, then he will not assert himself at the expense of others. So constantly tell your child how beautiful, smart, witty, strong, etc. he is. The most important thing is to praise from the heart.
Don't like your daughter's or son's choice? Again, refrain from criticism! Try to respect your child as an individual. And therefore, respect his opinions and feelings. Moreover, the more you protest, the greater the desire of your growing child to do the opposite.
Adored teacher
“I will not complete your task until I receive an answer to the question: “What are you, so beautiful, doing in an ordinary school like ours?”
Ever since sixth-grader Nikita fell in love with his computer science teacher, remarks like his from the spot are not uncommon. And yet, left alone with her, he seriously declares: “I will marry you!” What should a teacher do in such a situation?
“Goodwill and a sense of humor will be your salvation,” says psychologist Lyudmila Sitnikova. - Just don’t confuse humor with ridicule! Teachers on every corner don’t talk about such “fans.” If, of course, they meet professional requirements. And only pedagogical talent allows one to turn a teacher’s passion into a passion for the subject.
Cold heart
Recently, educational psychologist Lyudmila Sitnikova, at the request of the Schoolchildren's Health magazine, conducted a survey in one of the Moscow schools. And I found out: approximately every tenth high school student has never fallen in love!
According to psychologists, we are talking about children who are simply afraid to open up to the world and take responsibility for another person. And all this is evidence of internal problems and pressures. Alternatively, we are dealing with a manifestation of narcissism. Such individuals, by the way, in personal terms are difficult people who have difficulty integrating into society.
They say there is no love like the first, which will always be important in the life of any person and will never be forgotten. But what is first love? These first feelings are the purest, most selfless. When, upon seeing him or her, something incomprehensible happens inside. You’re breathless, you can’t say anything when your palms are sweating and butterflies are flying in your stomach. I want to constantly be with a person, see him, hug him, hear him.
This love is imbued with romance and sincere feelings. Whether to treat it superficially or not is up to everyone to decide for themselves, but it can both give wonderful emotions and bring severe pain.
Even after a while, she makes a person smile when remembering her. But along with all these wonderful new feelings you experienced, even after losing her, she is never forgotten. And in general, is it possible to forget her, and if so, how? We will look at ten tips on how to overcome your first love euphoria?
What is first love and what is it like?
The first experience of feeling and a surge of tender feelings towards the object of your sympathy. It is so intense, passionate and memorable that it forever casts a shadow on all future relationships. She becomes so idealized that she creates unrealistic guidelines for subsequent relationships.
Some of the hardships of first love are thought to be related to imprinting. Imprinting is a term used to describe the imprinting of certain characteristics into memory that cause us to attach ourselves strongly to the first people with whom we had a particular relationship. Our mothers are examples of child imprinting.
Dr David Nias, a clinical psychologist at the University of London, believes that first love is more likely to be a lifelong attachment because we have the equivalent of imprinting in our first romantic relationships. He says: “The first meeting has an added excitement and leaves a lasting impression. It can be compared to how men remember the license plate of their first car, because it had more meaning to them than subsequent cars.”
What is first love? In simple terms, this is the first time you allowed someone to truly love you. When you realize that another person may experience feelings that are in tune with yours. This is the first time you allow yourself to be truly comfortable with someone else. Or when you feel disconnected from your body.
This is the first time you cry harder than you ever have before. When you first realize that it is impossible to escape from tears. When you first realize that the person who can make you the happiest is also the person who can bring you the most pain.
First love is the first time you feel a fist burst through your chest and grab your heart, pulling it out. The first time you cry so hard for another person that you can't breathe. The first time you feel completely helpless, like a baby who has not yet learned to walk. When you first feel like you're trying to grab something and then realize it's smoke disappearing between your fingers.
This is the first time you blame yourself for something that may not even have been your fault. When you blame yourself for loving too much. This is the first time you give more than you need to make another person happy, but you thought you would be together forever. This is the first time you blame yourself for caring too much and thus losing yourself!
First love is never forgotten or why it is so special
Whether you like it or not, your first love changed you forever, leaving a huge impression. It will always be special because of its inherent doom, since it lasts for a short time and usually during the teenage years. Marking the beginning of the articulation of romantic feelings to feel and show love. This is what makes her so special.
One of the main reasons why it is difficult to forget your first love is that it is the most innocent and pure form of love. It is pure attraction that is led by the mind, not the heart, and is free from malice and manipulative behavior. This love will forever imprint in the memory the first hugs, sweet whispers, long hours of waiting for meetings, late night conversations and romantic walks.
This is the only time you believe in beautiful love. When you only know one language, the one your heart speaks. This feeling of perfection creates memories that are hard to forget. No matter how old you are, you will always crave that perfection of first love in every relationship in your life.
The first school love is carefree.
