It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts, than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help.

​​​​​​​When communicating with parents of unpopular schoolchildren, I conditionally identified several types of their reactions to the situation in the classroom.

1. Parents understand that the child has communication problems, but they don’t know how to help him (sometimes they are convinced that this is impossible). They admit that in childhood they also experienced difficulties communicating with peers.

The mother of a second-grader, Fedya, is very reserved; she hardly communicates with anyone at school, waiting for her son after school; she usually avoids other parents at parent-teacher meetings and holidays. I always see her with an expression on her face; during a conversation with me or the class teacher, she behaves tensely. One day, she and I witnessed a quarrel between Fedya and his classmates. Mom was confused and scared.

Uncommunicative, withdrawn parents cannot teach their child to interact effectively with others. After all, the most important example is the example that parents set for their children when communicating with other people.

2. Parents think that everything is fine with the child, and if there are any problems, then those around them are to blame: teachers who incorrectly organize communication in the classroom; children who are aggressive and cannot communicate normally; their parents raising their children incorrectly.

The mother of a very aggressive boy, Andrei, did not want to admit that the problem was not her son’s classmates, but his inability to communicate with them. Andrei loved to laugh at the failures of his comrades, called them names, and tried to lead them in games. Based on the results of sociometry, it turned out that none of Andrei’s classmates wanted to take him to their team and no one would trust him with their secret.

By the way, sometimes it is the position of the parents that becomes the reason for the rejection of their child by others. The child gets used to considering others to blame for his problems, does not know how to admit his mistakes, treats his peers with a sense of superiority, and does not want to take into account their interests and opinions. In the studies of V.M. Galuzinsky emphasizes that the reasons for the rejection of some tenth-graders lie in individualism, fueled by parents (for example, emphasizing the special giftedness of their child in comparison with others).

Sometimes parents are right - those around them are really primarily to blame for the bad attitude towards their child.

A negative attitude towards Senya from the first grade was provoked by the class teacher, who disliked both Senya himself and his parents. The teacher called the boy only by his last name, never praised him, and made comments more often than others. Her hostile attitude towards him gradually spread to the rest of the students.

In a situation where there is a specific offender (teacher or classmate), parents often try to “deal” with him themselves. They go to complain to the administration about the unfair treatment of their child by the teacher. If a child is bullied by classmates, then the parents, coming to school, reprimand the offender, threaten him or reprimand his parents. Unfortunately, such actions do not help, but harm the child. As a result, the teacher, having learned about the complaint, becomes even more disliked towards the unfortunate student. Persecutors become more careful and sophisticated in their bullying, threatening violence if the victim complains to anyone again. And the parents of the offender also do not remain in debt. Sometimes you have to watch very ugly scenes when the parents of the offender and the victim shout, insulting each other in front of the children. Naturally, such an example of “resolving” conflicts is not useful for children. In addition, with such intercession, parents do their child a disservice.

Starting from the first grade, Sonya’s mother came to “deal” with her daughter’s classmates who teased her. The girl was used to just complaining to her mother, and among her classmates she was known as a sneak; no one wanted to be friends with her.

3. Parents who seek help realize that the child is not doing well in class due to his personality traits. They are ready to cooperate with the psychologist and class teacher and help the child. This type of reaction occurs most often.

The problem of abandoned children is a double-edged sword. No parent wants their child to become a victim, to be attacked and bullied by others. And at the same time, it is unlikely that anyone would want their child to be the initiator of bullying another.

Working with parents of child instigators or child persecutors is not easy. Not every parent can admit that their affectionate, kind child can take pleasure in humiliating a peer.

Here’s what a mother of one child said: “Five-six-year-old children on the playground all the time team up and attack someone alone. I talked to my son that it is unacceptable to do this. One day he himself became the target of attacks. But it didn't change anything. The next day he attacked his comrade with the same enthusiasm along with everyone else.” Children tend to unite against a peer who has displeased them in some way. This is called "being friends against someone."

