Why is the child shy? The list of reasons for this behavior can be very extensive. As a rule, the reason for excessive shyness is low self-esteem.

There is, however, one exception - normally typical for children from 7 months to 2.5–3 years. At this age, almost all healthy children begin to be afraid or shy of strangers (mostly adults, but sometimes children too). This behavior is completely natural for a baby.

In other age categories, shyness is a consequence of low self-esteem. It is wrong to think that low self-esteem develops in a child who is endlessly bullied, humiliated, or ignored by everyone around him. Sometimes just some little thing is enough for a child to suddenly, out of the blue (from an adult’s point of view), consider himself good for nothing and not interesting to anyone.

Shyness is a manifestation of defensive behavior.

The child is shy and tries to become invisible, to “put on a mask” in antics, to hide behind the mother, as if to “merge” with her. “It’s not me, it’s my mother now in front of you, but I’m not here,” the daughter seems to be saying, hanging on your neck. “This is not me, look, this girl is completely different from me,” she shows another person with her antics. Surely she behaves completely normally with people whom your daughter trusts. That is, the girl does not expect evaluations from them and is ready to be herself in front of them. And the fact that she is jealous of her only friend, is afraid of losing her, because some other girl may turn out to be better than her, “gets scared when children start complaining about her,” that is, she is afraid that everyone will find out what she is like “ in fact” - confirms my hypothesis about reduced self-esteem + “At home requires constant uninterrupted attention,” you write. That is, she constantly needs clarification that everything is fine with her, that she is valuable in herself - this also speaks “for”.

It is natural that after embarrassment there comes a period of defiant behavior. “You did not respect my condition, showed me excessive attention, which was difficult for me to bear, hugged and kissed me without my consent. Well, now I will take revenge on you. And I will do something that you probably won’t like!” - approximately according to this “plan” the child acts. Please note that I wrote the word “plan” in quotation marks. This plan arises spontaneously, there is nothing planned or thought out here. The child acts reactively. There is an action and the baby reacts to it. "You didn't respect me, now I won't respect you."

What to do with a shy child?

Firstly, no matter how strange it may sound, “allow” to be shy. Knowing this peculiarity of the child, protect him from unnecessary questions, hugs, and especially kisses. Your daughter needs time to take a closer look, get used to it and decide whether or not to trust the person standing in front of her, even if she has seen him a thousand times before. You need to calmly, patiently and with understanding for some time the fact that your daughter is hanging on you and making faces. After all, now you know that the child is used to defending himself this way; he needs time to learn to behave differently.

In my practice, there was a case when a mother deliberately persuaded her shy six-year-old daughter to be shy. It was before the New Year, and the girl had to go to a matinee. A few days before the matinee, the mother began to tell where they would go and what awaited the girl there. “But, of course, you don’t have to dance in a circle and sing songs. You can just sit on my lap and watch other children have fun,” this mother said calmly and without irony. What happened: the child was well informed what awaited him, what to prepare for, and was given the opportunity to choose to behave one way or another. By the way, at the matinee the shyness in this case disappeared.

That is, secondly, when planning visits or meetings where the girl may begin to feel shy, provide her with as much information as possible about what awaits her. For many shy children, sometimes even a pleasant surprise can lead to the most unexpected consequences.

Thirdly, provide the opportunity to choose how to behave. Here you can use fairy tale therapy techniques or. For example, tell, or even better, act out with the help of toys, a story about how a bunny or a princess (the character depends on the age of the child) was shy, embarrassed, grimaced, hid, “deprived” of all sorts of pleasures and amenities because of this, and, in the end In the end, he overcame this shyness and since then lived happily. And in this story, reproduce typical behavior and words for your little one. It’s great if you are the shy hero in the game, and your daughter is the one persuading him to act differently.

