Today is November 22nd. And I realized that now I had lost something very dear to me. At the same time, I absolutely gained friendship. He will become the most dear, devoted and beloved friend...
I first saw him from the window of my apartment. I remember that there was someone else with him. But who? Honestly, I don't know. For some reason I immediately noticed him. Something about him just caught my eye. I looked carefully, so as not to show my interest in him. But he also looked at me, not even afraid to show that he was very interested in who I was? The fact is that our family moved to Voronezh quite recently. And I didn’t have a single acquaintance in this city. While he was a native of Voronezh and knew almost everyone at the “nine” (and not only).
A few days later, Ksenia and I went out to sit on a bench in the yard... HE came up to us. We met. His name was SASHA. I didn’t go out for a walk for about a week. And not because I didn’t want to see him. No, I just didn't feel like going out. At that time, Ksenya was already walking with his company. She just can't sit in one place. And he constantly meets someone. It's not difficult for her. Ksyusha invited me to go for a walk, and a week later I went. To be honest, at first I didn’t like him, I didn’t even like him very much. At that time he was dating a girl. Her name was Yulia. I liked her as a girl. A pretty, tall girl who knows her worth. It was possible to communicate with her. In general, a bright person. I was amazed by his attitude towards her. It was immediately clear that she had some feelings for him. But with him it’s just a simple hobby and nothing more. Moreover, he was not shy to show it. I felt sorry for her. This situation turned me away from him even more. I took her side.
We were walking in the yard. We sat at a table. After some time, I began to take a closer look at him. And then one day he invited me to go for a walk. I didn't refuse. During our walk, he told me about the city of Voronezh. Showed me local streets and houses. I immediately liked talking to him. Our conversations really interested me. That evening I was sitting on a swing, and he stood next to me. I really didn’t want to go home, but still he walked me to the entrance, and we said goodbye. I didn't sleep almost the whole night. I thought... and decided that I have sympathy for him, and I am interested in him simply as a person.
...I was jealous when he left with Yulia. I began to become interested in this man. I asked Ulyanka about him. As it turned out later, he liked me too. Then he breaks up with Yulia. I don’t remember being particularly happy about this, although I still felt that it was for the best. Julia did not want to let him go. She felt something more than just sympathy for Sasha. But still they broke up. She still walked in our company. And of course it was unpleasant for her to see how Sasha showed interest in me. In front of her eyes, I tried to treat him much more simply than I wanted. It was as if I was tormented by remorse. I understood her very much, I saw how she tried to give her facial expression an indifferent look. And yet everything was visible from her. Ulka told me that Yulia wanted to frame Sasha. She was thinking of telling me that they had bet on me. I didn’t take offense at her, because I understood that she was doing this only to get Sasha back. But nevertheless, the attitude towards Yulia naturally changed. She walked with us for another week, but then she stopped coming. To be honest, a stone fell from my heart. It became much easier and easier for me to communicate with Sasha. I really enjoyed talking with him about some serious topics. We seemed to be talking on the same wavelength.
We started dating. We kissed for the first time three days after our meetings. I can’t say that our relationship began on a specific day. They just very smoothly flowed from just acquaintances into something more. I knew that he was interested in knowing what I was like. But she herself is a very mysterious and incomprehensible person, I can’t and don’t like to talk about empty topics, so I wasn’t in a hurry to tell everything about myself. As he once said: “To get to know a person, I only need to talk to him for a week, two at most. I’ve known you for a month now and I still can’t say anything specific about you.” My rules are to remain a mystery.
On October 4th it was Yulia's birthday. She called and said that she would come to us to celebrate. Our whole company was in shock. By that time, she had not walked with us for a month. We celebrated in Sashka's room. I could not communicate normally with Sasha. I don’t know why, but I felt uncomfortable in front of Yulia. And our communication was a little tense. When everyone started getting ready to go home, Yulia was sitting on the sofa. Naturally, this turn of events began to stress me out. Sashka went to see us off. I was terribly nervous that Yulia stayed with Sasha. I was 50% sure that something would happen. And I had no doubt that he would go to see her off. When we went outside, I asked why Yulia came here if she had not walked with us for a month. At first he replied that he didn’t know, but then that most likely she came because of him. Apparently Sasha realized that I was jealous and told me not to worry, because... I'm the only one he needs. And no Julia can stop us from being together. But I felt relief only when the next day I learned from Ulyanka that Sasha did not even go to see her off. Sasha later said that Yulia cried because she and Sasha were not together. I felt some kind of victory. Although I truly felt sorry for Yulka. She's a good girl.