Parents are upset that their child succumbs to the general mood and commits unseemly acts. In this case, they should try to explain to the child how his behavior looks from the outside, to make him think about the feelings of the victim. A child striving for independence can be told that in this situation he behaves like a ball - where he kicked it, he rolled there. No manifestation of one's own will. In general, the ability to resist a team does not come immediately. But precisely by giving the opportunity to analyze one’s own behavior, one can bring closer the moment when the child will no longer succumb to the influence of others.

It is necessary to explain to the child that it is unacceptable to call others names, to laugh at them - let him put himself in their place. We must teach the child to take into account the opinions of others and find compromises.

If the victim is not liked by the parents, you should not “add fuel to the fire” by discussing this with the child. Ultimately, the child must learn tolerance and accommodation. When talking with a child or in his presence, you should not evaluate other parents, children, or teachers.

How to Help Your Child Build Relationships in the Classroom

Be sure to warn the teacher about your child's problems (stuttering, need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, and skin diseases must be monitored and treated if possible. All this can lead to ridicule from peers.

It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer your child pink ones, thinking that this is not important. It may not matter to the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This doesn’t mean that you have to follow your child’s lead and buy him a hat “like Lenka’s from 5 B.”

Advise your child to change their behavior tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able to not only puzzle his pursuers, but also take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can invite your child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone, to look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: “So what?” - or start laughing with them. In general, to do something that is not at all expected of him.

Try to ensure that your child communicates with classmates outside of school. Invite them to visit, organize parties, encourage your child to communicate with them. It is necessary to encourage the child’s participation in class events and trips in every possible way. You should not take your child out of school immediately after school, even for English or music classes. Otherwise, all the kids will become friends with each other, and your child will remain a stranger in the class.

You should not come to school to personally deal with your child’s offenders, It is better to inform the class teacher and psychologist. Do not rush to rush to protect your child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to experience all stages of a conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own. But when teaching a child to be independent, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without adult intervention. Such a situation, of course, is systematic bullying and persecution of a child by peers.

Attention!

If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, react immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you shouldn’t leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim for themselves). It is important to help the child survive the mental trauma received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.

What to do if your child is rejected

In my observations, rejected children themselves do many things to become victims of attacks. As already noted, they easily succumb to the provocations of their classmates and give expected, often inadequate, reactions. Naturally, it is interesting to offend someone who is offended, who throws fists at others after any innocent remark addressed to him, who begins to cry if he is teased a little, etc. See →

How to help your child choose friends

It is important to know all of your child's friends, especially if you are afraid of negative influence from them. We need to help organize communication for the child and create an appropriate environment. It’s not enough to just send him to a suitable team; invite the children home, if possible, meet their parents. Most importantly, unobtrusively create an acceptable social circle for your child (you should take care of this while the child is still small). These could be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and who treat each other kindly. See →

The most important thing to remember is: A child's position in the classroom until adolescence depends 90% on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100%. Therefore, if a child does not have good relationships with classmates, the teacher can solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he is doing something (no matter what, even wiping it off the board) better than anyone else, that he is important and needed in class. Cm.

Even among first-graders there is a division into popular and unpopular classmates.

It’s good if the child is simply ignored or tolerated, but it’s much worse if dislike is manifested with ridicule.

There are children who are not at all bothered by this situation - they live in their own closed world, but there are schoolchildren who suffer greatly from the inability to change the situation.

You can influence the situation in junior school , when communication between peers is still at the level of joint games, and the composition of permanent groups (circles of friends) is still unclear. At this age, children listen to adults, to the opinions of parents and teachers, and expect support and help from them.

If it is not possible to correct a child’s communication problems by high school, the same thing awaits him in student and work groups.

The main reasons for unfriendliness:

• physical defects or features of appearance;
• low intellectual level, lagging behind in studies;
• child's giftedness;
• unkempt appearance, failure to comply with hygiene standards;
• shyness or, conversely, an obsessive desire for;
• the child gossips, trying to attract attention;
• low income of parents;
• parental overprotection;
• transfer of a child to another school or another class;
• ethnic and national differences.