Aggression is the flip side of shyness

The aggression that a girl sometimes displays can be a consequence of both exploratory behavior characteristic of preschool children, and it can also be a way of “revenge” on others for her “suffering.” The child does not want to be bad (and with low self-esteem he considers himself such), and tries to prove to others that this is not so + with the help of aggression. Based on what you wrote, I am more inclined to the first version. The girl watches a cartoon with unmotivated poking and insults in every frame and tries to reproduce them in reality in order to “digest” this information, understand how this happens and tries this behavior on her peers. Even if you don’t physically punish her, she probably knows that such methods exist and tries to “realize” them in the game. Watch the cartoon with her. Ask her gently what she likes about him. How she thinks the characters feel, why they act this way. If a child hits other children, asking why he does this is often really fruitless.

It is much better to ask after the incident whether it is possible to beat him himself? After all, if you can beat someone else, then you can beat him too. This allows the child to learn to “stand” in the place of another person and make the decision “not to hit,” not because the adult will punish, but for a completely different reason.

Solution

And one last thing. The best way to correct shyness (or rather low self-esteem) are forms of group work. For a preschool child, such work can, in principle, be any developmental activities where the teacher adheres to the principles of a humane and personal approach. Namely, it takes into account the child’s characteristics, is ready to “follow” the child, and not the program, at a pace that the child can cope with. In my opinion, this approach is ideally implemented in classes. The teacher will give such a child time to get comfortable and “get used to” the room where classes are held. Shy children in the group are under the protection and attention of an adult. The teacher makes sure that the child has the opportunity to independently choose his own activity, experience a sense of satisfaction and a sense of success from his activity. In a Montessori lesson, a shy child will always have the opportunity to express his opinion and make sure that he is heard. Gradually, each child becomes a full participant in the group process, sees his opportunity to influence it, begins to understand how other people influence him and learns to resist this influence in safe ways. The child learns to defend his choice, opinion, position. Learns to ask and accept help.

In addition, our Center operates a “School of Conscious Parenting” for parents, and conducts seminars and trainings. You can sign up for classes by calling: 232-12-92, 250-02-12.

A shy child is a big concern for parents. However, you need to understand that shyness is a feature, but in no case a personality disorder.

Many mothers and fathers mistakenly believe that if a child is shy, then he suffers from low self-esteem. In some cases, shyness manifests itself only as a protective function of the body.

How can parents catch that fine line between low self-esteem and simple shyness? The answer will be revealed by facial expressions. If a child is very shy and cannot establish eye contact with the interlocutor, refuses to interact, most likely he has certain problems.

I offer some simple but effective tips. Parents, taking them into account, will help liberate their child and make his life easier and more comfortable.

Tip #1 – Determine the cause of your shyness

The main thing is to understand in time. The reasons can be different: from non-verbal problems and deviations in mental development, to elementary difficulties and anxieties when establishing contact with others. My advice to you: always believe in the best!

By identifying the causes of embarrassment, you as a parent will know what approach to take to correct the problem.

Tip #2 – Become a role model

Children are extremely susceptible and imitate adults in many ways. If your child sees you as timid and indecisive, they will be more likely to adopt this trait. Therefore, if he is shy, first of all, take a look at yourself from the outside.

Apply the role model of a determined person. For example, when placing an order in a restaurant, speak confidently to the waiter; if the situation requires it, make a remark. The child will understand that you can freely talk to people as equals without embarrassment.

If you see someone in need of help, take a step towards them. Gradually, repeating after you, your baby will become bolder and will be able to overcome the unpleasant trait of his character.

Tip #3 – Be in public places more often

When going to the supermarket, on a big holiday or planning a trip to football, be sure to take your child with you. In places with large crowds of people, it will be difficult for him at first, but the more often he interacts with the outside world, the more the child will understand that there is nothing dangerous in this.

Tip #4 – Teach social skills from an early age

Read books together about relationships between people. Learn the rules of etiquette and behavior in society. Reinforce the learned theoretical material with practical exercises. Model possible situations and discuss behavioral errors.