There are no other responsibilities in life than to indulge your dreams. This is a time when there are no spiraling credit card debts, mortgage payments, job insecurity, career problems, family problems, social pressures and many other factors that make everyday life a melting pot waiting to explode.
You had no responsibilities other than to succeed in class, but you had 24 hours every day to immerse yourself in love. As you grew older, your life became burdened with many new responsibilities, because of which it was no longer possible to experience the carefree pleasure of every moment of your first love. (We recommend reading).
This is why the memories of your first love will remain in your mind for the rest of your life. Because you will never have such a carefree state of mind again in your life.
Falling in love for the first time is emotionally intense and extremely euphoric. You plunged into the unknown, and the excitement of the first love feelings forever made a “cut” in your mind of the wonderful moments of the relationship.
On the other hand, she is also extremely emotionally intense. This extreme range of emotional highs and lows makes first love feel like a roller coaster ride. Therefore, she is in no hurry to forget.
The first love is also the last, because in this form it happens only once, regardless of whether you stayed together or not. This is the first chapter of your story that reminds you of who you were when you were young and innocent.
It is followed not only by the euphoria of falling in love, but also by the subsequent first grief. When a person first experiences painful regret because of amorous affairs. The devastating breakup of a first love affair intensifies into an emotionally intimidating fireball that is a mixture of many factors. For example:
- The agonizing feeling of having your trust broken for the first time;
- Painful feeling of regret;
- The haunting feeling that you will never love anyone again;
- Why did I trust/trust him/her with all my heart?
- Why didn’t I see that I was being deceived?
These are just some of the elements of the heart-wrenching regret that arises after the first euphoria of love. That's why first love is always unhappy.
No matter how positive or negative the experience is, your first love will influence how you view love for the rest of your life. Because it gives the first deep emotional connection that we have not felt before.
All these feelings and experiences that we had in our first love then became a kind of “plan” for how we would like to build subsequent relationships with the opposite sex. People often compare their current relationship to their first love. To determine whether their feelings for their current partner match the definition of love they created from their first experiences. Because the romantic feelings that existed at that time were so wonderful that we want to duplicate them, wanting to experience them again and again.
But we regret to admit that there are very few couples who fell in love with each other once and for all. For the majority, the first love euphoria passes, leaving behind a deep mark. Therefore, let's look at some tips on how to forget and survive it even after many years.
How to forget your first love
If you've just broken up with your first love, you know how terrible it can be. It’s as if your heart is broken into a million pieces and you are driven by the desire to get rid of the pain as quickly as possible. Just follow these 10 steps and you will definitely feel better about forgetting your first love.
It's not the end of the world yet. Yes, it hurts, but you are still alive. Look at everything you have in life: your family, friends and most of all, your future. Who knows what kind of person you will meet next? Remember, overcoming suffering is all in your head. You have had many friends in your life. But look how you've moved away from most of them over the years? So it's time to get up and face the world, then it will be easier for you to cope with the pain. (Find out,)
Get help from your friends. You may feel like you can never trust another person again, but time will heal everything and now is the time to trust a friend. After a breakup, your friends can definitely play a big role in your recovery. Spend time with them or talk to a trusted friend about how you are feeling. After all, that's what friends are for. Sometimes even talking about it can help you feel better.
Warning!
Don't abuse your friends' help and don't yell at them as if it's their fault. Your friends want to help you. But don't make them hate you.
Keeping yourself busy is one of the most important and useful tips on how to survive first love. It is important! You need to grieve and you need to cry, but don't waste your time alone thinking about sad things. Take your mind off your first love by doing something you truly enjoy. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will feel better again. Do your best to keep your mind off your first love.
See the breakup as an opportunity to do some of the things you've always wanted to do. The time has come for you, so do your best and you will soon love yourself again. Do something that makes you feel confident and beautiful. It is advisable to think about a new haircut, buy new clothes, go to the gym, start writing a journal. In other words, do whatever can make you feel better. (We recommend reading)
Don't try to get the relationship back. Your first love doesn't always have to be your last. A true fairytale romance may come later in your life. You may feel like you need to spend the rest of your life trying to get your ex back because others talk about it or see it in the movies. But this is real life.
Advice: If you can't help yourself, you can ask your ex to reconsider his decision after he left you. But do it once, and if it doesn't work, never try again. So you won't be able to move on.
Another tip on how to forget your first love after many years is to look at things positively. This love is special, that's why it hurts so much when it's over. But over time, you will cherish the memories of your first love rather than try to forget them. This is an experience worth cherishing.
The first euphoria of love is like visiting a new city for the first time. You remember it because it's a special moment, but the details become hazy over time. And in the same way, your first love will begin to fade and become vague. But the harder you forget it, the longer it will stick in your mind.
