From the age of 12, my mother found a stepfather who did not adopt me - that is, he is no one to me.
He drinks all the time I know him, once a week and all this lasts 2 days.
And for 3 days he doesn’t let me sleep, he listens to music until the morning, yelling.
He hits me for no reason... he put the pencil in the wrong place, he put the spoon in the wrong way... he hits me.
He yells and insults me, saying that I’m like a puppy. Although I didn't do anything to him. and I won't achieve anything in life
He says they have people like me in prison. And he spent six months in prison.
He tells me it’s like you’re going to work, puppy, what’s the use of you. can you imagine? In 4 years he has not once gotten a job (and this is not a joke). He takes money from his mother and says how would you live without me.
He lies sober all day long, playing with the TV remote control, nagging his mother...
There was such a case, we had a parrot... so he mocked him drunk...
I let him out into the apartment and started to pull out his feathers... and he laughed.
After he tore off a couple of feathers, the parrot couldn’t fly, he just ran around the apartment and his stepfather ran
behind him. it was terrible.
Then he took the parrot and released it out the window when it was winter. it's all real.
He always thinks that he is the best, we are nobody.
Once I was ashamed to walk down the street with him, people were walking and he was talking bad about all the people.
In general, I don’t know what to do, I’m beating and yelling and insulting him terribly. Thoughts about suicide appear... it’s unbearable to live like this. It’s better to commit suicide than to live like this
Support the site:

Vlad, age: 16 / 08/01/2015

Responses:

Vlad, one piece of advice here is to contact the police. Write a statement. Preferably with your mother.
Evil must be punished, not run from it. Don't run either, let's fight back. Protect yourself and your mom. Of course, you are only 16, but since life has turned out this way, it means it’s time for you to become a man. I believe that you will be able to protect yourself your mother from this evil man.

Tank, age: 27 / 08/01/2015

Why does he do this? Perhaps he himself has such thoughts in his head and he drives them away like that, Vladushka, adults are actually often very weak, weaker than children, and in prison he saw enough of everyone, because he, too, was once a child, and he had a family , but something has collapsed, even with the most hooligan, if you talk in a good way, like a human being, he can respond, maybe he has more besides your mother and you are not in the whole wide world. Since you are all together, maybe for some reason this is necessary. Often the most difficult trials make us stronger. The truth is on your side, and you can decide what to do right. God bless you!

Marina, age: 34 / 08/01/2015

Hello Vlad! There is a wonderful Orthodox saint Seraphim Vyritsky, the words belong to him:
Do not complain about the weight of the cross (on life); on the day of sorrow, tell your sorrow to the Lord, and He will comfort you.

1. Try to find a place where you can collect your thoughts, imagine that God sees and hears you (and this is so) and tell him out loud or mentally about your problems and ask for help.

2. Think carefully, have you ever offended anyone? Maybe at school? Or on the street? Maybe not in deeds, but in words or in thoughts?

3. Contact the police for help.

4. Everything that happens to us in life is not accidental; God allows problems to come into our lives so that we change for the better. Do you believe in God? You are baptized in Orthodox Church? Are you trying to keep God's commandments? (do you know them?) Do you hate your stepfather and wish him harm? Or do you want him to change? What we wish for other people is what we get in life.

5. If you have a church nearby, tell the priest about your problem, especially if the priest is older, they are experienced people, most often smart and kind, there is a chance that they will give you wise advice or provide support.

Sergey, age: 40 / 08/01/2015

Hello! Vlad, just recently you received six responses to your situation, were you able to use at least one piece of advice?! Re-read all the answers from caring people, think about what suits you best, and act!