Our mutual friends Ulyana and Zhenya were experiencing a crisis in their relationship at that time. By that time, they had been dating for almost a year. The quarrel occurred over Zhenya. I advised Ulka not to pay attention to him, to flirt and make eyes at other boys. Because he couldn't help but be offended. And he would definitely come over. Although I didn’t feel any negativity towards him. I simply said what I thought and the choice was still hers. Sasha even bet with her that if she behaved like this, then Kent would return to her in a week. Sasha said that I reason as if I had such a situation in my own experience. In fact, I really didn't have anything like that. I just think so, I do what I think is necessary. He generally said that I was not like everyone else ex-girlfriends. At that time, I thought that every young man says all this to his girlfriend. He said that he loved me, but I thought that this could not happen. I didn't believe him.
September 11, City Day, was approaching on the calendar. Ulyanka and I made plans that she would make peace with Kent, and we would all go to the city together. By City Day they made peace. First we went to the forest for barbecue, and in the evening we went to the city. I still remember the moment when we kissed under the explosions of fireworks. It was so romantic. When we crossed the bridge where grooms carry their brides in their arms, Sashka took me in his arms. I was ready to scream with happiness. At that moment I didn’t need anything, just to be near him. During the conversation, we discussed when we finally started dating. And together we decided that this date would be August 25th.
Our subsequent meetings were more long-awaited for me. The only thing I was afraid of was becoming too attached to him. He has already started telling me that he is getting attached to me. And he doesn't want it. I didn’t want to depend on anyone.
Over time, our meetings became a habit. Sometimes I didn't want to see anyone. Even Sasha, but I couldn’t tell him not to come. Well, that's the kind of person I am. I shared all my thoughts, experiences and feelings with three girls: Natasha, Lizka and Ulyanka. I actually trusted them and listened to their opinions and advice.
Now my birthday was just around the corner. Sashka gave me a little mouse. In short, I remember only a few moments from my birthday. The girls say that Sasha told me kitten, sunshine, honey and much more. And I just yelled: “Where is my Sasha, where is my Lisa?”
Sasha also talked about himself. He said that he had never done anything for girls before. For my sake, he stopped smoking in front of me, and he began to drink much less. I really began to respect him more. According to him, I was in many ways the first of his girls. Honestly, at first I perceived all his words and compliments as just words so that I would melt under their influence. For some reason it seemed to me that he was telling fairy tales then. Later I began to believe in them. They kind of helped me become a little more confident in myself. I wanted to become an ideal in his eyes. No, not for him, for myself, my beloved. I wanted him to admire me. I tried to become a special girl for him. Not like everyone else. I dreamed that in his eyes, hands, lips one could read the pride that it was I who was next to him! I don’t know if this is actually true, but I want to believe in it, and I will. I raised my price. Later I realized that I had finally achieved my goal. And He fell in love with me. I also wanted to make him believe in love. And HE believed in her. How did I do this? Don't know. Maybe I wanted to prove it to him too much? Probably... But now I understand one thing: if you really want something, it will definitely happen.
And then thoughts began to come to me about us breaking up. I don't know why I started thinking about this. Maybe we spent too much time together. Or, on the contrary, during our separation I began to move away from him. I myself cannot answer this question. As always, I talked about this topic with the girls. Most likely, Sasha began to guess that something was wrong. And it was simply impossible not to notice the change in my attitude towards him. And I know that the friends around us noticed this too. But she couldn’t change anything about herself. And why was there any need to change anything? If it exists, then that’s how it should be.
On Tuesday, November 14, Dad worked into the night. Ksenia, Natakha and I decided to relax. They took beer, and I took a jar of gin. In general, soon I was already drunk. Sasha called at 11 o'clock. He called us to the bar. If I were sober, I would never have gone. Moreover, I decided for myself that I would break up with him. But apparently fate wanted it that way.
We were there in about twenty minutes. Sasha told me beautiful words, and I thought that I decided to break up with him. These thoughts tormented me and my conscience. And what would happen if he could read my thoughts? I felt terribly bad at heart because I was lying. I cursed my thoughts and indecision. But I simply did not have the moral right to ruin this evening. He ordered the Vladimir Central for me, we danced. The smile literally never left my face. At that moment I was truly happy, at that moment I loved Sasha, I really needed him.
That day I told him for the first time that I loved him. Was it love? Then there was. I probably told him this because that’s how I imagined her. But is love ever so momentary? No, or maybe yes? I don't know. And if it was love, is it really possible to love for any length of time?
At some point, Sashka suggested that I go for a walk. I, of course, agreed. I assumed that right now we would dot all the i’s. He then asked me how I would react if he proposed to me? I replied that I wouldn't take it seriously. And this was indeed the case. What was he talking about? Nonsense. At that moment, I was tormented by thoughts and conscience that this is how he treats me very well, and I want to part with him. I decide to ask what his reaction would be if I said, let's break up. He would say okay, let's break up, but still we won't break up just like that. In general, once again I achieved what I wanted. He took the hint that I wanted to take a break from the relationship.