Natalya Grigorenko, psychologist: “It is quite difficult to identify clear reasons for a child’s unpopularity at school. Communication between people in each team is different. To find out the true reason and help the student, you need to communicate with him personally. Of course, a lot depends on the team, the correct behavior of adults, in particular, parents. Under no circumstances should you leave a child alone in such a difficult situation.”.

To identify the true reasons for your child’s unpopularity, talk to him as much as possible . Not about a specific problem, but simply about nothing and everything. Talk about how things are going at school, maybe information will come up in passing about relationships in the class, about emerging problems. Analyze your child’s behavior on weekdays and weekends.

The following “signals” can indicate problems in communicating with classmates::

• classmates call extremely rarely or not at all;
• the child does not call them himself or does so very rarely;
• does not talk about classmates;
• the child is not invited to parties or birthdays;
• he himself doesn’t know who to invite to his birthday;
• constantly looking for excuses not to go to school;
• sits at home on weekends or goes out only with family;
• does not participate in school activities.

What to do?

It is important that the child does not break down during the time he remains rejected: does not become embittered, does not withdraw, and does not give up.

Communication problems. Teach your child to talk about himself, his hobbies, and be interested in the desires and aspirations of other people. Explain how to keep a conversation going. Encourage him to call his peers, but discuss what he wants to say first. Having spoken and comprehended the information, your junior will feel more calm during a telephone conversation.

If the child is shy. Talk to your teacher about including your student in extracurricular (or school) activities. At the same time, it is important to create a situation. This move will help the child feel more confident.

Difficulties in communication may also appear in children who obsessively strive for leadership. Teach your child to express his desires, needs, feelings. Explain that this will help others understand them and respond to them more appropriately.

Failure at school also affects the attitude of classmates. All children have different abilities, and demanding that everyone be an excellent student is, at the very least, stupid. So that the child does not feel disadvantaged, find him a place where he can realize his potential. Encourage your student's new hobbies and offer new options. Help him find himself.

Physical disabilities or appearance features. Here you need to act immediately! When a defect cannot be eliminated immediately, compensate for it physically or psychologically. Let a very overweight child go on a diet and exercise, while a weak and thin one should increase physical activity. If there are no problems, then very soon peers will stop noticing the external shortcomings of a cheerful and kind friend.

Low income of parents. If the class has an established opinion that a person’s position is determined by his material wealth, then it will be difficult to convey to the child that this is not the most important thing in life. He wants to be like everyone else, dress expensively, have an expensive gadget, etc. When choosing clothes, you can easily cheat: choose things of the same style, but from less popular brands: a schoolboy will look no worse. Teach your child to save money for the thing he wants, explain to him the value of the money he earns.

Transfer to another school or class. Often a sudden change in the team is accompanied. But now the child needs to abstract himself: take a closer look at the groups created in the team, choose similar hobbies, views, interests. He needs to be active, but not intrusive, to be involved in joint activities, because classmates need to learn as much as possible about the newcomer.

Natalya Grigorenko, psychologist: “If in kindergarten or at another school there were no problems with communication with classmates, then in the new class certain circumstances have appeared that provoke the child’s defense mechanisms. Ask every day how was the day at school, let him draw pictures on the topic “My school”, “My class”, “My school friends”, “My first teacher”, “My best friend”, “Me and the class”, etc. d. Of course, not all at once, but gradually. Ask what he drew, who he depicted in black, brown or gray, what size, in what part of the sheet. The pictures will show you the problem.”

Of course, there can be many more reasons for relationships not working out in the classroom. But the main thing for you is to believe in your child, talk to him as much as possible about his life and possible problems. Help him find friends, because the support of family and peers is an important component of social adaptation.

Be attentive to your child. Good luck!

Municipal budgetary educational institution

Secondary school No. 1 named after. B.P. Yurkova

PARENT MEETING

"How to help a child

Do you want to establish relationships with your classmates?