View your first love experience as a lesson learned. This is a difficult lesson now, but a very valuable one that will help you in the future. Breakups are an unhappy aspect of life that we simply cannot avoid, but it teaches us more about relationships, love, trust and what it takes to have a great relationship. Look at your situation as a good learning experience instead of hating it.
Now you know... You know that it also brings pain when it is cut off. This means learning to be more careful about who you choose.
Analyze your relationships. The euphoria of love makes us blind, so think about why the relationship ended and where everything went wrong? Why did love fail? What did you hate most about your partner? Will analyzing your first failed relationships help you understand what kind of partner you need? And also understand where your mistakes were in relationships?
Is it possible to forget your first love? Yes, if you avoid your ex. You will say that you can't even think about it. But now you are in a state of addiction. You think you need your ex, but you know that even a passing glance at him will make you feel worse. It's a vicious circle. So instead of looking for ways to hear your ex's voice or see him again, try to avoid him. It's time to start all over again.
Delete all reminders of your ex and do not go to his page on the Internet. He is in the past and letting him go is the best thing you can do. The first days can be especially difficult. You may even feel like a pathetic person. But after a few weeks of completely avoiding your ex, you'll feel much better. Realizing that life can go on and be happy even after a breakup.
Do you want to relive your first love? Allow yourself to cry. Don't drown in the bottle, but allow yourself to grieve a little. After all, there is nothing wrong with screaming or crying, it’s just an outlet for your emotions. If you stick to it, it will just take longer to start feeling better.
Remember that there will be others.
Time heals everything. You can feel the world collapsing on you right now. But believe me, everything will pass. You may not want to hear it right now, or maybe you have heard it before from others, but you will love again. Avoid thinking that you will never love again. You may fall in love again sooner than you think, just keep believing in true (true) love, which may be just around the corner. (We recommend reading the article about)
Use these tips and you'll feel better in no time. You really don't need to erase the memory of your first love. You just need the strength to overcome it and move on.
Conclusion
Everyone experiences first love in their own way, some adequately and normally, while others experience hysterics and suppressed feelings. Everyone will experience and survive this. Thanks to her, you begin to appreciate a person and love differently.
In a family, one always loves more than the other, and it is very rare when both love each other equally. It happens that you live with another person and seem to love him, but you cannot forget your first love.
But it's worse when it comes in adulthood. Since you already have a family, children, work and everything you need to be happy. And suddenly, at one moment, a person realizes that a feeling has come that changes his whole life. And returning to your first love after many years is stupid. Since people have changed, everyone has their own views and interests. You expect, you think that in front of you is the same boy or girl as in your youth, but no, life, people and circumstances always force you to change.
But, if it was unsuccessful, then the main thing is to learn a good lesson for yourself from it.
What do you think first love is and is it worth trying to forget it? We invite you to express your opinion in the comments.
When people fall in love, they are capable of feats that they never thought possible. The whole world is being transformed, a person perceives his surroundings through the prism of love, which makes the world brighter, kinder, lighter. He is ready to move mountains for his loved one. As the main character said in the famous film “Hurry to Love”: “I want to be better next to her.”
It is not surprising that such a flurry of emotions remains in our memory. The feeling of first love is so strong that it blocks the voice of reason. A person falls in love not with the social status of his chosen one, not with his achievements. Often people cannot explain their choice, but follow the “call of their heart.”
Features of first love
If first love comes in youth, this is a severe test for personality a person who has not yet fully formed. And how he experiences this first great feeling will largely determine what kind of person he will become in the future.
Psychologists believe that first love is not always true. But she is truthful in her emotions, and therefore remains in a person’s memory for a lifetime. People remember their past passion, while experiencing only a slight light sadness or, conversely, joy.
It's worse if the first love remains unfinished. Then the person will begin to yearn and hope for a chance meeting. Living your whole life with regret about what didn’t happen is not very good. Therefore, it is worth letting a person go or forgiving him if he caused pain.
As a rule, such feelings are short-lived, and after the “candy-bouquet” period, a person’s eyes open. He sees in front of him not the young man or girl with whom he was in love, but a completely different person. Then disappointment comes. You shouldn’t bring up past feelings; it’s better for them to remain in your memory as bright and pure, not stained by years.
How to evaluate the first feeling?
Sometimes a person becomes fixated on his first love. The feelings he experienced do not leave him. He seeks to reawaken them within himself. And they flare up, you just have to see the object of your fantasies, your first love. Why is this happening?
One of the reasons for regretting your first love may be your current unsuccessful marriage. When relationships in a family do not work out, it may seem that the past love was ideal. A person begins to imagine what would have happened if everything had turned out differently then. But is it worth looking back?
No matter what age your first love comes, it is always beautiful. The feelings that a person in love experiences are indescribable. You shouldn’t be afraid of her or close yourself off from her. And there is no need to try to forget her either. This is the experience that helps a person create new love relationships in the future.