Tip #5 – Help your child realize his aspirations

When a child is shy, he often cannot realize his desires and aspirations properly. When he is overcome by doubts and indecision, parents should support him, explain what the right thing to do is, and, if necessary, provide moral and physical assistance.

It is unlikely that you will be able to cope with a child’s shyness so quickly. You need to work on this every day. Consistency and patience are two key factors in successfully solving a problem.

Believe me, years will pass, and your grown-up baby will definitely thank you for your parental attention.

Shyness, lack of self-confidence... Who among us has not experienced these conditions? Why does something suddenly prevent us from answering a question, speaking, objecting, acting?

The state of timidity or fear of action can arise for two reasons.

The first reason is that the action itself can be dangerous. In this case, the natural sense of self-preservation is triggered. I'm afraid to touch a hot iron, I'm afraid to drive at high speed, I'm afraid... But all these fears are the norm. There is no need to fight with them - they protect us from possible dangers.

The second reason is lack of self-confidence. It almost always manifests itself in a fear of contact with people, rather than with objects. Then we are no longer talking about a sense of self-preservation, but about the desire to avoid some communication situations.

Self-doubt or, scientifically speaking, low self-esteem, inadequate self-image - all these definitions relate to the very core of our personality: how we see ourselves, what we think about ourselves, what we consider ourselves to be.

There is a simple psychological experiment: they draw several vertical segments and explain to the subject that at the very top of the segment are the smartest people in the world, and at the very bottom are the stupidest. And the task: mark where you are. A person with normal self-esteem will mark his position on the “mind scale” in the middle of the segment or slightly above the middle. If we now label the second segment as a “kindness scale,” then most likely you will also rate your own kindness somewhere in the middle. In the same way, you can “measure” your beauty, honesty, anything. For almost all qualities, we choose our position as average. But imagine that we carry out the same experiment with a child. It is immediately necessary to stipulate that until the age of 6, a child considers himself “the very best,” and he will mark his position at the upper edge of the segment. This is not yet self-esteem, but an as yet unformed ability to compare oneself with others. But now we are conducting the same test with an older child. Normally, he should act almost the same as an adult. But it could be different. Let's say that the child has been unlucky all last week: his parents scolded him, he didn't write a test, he was offended by a friend... How will he answer? Of course, his intelligence, kindness, abilities will be below average for him. Since, unlike an adult, a child’s self-esteem has not yet been fully formed, in such experiments we can trace its frequent fluctuations.

What did we learn from the example given? Self-esteem develops in the process of interaction with people around you. Others turn out to be the mirror in which we look and recognize ourselves. If this mirror is “kind” - if they love us, speak well of us - then we like ourselves and look at those around us with kind eyes. If they offend us and point out our shortcomings, then it is difficult to maintain self-confidence. After all, the “mirror” turns out to be unkind, we see ourselves as failures in it.

Any human action is directed not only to the outside world, but also inward, to oneself. No matter what we do, we always discover something new about ourselves. But in an adult, failures and disappointments usually do not affect the very core of his personality, which we call self-esteem. For a child, every success or failure is a touch to a self-portrait, all the events of his life are the colors with which he paints a picture of his own personality, and therefore it is very important to help him understand himself. A child’s self-esteem is just developing, which is why he is so sensitive to both success and failure. Up to a certain age, failure in a particular case is not perceived as a private, local fact, but immediately changes the idea of ​​oneself. That is why the child experiences his mistakes so dramatically.

Nowadays they like to talk about how everything is determined by genes. The debate about what determines human personality—genetic material or environment—has been going on for decades. But if everything really was initially determined by heredity, then it would be incredibly easy to raise children: after all, everything is already predetermined. This is a very convenient, but irresponsible position. After all, if you recognize that every parental action affects the child’s character, then you need to think, plan your behavior and take responsibility for it. It is inconvenient, difficult and requires special work. But my parental and professional experience says that it is impossible otherwise.

Let's trace the reasons for a child's feelings of self-doubt.

Unconfident, timid parents.