TEACHER-PSYCHOLOGIST MBOU Secondary School No. 1 named after. B.P.YURKOVA ZHENEEVA L,A,

Zverevo

2017

It is the family that provides the child with a certain level of intellectual development and instills communication skills. Of course, parents cannot directly influence the situation in the team. But often they notice before teachers do that their child is uncomfortable in the classroom, that he has poor relationships with classmates. In this case, it is necessary to take immediate action - it is better to go and talk about the disturbing symptoms with the class teacher in order to dispel doubts, than to allow the situation to get out of control. In such a situation, parents turn to a school psychologist for help.

The following symptoms may indicate that the child is not doing well in class and is being rejected.

• attends school without much enthusiasm, tries to find a reason to avoid lessons;
• comes home from school in a bad mood;
• reacts very painfully to criticism and rudeness;
• does not mention his classmates in conversations with parents, or speaks about them in a negative way;
• does not bring friends, does not call anyone, even to ask for homework;
• no one invites him to visit or calls him either.

These signs indicate that the child is having problems at school with his classmates, which means that the student needs to be helped.

Not all children can and want to tell their parents about their problems, and the older the child, the less likely it is that he will complain to his parents about what is happening. It is worth showing interest in your child’s affairs, but doing it unobtrusively. If he doesn't say anything himself, you should watch him.

First of all, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationships with classmates, see how your child behaves in class after school or during recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom does he communicate, who communicates with him, etc.

Exercise “What upsets us about children”(children’s communication problems)

Offer to name the problems that children have in communicating with peers (they quarrel, sometimes fight, complain, do not know how to take into account the opinions of others).

Emotional tensionin teenage relationships is much higher. Adults are sometimes unaware of strong feelings and do not attach much importance to these quarrels and insults. However, the state of conflict is a difficult test for any child. And adults should help him cope with a difficult situation.Together we can teach children to be friends and make peace in case of quarrels.

Group discussion:

1. How can I help my child become more confident?

2. How to respond to negative statements from classmates?

3. How can I help you find friends?

Parable "Small Difference"

One eastern ruler had a terrible dream that all his teeth fell out one after another. In great excitement, he called the dream interpreter to him. He listened to him with concern and said:

Lord, I must tell you sad news. You will lose all your loved ones one by one.

These words aroused the anger of the ruler. He ordered the unfortunate man to be thrown into prison and to call another interpreter, who, after listening to the dream, said:

I'm happy to tell you good news

You will outlive all your relatives.

The ruler was delighted and generously rewarded him for this prediction. The courtiers were very surprised.

After all, you told him the same thing as your poor predecessor, so why was he punished and you rewarded?

They asked.

To which came the answer: “We both interpreted the dream in the same way.” But it all depends not on what to say, but how to say it.

1. Survival tactics: parents can help their child improve relationships with peers

The child cannot build relationships with peers.

Traits of a “victim”

Classmates don’t want to be friends with your son, or sit at the same desk with your daughter... What is the reason for such rejection?

Psychologists have identified the most characteristic features of child “victims.” Here they are.

● Inadequacy of emotional and behavioral reactions. Outcast children endure for a long time where it would be appropriate to fight back. But when the cup of patience runs out, in response to a minimal insult, they get into a desperate fight.
● Increased sensitivity to the attitude of others. Whatever work such children do, the main thing for them is not their own successes or failures, but how others react to them. A child victim is capable of leaving a section or circle only because someone said something unflattering about him.
● Physical disabilities. Physical disabilities themselves reduce the social status of a child only in preschool and primary school age. Children suffering from strabismus, having scars on their faces (cleft lip, birthmark), and with damage to the musculoskeletal system: severe scoliosis, cerebral palsy, are rejected.
● Untidy, sloppy. Loud nose blowing during lessons, the unpleasant smell of stale linen, baggy clothes - all this is noticed by classmates and can cause offensive remarks and harassment.