On Thursday I did a lot of things. I wrote an SMS to Ulyanka, which said that I wanted to break up with Sasha. This text message was sent to Andryukha. He calls me, asks what I wanted, I answer that there is nothing and ask him not to say anything to Sasha. Naturally, the chances that Andrei would not tell him anything were simply minuscule. Yes, and on my part it would be ugly. I should have talked to him about this as soon as possible. On Friday there was a disco at school. I knew that Sasha would come there too. I didn’t know and didn’t even imagine how I would behave. How to look him in the eye? I was terribly ashamed that this happened. In the evening I received a text message from Sasha: There’s a joint for you. Then my heart begins to pound wildly. Natasha and I decide that it is better at this moment to “turn on the fool.” Saying that I don’t know what he’s talking about and the like. In the end, we decided to talk tomorrow. The next day, when the girls and I tried to go to the disco, they wouldn’t let us in. Suddenly Sasha comes out and they calmly let us through. I didn't know how to behave with him. I was just sure that Andrei told him everything, because they are very good friends. As it turned out later, Andrei simply hinted at this to him. I was just in some kind of state of shock. If he left, I felt fine. As soon as he approached, my heart was pounding. I couldn't feel relaxed. When the disco ended, he took me aside and invited me to talk. The conversation didn't really go well. I stood, looked down blankly and was silent. At that moment, the words seemed to be stuck somewhere in the depths of my soul. I wanted to speak, but nothing worked. He said that if you want to break up with me, then go. Leave. I'll put you on a minibus and that's it. That evening he was drinking, smoking, and all to spite me. At that moment I didn't want to be without him. I wanted to cuddle up to him. So that he hugs me and kisses me. I didn’t want to explain anything to him at all. I dreamed that he would understand me without words. How many times did he tell me that if something didn’t suit me, then I told it to him. And that would be right. But I am who I am. I knew and understood that everything turned out very ugly. That it was really my fault for not telling him about it. Why didn't I tell him anything? Because I myself was not completely sure that I wanted this. My thoughts changed a thousand times a day. And then we went to his house...Everything happened somehow by itself.
In a few days I’m meeting with Ulyanka. She asked what happened after the disco. I replied that Sasha and I talked, then we sat with him for a while, and he walked me out. And she tells me that she was told that we had sex. In short, I find out that he told everyone from the company everything. Naturally, I was very angry with him. And probably it was anger and resentment that helped me gather all my will into a fist. That evening I send him a text saying that we need to separate for a while.
The next evening he came to me. We talked about our relationship. About the fact that I finally decided to break up. I communicated with him absolutely normally. Like with an old friend. He said that he understands that if a girl says we need to break up for a while, then she means breaking up altogether. He asked who I would like to see in him more, a friend or my young man? I answered that I was a friend. To answer the question why? I said that, firstly, I already recognized him as a young man, secondly, I think that we will be very good friends, and, finally, that I have already decided so. Sasha wished me all the best, said that, despite the fact that we were breaking up, he would be there and would love me. He hugged me tightly, kissed me on the cheek and briefly but clearly said “Bye.”
As soon as I closed the door and walked through the threshold, tears flowed from my eyes. It was as if only then I realized and understood what had happened. My last spoken words reached my consciousness: “I decided to leave for a while...”, “You will be my best friend...”, “I need to understand myself and my thoughts...”. I couldn't calm down. Tears blurred my eyes. I felt pain, loss, gain, regret and...relief. All my feelings were mixed and merged together. It is impossible to write about this or even put it into words. I remembered ALL the good things. Everything down to the smallest detail. Our first kiss, My first jealousy for Yulia, city day, kisses under the explosions of fireworks, the stone bridge, his strong hugs, my birthday, music ordered just for me. I absolutely didn’t want to remember the bad things. I felt how attached he was to me, his sincere attitude towards me. I also understood that every girl would like to be in my place. He helped me become much more confident in myself. With his help, I realized that I was worthy of all the words he spoke to me. But I didn’t understand only one thing: why don’t I want to be with him? What pushes me away from him? But the scales did not tip in his favor. I listened to music reminiscent of him and... roared. All my pent-up emotions burst out and the tears did not want to stop. I cried the whole evening. I held the mouse close to me, and the image of Sasha stood before my eyes. I can’t say that I loved this man, but I also can’t say that I didn’t feel anything for him. I want to believe in his spoken words, that everything he told me is in reality. I am worthy of all this. And I don’t regret one gram that all this happened to me.
He still continues to show his feelings for me. I have spoken with him on this topic more than once. And just recently we kissed. I don't regret it. But this makes it more difficult for both me and him.
Time has passed, and I still cannot communicate with him as a friend, but I also cannot be with him. But I don't lose faith that we will best friends. And yet I love him in my own way.