How do they react to any life situation? They usually say that it is better not to stick your head out, not to try, so as not to end up a loser. That is, it is safer not to enter into competition with circumstances and with the people around you. When something doesn’t work out for a child, such parents comment on it with the following words: “You see, you shouldn’t have tried, you’re not the smartest, not the strongest...”. This is the first lesson of life - others are better, smarter than me. When a new situation arises in which it is necessary to take the initiative, experience tells the child that it is better to remain inactive and hide. No matter what kind of heredity children have, parents' lack of self-confidence is passed on to children, which reproduces their low self-esteem. And this, in turn, already produces failure - a vicious circle arises.

It has been noticed that first-born children in a family often suffer from low self-esteem and have more problems communicating with others than their younger brothers and sisters. The fact is that when the first child appears in the house, parents experience a lot of worries about him. Adults' anxiety about how well they cope with their parenting responsibilities is passed on to the child.

The parents are quite prosperous and self-confident.

But every time a child finds himself on the verge of some test, they, just like in the scheme described above, try to keep him from acting or even devalue the success he has already achieved. Here the case is more complicated and, perhaps, we are already talking about deep-seated personality traits of the parents, hidden from prying eyes. These “bottom” layers of “I” in an outwardly successful person can be especially vulnerable and painful. But while we are talking about one’s own activities, a person knows how, albeit with difficulty, to overcome his fears. When it comes to the child, the parents’ super-valuable second self, fears break through, and parents do everything to keep him from further actions. If a child has already done something and done it successfully, adults, intuitively foreseeing the danger of subsequent actions, try to present his obvious success as a failure, so that next time he will be discouraged from trying. I repeat, all this is done unconsciously, the reason is hidden from ourselves, but the result is still the same - a timid child.

Another possible reason for this behavior of adults is the fear of losing power. This situation seems particularly cruel. So, power and submission. This topic is unpopular in our domestic psychology. However, in real life, unfortunately, this motive occurs quite often.

It is believed that a child’s initiative develops in preschool age and it manifests itself to the greatest extent in play. Play is an area where both a child and an adult are free: a person can uncontrollably imagine in his imagination or construct any situations in play action. The very framework of the game makes these actions and situations harmless; the history of the development of society created the game, it seems, precisely so that a person could try himself without fear of consequences. Where you can act freely, initiative is born. But at the opposite pole of this freedom is a feeling of guilt. If you look at the problem of timidity from the point of view of the alternative “initiative - guilt,” it becomes clear that courage and determination are a continuation of initiative, and timidity and self-doubt are a refusal of initiative, of action, in order to then avoid feelings of guilt.

From about three years of age, a child begins to realize the connection between his action and its consequences. Therefore, from this age we can talk about some kind of minimal responsibility. Some of the child’s actions, of course, lead to undesirable consequences and require discussion, perhaps even condemnation. But the measure of this condemnation should be the objective characteristics of the situation, and not the parental “like it or don’t like it.”

At the age of play (from 3 to 7 years), the child is especially sensitive to censure or approval. It is from the age of 3 that the child’s active liberation from parental care begins. You can look at this with joy, or you can look at it with more and more alarm: “If this continues, what will remain for me?” And if at this age, watching their child’s games and his increasing freedom, a father or mother interprets this freedom for themselves in exactly this way, the prognosis is very difficult. Most likely, such a child is destined to suffer from remorse all his life, to worry that his action offended someone, brought harm to someone.

If, at the age of play, a child was often condemned or punished for his initiative, most likely the feeling, or complex, of guilt will remain with him forever. And you should not reassure yourself that guilt is the basis of conscience. This is wrong. Conscience is a tool for analyzing one’s behavior, guilt is a dead end for action.

And if, growing up, the child learns to at least partially overcome his own shyness, then later, when the parents begin to grow old, this always guilty adult will act to please their fear of losing power over their child, sacrificing their career, family, and future.