2.6. First love
First love is one of the brightest events in life and a new stage in human relationships. Questions of love worry young people long before love itself comes to them. From books and songs, from movies and stories from older comrades, they already know that love is a value, that people expect it and strive for it. It is not surprising that first love is usually preceded by the desire to love, to experience this incomprehensible romantic feeling.
Attitudes towards first love are different. For some, this is an easy adventure: “It happens that love will pass on its own, without affecting either the heart or the mind. This is not love, but the fun of youth,” wrote Nizami.
For others, this is a serious stage in the life of a young man, during which true, true love is experienced, and not sexual desire: “The language of love, a wonderful language, known only to youth,” wrote M. Yu. Lermontov.
And here is how Goethe sees it: “The first love of unspoiled youth is always directed towards the sublime. Nature seems to want one sex to sensually perceive the good and beautiful in the other.”
V. Veresaev wrote about his high school love: “This is what amazes me about this love. The love was pure and chaste, with a gentle, shy scent, like the one that comes from meadow flowers in the morning in a quiet hollow surrounded by hazel trees. Not a single sensual thought stirred in me when I thought about the Konopatskys. These three girls were for me bright, ethereal images of rare beauty that could only be admired. And in the gymnasium, among many comrades, there were cynical conversations that roughly reduced all love to sexual intercourse.” Further, V. Veresaev writes: “I was depraved in my soul, I looked with lust at the beautiful women I met on the streets, with a sinking heart I thought - what an inexpressible pleasure it would be to hug them, greedily and shamelessly caress them. But this entire muddy stream rushed past the images of the three beloved girls, and not a single splash fell on them from this stream. And the dirtier I felt in my soul, the purer and more sublime my feeling for them was.”
If we turn to the opinions of adults, then here too we can find different points of view on youthful love: “the highest manifestation of feeling,” “it is the only true love,” “there is no such love,” “it is too early for schoolchildren to love.”
The first manifestations of sexual interest in a child occur at the age of three and are directed towards the parent of the opposite sex. So, for example, a boy is “unchildishly” jealous when dad shows attention to mom, rushes to the parents’ bedroom to sleep with mom, and a girl shows dad her outfits and skills, clings to him and tries to spend all the time with him, while he is at home. However, these manifestations do not yet characterize what is called “first love.” It appears on average in girls at 5 years old, in boys at 7–8 years old.
At 5–7 years old, children begin to actively imitate the world of adults. Six-year-olds can hug and even kiss the object of their affection and give gifts. Despite the outward “monkeyishness,” children’s attachments during this period can be quite strong.
Manifestations of first love in boys are very unique. One woman said: “When I was seven, I was bullied by a ten-year-old neighbor boy. To such an extent that my mother was seriously afraid that he would hurt me. About five years later I found out that he actually liked me, but he didn’t know how to approach me. Then I just tried to bypass him on the tenth road. But now the time has come to send me to school, and something had to be resolved with the conflict with the “very scary neighbor” - on the way to school and back I will be without parental supervision and in his complete power. And then my mother came up with a brilliant idea. She took him aside and said very seriously: “Lena is small, and you are big. Perhaps someone will want to offend her. Please, look after her and protect her, if anything happens. Can I trust you with this?” All! The situation has changed dramatically. My “offender” suddenly turned into my defender.”
...I want to pull Natasha’s braid!
Six-year-old Vova, coming from kindergarten, said right from the doorway: “I like Masha! I’ll marry her!” He always tried to be close to the girl, brought her sweets from home and it was with her that he hilariously “stomped” to the song “A Bear with a Doll...” Anton jumped up to Nastya on the playground, grabbed her and kissed her on the cheek right in front of her confused mothers. The next day he also expressed his sympathy for little Ira, declaring that he would marry both!
And eight-year-old Seryozha simply bullied his classmate Lenochka. He pulled her hair, placed thumbtacks and chewing gum on the chair, stabbed her with a compass and slapped her on the back with a hand smeared with chalk...
And behind all these tendernesses and pranks there was one and the same thing - the first childhood love.
Don’t laugh at your child when you find out that he liked someone: “Oh, what nonsense you’re talking about! How small and stupid you are!” On the contrary, praise him for being so kind and sensitive. Reassure him, tell him that what is happening to him is completely normal and simply wonderful.
Don't criticize your child's choice. Everything he hears from you will be transferred to himself: “Mom doesn’t like Masha. So my mom doesn't like me. That means I’m doing something bad.”
And vice versa: “Mom praised the fact that I am friends with Masha. So it’s good, and I’m good, and I’m doing the right thing.” If you simply listen to him carefully and kindly, then in the future there will be no omissions or mistrust between you.