Irina, age: 27 / 08/01/2015

Vlad, we need to do something. He has no right to beat you. Try contacting centers that provide assistance to victims of violence. There are experienced psychologists and lawyers there. They can give you there good advice regarding what to do, where to turn, how to behave. The law is on your side. But, before doing anything, you need to consult with knowledgeable people.
You need to talk to your mother first. It is in her power to continue the relationship with this person, or to break up. You don’t have to endure this, he’s not even your relative. If, God forbid, there are beatings, do a medical examination and do not keep these documents at home, keep them with those you trust.
Keep in touch with relatives, acquaintances, and parents of friends. You don't need to be ashamed of this situation, it's not your fault.
And so, as long as no one knows what’s going on in your home, this person will feel unpunished.
Consult with lawyers regarding your rights to the apartment. In 2 years you will be 18 and you can request to leave. At the same time, you do not need to remain homeless if you have rights to part of the living space.
And so, beating a minor child, and even in his own apartment, is an article. So, this man could very well go to prison for the second time. I think he doesn't want that, of course. And mom, if she allows all this, may lose parental rights.
Of course, there is nothing good in this, and we must hope that this will not happen, that everything will be settled peacefully. But if no one is going to fight for your rights, then you will have to do it yourself.
Act carefully and thoughtfully, relying on expert advice. All these consultations are provided free of charge.
If this person knows that there is incriminating evidence against him, that there are witnesses, and that he faces a real sentence, he is unlikely to touch you. Well, you need to talk to the mother, convey to her that the situation is abnormal, that she is not trying to protect her child.
I wish you that this situation will be resolved soon. Do not despair!
Pray to Saint Nicholas, he always helps those who are in trouble.

Olya, age: 42 / 08/01/2015

Maybe you should talk to your mother alone, one on one, that it is better not to have a husband at all than to have such a husband. In any case, it’s worth waiting a little longer until you reach adulthood. Now the main thing is to finish your studies, get the right specialty, or even go to college. Once you start earning money, you’ll rent a room alone, or with a friend, or with your mother, if you live in his apartment. If not, kick him in the neck. Why do you need it? in any case, endure and do not commit an irreparable sin. Was it in vain that you endured so much to lose your life because of something. He will only rejoice.

Natalya, age: 28 / 02.08.2015

Vllad, I ask you not to be angry with the world, I also remember myself at 14 years old, actually fighting with my drunk father. Pass this test. Grow up good and a worthy man. Don’t act like him, love and take care of your beloved woman.
Maybe you should go to some technical school so that there is a dormitory? And move?
Well, fuck this suicide. None of your offenders will even remember you in a couple of months. And your loved ones will go crazy. Maybe you have a grandmother or aunt? In another city? Talk to them, ask for help. Move and start studying somewhere far away from this freak.
This is a test that God gives us all. Do you know how many more of them there will be in life? Time will pass, you will tell (with pride) what your childhood was like, and how you grew up to be a worthy person.
I have already written about my father, but I am proud that I come from the outback with an alcoholic father and have achieved a lot in life (I live in St. Petersburg, I have a car, an apartment, my own company)! Withstand this test too.

Olga (abandoned woman), age: 34 / 08/04/2015

My stepfather beats me, what should I do? My stepfather beats me, what should I do? Yesterday I kicked him, my head was broken and I got the best answer