Seeing your child tear away from you and the fear of losing him to yourself is a difficult test for parents. But to survive it with dignity, believing that true relationships will never be destroyed, is our responsibility.

And a little more about power. When a child goes to school, he finds himself at the mercy of new people who are less concerned about his future than his parents. Unfortunately, the damage that one teacher can do cannot be corrected by a whole school of excellent professionals. It is believed that the teacher has more rights, which means he never makes mistakes. Well, for example, he can afford to criticize the child’s hairstyle. And when adolescence arrives, which is so similar to the age of preschool play, any actions and words that hurt the child’s personality cause particular harm to his self-esteem.

In particularly advanced cases, self-doubt gives rise to anxiety. This is a special psychological term for a panic-like reaction to a stressful situation. Anxiety always prevents a person from acting. An anxious child, for example, cannot concentrate on the problem that he is currently solving - he thinks how bad it will be if he does not solve it, that is, he worries in advance about a failure that has not yet happened. It is clear that under such conditions the problem is unlikely to be solved. The most curious thing is that anxiety can, and quite often, be local. A person finds one type of activity particularly difficult. He is always unsuccessful in it. And in other matters he is quite prosperous. Such local anxiety sometimes arises completely by accident, but, unfortunately, adults are also to blame for it.

My daughter was preparing to enter university. She had to take mathematics, and at school this subject was certainly not her strong point. She started studying with a teacher. After several lessons we talked with the teacher. She told me that my daughter's main problem is that she does not try to solve a single problem on her own. Whatever action she does, she immediately stops and asks if she is doing the right thing. It was then that I realized that my daughter, although quite successful overall, had never had any experience of success in mathematics. She was never praised, it was agreed that mathematics was not good for her. Therefore, when she had to take this subject seriously, the main thing for her was the desire to avoid failure. She was not interested in the task, but in how to avoid getting into trouble again. And this situation was repeated every time a new topic began. Completing the next section, she explained to me that it was all very simple, but now real difficulties would begin, and she would not be able to cope with them. And to this day (and now she is already a student) she is most afraid of mathematics. Although now there is that same experience of success. If I had understood her problem earlier and helped her right away, perhaps there would not have been this fear. Of course, I can justify myself by explaining that the teachers are to blame. But this is little consolation - after all, my own child is suffering.

We can talk endlessly about self-esteem, timidity, and lack of self-confidence. But let's summarize the first results. The reason for timidity is low self-esteem. It arises in communication with other people, primarily with parents, and more specifically, in a situation where the child’s actions are assessed. If his experience of failures outweighs his experience of successes, the conclusion is clear: he develops low self-esteem. At the same time, it does not matter at all how the action actually turned out - successful or not, what is important is how it was assessed. Even if we are dealing with a complete failure, it can, of course, be presented as a tragedy, or as a lesson for the future. If we want our children to be ready for the challenges that await them in life, if we want them to be successful, we must do our best to ensure that they accumulate a baggage of successes in childhood. With such experience they will succeed!

How you can help your child:

* Accept a timid child for who he is - your child is an independent person, and you don’t have to expect him to behave the way you want. By perceiving your child's timidity as a defect, by poorly hiding your dissatisfaction, or by hinting that his behavior annoys you, you only exacerbate the problem.

* Don't give labels. By calling your child “timid” in his presence, you reinforce this characteristic in his mind. Later, he will hide behind this label in order to avoid unpleasant or uncomfortable situations: “I’m timid, so I shouldn’t, I won’t do this.” You should not praise or use other children as examples. By doing so, you are striking a blow to his pride and sense of self-respect, which will only worsen his timidity.

* Try to understand the child. Don't laugh at his problems: give him the support he needs. But if he is experiencing difficulties in some situations, do not rush to help immediately: before intervening, give him a chance to get out on his own.

* Be encouraging. It is necessary not to force the child to communicate, but to encourage his participation in games with other children. Your child may find it easier at first with children who are younger or 1-2 years older. Age doesn't matter - they just shouldn't be aggressive.