Encourage his desire to give. Does a boy want to give his girlfriend a toy? Help me choose. Are you planning to take you to the zoo? Call the girl's parents and offer to organize a joint walk for the children. Etc.
Talk to him about his feelings. “I’m marrying Vanya!”, “I’m marrying Natasha!” - this is a reason not to dismiss the child or abandon the routine: “Okay.” Sit next to him and kindly ask how your child imagines this. Tell us about what a responsibility and joy it is to take care of your “husband” or “wife,” how you must be kind and patient, give in and show attention.
Everyone is confused - the parents, the girl “happy” with the kiss, and the little “hero” himself. Despite all its purity and naivety, this situation is far from harmless. For example, one little girl, after being kissed by a boy, seriously decided that now she would have a baby. Without telling her mother anything, she lived in horror for a week from what had happened. Finally, to the question of an old neighbor: “Why are you walking around so pale and sad?” answered: “I’m going to have a little one...” Of course, then everything was clarified to great relief, but one can only guess what the poor child felt during that ill-fated week. If you “pleased” your daughter with a kiss, explain that nothing terrible happened and this event will not have any consequences. Tell her that, most likely, the boy wanted to show how much he liked her. But such actions cannot be encouraged. You shouldn’t show your little “boyfriend” that he can continue to do this. On the contrary, the girl needs to be indignant and show that she is unhappy with his action. And if he really likes her, he will come up with another form to express his sympathy.
Dante said that when he fell passionately in love with Beatrice, she was beginning her ninth year, while he was “already finishing it.” Lermontov felt deeply in love at the age of ten.
“Who will believe me that I already knew love when I was ten years old? - M.Yu. Lermontov wrote in his note dated July 8, 1830. “We were a large family on the Caucasian waters: grandmother, aunts, cousin. A lady came to my cousins with her daughter, a girl of about nine years old. I saw her there. I don't remember whether she was pretty or not. But her image is still stored in my head, it is kind to me, I don’t know why. One time, I remember, I ran into the room; she was here and playing with dolls with her cousin: my heart trembled, my legs gave way. At that time I had no idea about anything, nevertheless it was a strong passion, although childish: it was true love: since then I have not loved like that. ABOUT! This moment of the first disturbance of passions will torment my mind until the grave! And so early!.. They laughed at me and teased me, because they noticed the excitement in my face. I cried quietly for no reason, I wanted to see her, and when she came, I did not want or was ashamed to enter the room. I didn’t want to talk about it and ran away when I heard its name, as if afraid that my heartbeat and trembling voice would explain to others a secret that was incomprehensible to me.”
Quote from: Shcherbatykh Yu. 2002
S.V. Kovalev (1988) speaks of four age periods for the manifestation of first love.
In the first period (preschool age), a boy or girl begins to really like (strictly on the basis of a certain gender) another child of the same or older age (which is more typical for girls). Boys, due to their attraction, pull girls' pigtails, and they, in turn, tease them. This expression of childhood love occurs due to fear of ridicule from others or due to a lack of understanding of what is happening to them.
Writer Stefan Zweig noted that first love is especially strong in children with an introverted personality, whose spiritual life is directed not outward, but inward. For such children, without appearing outwardly, first love leaves a deep imprint on their psyche for the rest of their lives.
Parents should not treat such love of their children with irony or demand that they get this “nonsense” out of their heads. If a child comes to his parents and tells him a “terrible secret” that in kindergarten he liked one girl (or boy) and fell in love, you must try not to scare the baby, be extremely attentive and careful - after all, the child shares the most intimate. A mockery or even a careless smile can offend a child; he may simply withdraw into himself and then it will be very difficult to gain his trust.
The second period is the age of 7–8 years, when half-childish love manifests itself in mutual tenderness and pity.
The third period is adolescence (12–13 years), when feelings for a person of the opposite sex are expressed in an increasing desire for communication, great interest in the object of love and a kind of fetishism (when one particular component of appearance is especially attracted: hair, legs, etc.). P.). Of course, children still lack the passion inherent in youthful love.
The fourth period is adolescence (15–17 years), when falling in love has an almost “adult” character, as it is based on a craving for deep personal intimacy, the desire to know the personality of the object of love.
In teenage girls, this happens 2–3 years earlier, and as A. S. Pushkin wrote:
Long-time heartache
Her young breasts were tight.
The soul was waiting for... someone.
Waiting for love can be a painful and dramatic experience: tears into your pillow at night, envy of friends who are already dating someone, painful fantasies and dreams, and perhaps resentment and anger at everyone around you. Some even develop complexes due to the lack of necessary attention and the inability to establish the desired relationship. Some people look for the reason for this in their appearance (ugly, fat, too tall, etc.), others - in insufficiently fashionable and expensive clothes.