1. Time to discuss

When you understand what your child’s problems are, it makes sense to discuss it with him. But to discuss it, because he himself has to act and deal with the consequences, too. Your task is to help analyze the situation and help choose the appropriate course of action.

After the child has expressed his readiness to accept your help, think together about what situations are most difficult for him. Ask him questions. How does he feel at these moments? What does he say? How does he behave (in detail, including gestures, facial expressions)? Then offer to see your reaction as if from the outside: “Imagine that Vanya (Misha, Katya...) was told or did this (retell the situation you heard from the child), and he would answer this way (retell your child’s reaction). How would you behave with him next? From the answers it often turns out that he would not experience joy from communicating with such a person and would behave in the same way as his classmates act towards him. At this moment, it is very important to bring to the child’s consciousness that the characteristics of his own behavior provoke others to undesirable actions.

1. Survival tactics

The next step is to help the child find new ways to respond to an unpleasant situation. Discuss with him how events would have developed if Petya (a classmate who is well adapted to the team) had found himself in a similar situation. What would he do and say? Can your child try to behave like Petya? Dream up your imagination by making a list of possible responses.

Retaliating with rudeness and violence can sometimes be the only way to defend oneself.

1. Strategy for the future

Correcting those personal characteristics that cause hostility among classmates is a more difficult matter.

The first thing you need to decide is: is it worth doing at all? Any group (especially teenagers) strives to reshape the personality in accordance with intra-group ideas. The more primitive the group, the stricter the requirements and the more vulgar the “ideal”. But it’s worth discussing what the guys don’t like and which of their complaints are fair. The best way to do this is by again asking the child to imagine how his actions look from the outside. Perhaps the child will quite easily recognize some of his habits and characteristics as unacceptable, and he himself will try to get rid of them. There will also be real moral problems that are difficult to solve not only for a teenager, but also for an adult. Perhaps the child will not want to give up some of his traits. Explain to him: you will have to fight for the right to remain as he is. Support him in this.

Eliminating the reasons for classmate rejection is only half the battle. It is worth trying to win their respect and sympathy. Help your son or daughter figure out which activity is especially valued by classmates and achieve success in it (unless, of course, it is antisocial).

For parents, this often means additional financial costs (buying roller skates or a guitar, paying for classes in a sports section). Many people prefer not to burden themselves, saying that in their childhood they had nothing like this, but grew up to be people no worse than others. But every time and every society has its own laws. Without the same roller skates or an “advanced” mobile phone, the child loses the opportunity to participate in many games and conversations of his peers, and it is more difficult for him to enter the company and establish himself in it.

1. Work on mistakes

Another reason for a teenager’s rejection by peers may be our parents’ incorrect behavior. Moms and dads of persecuted children usually make several common mistakes.

First – consider your child to always be right. Conduct an experiment: write down a dozen complaints your child has about his classmates, as well as what you answered him. If you have acquitted your child in eight or more cases, it means that you are unwittingly creating problems for him.

Second – interference in children’s relationships when you are “not asked”, when there are no good reasons for this. The intervention of an adult, be it a parent or a teacher, is often perceived as evidence of the weakness and inferiority of the person for whose benefit it is carried out. Your attempt to solve the problem for your child may result in a significant decrease in his social status among his peers.

The third mistake is to impose your experience and your ideas on how to act on the child under the guise of advice.

This kind of intervention leads to the fact that the child’s actions lose flexibility, spontaneity and are chronically delayed in relation to the constantly changing situation. The senior “adviser” often recommends that the teenager act based on his personal preferences and inclinations. However, the child has his own mental makeup. His actions at the direction of someone else are unnatural. In addition, the “adviser” is primarily responsible for the result in this case.

Fourth a mistake is a long memory of insults inflicted on your child. A sixth-grader who had the imprudence to tell his mother that Vovka played football with his hat may hear in response: “Back in the first grade, he broke your nose and tore your shirt, how come you still haven’t realized that you shouldn’t have anything to do with him?” affairs."