* If a child is stressed, simple tips will help him (for example, ask him to think about something pleasant, take two deep breaths, etc.)

* Introduce the child’s problems allegorically. For example, tell him a story about a doll that really wants to play, but is afraid to approach the children playing, and then ask him for advice on what the doll should do better. Offer several options for getting out of the situation yourself. Later the child will be able to use them.

* Help your child join the game yourself. For example, suggest: “Why don’t you show the guys your new toy.” Or, if he agrees, go to the players playing with him. Stay with your child as long as you are needed, but no longer.

* Prepare your child for going out into the world - to a new company, to a matinee or to visit for a birthday. The child must know exactly where he is going and what awaits him there. If possible, name the names of the children he will meet. But remember that over-preparing can lead to increased anxiety.

* Bring your child to school, to a birthday party, to a club before other children arrive, so that he can get used to the new environment. If you are late, everyone's attention will be drawn to him, and this can embarrass even an adult.

What to do if a child is afraid to perform at a matinee? Is he embarrassed by unfamiliar people, hiding behind his mother? Or is an older person shy when asked to go to the board and answer in class? Or avoids new acquaintances? In this article we will try to show how you can help your shy child gain confidence.

Where does shyness come from in children?

Shyness (shyness or timidity) appears as a result of self-doubt. The child is afraid of receiving a negative assessment and hearing criticism addressed to him from others: teachers, educators, peers, strangers or unfamiliar people. In this situation, the child does not believe in his own abilities, he is constantly worried that he will not succeed and will be ridiculed.

We can say that shyness is a character trait, because even twins raised in the same family under the same conditions have different personalities, as well as “levels of shyness.” The more emotional and sensitive the character, the more susceptible he is to criticism, the more timid the child will be.

The child is afraid of getting into an awkward position, so he tries with all his might to get away from situations that cause him anxiety and stress.

Shy child: what should parents do?

The main helpers in overcoming shyness are parents, who should try to lay the foundation of self-esteem in their child.

The main tasks of parents:

• develop a positive attitude towards life in the child;
• develop an adequate and confident attitude towards yourself;
• instill self-esteem.

Positive attitude towards yourself and life

You are the main assistant in overcoming shyness!

Before expressing your opinion, carefully understand the situation that could cause the child’s unwanted behavior. A shy child is afraid of being ridiculed; he regards criticism and comments addressed to him as betrayal. This does not mean that you need to praise the child for misdeeds, but be extremely careful with your comments.

Adequate and confident attitude towards yourself

• Praise increases self-esteem. It is important to criticize the child correctly.
• Self-confidence comes from experience of success. Only the gradual acquisition of positive experience “from simple to complex” in different areas will help overcome shyness. You can start by solving simple everyday problems. Give your child small errands (for example, buy something in a store on your own), having first explained to him in detail what needs to be done and how, to whom and what to say - this will reduce fear. If the child manages to cope successfully, praise and encourage him. As you accumulate positive experiences, your self-confidence will increase.
• Evaluate not the child, but his actions. Change not the child, but his behavior. Perhaps the child has not yet acquired the necessary skills - help him with this, this will help reduce the level of anxiety.
• Teach your child communication skills. Broaden your horizons - this will make it easier to find common interests and common ground with other people.
• Help your child resolve issues that may cause criticism from others. For example, if you are overweight, help bring it back to normal by organizing proper nutrition; if your teeth have grown crooked, consult an orthodontist - this can be corrected; Pay more attention to the clothes your child wears.
• Don't let anyone make fun of your child!

Self-confidence comes from experience of success.

Self-esteem

• Teach your child to be calm about mistakes: no one is immune from them, we learn from them all our lives.
• Every person has a combination of strengths and weaknesses. It is important for a child to see his strengths, learn to use them and not focus on his shortcomings: “I may not be a very good athlete, but I play the guitar very well.”
• Raise your children to be active and independent. Let the child have his own opinion, let him defend it with arguments. Children who are obedient and agreeable always and in everything are so convenient for parents and teachers, but by doing this we are ruining our independent personality.
• As early as possible, teach your child to make decisions and take responsibility for his actions - this is the only way to develop confidence and independence.