Reply from Ђ@м@р@[guru]
What should a child do in such a situation? The first step is to find an ally. If one parent raises his hand against you, talk to the other. Ask how they feel about the fact that your other parent periodically hits you? Ask to talk to him. If they answer you (most often this can be heard from your mother) something like: “What can I do? “or “We have nowhere to go” or “We need to be patient, we won’t live without him” - try to convince your mother that you need to ask for help. Otherwise, sooner or later something irreparable may happen.
If your mother says: “He knows what he’s doing” or “It’s your own fault, don’t be a bully,” it means your parents are at the same time and one of them is beating you with the full consent of the other. In this case, seek help from other people: grandparents, uncles or aunts, adult brothers and sisters. If they are not there, or they do not want to interfere, ask one of the adults you know for help: your friend’s mother, your favorite teacher, and so on.
You can also call the single all-Russian “helpline” for children - 8-800-2000-122. When calling this number, you do not need to give your name or pay money. You can call from any phone - both landline and mobile. On this phone you can talk to a psychologist or social worker who will tell you what to do next and give you the addresses of special crisis centers where you can hide from your parents.
If you are already old enough to act independently, you can contact the guardianship authorities, the prosecutor's office or the police yourself. And if you are over 14 years old, write a statement to the court. Just remember, you need to figure out how you can confirm your words. In legal language this is called “gathering evidence.” If there are traces left after the beating, go to the emergency room. The doctor will examine you and issue a certificate that there are traces of blows on your body. If someone saw or heard you being beaten, saw traces of beatings, ask them to become your witnesses. It could be the school nurse who noticed the bruises during a physical examination, or the neighbor who heard your screams and the sounds of a fight.
Then you need to go to the district guardianship and trusteeship office and write a detailed statement in which you will tell everything that your parents did to you. If you don't know where the guardianship department is located, go to the nearest police department or prosecutor's office. In the application, indicate that your parents abuse you, beat you, etc. If you are afraid to return home and want to be placed in a crisis center, also write about this in the application.
After you write a statement, the guardianship and trusteeship authorities, together with the police, will arrange your future fate and punish your parents. They will be talked to by a psychologist who will try to convince them that children should not be beaten, and by a local police inspector who will explain to them what punishment can be imposed on parents who beat a child. If this does not help, the guardianship authorities will file a claim for deprivation or restriction of parental rights. This means that you will be taken away from your parents and guardians will be appointed: for example, one of your relatives. You may also be sent to foster family or in Orphanage. At the same time, you will not lose your rights to part of your parents’ apartment, and when you turn 18, you will be able to exchange it and live separately.

Family, motherhood and childhood are protected by the state; this provision is reflected in the Main Law of the country - the Constitution of the Russian Federation. The responsibilities of parents include protecting the rights and legitimate interests of their children. Legal representatives does not have the right to cause harm to mental and physical health minor children.

Physical violence against a child is one of the types of abuse, along with mental violence and assault on sexual integrity.

What to do and where to turn if a child is beaten in a family?

IMPORTANT: If your neighbors beat children, or in a family you know, parents or stepfathers beat a child, then in such a situation you should immediately file a complaint with the police or guardianship authorities at the place where the child is actually located.

Social service and law enforcement officials in as soon as possible They will conduct an investigation into the complaint and, if it is confirmed that the child was beaten, they will take measures to remove him from the family and bring the parents to justice.

Also, you can contact the helpline of law enforcement agencies, the prosecutor's office and organizations that are subjects of social prevention. Such institutions include social hotels, territorial Family centers, crisis centers for minors and adolescents.

In order to prevent violence in families and protect the rights of minors, there is an all-Russian “ hotline" for children - 8 800 2000 122 . A child can call it from any phone.

Responsibility for beating children

The criminal legislation of the Russian Federation provides for liability for child abuse. According to, Article 156 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation Parents or persons replacing them for failure to fulfill parental responsibilities, when it is combined with physical violence against a child, face one of the alternative penalties:

• large fine;
• correctional work;
• compulsory work;
• forced labor;
• imprisonment for up to three years.

For employees of educational and medical institutions, additional punishment is provided in the form of deprivation of the right to engage in certain activities and hold a certain position.

IMPORTANT: When causing bodily harm to a child, in addition to Article 156 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation, other articles of the Criminal Code are applied to the person who committed the crime: Articles 111, 112, 115, 116, 117, 119 or paragraph “d”, Part 2 of Article 117 of the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

In accordance with these standards, liability arises both for intentional causing of harm and for negligence. The law distinguishes 3 degrees of harm to health: grave harm, moderate harm and light harm. A Article 116 of the Criminal Code liability is provided for repeated blows or other violent actions that do not result in even a slight impairment of health.

According to Article 65 of the RF IC, one of the grounds for deprivation of parental rights is child abuse.

ATTENTION! Due to latest changes due to legislation, the information in the article may be out of date! Our lawyer will advise you free of charge - write in the form below.