Parents’ resentment prevents the child from forgetting unpleasant incidents, which in primary and secondary schools are nothing more than ordinary occurrences, and elevates minor grievances to the rank of tragedy or insult. Children's relationships have their own scale and their own starting points. Approaching them with adult standards, and even more so imposing these standards on teenagers, is short-sighted.

- This does not mean at all that when you come home, you will tell your child: “They are not friends with you because you... . Now I will teach you.”The best way to say it is: “I love you very much. I have a wonderful you, but sometimes you don’t do things quite right: ... If you want to have friends, try to do the following: ... It’s possible that not everything will work out right away, there will be mistakes. But you're just learning to be friends. I am sure that in time you will succeed.”

Questionnaire

Answer a few questions and think about whether everything is right in your relationship with your child?

1. Do you know your child’s classmates?

2.Who does your child sit with at the same desk?

3. Did he want to give a gift for March 8 (February 23) to his classmate? Who exactly?

4. Do you listen carefully to your child’s stories about school everyday life? (Or are you listening, but thinking about your own things?)

5.Are you the initiator of a conversation with your child about school friends, activities, achievements and failures?

6.Do friends often come to visit your child? Is your son (daughter) embarrassed when communicating with them?

7. Do you have many phone numbers stored on your child's cell phone?

8. What game is the most popular among your child's friends?

I think every parent present is able to analyze their own answers and draw a conclusion. How to help your child find friends and how to relate to those he has found on his own.

Practical advice

Let your children choose their own friends, and you make sure that these friends are in your home.

Meet the parents of your child's friends.

Make sure that your child has a wide range of interests, so that he wants to learn, understand, and do as much as possible.

Teach your child from the very first steps to make independent decisions and cope with situations when other people's opinions are imposed on him.

Talk to your children as much as possible. It is important that this conversation does not turn into your monologue, that when you find out what your teenager thinks, what he dreams about, what he is afraid of, do it respectfully, seriously and with genuine interest in him, in what he says. And never, in a moment of irritation, use a teenager’s frankness to “convict” him of something.

If you actively don't like your teenager's friends, don't use direct bans (as a rule, this only increases the value of such friendships in the eyes of a teenager and leads to secret meetings, lies, etc.), talk to your son and daughter. Try to understand what they find attractive about their friends. Perhaps you will change your point of view. If not, openly and calmly explain what you don’t like.

If your children choose “bad” friends, from your point of view, think about your relationship with your child. Does he feel abandoned (teenagers often feel that their parents love them less than when they were little). Or maybe he constantly feels that you don’t believe in him, expect him to do something wrong and “out of spite” strives to live up to these expectations. Or perhaps you have gone a little overboard with control, and it seems to the teenager that you want, as they say, to “steer” everything, and he strives to show you that he himself can determine something in his life.

Always try to understand your child, understand what his actions are connected with, what needs, including the needs of age, are expressed in them. Always show (and especially when it's extremely difficult because he literally "drives you crazy") that you love and trust him. Teach him to think and make independent decisions. If he is not always obedient and learns to defend his point of view when communicating with you, then it will be much easier for him to do this in relation to his peers.

Bibliography:

1. Arbuzova E.N. Anisimov A.I. Shatrova O.V. Workshop on the psychology of communication. St. Petersburg: Rech, 2008.
2. Gippenreiter Yu.B. Communicate with the child. How?; artist G.A. Karaseva. – M.: AST: Astrel, 2009.

3. Obukhova L. F. Age psychology. Textbook - M.: Pedagogical Society of Russia, 1999.

Communication with peers is a special area of ​​a teenager’s life. It is known that the influence of comrades and classmates on him, both positive and negative, can be very great. However, the psychological mechanisms of such influence are often unclear to both teachers and parents. They are determined by the uniqueness of the developmental processes occurring at this age associated with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Communication with peers is a special area of ​​a teenager’s life. It is known that the influence of comrades and classmates on him, both positive and negative, can be very great. However, the psychological mechanisms of such influence are often unclear to both teachers and parents. They are determined by the uniqueness of the developmental processes occurring at this age associated with the transition from childhood to adulthood. Adolescence is characterized by the emergence of a new level of self-awareness, conventionally called by psychologists a sense of adulthood. It is expressed in the desire to be and be considered an adult. Compared to primary school age, this is a completely new position in relation to oneself and the world around us. Adolescence is characterized by the emergence of a new level of self-awareness, conventionally called by psychologists a sense of adulthood. It is expressed in the desire to be and be considered an adult. Compared to primary school age, this is a completely new position in relation to oneself and the world around us.