Timid children do not feel the fullness of life; the fight against anxiety and uncertainty takes a lot of energy. By helping your child overcome painful shyness at an early age, you will be doing him an invaluable service. As you grow older, the problem of shyness may worsen and become even more difficult to overcome.

After all, we, parents, are happy when a child is successful, joyful and feels the taste of life.

Excessive shyness indicates that the child has low self-esteem. And although he doesn’t realize it, he feels it very well. Helping such a child is to increase confidence in one’s own actions and actions. And here the main principle will be - do no harm! Using the wrong words and methods will only make the situation worse.

Is it worth paying attention?

On the one hand, modesty gives a girl charm. A shy boy cannot be called annoying, pushy or arrogant. These are sympathetic and friendly people, they will always listen and come to the rescue. Shy girls and boys make true friends.

On the other hand, it can be a disaster when a child is not able to communicate normally with children, play with them, or make friends. He is frightened by new people and surroundings. The kid is worried, but he can’t help himself.

These small problems grow into huge ones in the future. Shy people often remain lonely, it is difficult for them to find a soul mate and start a family. Because of their timidity and constraint, they are invisible and unsuccessful.

Man is a social being. He cannot live outside of society. And it is the duty of adults to help such a child. That is, teach how to interact with people. And it’s better to start doing this in early childhood.

Psychology: Shy children

Shyness and indecision in modern life are, if not a flaw, then certainly a character trait that interferes in many ways. Where does excessive shyness come from in children, and how can we help the child?

Note to moms!

Hello girls) I didn’t think that the problem of stretch marks would affect me too, and I’ll also write about it))) But there’s nowhere to go, so I’m writing here: How did I get rid of stretch marks after childbirth? I will be very glad if my method helps you too...

Signs of Shyness

A shy child is easy to pick out from the crowd. When visiting, he does not leave his mother’s side, hides behind her back, remains silent. Where all the children are playing, this little one sits quietly on the sidelines and sadly watches.

• General signs. Rapid pulse, muscle tension, profuse sweating, bright blush - the first symptoms. They constrain the baby and do not allow him to relax. As a result, the child feels severe discomfort. This is accompanied by a quiet voice, excessive excitement, if attention is paid to it. The kid is cautious in his actions. It’s easier for him not to do anything at all in order to remain invisible.
• Self-criticism. Such children are overly demanding of themselves. They consider themselves worse than others, inferior. This applies to both appearance and behavior. As a result of complexes, they become even more distant from people.
• Closedness. Closed children in any group. It is difficult to get them to talk or involve them in social activities. They try to remain silent when asked; they prefer loneliness to fun games.
• Shyness. Any child will be happy when he is praised, but not this little one. It is easier for him to remain in the shadows than to receive a portion of a little attention. Public praise is stressful for him.
• Shyness. Fear of novelty and public. New people, places, any unfamiliar situation. The baby tries to get away from her, to hide. He feels calm only in familiar surroundings.
• Indecisiveness. It is difficult for such a child to make decisions. He feels insecure about his own actions and thoughts. He is tormented by doubts: whether he is doing the right thing or not. Even small tasks cause huge difficulties.
• Speech impairment. In ordinary life, these children are uncommunicative; they do not talk to strangers - they are shy. Speaking in public is contraindicated for them. Fear and anxiety can lead to stuttering and hesitation in speech.

Where does shyness come from?

To help a child overcome excessive modesty and uncertainty, you need to know the reason for its origin. Sometimes, by eliminating the source, the problem itself disappears.