P.S. Almost half a year has passed. He still, when he drinks, begins to confess his love to me. And just recently I found out that he slept with Yulia at Kent’s birthday. But that doesn't matter anymore. It didn't hurt my pride at all. And it won't have any consequences. The above was written by a once naive girl. While reading, I couldn’t help but smile at some points. Of course, I am very pleased with all this. I guess I've matured a little. Now, if I were in that situation, I wouldn't behave like that. Most likely, he fell in love with me for my naivety; he fell in love with a child who was trying to prove that love exists. Perhaps this is what melted his heart. I still believe in it, but now I’m different. And now the question is how long will he love another Zhenya. We are similar in many ways and completely different. This is a pattern. But you can’t run away from it, you can’t put it in a distant drawer and you can’t hide it under the bed. This will remain in your memory and heart. Will never be forgotten. Soon everything will be remembered with a smile. Like something experienced long ago, lived-in feelings, sincere thoughts.

Incredible facts

Love is the brightest feeling which you get to experience in life.

Each of us wants to love and to be loved. This need is a natural human desire.

However, some want this so desperately that, rushing headlong into the pool, They confuse love with attachment and dependence.

Getting caught up in passion and romance at the initial stage of a relationship, we mistake something else for love.

In fact, it's just emotional dependence.

Signs of emotional addiction

Below are ten signs that your relationship is not as healthy as you think:

1. Excessive jealousy

Maybe, jealousy and an indicator of love, but only if it is present in your relationship in moderation.

If you often experience bouts of jealousy when your partner spends time with someone other than you, this may be the first sign that something is wrong in your relationship.

Sometimes jealousy reaches the point of absurdity, and the person begins to be jealous of the partner’s friends, relatives, and acquaintances.

2. Distance from familiar things and people

You and your significant other stopped doing that that they used to like to do this (have abandoned hobbies, hobbies).

Or you have excluded communication with other people close to you who are very important to you (friends, family).

3. Fear of abandonment

You obsession that your partner might leave you for the sake of another person. It's like the fear of being alone.

Excessive suspicion, checking phones and SMS - all this speaks of your lack of self-confidence.

You feel constantly anxious when you are around other people, clinging to your partner, as if he were your property.

You want your partner to belong entirely to you.

4. Everything for the sake of your loved one

You are ready to do anything for your soulmate. Headlong, they abandoned and canceled all plans in order to be with their partner.

Sacrificing something for your loved one– this is, of course, good. But there must be moderation in everything. Otherwise, this is already some kind of manic addiction.

5. Listen only to your partner’s opinion

Your partner's point of view is more important than your own opinion.

Your partner's opinion is undoubtedly important. But you shouldn’t overestimate it to the detriment of your own.

Emotional dependence on a person

6. Dependence on public opinion

You are more worried not about the inner content of your partner, but about how friends and relatives will react to him.

It is more important for you how and in what clothes he will appear before them, and what others will say about your chosen one.

7. The desire to change your partner

You think you can do it change your partner into the person/woman of your dreams.

8. Full control over your partner

You like to control your lover. You dictate how, when and what he should do.

If he does something that goes against your wishes, you become desperate, move away, or begin to dictate your terms.

People who love each other enjoy going somewhere together. They like to please their partner and come up with new travel and vacation options. And if it was like this before, but now it’s not, maybe you’re just not happy with his company anymore?

2. Distance

Loving partners want to be closer friend to a friend: they rush home from work, happily go on vacation, and even a regular dinner together brings joy. If you want to increase the distance, this is a bad sign.

3. Physical intimacy

As a rule, good partners have sex more often. They like not only to receive, but also to give pleasure. They are interested in what turns the other person on and how they can improve already pleasant intimate events. If you forgot when you had sex, you should think about whether it will happen again?

4. Focus

Loving partners think about each other, can bring a gift for no reason, and will always console you if the other one is feeling bad. Is this enough in your relationship?

5. Value

If everything is good in a couple, both are happy that they were able to choose such a suitable partner. Both value each other and consider each other great love. And if for him you are just another fish in the ocean (or vice versa), everything is not so good.