Friendship Friendship is a selfless personal relationship between people based on love, trust, sincerity, mutual sympathy, common interests and hobbies. Mandatory signs of friendship are trust and patience. People connected by friendship are called friends. A prerequisite for the existence of friendly connections is the absence of interpersonal competition in the circle of friends, a relatively equal position in the social ladder

Shabalina Maria Aleksandrovna I think that school friendship is the strongest friendship, because it lasts a lifetime. It is very important not to lose her. That is, parting with school friends after 9th or 11th grade, and then meeting them, communicating, calling each other, etc.

School is not only a constant flow of new knowledge, but also a real test of strength, including a test of friendship. Everyone makes friends differently: for some, a friend is a person with whom you have fun and a pleasant time, for others, someone you can always rely on, who is your right hand in any trouble, which is sometimes so pleasant to hold on to, knowing that you are not alone with your experiences and sad thoughts!

• What should parents do if the teacher scolded the child in front of his classmates and the child became withdrawn?
• What is the best thing to do if a child has a conflict at school, teachers or students make fun of him?

An educational psychologist at the Municipal Budgetary Institution of the City Center for Psychological, Medical and Social Support “Indigo” in Ufa spoke about how to establish relationships with classmates. Ekaterina Kudryavtseva.

The following symptoms may indicate that your child is not doing well in class:

Child:

• reluctantly goes to school and is very glad of any opportunity not to go there;
• returns from school depressed;
• often cries for no apparent reason;
• never mentions any of his classmates;
• talks very little about his school life;
• does not know who to call for lessons, or refuses to call anyone at all;
• for no apparent reason (it seems) he refuses to go to school;
• lonely: no one invites him to visit, to birthday parties, and he doesn’t want to invite anyone to his place.