When the epidemic of falling in love first infects one member of the company, then another, then a third, those left alone will feel an urgent need to have a close friend of the opposite sex. If the “quiet” and “modest” do not bring their problems to public discussion and prefer to talk less about it, this does not mean that everything is fine with them. They also live in anticipation of feelings.
Therefore, many teenagers start dating someone only because they are afraid of being alone. However, this is not the best option. It will bring nothing but anxiety and bad memories.
Some teenagers, especially girls, being in a state of anticipation of love and not finding a worthy object nearby, fall in love with a TV or movie character. The collection of any information about this handsome man begins: photographs, articles in newspapers and magazines, posters, tracking all television programs with his participation, collecting audio and video recordings. There is a strong desire not only to attend the concerts of their favorite singer or artist, but also to establish direct contact with him, for which teenagers make their way through all sorts of ways into the office premises and wait for their idol to appear in the corridor. Honoring talents in itself is a natural activity, but only if it does not cause unhealthy mental reactions.
At the age of ten, my son fell in love with Alsou. He covered the whole room with posters of her and didn’t miss a single one of her new CDs. Based on these signs, I noticed his increased interest in the sixteen-year-old singer, and it was not the interest of a fan in an idol, but rather the love of a boy for a girl. For my part, I only tried to help: I bought him a player so that he could listen to her alone, cassettes, but if I had to “by the way,” I talked to him about the fact that friendship with Alsou was very unlikely, and he himself understood this ... Only four years later did his feelings cool down a little. And it’s probably very good that I didn’t rudely break his dream and waited until time put everything in its place, because now my son is sure to share with me everything that happens in his life.
Based on Internet materials (mirrebenka.org.ua/malchik-s-devochkoyi-druzhil.html)
At first, teenagers experience self-doubt, discomfort, and anxiety. Many questions begin to worry teenagers during this period. How to approach?
What to talk about? What will he (she) think of me? Will she (him) find it boring and uninteresting with me? How should you care for a girl? How to accept signs of attention from a boy? At what age can you date? When can and should you kiss?
Sometimes the anxiety that arises about the correctness of one’s behavior with an object of the opposite sex can be so strong that it alienates adolescents from each other. But it is better to survive all this in time than later, when many will have to step over the psychological barrier and get rid of unnecessary complexes that have grown to the size of a serious problem.
It is known how emotionally strong the experiences can be during the first crush, when, at the sight of the object of adoration, a teenager takes his breath away, his legs give way, his hands and forehead sweat. I want to constantly see, hear and be close to the object of my desire. A person’s thoughts and plans change, and very often in such a situation, feelings overcome reason. Teenagers, “on the wave” of strong feelings, often become sensitive to creativity: they themselves write poetry and music, and think about the meaning of life. Youthful love forces lovers to look at themselves demandingly through the eyes of another person, gives rise to a desire to improve: to become smarter, stronger, kinder, more self-possessed, more cultured. And in this activation of mental activity lies the great moral value of first love.
Don't date your first love
Let her remain like this -
Sharp happiness or sharp pain
Or a song that fell silent across the river.
Don't reach for the past, don't -
Everything will seem different now...
Let at least the most sacred
Remains unchanged in us.
Yulia Drunina
Youthful love is disinterested, timid, afraid of seeming funny. She bears the stamp of isolation from life, she does not look into the future through the eyes of a realist, dreams of the future among lovers are usually not associated with family. Moreover, at this age they are not prepared to start a family.
From a psychological point of view, first love is the first personal test for a person. The final formation of his personality depends on how a person experiences the period of his first love.
Three of my friends already have breasts and menstruation, they talk about it, and I sit next to them like a fool - without breasts and without menstruation….
From correspondence with readers of the newspaper “Speed-Info”
If the life of a young person is subject to various rules and he is forced to behave according to accepted stereotypes, then in the case of falling in love he is left alone with his feelings and their object, he decides for himself what needs to be done.
In first love, the status, financial situation and availability of real estate of the loved one do not matter. Nobody cares. First love is a romantic, bright and purest feeling. Its peculiarity is that it is experiences, sensations, emotions that are often its most important goal.
Young lovers are not yet able to truly accept and understand another, which is typical for mature love; they still love not someone, but love itself, their new emotions, experiences, impressions.
The meaning of the first feeling is precisely this - to learn to express feelings, and at the same time to receive lessons in communicating with the opposite sex, to learn to care about someone, to show tenderness and attention. Therefore, parents should take this feeling very seriously.
Parents' position. Of course, for all parents, the first love of a teenage son or daughter is an expected event. But nevertheless, the feelings that it evokes in parents can be complex and contradictory. Joy is mixed with sadness, because the growing up of children means that the parents themselves are no longer so young. It is also sad because they understand: the time when they were the most important people for the child is passing and very soon a person will appear in his life on whom most of the attention, care and love will be focused.