Question for a psychologist:

Hello. I'm Masha, I'm 19. I'm finishing college, I live far from my parents and I'm very happy about it. But the feeling of guilt for leaving my younger sisters at home is pressing. I try not to think about it, but I suffer subconsciously. A little about myself.. My mother didn’t want to give birth to me. As far as I can remember (from the age of 5), I always wanted to commit suicide, I figured out how to do it, but I was a coward. There was one attempt at the age of 14, but again I was scared and didn’t even understand the reason. Sexually preoccupied since childhood, started early sex life , because it was a chance to spend time away from home, with a guy who gave me the warmth and love I needed. The family seemed prosperous to me until I grew up. Now I see that my mother gave birth to us as kittens (there are 4 of us), and did not care for us. She drank, cheated on her stepfather (my father, a criminal, died when I was 4). I saw it all. I've always been obedient. In my family I was humiliated and oppressed. They beat me a couple of times, but that’s not what’s causing me pain now. Now I can’t forget the scenes of my stepfather beating his own daughters (my younger sisters). He is very hot-tempered and worthless, a failure in life, a martinet. And still, for 8 years now, he treats them poorly. My sisters are 13 and 8, he yells at them absolutely every day. Most of all I feel sorry for the youngest - I love her very much, but it’s like he doesn’t love her. He chases her away as soon as she approaches him. And I'm not exaggerating. He calls him obscenities and vipers, but not by name. And how he hit them on the head with his hand, I will never forget this picture, although he is 60 years old, and he hit them from the age of 2. He did not stop until I, who saw all this, screamed in hysterics. So he does homework with them, yells and hits them on the head. I think he's losing it because my mom acts like a bitch and doesn't respect him, and only got married so that someone could provide for her children. I can’t stay at home even a day, I feel everything very acutely, every rude word he says to my sister resonates with pain in my heart. Now I am less afraid of my parents and sometimes even stop him. I want to die because I understand that this will not stop until my sister comes of age, and that is in 10 years, until she moves out. I can't stand it for 10 years. And why, because I don’t see any meaning in life either. I'm trying to find him in a relationship but it's not right and everything is falling apart. I live with the burden of the past - from childhood and the awareness of the present - that everything is terrible. Although parents are trying to pretend that this is normal, what is happening in their family. Mom is dependent on her stepfather, immature and unhappy, and, it seems to me, she raised me that way. I am working on myself, but I do not have the support that parents give to a child in childhood. I have constant mood swings, but mostly they are negative and anxious. Mostly I feel guilty and unwilling to live. I even gave up hope that a psychologist would help me, because how can another person give me the strength to live? I have ambitions, I have dreams, but all this pales in comparison to the situation at home. I don't think I can live my life with memories like these. I can’t ignore them forever, but there’s no other way for them to get out of my head. It seems to me that even a consultation with a psychologist cannot change me, my attitude towards what is happening. Although I would really like my sisters to grow up in a normal family and grow up to be normal people, and not like I-with desire die. Talking to your parents is not an option; they are proud and don’t care. I lived with them for 18 years and taught them. And I’m afraid of them.. When I’m in a bad mood, I mentally imagine how I beat myself, I used to cut my hands, but my mother threatened me with a mental hospital and now it’s only in my thoughts. How can you live happily if this is happening before your eyes? In me, inside, it’s as if there is no happiness, and never was.

Psychologist Alina Vladimirovna Lelyuk answers the question.

Masha, hello!

I sympathize and empathize with you. You've had to go through a lot. Unfortunately, not everything is always good in the parental family. We, as children, do not always understand why our parents act in one way or another. Why is your mother like this? Why did you choose these men? Why does he behave this way with children? And many other different reasons...

Perhaps my mother's parents did this to her, and she simply does not know how to behave differently with children. A person who has not received love, tenderness, care, attention does not always understand how to give it all to others. And why should he give what he doesn't have? So is your mother. And your father (stepfather).

Have you talked to your mom about her parents? How did they raise her? What rules and regulations were there in the family of my mother’s parents? Talk to your mom about this. Ask about her childhood, relationships with her mom and dad. About whether she was happy then?