How to help your child improve relationships with classmates

1. Teach your child to be independent.
   • You should not personally come to school to deal with your child’s offenders; it is better to inform the class teacher and psychologist.
   • Do not rush to rush to protect your child in any conflict situation with classmates. Sometimes it is useful for a child to experience all stages of a conflict - this will help him learn to solve many problems on his own.
   • But when teaching a child to be independent, it is important not to overdo it and not to miss a situation that the child is not able to cope with without adult intervention.
2. Understand the reasons, emphasizing the merits of the situation.
   • Emotional, friendly support from a sensitive adult is needed. First, understand the reasons for the child’s unpopularity and try to eliminate them. Maybe it doesn't look too modern? Take care of his wardrobe and appearance. Too weak physically? Get him interested in some sport. Emphasize its advantages at every opportunity. Do not skimp on praise, admire your child and do not forget that the child looks at himself through the eyes of a close adult.
   • It is necessary to provide the child with everything that will allow him to meet the general school requirements. If black shorts are needed for physical education lessons, then you should not offer your child pink ones, thinking that this is not important. It may not be important for the teacher, but classmates will tease the child. This doesn’t mean that you have to follow your child’s lead and buy him a hat. "like Lenka from 5 "B"".
3. Take an interest in your child’s affairs and life.
   • It is worth showing interest in your child’s affairs, but doing it unobtrusively.
   • If he doesn't say anything himself, watch him. Having noticed deviations in behavior, you need to go to school, talk with teachers about your child’s relationships with classmates, see how the child behaves in class after school or during recess, on holidays: does he show initiative in communication, with whom does he communicate, who communicates with him, etc.
   • You can turn to a school psychologist for help; it is easier for him to monitor children.
4. Involve the teacher in the problem.
   • Remember: a child's position in the classroom until adolescence depends 90% on how the teacher treats him. And for first-graders - 100%. Therefore, if a child does not have good relationships with classmates, only the teacher will help solve the problem by giving the children a sign that she likes the child, that he is doing something (no matter what, even wiping it off the board) better than anyone else, that he is important and needed in class.
   • Be sure to warn the teacher about your child’s problems (stuttering, need to take medications by the hour, etc.). Stuttering, tics, enuresis, encopresis, and skin diseases must be monitored and treated if possible. All this can cause ridicule from peers.
   • Teach your child useful skills in relationships with other people: more activity, friendliness, the ability to stand up for himself, and when necessary, to restrain himself and give in. And remember: the more confident a child feels, the easier these skills are for him. It would not be out of place to ask the class teacher to support his son or daughter, perhaps to involve him in some important matter, which will increase his prestige in the eyes of others. But it cannot be ruled out that the situation in the children’s team is actually too unhealthy, and then it would be better to transfer the child to another school.
5. Teach your child how to make friends.
   • We must teach the child to take into account the opinions of others, find compromises, learn tolerance and accommodating behavior. According to psychologists' studies, at least one mutual affection in the class makes a child more self-confident and provides him with a more comfortable existence in a group compared to a child who is chosen by many, but not by those whom he chooses.
   • Having friends is a very important component of a child’s emotional well-being. Regardless of age, a friend for a child is someone with whom it is interesting, who will support, with whom you can do something together, this is the feeling that you are not alone and someone is interested in you. Growing up, the child puts more serious and deeper relationships into the concept of friendship.
6. Break stereotypes.
   • Advise your child to change their behavior tactics. After all, if a stereotype has developed, then any action is predictable. The child behaves according to the pattern set by others. But if he reacts to standard circumstances in an unexpected way, then perhaps he will be able to not only puzzle his pursuers, but also take a step towards overcoming the current situation. For example, you can invite your child, instead of starting to cry or hitting everyone, to look into the eyes of the offenders and calmly ask: "So what?"- or start laughing with them. In general, to do something that is not at all expected of him.
   • Attention! If the situation has gone too far, for example, a child is constantly humiliated or beaten, respond immediately. First of all, protect your child from communicating with offenders - do not send him to school. Dealing with offenders is not the most important thing (although you shouldn’t leave them unpunished - they will choose a new victim). It is important to help the child survive the mental trauma received, so most likely he will have to be transferred to another class. The child will need to learn not to be afraid of peers and trust them.
7. Speak words of love that give confidence. A parent is a “producer” of his child’s talents. When talking with a child or in his presence, you should not evaluate other adults (parents, teachers) or children. Speak to your child often words that demonstrate unconditional love and build self-confidence.
   • I love you. I trust you. I'm on your side.
   • What would you do yourself? How can you change the situation yourself?
   • Everything will work out for you in the best possible way, safe for you.
   • You are strong, you are smart, you are capable, don't give up.
   • You will succeed. I'm proud of you.
   • How was your day?
   • How can I help?
   • Thank you for helping me.
8. Create a social circle for your child.
   • We need to help organize communication for the child and create an appropriate environment. It’s not enough to just send him to a suitable team; invite the children home, if possible, meet their parents. Most importantly, unobtrusively create an acceptable social circle for your child (you should take care of this while the child is still small). These could be the children of your friends, classmates, any club, circle, section, in a word, any society that unites people with similar interests and who treat each other kindly.
9. Learn to say "no".
   • There is no need to try to completely protect your child from negative experiences. In everyday life, it is impossible to avoid anger, resentment, or encounters with cruelty. It is important to teach children to resist aggressors without becoming like them.
   • A child should be able to say “no”, not succumb to the provocations of his friends, treat failures with humor, know that sometimes it is better to let adults in on his problems than to figure it out on his own, and be sure that his family will not brush him off, but will help and support him in difficult times.