Blaming a young man for being in love is like blaming someone for being sick.
Most parents can cope with these thoughts and accept the natural course of life, but there are other reasons for concern. Parents are afraid of early sexual experiences in teenagers. This problem is also not as terrible as it might seem, since the first love of adolescents is not of a sexual nature, as in adults, but of an erotic nature (kissing, hugging, touching, walking, holding hands). Therefore, if parents find out from their child that he has fallen in love, it is necessary to support him, talk about the culture of relationships, feelings, methods of courtship, advise him to read books and watch films about love. And in no case should you underestimate the importance of these feelings - this can leave scars in the child’s soul. It is during this period that people become intimophobes, that is, people who are afraid of strong relationships. They experience an unconscious fear of emotional attachments. Everything related to starting a family and having children frightens intimate phobes. Most often, those who have suffered some kind of disappointment in love become intimate phobes. As a rule, intimophobia is very rare in women, but among men of “marital age” (21–66 years old) it is about 30%.
Here are some tips from psychologists for parents regarding their children in love:
1. Communicate with them as equals; the tone of the order will not work in your favor.
2. Make it clear that you understand your child.
3. You cannot make fun of a child, make fun of feelings, belittling their significance. Try to treat your child with respect, remember his vulnerability and vulnerability.
4. Don’t be irritated or aggressive, be calm and restrained. Remember that your rudeness will cause a response.
5. It may be that the object of your son's or daughter's love is too far from ideal. But even in this case, you don’t need to be too critical - this will cause protest and a desire to protect and will only intensify feelings. Do not talk about the object of your child's passion in a dismissive, insulting tone, thereby you will humiliate him. Say only good things - this will increase your trust and allow you to be more realistic about your friend.
6. No matter how undesirable the relationship may be, in your opinion (it doesn’t matter - at a given time or with this particular person), you should not prohibit it, especially in a rude and categorical form. In most cases, this leads to the opposite result - because what is prohibited automatically begins to captivate you even more. Teenagers are just learning to communicate with each other and most often do not even think about anything bad.
7. There is no need, having learned about the love of your son or daughter, to immediately give a lecture about the dangers of early sexual activity and the danger of sexually transmitted diseases. This way you can awaken too early an interest in this side of life and offend the child’s feelings. As J. Korczak wrote, “by knocking premature love out of a child’s head, aren’t we thereby driving in premature debauchery.”
8. Although a child in a state of love turns out to be extremely unreceptive to teaching, from time to time you can educate the child in various life issues with your comments or stories from life. For example, tell your daughter that the tendency to write love confessions on the asphalt, throw flowers on the balcony and give crystal slippers characterizes the person himself, and not his attitude towards his girlfriend. The fact that one cannot draw a conclusion about the degree of love from words and gifts. Or that character qualities last a lifetime and are practically not subject to change. Who knows, maybe this information will be very useful right now.
9. Invite his (her) girlfriend (friend) to your place and get to know him - this will allow you to get an objective, more believable, and not unfounded, idea of who your child is dating. It is better if you allow them to meet at your home so that they do not have to look for random and dubious dating shelters.
10. Tell them about your first love - this will help you find mutual understanding with your child. However, there is no need to warn: “Never do this - it ruined my whole life.” It’s better to talk about how you solved this problem and how you managed to turn the circumstances to your advantage.
11. Allow the teenager to figure out the object of his affection on his own, and if he becomes disappointed in his feelings, let it come not from you, but from himself. He will feel that he is able to independently understand the situation and make decisions.
Crisis of first love. As a rule, children's love is either initially unrequited feelings or short-lived relationships that lead to the child's suffering. Of course, it is difficult to explain to a teenager that the feeling that is currently “love for life” for him is, in fact, just his first youthful love, a passing infatuation. Although teenage love is not yet adult love, suffering, fears, and tears are in no way inferior to adults in their depth and drama.
Psychologist V. Levi writes in this regard: “When I was still a little boy, I fell in love for the first time, fell in love passionately, helplessly. For me, this love was not happy; I had an indelible painful feeling that I was not loved and that I was not worthy of love. It accompanies me all my life, all my life I thirst for love, I thirst immeasurably more than a person needs for life<…>Even when they loved me later, I didn’t believe it. The melancholy of mental loneliness, self-hatred, envy and jealousy visited me very often.”
However, fortunately, there are also more favorable reactions to an unsuccessful first love, which provide invaluable experience for future life. People's Artist of Russia L. Senchina recalls: “In the tenth grade, the most beautiful high school student courted me, we had a romantic relationship, a real first love. At the prom, he invited not me, but another girl, to the first waltz. This was a terrible shock for me. How is that possible, since we are friends with him? It was like a knife to the heart, it was a tragedy that I had never encountered before. I just didn't know what to do. I ran to the darkest corner of the school and cried for a long time. There could no longer be any talk of any holiday. Later in my life there were many emotional storms, passions, divorces, but I remember that story in every detail. It seems to me that this is where my adult life began. I began to understand that there are other people besides me, with their own interests and experiences no less than mine. If then at the graduation party there was a terrible shock for me, now I remember that story with a smile and am grateful to fate that I had this.”