Perhaps, listening to your mother's stories, you will understand that your mother did not do this to you out of malice. That she simply didn’t know how else to behave with children. It is possible that your attitude towards your mother will change. And mom’s to you too. Mom, feeling your care, interest, attentiveness, can become kinder towards her sisters. IN family relationships because everything is interconnected.

“I have ambitions, I have dreams, but all this pales in comparison to the situation at home” - Masha, think about the fact that if you achieve your goals, follow your ambitions, you will prepare the ground, so to speak, for your sisters. They will have someone to turn to for help when they reach adulthood. If they have such a need.

Therefore, if you have no desire to do something for yourself, do it for and for the sake of your sisters. This will be additional motivation for self-healing. You are only 19 years old, but you see no point in living. Do you really think that's good? Is it supposed to be like this?

“I even gave up hope that a psychologist would help me, because how can another person give me the strength to live?” - Masha, the psychologist does not give strength. It shows where you can get them. Helps to understand the past and ease the burden of what pulls you down and does not allow you to live. And I would advise you not to put off going to a psychologist. It is difficult to answer all your questions and help you as much as possible in one letter.

“Although I would really like my sisters to grow up in a normal family and grow up to be normal people, and not like me with a desire to die” - unfortunately, you cannot change the order of things. You will be able to change your attitude towards the current situation. And then the situation may change itself a little. You can help your sisters by supporting them and helping them endure this type of parenting.

If you yourself constantly tell your sisters that you don’t want to live, they may be very impressed by this and will no longer want to live with you for company. Is this what you want? This certainly won't help your sisters. And they need support. It is important for them to understand that they can contact you at any time. That you will listen to them and tell them what to do next and how to live.

So pull yourself together. And really take care of yourself. “I’m working on myself, but I don’t have the support that parents give to a child in childhood” - you can be your own support. You are already an adult and independent. Get out of the image of a little girl who is humiliated and beaten by everyone. You can already stand up for yourself. You don't need to be afraid of anyone.

“I have constant mood swings, but mostly they are negative and anxious. Basically, I feel guilty and unwilling to live” - I will repeat again that you need to see a psychologist. In person. You need to talk it out. You need to work through the burden of your childhood memories - to remove the pain that is now preventing you from sleeping and breathing peacefully. We need to get rid of grudges against our parents. Forgive and accept mom and dad. Get rid of guilt.

Your relationship with your father may also affect your relationships with the opposite sex. Perhaps because of your rejection of your father, you are unable to build harmonious relationships. And until you deal with this issue, this topic may hang over you and prevent you from making decisions that are important to you.

Masha - you can cope with everything. The main thing is not to give up! By writing here, you have taken the first step. Do not stop!

Believe in yourself and you will succeed!

4.75 Rating 4.75 (4 Votes)

Turned life into a real nightmare little boy his new "dad". The stepfather beat and raped the child. The boy ran away from home over and over again, but the mother returned her son home, and there he was again “punished” by his father.

"Veil under the eyes"

In May, on the highway in the Kalachinsky district, which is located near Omsk, people passing by noticed a little boy. The child was walking along the road alone, so one of the caring people reported this to the police. The village boy Vitya Chistyakov* immediately found himself in the police station, surrounded by people in uniform and officials. An 8-year-old schoolboy ran away from home. And not for the first time. As is customary in such cases, psychologists began to talk to him. But if before the boy only looked in fear at his mother and stepfather and said, “I don’t know why I ran away, there’s a veil before my eyes,” then this time his parents could not be found for a long time. Neighbors said that the mother did not appear for several days:

He drinks as usual.

Vitya was sent to the hospital, examined there and it turned out that the boy’s body, on his face, lower back, leg, was full of scars. When asked where so many scars came from, the kid frankly admitted: it was his stepfather who beat him. The security forces immediately got involved in the case, and were horrified by what the child said. His drunken stepfather, 28-year-old Anatoly Solovyov, mocked him under pressure. For the slightest offense he beat until he bled.