• Heredity. If close relatives in the family, including parents, suffered from shyness, the baby could inherit this quality.
• Due to temperament. Phlegmatic and melancholic people are naturally prone to shyness. These types of temperament are also characterized by introversion. That is, they are focused not on external communication with people around them, but on their inner world.
• Example of parents. Children learn to interact with society by repeating the behavior of adults. If one of the relatives in the family has this quality, the child could copy it.
• Upbringing. Sometimes parents themselves, without knowing it, instill shyness in their child. Criticism, frequent punishments, prohibitions without explanation form a certain behavior of the child. He tries to meet the expectations of adults.
• Cruelty. When there is an unfavorable situation in the family, there is psychological pressure, tyranny or assault, the baby closes down, grows up fearful and tense.
• Long-term isolation. In other words, lack of experience. This happens when a child is often sick and stays at home. The reason may be the family's closed intra-family policy. Parents devoted little time to the baby’s communication with other children.
• Overprotection. As a type of special (intentional) isolation. This is excessive guardianship over the child by family and friends. It occurs in overly anxious and suspicious parents. Fearing for the baby's health, or that he may be offended, adults deliberately do not allow contact with strangers. It is common for parents suffering from overprotection to keep their children in “home confinement.”

Shy child: future loser?

How to help a child?

The baby cannot cope with this task on his own. And in the future, a small problem can develop into a big tragedy. What should parents do?

1. Praise. Encourage and encourage the child verbally: “You will succeed!”, “You are so smart!”, “I am proud of you!” Do this as often as possible. When a baby feels the support of loving parents, it gives confidence.
2. Demonstrate how important it is. Ask your child's opinion on a particular issue. When choosing clothes, any purchases for the home, a surprise for dad or grandma. Let the child feel that he is taken into account, that his opinion is important. In this way, children's self-esteem grows.
3. Show that adults make mistakes too. And there's nothing wrong with that. Parental authority is of great importance for the baby. Seeing that even adults make mistakes, the child will have a different attitude towards his own failures. Teach him not to dwell on mistakes, but to try to correct them.
4. Practice while playing. Children try on social roles through play. Hone your skills in interacting with society in story-based games: “On a Visit”, “At the Clinic”, “Bus”, “Toys Go to Kindergarten”. A child can try himself in any role without fear or anxiety. Here you can rehearse the use of polite words, how to make new acquaintances, rules of conduct in public places, and more.
5. Let's get some instructions. Simple tasks that your child can complete independently. Start with the simplest ones: give money to the seller at the checkout, give an item to an adult, help collect the necessary products in the store. And be sure to praise.
6. Visit crowded places. Being in places where children gather, the child gets used to being in society. In addition, he sees patterns of behavior of other kids: how they communicate, get to know each other, and interact. There is no need to insist on playing with children, let him watch. Over time, he will become interested in trying it himself. But you need to visit such places often.
7. Invite children to visit. The child feels more confident in his own territory. Here he is the master, here everything is familiar to him. It is easier for a child to decide to contact people when surrounded by familiar surroundings and toys.

“Advice from a child psychologist” How to overcome shyness in children?

Parents' mistakes

A timid, modest child is easily hurt. He closes himself off from others, but hears and understands everything. Sometimes relatives and friends without realizing it provoke his shy behavior.

1. The desire to remake the child. Adults deliberately create situations that the baby fears the most. They focus attention on the problem, discuss it out loud, and ask them to recite a poem in public. For a shy little one, this is stressful. The effect will be the opposite of what was expected. The child will close himself off even more and stop trusting his parents.
2. They don't pay attention.“That’s what we have!” or “When he grows up, he will change!” Ignoring is also a mistake. The situation will not change on its own. This will develop into a complex that he will not be able to cope with on his own. The baby may remain shy, lonely and unhappy for the rest of his life.
3. Expecting a quick effect. Even if you follow all the rules and precautions, do not expect quick results. The child needs time. In each specific case individually. There is no need to force things. Create conditions, encourage the slightest achievements and his first independent attempts. Be your child's friend!

Mom's school. Shy child. How to instill self-confidence in him and teach him to stand up for himself?