6. Respect

Unconditional given in good relations. They respect not only each other, but also their choices, know how to listen, speak and reach a compromise, and work well in a team. If a couple does not get out of loud arguments over trifles, there may be problems.

Problems in one or more areas do not necessarily mean that everything is bad for you, but it is worth taking a closer look and starting to correct the situation before it gets worse.

They say that there is no such thing as unhappy love, they say, this feeling is so wonderful that it simply cannot make a person unhappy. It sounds, of course, inspiring, but those who have at least once encountered unrequited love will agree that there is nothing remarkable about it. When you dream about a person for days, imagine yourself in his arms, but he doesn’t even want to think about that, there’s no time for fun. I want to get rid of obsessive thoughts, but not everyone succeeds.

Some psychologists argue that we choose our reality. If we are ready to love and be loved, then we receive a mutual feeling. Those of us who love unrequitedly do not really want a relationship, they like to suffer, worry and feel “different” from everyone else, special. It's hard to admit that you feel pleasure from pain, not from the physical (otherwise this would be a completely different article), but from the moral. That is why we do not admit it, but subconsciously choose as partners those who either do not want to respond to our feelings, or, having answered, leave us.

No matter how strong the feeling, it can fade away if it is not warmed up.

It is difficult to say whether this is really so. However, even with different points of view on unrequited love, experts agree: this feeling can hardly be called love; rather, it is a dependence, and quite a strong one. We have long known that love needs constant nourishment. It is difficult for her to exist without dates, hugs, kisses and other manifestations of tender feelings. Even couples living at a distance from each other try to call each other as often as possible in order to hear their beloved voice, find time and opportunity to meet, because otherwise love will “die out.” No matter how strong the feeling, it can fade away if it is not warmed up.

What do we have when we talk about unrequited love? One (in our case, a man) shows with all his appearance a firm “no”, and the woman loves, suffers and worries, and her feeling lives despite the fact that there is no answer from her lover, no return - absolutely nothing. Agree that this is very similar to a strong psychological addiction. However, it also happens that girls fall in love not with a specific person (and become dependent not on him), but with the image that they themselves created in their heads. “He is gentle, kind, noble, we will have a big house, three children and two dogs,” she dreams, while the “knight” trails every skirt, spends all nights in clubs and laughs at peers who think about family. The desire to love (but not love) clouds her eyes, and the girl does not notice that the prince is not of royal blood at all.

Do you want to be dependent on someone? From someone who doesn’t care about you, who doesn’t even think about your feelings and can calmly appear in front of you in the company of another woman? If you realize the complexity of your situation and you are already tired of crying, flooding my pillow with tears and missing all the most interesting things in life, then let's figure out how to control ourselves and get out of our heads a person who, to be honest, has no place there at all.

How to get rid of unrequited love?

Firstly, it is necessary admit to yourself that you are not loved and they won't love you. The whole problem is that you are still flattering yourself with hopes for a bright future together with this person. No matter how cynical it may sound, but no, this future will not happen. Miracles, of course, happen, but tell me - is it really a miracle that someone who just yesterday didn’t give a damn about your feelings will finally condescend to you?

Secondly, love yourself. It seems that because of this blind love-dependence, you have completely forgotten about yourself. Well, tell me, will a true lady, confident that she “didn’t find herself in a trash heap,” suffer because of a man who turns his nose up at her? On one of the forums dedicated to the topic of unrequited love, we found an interesting saying: “There is no happiness in suffering. You don’t love yourself very much if you voluntarily choose pain and worry.” But this is true.

Third, find a new “drug”. If you like to be dependent on someone or something (although you should still consult a psychologist with such a passion), switch your attention to something that will capture you completely and completely, but at the same time will bring only happiness. It is not necessary to find a new object of affection, you can just pay more attention to your favorite hobby. It would seem that we almost always advise you to immerse yourself in some kind of hobby, as in the saying: seven troubles - one answer. But it really works: when you are busy with something, you have less time for stupid thoughts and worries.

Surely you are racking your brains over the question: “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn't he like me?

Fourthly, take care of yourself. Surely you are racking your brains over the question: “What’s wrong with me? Why doesn't he like me? And then you find a lot of shortcomings for which they “don’t like” you. If you don't like something about yourself, then why not fix it? Only with some reservations. First: you are doing this not for him, but for yourself (we decided that you don’t need him). And second: let's limit ourselves gym and a beauty salon, you shouldn’t go under the plastic surgeon’s knife. Ask: “What is all this for? After all, I won’t be with him anyway...” And precisely in order not to be with him, but to remain in harmony with yourself and so that the next time a man does not pay attention to you, you do not look for a lot of shortcomings in yourself, and smiled at him and mentally answered: “What a fool.”