One day, the little one said confusedly like a child, “Uncle Tolya” and his mother went somewhere in the morning, and it was cold at home. Vitya and his younger brother were cold, so the elder decided to light the stove. He threw garbage inside and tried to set it on fire with matches. At that moment, the stepfather returned home. The man became enraged by what he saw and immediately beat the child with a broomstick.

Another time, the baby woke up in the middle of the night because there were screams at home: his stepfather was arguing with his common-law wife. Vitya stood up:

Don't hurt my mom!

The enraged man responded by pushing his stepson so that he flew onto the bed and hit his head on the headboard. The eye immediately swollen...

“He makes up everything!”

The baby remembered how one day the parents went on another drinking binge. Vitya and his brother began to cry and asked not to leave them alone. Soloviev, as always, became angry. He grabbed a poker and hit the elder several times so that the scars still remain in this place.

However, this is not what shocked the security forces, who had seen everything, in this story. An 8-year-old boy, blushing and almost crying, told what “Uncle Tolya” forced him to do with the organ with which a man relieves himself.

One day, when the stepfather once again took off his pants and grabbed the frightened child, the mother came into the house. Chistyakova screamed, hit her husband with a fork... Vitya, tearful, ran out into the street. There “dad” caught up with him and, grabbing him by the neck, shouted:

If you tell anyone, I'll kill you, you freak!

Anatoly Solovyov was immediately detained. The villager immediately said:

The guy makes up everything. He ran away because he wants to live with his father.

The scumbag only admitted that he spanked the boy once as punishment for playing with matches. That's all.

The mother, Anna Chistyakova, said the same thing. Surprisingly, this young woman is shielding her common-law husband in this whole story. But then there were witnesses to whom the drunken village woman blurted out a couple of times what her hubby was doing to her Vitenka.

Instead of an afterword

In general, everything in this story is amazing: almost half the village knew about what the pervert was doing. The boy ran to to my own father, and told the truth about the tormentor. The child often did not come to school, and if he did show up, he was covered in bruises and abrasions. He dressed in what he found at home from the dirty pile of clothes. And with my little brother I was alone at home almost all the time... This nightmare was observed by the entire village - and every single one was silent. Not a single person sounded the alarm.

Even the worker from the guardianship authorities, who came to the house 4 times with standard checks, did not seem to see that the parents were drunkards, that there was dirt all around, and the mother, breathing in fumes, hid her black eye and timidly explained:

She asked for it herself.

Where was the official looking to stop her perverted stepfather is a big question for herself and her leadership.

From the very day when 8-year-old Vitya was found on the highway, he did not return home. Soloviev is awaiting trial in a pre-trial detention center. For torture and violence against a child, he faces up to 20 years in prison ( For more details see "Officially").

The mother, who covered for her scumbag husband and managed to give birth to another baby, was opened a criminal case for “Failure to fulfill parental responsibilities.” Anna Chistyakova faces 3 years in prison. For now, two children remain with her, but there is hope that after the verdict the kids will be taken away.

OFFICIALLY

Senior assistant to the head of the Investigative Directorate of Russia for the Omsk Region Larisa BOLDINOVA:

According to the investigation, in May and September 2016, the 28-year-old previously convicted defendant, when the boy’s alcohol-abusing mother was not at home, repeatedly beat the 8-year-old son of his partner, and in December 2016, taking advantage of the child’s helpless state, he committed boy sexually assaulted.

During the investigation, the accused was taken into custody; he did not admit his guilt and insisted that the boy was slandering him. However, the investigation obtained objective evidence, on the basis of which the criminal case was sent to court. The first court hearing took place today. The accused faces a sentence of up to 20 years in prison.

Based on the results of the investigation, the juvenile affairs service was advised to eliminate the causes and conditions that contributed to the commission of the crime, expressed in the untimely detection of illegal actions against the child and weak preventive work in relation to the family, which was registered as dysfunctional.

* Surnames and names have been changed