Such failures are far from the last in life, so the child needs to learn how to react to them correctly and gradually gain experience, albeit negative, of behavior in such situations.
Here the child can behave differently. Some people are better off staying alone, collecting their thoughts, crying into a pillow, feeling sorry for themselves and remembering the best moments associated with their first unhappy love. Another should go to a friend to vent their grief, discuss the situation, and maybe get some advice and support. The most unfavorable option would be to develop a plan for revenge on the one who rejected love. There are also overly purposeful natures who do not want to accept rejection and will continue to remind themselves and seek continuation of the relationship. This, however, will only make the situation worse. A teenager who chooses this method risks appearing humiliated and pathetic in the eyes of the object of his love, can cause a rude and harsh response and will only add reasons for worry. It is better for him to talk about his problems with adults who have more life experience and can give the right advice in a particular situation.
A child’s first love is valuable precisely because it contributes to the child’s spiritual growth. He learns from his own experience how painful it is when you are rejected, when you are not appreciated, when your feelings are rejected and when strangers laugh at them. Anyone who has gone through this will no longer make fun of his classmates in love. And most likely, he will find the right words to, without offending, make it clear to his fan (admirer) that he cannot answer her (his) feelings. This is hardening from heart shocks and a huge work of the soul.
In overcoming the crisis of first love, the role of parents is also great. It is necessary to support the child, explain to him that any feelings can evaporate, and not because he is bad, stupid, ugly.
One should not belittle the degree of experience with phrases like: “Yes, you will have another carriage and a small cart like that, Seryozha!” This can instill in the child a frivolous attitude towards love.
We need to help him maintain his self-esteem. An abandoned child may begin to attach himself to a cold object of love. You should tell him that it is better to stay at a distance, benevolently, politely, and not flash before your eyes all the time. Then the faded first love can develop into a strong friendship.
“Stuck” on first love. Psychologists believe that first love should be complete. Afterwards, you can and should remember about her - either with a smile or with light sadness, as you like, but to yearn, and even more so to return to your previous relationship, means dooming yourself to painful experiences.
Wounds from love, if they don’t always kill, never heal.
D. Byron
What contributes to being “stuck” in first love?
One of the factors is an unsuccessful marriage. There is regret about missed opportunities to fully obtain what a person needs in his life now. At the same time, the imagination turns on and the person paints a picture in which he and his first love live happily ever after.
The second factor is the personality structure, which is prone to dual feelings. On the one hand, there is love for the current spouse, and on the other, memories of first love do not give a person peace.
The third factor is narcissistic tendencies. Self-indulgence and admiration for oneself do not allow one to forget about that time when so many pleasant and tender words, so much admiration were expressed by a loved one.
The fourth and most important factor is that there is a special category of people for whom there is psychologically no time - neither present, nor future, nor past, except for the time “always”. These people perceive everything that happened as part of their life “here and now,” despite the fact that a lot of time has passed, that circumstances have changed, that nothing can be returned. For them, first love not only once existed, but is and always will be. Is it possible to “treat” the state of falling in love clinically? US anthropology professor P. H. Fisher believes that the feeling of falling in love can actually be weakened with the help of depressants, but only at its early stages. Drugs like the antidepressant Prozac work by keeping serotonin in the brain longer than usual, so they can inhibit the development of falling in love (this also means that people taking antidepressants risk weakening their ability to fall in love). But when the intensity of love has already reached dominance, any drugs are unlikely to be able to limit it. From the book Doctor's Advice. 1-6 issue. Questions and answers author Kurpatov Andrey Vladimirovich
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From the book How to get rid of an inferiority complex by Dyer WayneFirst love Katya and Stas lived together for 22 years. They got married out of youthful, pure love and lived in love all their lives. They were also brought together by a common misfortune. In addition to their daughter, Oksanka, they had two twin boys. But a week after Katya returned from the maternity hospital in the morning, her parents found
From the book Mamamania. Simple Truths, or Parenting with Love author Popova-Yakovleva EvgeniyaChapter II First Love Your own worth cannot be assessed based on the opinions of other people. You are a worthy person just because you think so yourself. If everything depends on the opinions of others, we are not talking about your importance, but about its third-party assessment. It is possible that you
From the author's bookFirst love Do you remember your first love? Many of us, of course, remember. Especially girls. The same one that happened to us when we were five years old, from seventeen to twenty-three. She is the most unforgettable, as a rule, she ends sadly and leaves her heartbroken